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Dark / Dry Sense of Humour

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Can someone explain to me what is actually meant by having a dark sense of humour - what does it involve and how is it different from a normal sense of humour? I was 'accused' (I quote it because I don't think it was being said in a bad way) of having a very dark sense of humour this week. People have said this to me before and I've also been told I have a dry sense of humour - not sure what the differences are?

 

My favourite comedian, Tim Minchin, is sometimes described as having a very dark sense of humour; I think he's fantastic and I really 'get' him, but I know lots of people who just don't get where he's coming from at all and say he's not funny and that he's quite derogatory - but he's not at all, there's a lot of irony in his work (hmm, should I be getting that??? :rolleyes:). Now if in saying I have a dark sense of humour people are saying my way of coming across is like him then 'yippee' and to those who don't 'get' me and want to see offence when none is intended at all, have a pat on the head. :whistle: But is it something else - are they saying there's something wrong in how I'm coming across.

 

I do use humour as a major defence mechanism, I'm really aware of that, and I've been accused of using humour when I shouldn't, being insensitive etc. and that actually upsets me because it feels like people are saying I can't be me. The people who have been most nasty about my sense of humour are the people who appear to hold the stereotypes that those with Autism can't use humour - and so they take what I say seriously rather than stopping to think that it might be a joke - this has happened quite a lot, when people have said they don't know if I'm joking or not, usually I am, but it seems that if someone wants to be offended they will be, and being offended seems to win over humour.

 

Anyway, apologies for the ramble - if it makes sense to anyone and anyone can explain, I'd be grateful. On a more general level, is the sense of humour held by those on the spectrum (and yes, I'm starting from the point of view that we do have one :shame:) different to the NT population, or does it have the same wide variety? :unsure:

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Hi Mumble,

 

My daughter takes after hubbie for her dry/dark sense of humour.

 

For me being 'dry' isn't elaborate humour or a long funny joke etc it's a couple of words or one sentence that is said in response to a situation - something said, heard or seen. It's quite difficult to explain really - but it's like they have a different play on words when they hear or see something it can fire of a couple of one liners that is much deeper than in your face slapstick humour.

 

Having a dark sense of humour can sometimes be a little near the knuckle so to speak - it could involve something that is considered delicate in conversation or people may think but don't like to say - although not always.

 

Everyone is different in what kind of humour they appreciate - personally I love a dry witted person.

Take care,

Jb x

Edited by jb1964

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It's quite a challenge to put into words, but here's my attempt:

 

Someone with a dry sense of humour tends to say funny things in a serious way and without smiling or laughing themselves to show that they think what they are saying is funny. Paul Merton would be a good example of this.

 

Someone with a dark sense of humour might joke about things that are generally thought of as being serious or socially taboo, e.g. death, illness, serious political matters etc. I am struggling to think of a famous comedian like this.

 

If you imagine someone like Ken Dodd, then you can see that he is neither of these things. Someone like Ross Noble isn't dry either but is occasionally dark. Jack Dee is very dry and can be dark. Does that help at all?

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Dark - Rich Hall /Bill Hicks/Stewert Lee (the latest series is brilliant!)/ Armando Iannuchi/ Chris Morris / Julia Davies etc etc...

 

Dry - Jack Dee / Jo Brand / Steven Wright / Charlie Brooker / Alexei Sayle / Paul Merton / Jeremy Hardy / Rita Rudner etc etc...

 

There's a bit of a crossover with most of the above...

 

Oh - The Chuckle Brothers. They're very dark... :whistle:

 

L&P

 

BD

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I was thinking Bottom, Shameless, and the League of Gentlemen. When you think "I really shouldn't be laughing at this" then it's dark.

 

K x

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I was thinking Bottom, Shameless, and the League of Gentlemen. When you think "I really shouldn't be laughing at this" then it's dark.

 

K x

 

I've never found myself laughing at Bottom or Shameless... :whistle:

 

I thought 'Psychoville' rather let itself down last week with the jokes about a rape victim going on breakfast TV :shame::angry:

Pity, because TLOG peeps usually tend to get it about right. :oops:

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Didn't see the jokes you're referring to BD. People have different tolerance levels but yes, there are some subjects which are probably too dark for any humorous treatment.

 

One of the best examples of this kind of humour was the comedian Shazia Mirza (who I think was the first British muslim female stand- up?) who made a name for herself by coming on stage in hijab and said "My name is Shazia Mirza. At least that's what it says on my pilot's licence." It was in the aftermath of 9/11 when muslims were being regarded with suspicion and hatred. By all accounts people gasped, then laughed, then applauded. In no way was she being callous about the tragedy or disrespectful to the victims, but by voicing the unthinkable, she was getting people to re-examine their attitudes and beliefs about stereotypes that were being perpetrated. Some people might have found the joke distasteful though?

 

The whole of Blackadder Goes Forth (how could I forget!) has elements of dark humour - and the last episode particularly so.

 

K x

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I wonder if the problem is the way you are coming across. Maybe you are not pulling the right faces or using the right tone of voice that lets people know you are joking. It happens to me sometimes that I say something I think is utterly hilarious and people just stare at me blankly and I have to explain that I was being sarcastic. Or maybe I am just not as funny as I think I am :rolleyes: But I generally do get other people's sarcasm and find it amusing.

 

Sense of humour is strange anyway and we all have different ones. There are many very successful comedians who I simply don't find funny, even though many people clearly do!

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You don't seem to being likened to Tim wotshisname. I admit I find the below by ben Franklin quote quite funny, but that doesn't mean I'd want 2/3 people dead for that reason. So, I believe that as long as you're not hurting anyone's feelings, there's nothing to worry about.

 

 

 

In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead.

- Ben Franklin

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Thanks - that's kinda confirmed what I thought the two meant (wasn't so sure about the 'dry' side), but I think the 'problem' (as others seem to have it) may be what you say Tally, that:

 

I wonder if the problem is the way you are coming across. Maybe you are not pulling the right faces or using the right tone of voice that lets people know you are joking.

because I don't do the necessary 'face' nor always show I'm joking (my sister says it's like Rich Hall who you're never sure when he's making a joke) and also I come up against people who either don't expect any humour from me - either because of my ASD or because they can't accept me using humour to cope with illness - and/or they're just boring people who like to take offence :whistle:

 

I guess for me, the humour side is my natural way, but I try to suppress it quite a bit because of others' reactions but sometimes I can't be bothered to protect other people's sensitivities and then I tend to get into trouble because there's even less 'background' humour for it to be based on and hence it comes across possibly as even more shocking.

 

Maybe some examples where I was using humour but it's been taken wrongly by others (interestingly not by my sister who was there in the first two examples and knows what I'm like) might help others identify where I'm going wrong and causing offence (or whether others are taking offence for the sake of it :shame:) - though these may not work so well in writing, but I'll give it a go:

 

A few days ago I was having a meal with some people I knew well and some I didn't. I'd chosen the veggie option just because it sounded nice. Someone asks if I'm a vegetarian, to which I replied, nope, just not a big meat eater [pause] ... small meat's fine, you know, hamsters, the odd gerbil... Apparently this isn't appropriate dinner table conversation :rolleyes:

 

A couple of months ago, can't remember the context even, but I used a line from a comedian I'd been watching "I couldn't apologise, I couldn't say anything, I couldn't brrrreeeeaaath" There's more to this one, but someone took complete offence and yelled at me that laughing about people not being able to breath was not funny at all and I was a horrible person to find it funny. I did point out that, of anyone, I'm more justified in using such a line as I have a medical condition where I do have a habit of doing smurf impressions and not breathing, and if I want to laugh about it that's my prerogative, but it didn't go down too well. :rolleyes:

 

And then there was the threatened dartboard/roulette board to decide who wins in not having to work with me any more after the 6th person announced they were leaving... :whistle::lol:

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A few days ago I was having a meal with some people I knew well and some I didn't. I'd chosen the veggie option just because it sounded nice. Someone asks if I'm a vegetarian, to which I replied, nope, just not a big meat eater [pause] ... small meat's fine, you know, hamsters, the odd gerbil... Apparently this isn't appropriate dinner table conversation :rolleyes:

 

Well dinner table or not - I would find this funny. :lol:

 

A couple of months ago, can't remember the context even, but I used a line from a comedian I'd been watching "I couldn't apologise, I couldn't say anything, I couldn't brrrreeeeaaath" There's more to this one, but someone took complete offence and yelled at me that laughing about people not being able to breath was not funny at all and I was a horrible person to find it funny.

 

I might not have found this funny either as I don't recognise the quote, but I doubt whether I would have found it offensive - sounds like a bit of an overreaction, unless this was a difficult issue for this person for a particular reason. It's hard to avoid treading on people's sensibilities with humour, especially if you don't know them well, but that doesn't mean you have to stop being yourself and showing your funny side spontaneously.

 

I don't think it's obligatory to signal that you're joking (look at Jack Dee - he's funny precisely because he doesn't do this) but I think people do tend to make judgements about whether individuals are funny or not. I have a deeply ironic sense of humour and can sometimes be so dead pan that people take me literally, which is always a bit of a surprise to me , but I think people have me marked as a serious person and so don't expect me to joke.

 

I think there is an element of gender stereotyping too - men are usually expected to be funny - women aren't. There are way more male than female comedians around although many more than in the past when it was basically just Jo Brand.

 

K x

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My partner often says I have got a 'dark', 'dry' or 'dead-pan' sense of humor. Which I understand to mean that I can derive humor from subjects or situations that are generally considered serious or not very comical. The comedy I like is not the kind that has jokes or that just goes for silly laughs, it is things like Alan Partridge, The Office and the League of Gentlemen- finding comedy in everyday situations or making the ordinary seem bizarre or even finding comedy in a sad situation. I think 'dry' and 'deadpan' refer to the delivery: it is done as if you are not joking or you don't find yourself very funny like Jack Dee or Will Self (I think). I must admit sometimes I say things that are not not supposed to be funny but people laugh and say I have a dry sense of humor. But that is probably to do with the fact that they don't realize I am asking a question about something I should know already and think I must be joking and I am never aware of the tone of my voice which my partner tells me is either monotonous in a dull but relaxing kind of way or actually sounding quite annoyed or moany.

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Hmm. Recently I was sent on a totally unwanted refresher course from work. The trainer greeted me warmly at the start and offered me tea or coffee. Before I realised what it sounded like I replied 'tea please, I find coffee keeps me awake'......

 

I did eventually manage to dig myself out of that particular hole, but now I always wear my 'I'm not naughty, I have Aspergers' badge to training courses. My terribly Aspie dad once declared 'maybe my career in the Civil Service would have more impressive if I hadn't had the habit of trying to liven up dull meetings'!

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Some people that im close to sometimes expect me to come out with a one liner and i cant help but mimic Chandler from Friends at times.

 

I very rarely show that side of me when around strangers becuase i dont know if im being funny or just sounding rude and/or offending so i just dont bother.

 

But the one liner thing which is a dry sense is mostly becuase of my older brother i think and i dont really put it down to my AS much as generally i dont understand much humour.

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People often think I'm being sarcastic when I'm not.

 

Sure, like I care or something.

 

The bit about not caring was a feeble attempt at humour / irony - sorry!

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Some people that im close to sometimes expect me to come out with a one liner and i cant help but mimic Chandler from Friends at times.

...my sister calls me Chandler :shame::lol: :lol:

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Humour is humour,dark or light.When we look at the lives of many comedians they are turbulant.I've been called 'trigger' by some of my family and freinds because one behaviour I have is being unable to understand simple jokes,when i do understand the punch lines its usually 30 secs later.i'm good at 'dark' humour.Humour is a neccesary function.We make stars of people who are prepared to stand on stage and say things we'd never dare say due to the social rules.as a child I learnt that people laugh when they are scared and when we hear outragous jokes that are sexist or racist ,or just simply outragous ,we mostly laugh.This is a psychological release.i have found some freinds be offended when I tell dyslexic jokes,like 'Did you hear about the dyslexic satanist who sold his soul to santa?' etc etc or the dyslexic insomniac atheist who stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog?' etcc.Some people reply 'your not supposed to say that'.it seems with the stalinisation of social language we are ever more limited about what we can joke about.I was reading a book about a surviver of the warsaw ghetto,in it he explained that as the horror got worse people were more inclined to use humour to protect themselves.Simply ,I think asd'rs are probably more dark in their humour as there seems to be a dislike of the superfical.We'll laugh at chubby Brown but be all to ready to critise our freinds if they came out with the same stuff .

A great thing about humour and comedians is they make us be aware of subjects that we have unresolved issues,sex,racisim ,politics,religion etc..There was a joke on the net the other day,the Dhali Lhamma goes into pizza hut and says 'can I have one with everything.'It caused a lot of trouble,just words......

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On 5/28/2011 at 10:47 PM, Mumble said:

Can someone explain to me what is actually meant by having a dark sense of humour - what does it involve and how is it different from a normal sense of humour? I was 'accused' (I quote it because I don't think it was being said in a bad way) of having a very dark sense of humour this week. People have said this to me before and I've also been told I have a dry sense of humour - not sure what the differences are?

 

My favourite comedian, Tim Minchin, is sometimes described as having a very dark sense of humour; I think he's fantastic and I really 'get' him, but I know lots of people who just don't get where he's coming from at all and say he's not funny and that he's quite derogatory - but he's not at all, there's a lot of irony in his work (hmm, should I be getting that??? :rolleyes:). Now if in saying I have a dark sense of humour people are saying my way of coming across is like him then 'yippee' and to those who don't 'get' me and want to see offence when none is intended at all, have a pat on the head. :whistle: But is it something else - are they saying there's something wrong in how I'm coming across.

 

I do use humour as a major defence mechanism, I'm really aware of that, and I've been accused of using humour when I shouldn't, being insensitive etc. and that actually upsets me because it feels like people are saying I can't be me. The people who have been most nasty about my sense of humour are the people who appear to hold the stereotypes that those with Autism can't use humour - and so they take what I say seriously rather than stopping to think that it might be a joke - this has happened quite a lot, when people have said they don't know if I'm joking or not, usually I am, but it seems that if someone wants to be offended they will be, and being offended seems to win over humour.

 

Anyway, apologies for the ramble - if it makes sense to anyone and anyone can explain, I'd be grateful. On a more general level, is the sense of humour held by those on the spectrum (and yes, I'm starting from the point of view that we do have one :shame:) different to the NT population, or does it have the same wide variety? :unsure:

This thread is wonderful to find. I have a young teen with amazing “dark humor” and Ive been trying to share with him that he should consider the appropriate audience or setting before sharing his jokes.  Ie w buddies vs in church or in school.  He seems to not understand how it may not be funny to others and could even get him in trouble. To him if its funny then others should accept it as a joke and think its funny too and not be offended.  I have shared that while I support his authenticity and accept his humor as part of him (even if Im shocked sometimes) that Im trying to share some important social akills because some of the things he says could get him fired at a job some day etc. (time and place). He also enjoys the shock humor as well. So while I get it how might I impart some basic guidelines on how to assess a “scene” to figure out what is appropriate to share?  Add impulse control  and a teen that I want to keep strong in himself as his amazing individual  self. 

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