To be or not to be... Asperger's

[Suze]

Just got in from work , so only skimmed the posts(sorry did,nt have time)....interesting discussion going on, just hoping we can stay on track with it , and keep a nice ambience(feel)........... ............that was me being a Mod

[sesley]

very well behaved we all are.

[indiscreet]

Yet I find I can only identify with three other diagnosed adults here, who have all overcome various personal difficulties to do their best to live productive, positive lives (and one is my adult son).

 

It angers me because I see self-indulgent naval gazing instead of a 'can do-will do' attitude to autism.

But have you considered that what you see as 'self-indulgent naval gazing' may, for some people, be a way of working towards a 'can do-will do' attitude to autism?

[darkshine]

I'm sorry, Darkshine, but I think you are being a little bit disingenuous here...I think you had a pretty good understanding of the impact of your comments to me about cancer further up this thread.

I didn't have a clue to be honest with you - I'm assuming that you are angry based on your responses and cuz you said you were being sarcastic - so that would suggest you felt the need to be - other than that how can I know? I haven't got a clue what you feel.

 

I am sorry that I said what I said and that it has negatively impacted you - it is not what I was trying to do.

 

I was struggling to explain how your sudden interjection about matters that are very difficult to discuss was like slamming a huge fist on a table for people to shut up - when no one was really doing anything wrong.

 

I haven't apologised up until now because I believe it will mean nothing to you, because I don't think you give a damn what I say.

 

The frustrating thing is that I don't see much of the understanding, improving and addressing. A good example is the whole question of employment. I've lost count of the number of threads where those of us who give constructive advice are shouted down by people who believe certain jobs (invariably in retail for some reason) are 'beneath them'.

 

I feel that there are many adults posting here who say they want certain things out of life...but then shout down those of us who have actually achieved many of those things, as though we have no idea what we are talking about

 

Bid

And how would you see the understanding, improving and addressing? Have you taken the time to look? Did you notice my post saying I had a million questions and how many I had to post and then notice that I didn't post loads of questions? Did anyone notice? Did anyone ask why? Because I have slowly been deleting the list as I have understood more. Has anyone noticed that I mostly check each thing I say 3 times before posting it? do they realise that the times when it all blows up is because I haven't? Does everyone treble check themselves before every single post? Does anyone actually know me? See me in my life? See the things I've done and changed since coming on to this form? No. They don't. Because people walk around with blinkers on only seeing what they want to see.

 

I'm sorry Bid - I'm sorry I got lumbered with this dx and that I'm trying to turn my life completely around and haven't the first idea of how to actually do it - each day, week, month, I am building more pieces of understanding and putting new things in place and that piece by piece it is starting to make sense in a couple of areas.

 

And I'm sorry to all you "old timers" who resent this new wave of HFA's or AS's coming into your lives. If I were an "old timer" I'd want to help people but obviously we are not all the same - but to be honest, I find this level of resentment from some of you to be highly intolerable at times cuz it makes people feel like sh1t.

 

Regards

 

Darkshine

[bid]

I didn't have a clue to be honest with you

 

I think anyone who chooses to use the phrase 'to flash the terminal illness card so often' knows very well what they are doing.

 

Bid

[barefoot wend]

To go back to Littleplums's original post, I would dare to answer on my son's behalf and say that I very much believe that, given a choice, he would have preferred not to have been born with Asperger 's but as to taking a 'magic pill ', I'm not so sure. I would hope he would say 'No', as he is a fantastic lad who is very loved by all who know him, but I fear he may well say 'Yes'.

 

Barefoot

[baddad]

...that was me being a Mod

 

 

Oooooooh ... I thought you prefered ponies to Lambrettas... No squirrel's tail on an aerial on the back, though, I'm guessing? Po' li'l squirrel! Do they sell Parkas with targets on the back in 'Tiny'? Perhaps you can pick one up in Barbie's '60's range...

 

 

 

[darkshine]

I think anyone who chooses to use the phrase 'to flash the terminal illness card so often' knows very well what they are doing.

 

Bid

So it was a really really bad choice of words - I have apologised for this - and I have also explained why I said it!!

 

I was struggling to explain how your sudden interjection about matters that are very difficult to discuss was like slamming a huge fist on a table for people to shut up - when no one was really doing anything wrong.

This is why I said what I said - I said it for no other reason - are you now accusing me of purposefully trying to cause harm now as well as being inconsiderate, wrong, not trying, not dx'd, ignorant, not trying enough, not learning or improving, being negative about something that is negative in my life and purposefully not understanding?

 

What is the point in me trying to explain when people keep taking a snap shot of what I say - which places it completely out of context - while they purposefully ignore the rest and twist my words/interpret them as the opposite of what I say anyway?

[Fourthdimension]

Hey

 

Sorry for the ignorance on my part as i only briefly read this post and skipped a majority because of lack of time and eagerness to respond to the question.

 

I find that my thoughts on this can be quite hypocritical for instance i consider those traits to be part of me and not the symptoms that i have because of Aspergers but rather I have Aspergers because these symptoms are there. If you know what i mean?

Because of this i see Aspergers as intrinsically integrated into me to the point where both me and the symptoms of aspergers cant be seperated from each other because they are part of me and despite difficult times i love been me and feel more gifted than i do doomed.

 

The majority of the hardship occured when i was young and now been the age i am i have developped sophisticated coping techniques that hide myself under a veil (hypociritcal , as if i am happy been me why am i hiding myself?) to prevent looking different or having any of my many abnormal daily routines been picked up on by "normal" people.

 

Yet despite my own belief that the symptoms are part of me and i would nt change them when down i do tend to blame aspergers for past havoc and the feelings that eat away at our insides , The lonliness and void but if i am truly happy been me or if i even respected been me and i see aspergers as a part of me then why do i blame it for my past. am i just blaming myself?

 

I cant see how my life would be without been who i am now and possesing those traits. The thought is incomprehendable despite my knack for thinking from different prospectives i cant think of this one as been me is a crucial constant that i cant see changing in the future and that i would nt wanna change only to develop and so i dont see the point in the effort of thinking about what it would be like to be different than i am now because am never gonna be any different than i am now apart from self development.

 

At first, i started thinking "its because of this i was bullied" etc etc but its not because of this . Its because of me and who's to say i would be bullied regardless of wether i have this or not but since we adore solitude and isolation this has served only to aide me and comfort me on a journey where i can find it peaceful been by myself and cope like that so because of this the above bullying did not matter because i was prepared to cope because of aspergers traits

 

I know we all could blame 3/4 of our lives on aspergers but rather than blame it how about thinking this.....

What happens if what happened happened because of you or because of coincidence and the aspergers were nt some illness or what ever that promoted your diffference but rather adapted you to survival and helped you cope in lonliness when no one else wanted you.

 

What happens if aspergers or some aspergic traits arose as a defense mechanism to cradle you from the outside world?

 

Then if you looked at it like that its the reason were still living because i know that if i was treat the way i was when i was a kid and the way i am treat now and never had aspergers i would be the first to top myself but because i have aspergers i find it easier to cope with the given circumstance because i am prepared and the traits prepare us aswell

 

I dunno what this sounds like when read back . Wether it sounds totally nuttish or like i am idolising aspergers which i am not . I am only trying to give it some credit because it helped me in just as many ways as it cursed me

Edited September 19, 2011 by Fourthdimension

[indiscreet]

I dunno what this sounds like when read back . Wether it sounds totally nuttish or like i am idolising aspergers which i am not . I am only trying to give it some credit because it helped me in just as many ways as it cursed me

 

A lot of what you say here makes sense to me. Discovering that one isn't alone and being able to share thoughts and feelings with others who have similar problems is also, I find, a great help in learning how to cope

[Fourthdimension]

A lot of what you say here makes sense to me. Discovering that one isn't alone and being able to share thoughts and feelings with others who have similar problems is also, I find, a great help in learning how to cope

 

your totally right Indiscreet Thanks

[Lyndalou]

your totally right Indiscreet Thanks

Ditto.

 

I've come to the conclusion that although I may never get a formal diagnosis that in the end the main thing now is that everything makes a lot more sense, whether or not anyone else believes me!

 

I no longer have the same fear for my little boy's future because I can look at him and remember back to my own childhood and whittle down what the triggers could be for him when he kicks off and how to handle all the issues that crop up daily. For instance, our last trip to the barber went like clockwork. I was able to deal with his (inappropriate) interest when a toddler came into the shop and with the obvious concern of the child's parents, his boredom with waiting by allowing him (a little) freedom to move around then a game of spotting the colours of the cars going by and then was able to differentiate this from the subtle change in his behaviour signifying there was something else going on - sensory issue with the dance music on the radio - by covering his ears with my hands which carried on into the haircut. Voila!!

 

In the past, I would not have been able to deal with my own anxiety about what other people were thinking about his behaviour and my parenting skills and the both of us would have ended up just getting upset and leaving! I can now see it's all just a question of balance and I'm putting my ability to analyse situations and 'intellectualise' and distance myself emotionally to good use. And when it comes to my son, I really don't give a monkeys anymore what other people would do in the same situation.

 

I don't know what his standpoint will be in the future but I believe I 'owe' him to provide him with the tools to be able to regulate his own actions, push himself in situations he finds difficult and start on the journey to learn the appropriate ways to conduct himself around other people.

 

The more I understand myself and my past, the more I understand him and can make his future a positive one.

[Fourthdimension]

Ditto.

 

I've come to the conclusion that although I may never get a formal diagnosis that in the end the main thing now is that everything makes a lot more sense, whether or not anyone else believes me!

 

I no longer have the same fear for my little boy's future because I can look at him and remember back to my own childhood and whittle down what the triggers could be for him when he kicks off and how to handle all the issues that crop up daily. For instance, our last trip to the barber went like clockwork. I was able to deal with his (inappropriate) interest when a toddler came into the shop and with the obvious concern of the child's parents, his boredom with waiting by allowing him (a little) freedom to move around then a game of spotting the colours of the cars going by and then was able to differentiate this from the subtle change in his behaviour signifying there was something else going on - sensory issue with the dance music on the radio - by covering his ears with my hands which carried on into the haircut. Voila!!

 

In the past, I would not have been able to deal with my own anxiety about what other people were thinking about his behaviour and my parenting skills and the both of us would have ended up just getting upset and leaving! I can now see it's all just a question of balance and I'm putting my ability to analyse situations and 'intellectualise' and distance myself emotionally to good use. And when it comes to my son, I really don't give a monkeys anymore what other people would do in the same situation.

 

I don't know what his standpoint will be in the future but I believe I 'owe' him to provide him with the tools to be able to regulate his own actions, push himself in situations he finds difficult and start on the journey to learn the appropriate ways to conduct himself around other people.

 

The more I understand myself and my past, the more I understand him and can make his future a positive one.

I think you are doing very well and i wish my mam and people in general gave me that consideration and respect while i was younger and i without doubt your child will be eternally grateful.

 

[Lyndalou]

Thanks FD, you're very kind!

 

Some days are blooming awful but it's getting easier! I'm not forcing myself to do the 'mummy' things that I was beating myself up over having difficulties with, prior to my son's diagnosis (with HFA). I'm telling myself 'So what!' when it comes to the imaginative play stuff - I was getting myself so wound up when I couldn't think past holding a plastic cup and saying 'Mummy's thirsty, can I have a cup of tea?' and offering him a piece of plastic chicken on a plastic plate. I used to think what a rubbish mum I was when I saw the ease with which other mothers could play with their kids at toddlers and think of new and 'exciting?!?' things to do. When I do my duty at Playgroup now I just watch the 3 yr olds and copy them! I'm pretty damn good at copying so I might as well carry on! D'ya know what? He gets loads of opportunity to do all that 5 days a week with people who are good at it. So, when he's with me, I'm going to concentrate on all the stuff I find easy like taking the kids out on nature walks and reading and carry on trying to do the games thing when I feel able to try. I'll also concentrate on getting everything in place for him that he needs educationally.

 

x

[sesley]

I think the whole attitude towards autism in all walks of society needs to change. The reason i think people with it suffer from depressions,is because they are made to feel different in a negative way by our society,which seems to see autism as something wrong,but all it is, is a human difference, So it should be you are on the autism spectrum,you are a human being,so be proud of who you are . Our society accepts different cultures and human colours as the normal equally different human beings, positively, as it should with autism.After all being human is being different, otherwise we could all be just clones or robots.