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JeanneA

Worst age

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What do you as a parent consider to be the worst age for an autistic person? It seems to me the hormonal times have got to be the worst in my point of view. I never thought things would get so bad at home that I would have to consider residential placement for my son Glen but I didn't really have a choice. At what age do you think our ASD youngsters will start to calm down again would love to get some opinions from you all?

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We are most definitely riding that storm at the moment! Daisy is 15 and the last couple of years have been extremely challenging! I don't know the answer to your question, a question I have asked myself man times! BUT, we are beginning to turn a corner....baby steps, but nevertheless.... :thumbs: She had a hard time at mainstream, spent a year out of education and is now settling in to her new specialist school where their fantastically patient and understanding approach seems already to be making such a difference!That's not to say there aren't bad days because there are and we certainly find ourselves pushed to our limits, but as she is learning, so are we, and I understand her much better these days. I have renewed optimism for the future but I know from this forum that everyone's experience is different. :(

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I hope Glen calms down in the next couple of years would be nice to think I could have him home again, I miss him so very much.

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oh jeannie....I can imagine how must feel. Last year, my daughter spent a couple of months in a young persons psychiatric unit. It was really tough! So many thoughts and feelings! On the one hand, as a family, we welcomed the break as at that time she was very destructive and even aggressive on occasions, and I knew she was in the right place to receive the help she needed and uncover what ever was going on ( it was there that she received her diagnosis at last), but on the other, despite all the problems, home wasn't the same without her and as a mum, I felt I should be able to make everything better! I really hope that your situation becomes a positive one for you both in which ever way that may be, and that you and Glen are receiving the support you need? the very best of luck to you both.

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oh JeanneA, so feel for you, I would say a definate YES to the hormonal changes in our children causing problems, mine is nearly 16 now and life is not quite as terrible as it was was from 12 onwards, when it was a complete nightmare from the minute he opened his eyes everyday, thats when I found this forum, thank god, cos it saved my sanity logging on in the early hours every night! I am hoping that things settle down, well soon actually.... its been a looooooooog 4 years. so will be interested in replies from parents with older kids.young adults.

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Hi Jeanne, the worst age for us was between 13 - 19 yrs. The hormonal and secondary shool years were horrendous.

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Educationally, age 10-13 were awful. Emotionally, the whole of the teenage years were difficult, with 14-17 particularly nightmare-ish.

Parents of younger children then mine (19) often ask "Does it get better as they get older?" I always reply that things don't get better or worse, they just get different.

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we are approaching puberty now he is 11 and off to big school in August. I suppose it depends on your child and what they are like,most people i suspect have different experiences of changing from child to adult. They put a booklet in his bag about boys changing to men,which he is not really interested in looking at and he has been informed of some sexual knowledge,but i know he does not fully understand the subject,partley because although he is 11 his maturity is about 8/9 in years.

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It's going to vary so much from person to person, isn't it.

 

Personally, I found the hardest time was when my son was around 15/16. Not that he was particularly more difficult then than he was before or is now, it's the fact the he was growing up, getting older and bigger and yet was still not developing in himself that was so hard to see. I found it harder and harder seeing kids of his age doing the stuff that kids that age do, and found it harder and harder having him trail around with me like a five year old and I was losing hope that he would ever grow up and develop the necessary skills to 'get out there'.

 

Now, a year or two later, he is nearly 18 and has matured so very much in that time that I wouldn't have believed it this time last year. I was terrified of him leaving school and of us (and me, really) losing that support and input from all those 'professionals', but it has been the best thing to happen to us. He has come on so much in the last year, I'm sure the teachers at the ASD unit he attended wouldn't recognise him now. He's so much more confident and capable and he feels so much more capable of doing things. Only today I was showing him how to use the washing machie so that tomorrow, when I go to work and leave him alone, he can put some washing on and hang it up. He'll also get himself some lunch and wash and dry up his things by the time I've gotten home.

 

I think things do get harder as they get older in some respects, it's harder to pretend that they are little kids, because they're growing whiskers and are covered in spots and are still have to be treated like little kids in many ways, but I think it also starts to get easier when you've gotten past a certain point. I know we still have a lot of hurdles to get over in the years to come but they're looking more achieveable now. I actually can see him in a little flat near to us, we'd visit several evenings a week, and he'd have a job and do his washing and look after himself. It might be ten years away, or maybe five, we don't know, but it does feel more realistic now and this time last year we were losing hope of ever even dreaming that this could happen. Now, we are daring to dream again.

 

So all I'd say is, it is tough, for them and for us as parents, when they're older and still lagging so much behind their 'peers', but it can get easier again if you just hang on in there.

 

~ Mel ~

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