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tizzmeclare

Help - eating & destroying work

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Hi all,

 

Has anyone got any idea's or advice on why my son ( 9 with AS) is eating or destroying any school / home work he doesn't like! It is also happening with anything he produces on paper at home which has nothing to do with school work.

 

His teacher has suggested that she feels my son sets so high standards for himself in his head, that when what comes out onto paper doesn't match up to the image he has created in his mind, he gets angry and eats or rips up his work. Has anyone else got experience of this kind of behaviour, is their anything I can do to stop it?

 

We praise all the things he produces and tell him how wonderful they are, but it doesn't make any difference and although my son could eat for england, I sure its not because he's hungry :lol:

 

Regards, tizz

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My son does that also.....(does.nt eat it though).He,s dyslexic and struggles to do any work.It can be so sad when he does a picture which looks wonderful , but will scrawl all over it because he got a bit wrong.He is also forever rubbing things out aswell over and over again!....I think your sons Teacher might be right.

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Both of my sons hate imperfection especially by their own standards. This is a difficult one to alter because no matter how hard I have tried to convince my two that one small mistake does not matter - it does to them. It does not have to even be a mistake a blemish is all that is necessary. They are also the same when reading books. If there is a small mark on a page they simply can not hold the book. Neither will eat broken biscuits or anything which looks broken. They both freak if they see a broken toy and always have.

 

However I have to say that all of the above are so much worse when they are stressed and feeling under pressure so that may be worth some thought?

 

As for eating many ASD children never really know when they are full and it's quite a common problem. I have a friend who has to have locks on her cupboard because of this. I often hide the contents of our cupboards for this reason. It's a bit like their on off switch. My two just do not have one. My youngest will burn himself out until he drops. He never knows when to switch off. So we have to be his switch and we do when he goes into 'eating' mode.

 

 

 

Carole

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Hi Tizz.

 

Although praise is always good it can be seen as lying to some kids, if they know what they have done is not what they wanted to do. Maybe you could try asking him how he feels about his work and then help him to see the good parts instead of just focussing on the negative, then he can take the good bits and improve on them instead of destroying them. You could also choose some bits that he really isn't happy with and throw those away, this will give him the idea that there is room for error and sometimes it is ok to dispose of the evidence but also it is good to keep some as reference on how to make things better next time.

 

As to why he eats it I have no idea, maybe more roughage in his diet might help :lol:

 

I hope that helps, obviously you know what will work with your child better than anyone.

 

Viper.

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Hi Tizz - I can identify with this one or rather my son can. He also rips up work he doesn't think is good enough, I agree about the setting himself high standards thing. I guess it must be very frustrating to know in your mind what work you want to produce and then to see that it turns out so differantly once it is on paper. (I can draw great pictures in my head but if I try to draw even the simplest thing on paper it is laughably bad.) I agree too that this behaviour gets worse under stress (SATS for example). My son hasn't actually eaten his work but he has chewed it up and spat it out a few times, I presumed it's just another manifestation of his frustration. I don't really have a lot of advice about how to stop it happening -just the usual kind of thing like making sure he's not rushed and is in a quiet environment - but I'm sure you do that already. In the past when my son has done this kind of thing I've tried to persuade him not to do the work if it's so upsetting but have to say that usually upsets him further cos he feels he's failed altogether - Doh! I'm sure your doing nothing wrong and that it's your sons perceptions of his 'failure' that cause the upset. I always think this type of behaviour is symptomatic of low self-esteem (stating the obvious I know) so anything you can do to bolster that (but away from the homework situation) will be good, find something he's genuinely good at and can do and let him do it while you (genuinely) admire him for it. (Does that make sense?)

Best of Luck -Witsend.

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Thanks for all the advice guys,

 

Now you mention it Viper, I probably do over-do-it a bit on the praise, as my son is far from stupid and does tell me off for praising him, when he feels the work is not good enough.

 

He does have an awfully low self-esteem that I worry about constantly, which is why I probably over do the praise.

 

Not sure how I'm going to stop myself from praising everything, but I'm going to give it a try - who knows it might just make him feel the praise is more honest if it comes a little less often.

 

Like your sons carole, my son also doesn't tolerate imperfection, but unfortunately its often in others. I was reading all the school evidence that came with my sons statement proposal yesterday and i noticed a comment from his teacher, which went something like " A** gets very annoyed with other children when they make mistakes reading aloud in class. He will huff and make other gestures that make the children nervous, causing them to often make even more mistakes".

 

Anyone got any ideas on how to teach him to except that each and everyone of us has got very different abilities, including him.

 

tizz

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Hmm I know speaking our thoughts out loud to. I have taught both of my sons to make inappropriate comments, whenever possible, straight into my ear. So OK whispering is rude but so is saying' Mum why does that lady stink?' in the middle of a supermarket. Of course I feel pretty sure that the teacher will not want to hear your son hissing in her ear while the others are reading either. Is there an NTA in the class who could catch his commets? Or would it be feasible for him to write down these coments and then maybe give them to you at the end of the day? You have probably said that it is ok to think these thoughts but upsetting for others to hear them? My sons would probably then point out why others need to be told when they are making a mistake, again they are judging on their own perception of what a mistake is and perfection. Often it canbe the obsessive attention to detail that can lead to a job where it is essential for our children when they become adults. So there are some plus point tobe had. :lol:

 

Carole

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Hi Carole,

 

Thanks for the idea about getting him to hiss his remarks in the ear of the classroom assistant (he gets his own full time TA very soon - horray :thumbs: ) Im going to mention that idea to his teacher straight away, thanks.

 

I had to laugh at your sons inapropriate remarks in public...my son has also come out with some corkers that although at the time were really embarrassing make me laugh now.

 

We were once in a very long queue in a fish and chip shop on holiday, when my son began to ask...oh so loudly...why was that man so fat? we asked him to sushh, but the giggles began in the queue, which for him meant people interacting with him, so he just went on and on asking, why was he so fat?

 

Also if he see's anyone smoking, he will go up to them and ask, why are you killing yourself...and when they look dumbstruck...he just repeats himself "no really, why are you killing yourself? its always the exact same words, in the exact same order in the exact same formal speech!

 

Don't you just love em :rolleyes:

 

tizz

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My son hates to be over-praised if there is such a word. He doesn't seem to care about praise and if someone does "overdo" it, he finds it patronising. I try and say things like "great, I knew you could do it" as otherwise he will interpret the praise as being surprise that he was able to do something. Does this make sense?

 

Hope this helps

Alli

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T destroys his work all the time, rarely does he actually manage to complete anything written with any kind of success, practical stuff is better, but he still has his wobbles, he totem pole is in and out of the bin in the DT room like a yo-yo at the moment. He also doesn't do praise, it seems to work in the opposite way and usually sends him off on one ... and as for the eating T could eat and eat and eat given half a chance, he is the same with drinking, I have to watch the water intake because of his toilet problems, he can't have a water bottle in school as he drinks from it compulsively and gets abusive and posessive if its removed

 

HHxx

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Com went through the work thing too

apparently it was because of his 'marked sensitivity to failure'!

 

some strategies we used with Com and other kids I've taught:

 

stop marking all work - he already has higher standards than the teacher and doesn't need to be reminded he's made mistakes (at least for a while)

 

ban all rubbers in the classroom and crossing out - for all children (mistakes can be underlined or the correction simply written above)

 

write on a wipeable surface - worksheets and lined paper can be laminated or put in plastic pockets, work can be easily corrected without making it look messy (Com couldn't stand to have messy work) and then photocopied to keep a record.

 

give low key praise/tokens/stickers (whichever your child likes) not for quality of work but for work handed in intact/legible/at all.

 

keep a careful eye open for frustration building and end task before work is damaged even if it is minimal - you can build up expectations once he has relaxed but it's no good letting him reach the frustrated phase even if there is nothing to show.

 

hope that helps a bit

 

Zemanski

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Hi Guys,

 

Thanks for the advice. The teacher is already using certificates to encourage him to hand in work, but as they are also used for other "good behaviour" such as working with another child, I'm begining to wonder if they are perhaps used for too wider goals?

 

Hey Zamanski, I think it would be very interesting to observe his teachers facial expresion if I suggest he had higher standards than her! :lol:

 

 

Hectorshouse, I can totally identify with the in-and-out of the bin routine. Last week a pack of cards, which had got slightly damp were tossed into the bin, only for him to realise 10 minutes later, that without them he couldn't practice his card tricks....this went on for the whole day!

 

Just a thought...do any of you guys think that kids can get certificate/sticker/star fatigue??? surely they must get bored of this at some stage?

 

tizz

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There was a time when I went through a phase of regularly destroying work. In most instances it was because it wasn't up to standards or because a teacher had complained over a minor trivial matter that was difficult to rectify such as the handwriting. Even today I sometimes rip something apart completely and rebuild it from scratch when things go wrong.

 

Did you know that Charles Babbage was an obsessive perfectionist? Quite often he would smash up a computer that he spent months building because it didn't work to his expectations.

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the star/sticker thing is tedious for everyone after a while which is why tokens towards some small treat (possibly at home if school don't want to do it) sometimes work better - the child chooses the treat before the target is set and then knows what they are working towards. I use small dragons or magic the gathering cards for Com, and only for the big stuff that matters. make sure they have a very good chance of success and not too long between treats though or frustration can set in

 

Zemanski

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