not coping well today

[spottydog]

Hi all

feeling really run down and sensitive at the moment as life (due to elderly dog dying in april and transition to secondary school coming up) very difficult at home. its about 90 degrees here today and had major battle to get DS to leave his extra thick winter coat off (still has his jumper on)and to allow me to apply sun cream. anyway finally got him to school (hates school - monday always bad).

 

Now just had call fron senco suggesting that i let him wear his winter coat (which he keeps hood up on all the time as well) and don't apply any sun cream - as she said - 'i'm sure you are aware he has some sensory issues' I am so upset/angry. I am trying to get him out of this coat before he goes to secondary school as it is already about 3 sizes too small and i feel he will be 'different' enough without having to face teasing about this old coat!! Also i feel that i am in the right to fight son on the issue of the sun cream (I choose my battles carefully, but he has moles on his skin and we have skin cancer in our family). I feel insulted and that my parenting skills are in question - people have no idea how hard our life is at home on a day to day basis, we have no 'professional' support and I feel manage pretty well most of the time.

 

sorry to rant on, but really upset, and just felt needed to talk to people who might understand....

Am I wrong to fight this battle so that he is slightly less stressed in school in the morning, or do i stand my ground until I win this one, i see it as short term stress for longer term health?

[bid]

Hi Spottydog,

 

Sorry to hear things are so tough.

 

Personally I would insist on the sunblock, and also I think you are right about the coat too.

 

Of course as parents we need to be aware of sensory issues (my son was the opposite, t-shirt in the winter), but we are the parents and as such we need to be in charge and have more sense when it comes to things like sunblock, etc.

 

Sometimes I think you just have to say 'No, this is how it's going to be'. I think you are completely right over both issues and the SENCO doesn't have a clue!

 

Bid <'>

[baddad]

Hi Spottydog -

I don't think you should take it as an insult regarding your parenting skills, but more of an indication of a SENCO who's probably heard so many stereotypes she's lost any sense of perspective.

 

Of course on a day that's as hot as today children should not be wandering around in thick coats and jumpers and they should, of course, be wearing sunblock if out in the sun. I'd tell a senco daft enough to ignore common sense the same thing I'd tell a parent who did, and that would be, erm, don't be daft!

 

Days like these should be all about 'slip slap slop' for any child, regardless of whether they like it or not. Sometimes they, even those with sensory issues, have to just lump it, and lumping it is also a big ol' life skill they have to learn too.

 

I'm so used to seeing posts that are the opposite way round to this one it feels a bit odd, if I'm honest , but all I can say is it's lovely to see common sense prevailing

 

Give the senco a kick up the bum for me, and as it's a senco we're talking about I'm probably safe to say tell him/her not to be such a gormless, patronising, disabling, bleeding heart ninny and to wake up and smell the coffee!

 

L&P

 

BD

[spottydog]

Thankyou Bid and Badad for your replies, I've calmed down now - I think she just caught me at a sensitive moment. I'm really glad that others can see sense in what I feel is the correct action to take, and I agree, I wouldn't let my other child go out in heat with coat and jumper on, just as i wouldn't allow her to go without her suncream. Its reassuring to hear some sense - I'm not going mad after all!!!!!!!

[flappyfish]

My son spent yesterday in a fleece claiming he wasn't hot. He did wear a duffle coat for a few years (including in the summer)but he has grown out of it now. He finds it hard to change once he has put something on. I have largely given up battling about it at home where nobody but us can see him, but I do insist if we go out that he dresses 'normally' as I don't want him to be bullied. It was funny to read that someone else's child likes to be over dressed too, though.

[Sally44]

My son had similar issues. Coat on, hood up etc on a sunny day. Would not take his jumper off in class and would sit sweating. Would not let you put suncream on and would scream it was burning him.

 

Remember that if he has sensory issues his perception will be off kilter, or wrong, or not processed. There could be some rigid behaviours in there too. A social story might help. But, as you say, this is stuff that school have to be doing.

 

Is he seeing an OT at all?

 

For sunblock we found a product that was a one off application for the whole day. It is by Reimann and is called P20 once a day. It isn't smelly, or sticky. If you get that on him in the morning he will okay all day long.

[spottydog]

Morning all, today he has gone off to secondary school for 'moving up' day, NO COAT!!!!, I told him this morning that he could take it today only if he wished (to reduce his anxiety at different school) but said he would probably have to carry it around all day, he decided to go without it as he was worried about losing it, I'm tempted to throw it out - the dustmen come today, but i don't think he would ever forgive me!! No suncream today and still has jumper on, but leaving the coat off is a start!

I have tried loads of different suncreams but none are ever quite right - he just hates the feel/smell and spends about 2 hrs complaining about feeling sticky, sensory issues generally a problem - won't bath/shower etc at the moment. has a programme from OT but no input since diagnosis 4 yrs ago.

[oxgirl]

One of my lad's problems around clothing is his inability to adjust to different circumstances and to alternate between clothes being on or off.

 

Once he has put on his clothes for the day as soon as he gets up, then that's what he stays in until he goes to bed. So, if he gets up and puts his sweatshirt on, then he can't adjust to the fact that it is now hot and he should take it off, or it is cold so he should put it on, if it's on it stays on and if it's off it stays off, iyswim.

 

It also takes him a long time to adjust to it being hot and, therefore, NOT having to routinely put on his sweatshirt in the morning. So, if the weather has been hot for a while and he keeps it off, then on a day when it is cooler, he'll still not put it on because he has gotten used to not putting it on and so can't adjust back again! It's quite strange really that he can't just judge how he feels at a particular time and either put it on or take it off throughout the day accordingly, he just stays the same throughout the day whether he's cold or hot. I'm not sure if he doesn't notice whether he's hot or not or if it's just a transition thing, i.e. he can't move from having it on to having it off, so just prefers to stay the same even if it means being hot.

 

~ Mel ~

[Sally44]

Morning all, today he has gone off to secondary school for 'moving up' day, NO COAT!!!!, I told him this morning that he could take it today only if he wished (to reduce his anxiety at different school) but said he would probably have to carry it around all day, he decided to go without it as he was worried about losing it, I'm tempted to throw it out - the dustmen come today, but i don't think he would ever forgive me!! No suncream today and still has jumper on, but leaving the coat off is a start!

I have tried loads of different suncreams but none are ever quite right - he just hates the feel/smell and spends about 2 hrs complaining about feeling sticky, sensory issues generally a problem - won't bath/shower etc at the moment. has a programme from OT but no input since diagnosis 4 yrs ago.

 

Next time you're together in the chemists/boots etc, have a sniff of it together. You could always get a bottle and see. This product is not a cream or an oil. It is a clear liquid, that rubs into the skin and although not perfect, it better than anything else I have ever tried.

 

Rather than throwing it out. What about putting it "in the loft" - and see if he even remembers to ask about it. And if he does tell him it is there until winter. Sometimes being very black and white helps them ie "the coat is a winter coat and we will get it down when it is winter."

 

How are you getting an OT programme, if you've had no input since diagnosis 4 years ago?? Is it in his Statement (does he have a Statement). If he does have a high degree of sensory issues, they will impact in all environments, and so it will almost certainly be having an effect on him in the classroom and his ability to access learning.

 

He may become overloaded and overwhelmed and may not be coping. Alot of avoidance behaviours can be due to sensory issues and sensory demands being placed on the child that they cannot tolerate or cope with. My son has always been reluctant to bath/shower - baths are better. But he has been through a recent spell of high anxiety and during that he was not even changing his clothes. He would put them on and leave them on to sleep in for a few days until I got him to change them. He could not tolerate the change. So if this is a behaviour that is increasing it might be worth considering whether his anxiety levels are up generally.

[oxgirl]

I use a clear sports spray sun screen on my lad, that way I don't have to touch him to rub it in as, at 17, he still can't tolerate it, but he is a lot better than he used to be. A few quick squirts and he just pats it in himself. Mind you, it does smell very strongly of alcohol when you first spray it on, but it soon fades.

 

~ Mel ~

[AndrewBurling]

I also have sensory Issues and hated Sun tan cream. Don't worry you grow out of It from being persistent.

 

I would say the best way too prepare him Is by treating him normally and making Him behave normally. Worked for me and I had loads of friends at my secondary.

 

But different circumstances call for different measures.