hick76 Report post Posted June 25, 2011 Hi, Just a quick one, As I am just starting the diagnosis process and doing as much reserch as i can I was hoping somebody could help. After a rough week my daughter has been fine lastnight and this morning (no meltdowns.) The traits are still there just without the aggression. Dont get me wrong this is great, feel like my Daughter is back just a bit nervous over when its going to change again. Emma. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KezT Report post Posted June 25, 2011 Hi, Just a quick one, As I am just starting the diagnosis process and doing as much reserch as i can I was hoping somebody could help. After a rough week my daughter has been fine lastnight and this morning (no meltdowns.) The traits are still there just without the aggression. Dont get me wrong this is great, feel like my Daughter is back just a bit nervous over when its going to change again. Emma. Anyone's guess really I'm afraid. Behaviour does go in peaks and troughs - as long as the general trend is upward, yo are doing well, although the trough after a peak is alwasy a bit depressing:( Obviously there may be specific triggers, especialy if the behaviour is linked to hugh anxiety (which it probably will be if an ASD dx is made eventually). Has anything changed recently? this is always a bad time of year for my son because the schoolcuriculum is all changed... my advice is to make the most of the good times to discuss specific issues calmly, and have fun:) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 25, 2011 Hi Hick76 - While 'anxiety' as Kez t has highlighted could be a factor, it is important to reinforce the understanding that violent and aggressive behaviours are not appropriate responses to anxiety. Two further immediate thoughts come to mind regarding your daughters behaviour last night and this morning: guilt and circumstances. GUILT: If your daughter has been giving you a hard time (aggression) all week then unless she is totally without compassion the chances are she will feel some level of 'guilt'. Not being violent may be the closest thing she will acknowledge to saying 'sorry'. That should not be interpreted as her 'expressing herself in the only way she can' or be seen as a positive, and she could just be as worn out as the rest of you with all the ructions. CIRCUMSTANCES: Has anything happened last night or this morning that has 'challenged' your daughter in any way, or has she just pretty much been able to do what she wants when she wants and left to her own devices? Very few people, even the most angry and aggressive people, get angry and aggressive for no reason. If they get bored, they might engineer a reason, but even the most aggressive people do want and need a rest sometimes. HTH L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hick76 Report post Posted June 25, 2011 Thanks Baddad' It was Friday night pressure was off, This morning she didn't have the transition of School. The only thing is she has gone for a walk with her dad. This created issues such as were they were going she wasn't going a certain way and her wellies hurt etc etc... Although this didn't produce the usual meltdown. Again thankyou for your advice. Onwards and upwards. Emma xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 25, 2011 (edited) Answered your own question then! I would add, though, as per my original post, that with regard to 'pressure off' and 'no transition to school' these are not acceptable reasons for enacting violent, aggressive, destructive behaviours, and the fact that she hasn't enacted these behaviours in the absence of pressure and transition shouldn't automatically be seen as a positive... On the other hand, the fact that she is out on the walk, despite her wellies and concerns about the direction, are indicators that she CAN negotiate, and you should be reassured that when she doesn't/wont negotiate it is through choice and it is entirely appropriate to sanction her. I don't want to make a negative out of a positive, but would add a 'just in case' to watch out for... It's possible that while walking with dad she either negotiates a route that is to her advantage (is there a shop or anything like that en route?) or that when they get back she has negotiated a 'reward' while out walking for 'good behaviour' - maybe a trip out somewhere she wants to go this weekend or a new piece of clothing she's been coveting, DVD hire or something like that... Hopefully not, but it can be a game of chess and you have to look two or three steps ahead. Additionally, dads can sometimes be a bit less familiar with the rules of the game HTH L&P BD Edited June 25, 2011 by baddad Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
barefoot wend Report post Posted June 25, 2011 BD What is wrong with a reward for good behaviour? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 25, 2011 BD What is wrong with a reward for good behaviour? Hi barefoot - there is, of course, absolutely nothing wrong with rewarding good behaviour. I thought the inverted commas around 'good behaviour' were enough to highlight my point, but am happy to elaborate further... Anticipating a reward for not exhibiting violent, aggressive or challenging behaviours is not good behaviour, it is, effectively, extortion... a small script: Child: Mum I want a biscuit. Mum: No, it's nearly dinner time Child: But I want a biscuit Mum: No, it's nearly dinner time. Child: But I don't want my ******* dinner you stupid **** I want a ******* biscuit. Mum: Well you can't have - (At this point child goes on wild rampage, smashing room, breaking things, perhaps hitting, spitting, biting etc etc etc. Eventually things quiten down. Mum sits crying in the wreckage. An hour later the child has cleaned everything up. Child: Mum, I'm sorry. look, i've cleaned up all the mess. Mum: Thankyou. That was kind. Child: Yes. I'm really sorry. Mum: Good. So am I. Child: Yeah.... can I have a biscuit now, 'cos I did do all the cleaning up. Mum: Yes, you did, didn't you. Tell you what, go get the barrel and we'll both have one - we deserve it after all that, don't we...... That's the kind of scenario where a reward for 'good' behaviour is not a good thing. All the child learns from it is that the parent(s) are feckless, short-sighted and easily manipulated, along with the fact that smashing up the kitchen will eventually get you a biscuit. Hick 76: I trust you'll appreciate I wasn't suggesting this is/was the case this morning - just advising that we have to be on our toes 'just in case'. L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hick76 Report post Posted June 25, 2011 Hi Baddad, Do you know my Daughter? Yes she did manipulate her Dad, Shop on the way for a giant cola bottle!!!! Although he did manage to make her walk a way she usually refuses to go without any events. Think we need to be reading from the same script at all times,amongst other changes to stop this behaviour from stressing the whole family out. Thanx Emma Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 25, 2011 Hi Baddad, Do you know my Daughter? Yes she did manipulate her Dad, Shop on the way for a giant cola bottle!!!! Although he did manage to make her walk a way she usually refuses to go without any events. Think we need to be reading from the same script at all times,amongst other changes to stop this behaviour from stressing the whole family out. Thanx Emma You have no idea how many people you are going to have PO'd with that post! As I said - it can be a right old game of chess sometimes. Don't worry if you lose the occassional pawn, the games not over until the final 'checkmate'. Make sure that when it is it's you making the final move, and I hope it's an enjoyable game for all the pieces. L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KezT Report post Posted June 26, 2011 LOL Sometimes I think BD should hire hmself out and be the new supernanny :lol: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted June 26, 2011 (edited) LOL Sometimes I think BD should hire hmself out and be the new supernanny :lol: He doesn't have the figure for it... Bid Edited June 26, 2011 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 26, 2011 But I do have the whip and the thigh length leather boots... Whoops - TMI ? I've just had a flashback to the batcave (fnar fnar) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
