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Fourthdimension

Aspie Quiz

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We have had 9 or so Meets over the years, a couple 'oop north' I think and the rest in or near London.

 

Three were large affairs, to which families came, the others tended to be smaller groups of individuals.

 

It was all very normal: people chatting, having a picnic/pizza lunch, mooching round shops and market stalls, getting to put faces to names.

 

Bid :D

Edited by bid

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Then i guess i am the same then because i get all of what you said over the period we have been talking most of the things you mentioned i can relate to.

I somehow just supress it inside though so much that people actually think i like social situations but there wrong.

 

Sometimes i get so anxious it feels like my insides are malfunctioning whilst my physical self stays Stearne lmao.

 

I dont think i have any friends who just no i think i convince everyone i am ok and in the end they believe me even my best friend does nt have a clue what goes on in my head and when i told her a few things about what does go on in my head she was shocked and she thought i was been a hypocondriac because she could nt believe it after how she sees me act.

 

i know what you mean but its not that you cant its just that you need coaxed into doing so. like eased into a situation where you can learn to let down your guard and be your self :) Everything takes time :)

I'm good at convincing most people - its just that some know how to look a little deeper and see beyond the front - not many - but some.

 

I find the difference between what people are seeing and what is happening inside me to be very distressing at times - it feels like I'm a container of all this energy and swirling mess that's just waiting to explode - like having a storm inside (an aware storm that is hyper aware and hyper sensitive to everything - hmmm can have a "living storm"? lol).

 

lol do you have seperate pockets for each item that has to be placed in a specific way as i do.

for example , my bank card goes in back right pocket as does my passport

learning cards (paper i write notes to learn on) this goes in back left

phone and £notes in front left and keys,pen,coins go in front right haha

 

i also have to spend an hour getting ready or i wont go out and i have to get ready in a specific way lol

brush teeth,shave,moisturise,shower,wash,hair,ears haha lmao

YES!!!! (to both - although sometimes the tricy approach with going out works better - of just jumping up - checking everything and going out - cuz then I have less chance to think about it - having said that I like to plan everything so it's a "has to be the right approach for the right time" kinda thing :rolleyes: so stupid :P

 

They wont like what they see? or they wont like what you think they ll see?

I don't think they'll have any major grief with my appearance I guess - although I have - I suppose I mean that if they could see the real me - the things inside - they won't like the things they see.

 

i have a weird story....sometimes when i was down i use to verbalise my prays as if actual conversations with god and talk and say "please please make things go right for me with this woman or this job" then maybe it would or maybe it wouldnt so somewhere along the line i thought "maybe he is nt listening because i always ask for things instead of appriciate what i got"

 

my beliefs are weird aswell but the idea that in order to ask for something i have to first appriciate what i got helped me realise that "yeah life is ######" but theres lots of good things :) and this helped me to be postive more :)

I used to talk to god when I was a kid - pre ten or eleven, I used to think he listened, and when I did something wrong I thought I'd get struck down. I think people do it for comfort - to think there's something out there. To hope they are not alone.

 

Although I am not what you'd call a believer - I do like the little passage from somewhere called footprints (can't for the life of me remember where its from). The idea is nice.

 

Whats your views on euthanasia ? am undecided but i do think it should be legalised on the grounds of other peoples behaviours for example the behaviour of putting a dog in pain to sleep is good because the dog shud nt suffer but then why does the law say a person should suffer because euthanasia is illegal when that doc got a one way ticket to paradise :) just seems illogical to me

First of all - I am so not sharing my ideas about euthanasia publicly - I may accidentally put my foot in my mouth a lot - and did myself into holes or graves - but on this topic I know enough to say nothing :lol:

 

However, I will say this - I think the main issue with it for people is the risk of harm. There is always the question of people changing their minds, and then the really tricky issue with people signing for euthanasia on someone else's behalf - if the person wasn't capable any more of agreeing (like with degenerative diseases where abilities get lost - or with your dog example cuz the dog don't choose does he?). Also there's probably issues with soundness of mind - and proving you want to die - and justifying it. And what if people were just suicidal and didn't really have anything "wrong" with them physically - the docs would argue for a line to be drawn and that's pretty hard - because you'd have to measure people's suffering based on something - but two people could have the same illness and cope with it in very different ways - and that's just what I can think of lol

 

here comes robbie the rabbit .............. :robbie:

I still prefer George :george:

 

I didn't mind the song :D never heard it before

 

 

We have had 9 or so Meets over the years, a couple 'oop north' I think and the rest in or near London.

 

Three were large affairs, to which families came, the others tended to be smaller groups of individuals.

 

It was all very normal: people chatting, having a picnic/pizza lunch, mooching round shops and market stalls, getting to put faces to names.

 

Bid :D

There you go fourthdimension - I knew someone would be helpful :D

 

That's quite a lot of meet ups Bid was the feedback generally good? - I think I'm just a paranoid cynic :lol:

 

Also things seem impossible with the agoraphobia - but I suppose there are occasions where it would be of interest to put a face to the name :)

 

Best

 

Darkshine

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@Bid Thanks for letting us know :) Do you have any meet-ups planned for the near future?

 

@Darkshine - I understand how you feel about the feeling of supression of the thing that feels like a storm. I think thats what makes me really emotional and sometimes it can be terrible.

 

Also , you know i mentioned i like mountains and stars but if i look out to the horizon on the sea at night it makes me feel alone and lost again in the blackness. It reminds me of what i want to forget - that we are alone and the blackness sometimes can slowly sufficate us and i feel bodly reminded off that when i look out at the merciless north sea on a winters night.

 

Sometimes i can just jump out from bed straight out the door to stop myself thinking too much about it but then i start to feel paranoid and dirty when sat near other people even though am not.

 

What makes you feel they wont like the things inside you that they see?

 

Your right people do do it for comfort etc. I dont really believe in god as a manifestation of a man in the clouds and i think its psychologically incorrect the way we view religion as different excuses to avoid facing the metal health problems some people are presented with.

 

I am spiritualist and when i go to the church although i believe what they say nevertheless tey are still hearing voices inside of there head which they believe to be a different person - thats schitzo right? wrong , thats called been a medium but then hypocritically if a man heres a voice in the head who he believes not to be his own is classed as scitzo? i just dont see the logical process in that

 

just as i dont see how some christians can litrally believe that god is a manifestation of a man sitting in the clouds yet laugh at people who claim weird stuff like see spirits. I dont understand how there believe can be so crazy yet they still feel they have the right at to laugh at another persons believe regardless of how silly it is.

 

There is a few passages i have heard in the bible. one been the corinthians passage about love which says

 

1If I speak in the tonguesa of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,b but have not love, I gain nothing.

 

http://niv.scripturetext.com/1_corinthians/13.htm

 

I think this is particularly fitting for someone in our circumstance because it states just as we think which is that no matter what i know and no matter what i can do or who i can be if i have not loved or have not felt love and if i have got noone to share with me the comfort of eachother then we are alone in the dark recesses no matter how strongly equipped with knowledge or status we are.

 

Like , to be loved is the missing puzzle piece and its the piece that lets you step back and see the bigger picture and realise your part of it. So a man with a simple house and simple life with someone he loves is happier than a man with everything except love.

 

haha put your foot in your mouth? howcome lol?

 

Your right i never realised there was so many other variables to consider lol.

 

 

:clap: Hi George

 

Have you never heard of that band before?

 

I agree about the meet ups Darkshine :) sometimes they would be a good idea

 

:D

 

Best

Michael :P

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Also , you know i mentioned i like mountains and stars but if i look out to the horizon on the sea at night it makes me feel alone and lost again in the blackness. It reminds me of what i want to forget - that we are alone and the blackness sometimes can slowly sufficate us and i feel bodly reminded off that when i look out at the merciless north sea on a winters night.

We are born alone and we die alone but we sometimes get company along the path between :)

 

I love that feeling, if the night is right and the weather is right it works with the countryside too - the reason I love that feeling - even though it can be daunting and intimidating - is because it is true - it is nothing other than what is is - and I could paint it in a picture as vivid as you like but it'd never express exactly how it feels because there are not words in the world to accurately describe it - I guess it is a simple yet as complex as nature and life itself :rolleyes:

 

What makes you feel they wont like the things inside you that they see?

Because I don't - and because if i am left with my own views - if I can escape the world - I do not feel so bad - it is in the gaze of people that I become a freak - on my own I can be me

 

 

I think this is particularly fitting for someone in our circumstance because it states just as we think which is that no matter what i know and no matter what i can do or who i can be if i have not loved or have not felt love and if i have got noone to share with me the comfort of eachother then we are alone in the dark recesses no matter how strongly equipped with knowledge or status we are.

 

Like , to be loved is the missing puzzle piece and its the piece that lets you step back and see the bigger picture and realise your part of it. So a man with a simple house and simple life with someone he loves is happier than a man with everything except love.

It's an apt passage for the experience you are describing lol (I've heard it before - that last line is used a lot)

 

The lines "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." makes me laugh because when I was a child I thought like a child but I thought like an adult, I talked like a child but I talked like an adult, I reasoned like a child but I reasoned in more mature ways than my peers. And when I became an adult I still thought like and adult and child, I still talked like an adult and a child, and I still reasoned like an adult and a child lol - you'll either understand this or you won't :P but in a lot of ways not a lot has changed :lol:

 

I was wrong about that poem - it's by a lady named Mary Stevenson

 

Footprints

 

I just liked it from the moment I first read it :)

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Yeah your right Dark shine :) the night is amazing :D i love it.

I become a freak in the gaze of people too but then we also gotta think about the errors of attribution and wether or not we are just percieving things that way :)

 

I totally understand you and thats why i dont understand when someone calls me immature because i am not but then when someone calls me mature i feel just as shocked.

I think the childish part may come from our curiosity. our curiousity to pull things apart and maybe it has a little to do with comfort aswell

 

for example to this date i have two teddies haha and i keep all my old toys and myfriends thing this is immature and theres other stuff but i just woke up and have nt had much sleep so i cant really think of an example but i do understand what you mean :):D

 

I like that poem too :)

 

I feel alot better now because i thought if i am correct and the professionals who gave me a second oppinion is correct then why is it not visibly apparant and i had this picture in my head of a stereotypical person with aspergers and it was pretty extreme because i could nt figure out in my head how another person with aspergers might act or how i am seen by other people.

 

so anyways i went on youtube and i watched "the autistic me" and another program called the woman who thinks like a cow

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46ycu3JFRrA

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_PBVxGEEY4

 

 

These greatly helped me comprhend what i was experiencing and killed my stereotype

but now i have become a little more confused as HFA and AS seem the same and i have no idea how to distinquish between the 2 lol

 

How has your day been? what you been up to?

 

:D>:D<<'>

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Here is some more documentaries i tried posting them in the last post but it said "more media files than allowed" so would nt let me

 

 

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I feel alot better now because i thought if i am correct and the professionals who gave me a second oppinion is correct then why is it not visibly apparant and i had this picture in my head of a stereotypical person with aspergers and it was pretty extreme because i could nt figure out in my head how another person with aspergers might act or how i am seen by other people.

 

so anyways i went on youtube and i watched "the autistic me" and another program called the woman who thinks like a cow

 

These greatly helped me comprhend what i was experiencing and killed my stereotype

but now i have become a little more confused as HFA and AS seem the same and i have no idea how to distinquish between the 2 lol

 

How has your day been? what you been up to?

My day has been extended by 40 minutes watching youtube vids lol (plus an additional 20 because I then watched part 2 and 3 of "my crazy life" :lol:

 

I still don't understand what all the things mean - watching things does make things make more sense in a way - I kinda feel bad that I can do certain things that people with severe autism can't and then I think that makes the whole AS thing a fake in my head and I don't see why I should struggle with simple things - it goes on and on in my head.

 

Its quite depressing :rolleyes:

 

I haven't got a clue what difference there is between AS and HFA - I asked when I learnt that AS will be removed from the dsm when they next update it - and someone said that AS will become HFA - which doesn't make sense at all and if AS is removed to make things simpler - by just having an autistic spectrum then why do some labels survive while others won't. to reiterate - I haven't got a clue :P

 

My day has been long - how about yours?

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My day has been extended by 40 minutes watching youtube vids lol (plus an additional 20 because I then watched part 2 and 3 of "my crazy life" :lol:

 

I still don't understand what all the things mean - watching things does make things make more sense in a way - I kinda feel bad that I can do certain things that people with severe autism can't and then I think that makes the whole AS thing a fake in my head and I don't see why I should struggle with simple things - it goes on and on in my head.

 

Its quite depressing :rolleyes:

 

I haven't got a clue what difference there is between AS and HFA - I asked when I learnt that AS will be removed from the dsm when they next update it - and someone said that AS will become HFA - which doesn't make sense at all and if AS is removed to make things simpler - by just having an autistic spectrum then why do some labels survive while others won't. to reiterate - I haven't got a clue :P

 

My day has been long - how about yours?

 

Hey Darkshine :) Hope you enjoyed the documentaries

 

At first i always doubted wether maybe somehow i was exageratting my symptoms unintentionally but now i know for certain am not. I decided to just be myself in college as i mentioned and at first it went well but now i feel scrutinized,paranoid and different in all my classes and i dont find the teachers helpful i find them patronising and the one teacher i liked who was my psyche teacher i went to talk to him about it but instead i just ended up getting really anxious and lecturing him on gender development and he was pretty impressed because i think i knew just about as much as him on the topic and when he asked how long it took me to learn it i told him less than 3 weeks to memorise it all word for word as a hobby and he was pretty amazed as even he could nt remeber it all word for word haha

 

So ,even though he is nice i also get the feeling that he feels challanged in regards to me knowing just as much as him regarding all the criteria on the course because this leaves him little room to slip up

 

anyways what i was saying was i feel scrutinized by my peers and at first i thought "hey if your trying to be yourself maybe what it is is your labelling yourself and thats why your acting like a stereotypical aspergric person would be expected to act" but then on the way home i remebered back to my old course where i attempted to socialise and realised that i was scrutinsed just the same which lead me to the conclusion that am not exageratting at all and its a real problem i have regardless of how i present it or myself

 

Sometimes i agree with you that it sounds fake and just another label in the labelling theory but then when i see how others act around me i realise that its not fake at all but nevertheless i dont think the weight of a title is that beneficial although there are some good points to it

 

I had tagged along walking behind my peers and i never knew any of them i was just following so i could find my class and then these two lads walked by and i am positive that i heard one say "he looks like the type of lad who was bullied at school" so i walked out and i could see these two little weak rats walking on continueing there discussion no doubt been abusive to another person along there way and i watched them for a good 5 minutes and i was full of hate i was considering walking over and smashing them to a pulp which i know i could i just wanted to hook them up to some sophisticated torture machine to watch them squirm for there inconsideration and show them how f****n inconsiderate i can be to them but i just walked away.

 

i just feel the whole colleges eyes on me as if there stairing through my shell and dprodding at my vonrabillities and corners of rooms are where i try to sit unn oticed but i feel like a magnet to the human eye as if uncontrolably i drift back into there gaze

 

at first i thought maybe i was exagerating my symptoms but i was wrong i guess i was just idealising social situations more than i should have. maybe lack of social contact made me forget how bad it can really be

 

From what i could tell the only difference is that HFA learn to write and read latert than aspies

 

well i suppose my day has been constructive as i took 20 of my little foleded up a4 pages to college to learn while i hear the social muttering of others other than that its been rubbish as i sat in 2 classes learning things i already know word for word while been scrutinised by others - if i had something to learn maybe i would nt notice the others but the damn teacher must think the class is a nursery and taught us patronising stuff

 

there was one good things maybe 2 - last night after biology i was walking home and i walked past a woman in my class and i said "good night" and she said the same to me and then today she passed me some work and i told her thank you and i observed her Non verbal communication and she seemed to be nice to me and she smiled although i dont find her attractive its still nice to see pleasant gestures

 

there was also the dinner lady - in a social situation i get nervous so i drink lots of coffee so i was a regular face withing the first day and she commented about how i have good manners and i engaged in a brief convo then today she asked my name and said hers was jo so said thanks jo and told her bye but she smiled and i think she likes me too

 

even the two interactions i mentioned still feel very mechanical but i guess if i was after affection i would have got a dog or a cat :P

 

Sorry for my pessimistic banter

 

p.s. because of some problems last year i decided to state on my medical form that i might have AS and i think maybe the teachers never believed me and thats why today myopsyche teacher handed out what he called "a personality test" which looked alot like an Aspie test lol and everyone needed to complete them and i got e=2 n=22 and the teacher was making everyone shout out the score so he could read a description of there personality types and when he read mine it was stuff like pessimistic,likes to be alone and all the usual stuff and i felt like he should have been more considerate and i feel like the reason they did it in the first place was because they doubted me

 

and when they were doing the ice breaker they were adding adjectives onto there names and for some reason i got "mental michael" not that anyone was aware of my problem although the people next to me were questioning my odd behaviour all the time in relation to the personality test

 

X

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For all those reasons and many many more I just cannot face the idea of a classroom situation :(

 

I think it's good that you are trying to stick with it despite all the difficulties :thumbs:

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For all those reasons and many many more I just cannot face the idea of a classroom situation :(

 

I think it's good that you are trying to stick with it despite all the difficulties :thumbs:

 

 

Thanks Darkshine :) x

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