calling all parents off 12 yr or teens with aspergers

[Helen2]

Sinse my son was born i knew he wasnt the same as others all through school i asked for help, but they all said he was fine just sensative and shy!! he had lots of social issues in school and out as well as other motor problem skills simple things like not being able to open packets and put socks on ect, as he got older he was more awaire off his being diffrent this presented as depression and i went several times to the doctours. they sent us away saying its just his age, nobody would listen to me till he went to the seniors , it was so traumatic we both ended up in tears and the senco was very good and sat me down and for the first time listened to me!!! she helped a lot and within a year he was diagnosed with asperges this made so much sense, the problem with my son is he is so well behaved in school as this is what is expected off him he shows no emotions and by the time he gets home his anxiety leavels have built up so much he just expodes, anger tears frustration etc, school are trying to help, but what help should i be able to get for him, at home i can keep his enviroment happy and trips out are very organised and planned, but school is a big problem!! What should i do? he needs some sort off mental help he talks often about wanting to be dead and why me etc!! what help do others get for there children with asperges? Thank you.

[chris54]

Don't want to be the bearer of doom but as far as we are concerned, apart from educational help at school, despite many attempts, we get no help at all. Others will tell you that help only seems to be forth coming when things reach crisis point, even then it is short lived.

[smiley1590]

maybe an ASD specialist pyschologist to talk through mental health issues such as depression but also built up frustration and anger to work through in steps and stages how and why this affects him!? i would look into this possibilty! has medication been discussed in the docs help ease his depressive thoughts/feelings? (suicidal)wanting be dead maybe medication for anxiety could ease things too? have anyone like docs mentioned CAMHS ( child ,Adolescent,Mental Health Service) as this is team which could help provide service of working through MH issues such as depression ,anxiety with clients with complex difficulties such as AS!?

 

not being able to open packet or put his own socks on does he have gross/fine motor difficulties? is is he clumsy, forgetful is handwriting large? - has co morbid condition to Dyspraxia been looked into? as this can go alongside AS and is very similiar close in alot of signs too so hard to spot the difference between each one!

 

hope this information helps in some way anyway!

 

XKLX

[Bluesbreaker]

stay strong, seek psychological advice, you have got to stand up say no to them and say this is what i want etc, you have to make a stand, that's how my family have always ended up getting me and my cousins the help we needed, last time my mother had to fight with the doctors and such, I was also making a stand myself (i know that isn't always possible). sounds generic i know, but there is always hope and everyone has it in them to make a stand and get what their child needs

[Dijac]

Hi,

 

I am also mother of a 12 y.o with probable AS - I live in France, so system is different. I now have to go and get Will most lunchtimes - one thing he hated most at school was the canteen, and we find breaking the day up a bit helps him. - Does your son have a de-stress ritual - Will gets home, and goes straight in the garden to walk up and down the path for 5 - 10 minutes. He knows if he does this at school, he gets mocked.

 

We go to a psychology centre here, and he sees a psychologist nurse sometimes, if he feels the need. They also have a group there for adolescents with problems - I don't think they are all AS, but they all seem very shy. I think he finds this helpful. He is also on medication (risperdal) as he can get aggresive when he gets over frustrated, and this does seem to help. He often talks about suicide or killing others too.

 

Having said all that, he is finding going back to school very difficult, and we have tears nearly every morning. It is all very draining, for him and the family. I am hoping that when he gets his official diagnosis we might get more help, but I am not certain about that.

 

Not much help really, but I hope knowing you are not alone helps a bit.

 

Diane

[Zosmum]

Hi

My daughter sufferes in the same way. Hates school to the point of self destrution.

We have recently been trying a new approach at school. She has the last half hour of school in the sensory room with a really nice TA to be able to talk thro' her day, what has sent her off and what she might have almost liked throughout the day. So far this seems to be helping a bit. Most days they don't even talk about what went on in school but more what she's going to be doing that evening or even what she would like to do to some of the teachers. They basically sit and have a bit of a giggle.

Maybe you could try to approach the SENCO and suggest a similar tactic.

I have to add that this only came about when my daughter reached crisis point. She tried to hang herself with her school tie and went completely bollistic at her head of year.

She is now year 11 and things are not too bad at the mo'

Good Luck

[lindy2017]

Sinse my son was born i knew he wasnt the same as others all through school i asked for help, but they all said he was fine just sensative and shy!! he had lots of social issues in school and out as well as other motor problem skills simple things like not being able to open packets and put socks on ect, as he got older he was more awaire off his being diffrent this presented as depression and i went several times to the doctours. they sent us away saying its just his age, nobody would listen to me till he went to the seniors , it was so traumatic we both ended up in tears and the senco was very good and sat me down and for the first time listened to me!!! she helped a lot and within a year he was diagnosed with asperges this made so much sense, the problem with my son is he is so well behaved in school as this is what is expected off him he shows no emotions and by the time he gets home his anxiety leavels have built up so much he just expodes, anger tears frustration etc, school are trying to help, but what help should i be able to get for him, at home i can keep his enviroment happy and trips out are very organised and planned, but school is a big problem!! What should i do? he needs some sort off mental help he talks often about wanting to be dead and why me etc!! what help do others get for there children with asperges? Thank you.

Hi, When i read this it is very much like what has happened with my son whos 12 ....by the time we got to yr 6 things got worse anxieties talking about killing himself why me and ranting into meltdowns.....secondary school was too difficult so they provided a tutor twice a week she is very good we are now in another school not too far away got a palce in a nurture unit he goes with tutor at moment until he gets used to it....he loves computer doesnt go out much when he does he is anxious....tomorrow we visit childrens centre in hospitalto get feedback from CAMHS....hopefully it will help i think he has aspergers as his older brothers and sister have traits not dx..........i think it takes a long time to find ways to cope hope oyu get some soon .....linda

[sesley]

get in touch with the NAS http://www.autism.org.uk/ they have loads of information. Your son is one of those that saves his anxietys for home,where he can unload in a trusted enviroment. See if you can get him discuss his anxietys and try to reassure him,he is a human being who is special and although life might seem scarey and confusing it is worth living,and don't forget,now he will be going through the usual teenaged troubles,so get him to understand that what he is feeling is normal all human beings go through.Also see if you can seek phsycological help as well,maybe through the NAS they might be able to show you how. Stay positive as well,its important to encourage self confidence .

[Helen2]

maybe an ASD specialist pyschologist to talk through mental health issues such as depression but also built up frustration and anger to work through in steps and stages how and why this affects him!? i would look into this possibilty! has medication been discussed in the docs help ease his depressive thoughts/feelings? (suicidal)wanting be dead maybe medication for anxiety could ease things too? have anyone like docs mentioned CAMHS ( child ,Adolescent,Mental Health Service) as this is team which could help provide service of working through MH issues such as depression ,anxiety with clients with complex difficulties such as AS!?

 

not being able to open packet or put his own socks on does he have gross/fine motor difficulties? is is he clumsy, forgetful is handwriting large? - has co morbid condition to Dyspraxia been looked into? as this can go alongside AS and is very similiar close in alot of signs too so hard to spot the difference between each one!

 

hope this information helps in some way anyway!

 

XKLX

 

Thank you school have mentioned cahms to me sadly a girl in his school killed herself, this set ross off thinking its ok to kill youself and talked about suicide for weeks, very upsetting!! this tends to come and go. as for his not being able to open packets ect, yes his hand writting is unreadable he cant ride a bike i call him cack handed. he just cant use his hands, cutlery he looks like a toddler he has lots off other probs we seem to be able to cope in our own home enviroment its when we go out and school is the biggest issue!! Thanks for your mail,

[smiley1590]

cutlery find hard /difficult to have skills to ride a bike i would investigate the possibility of dyspraxia. i have tried to attempt suicide myself by ODing on tabs and i on and off harm myself ( self-harm - cutting) so i can empathise with your son and the thoughts of wanting life over ALOT!

 

XKLX

[Helen2]

get in touch with the NAS http://www.autism.org.uk/ they have loads of information. Your son is one of those that saves his anxietys for home,where he can unload in a trusted enviroment. See if you can get him discuss his anxietys and try to reassure him,he is a human being who is special and although life might seem scarey and confusing it is worth living,and don't forget,now he will be going through the usual teenaged troubles,so get him to understand that what he is feeling is normal all human beings go through.Also see if you can seek phsycological help as well,maybe through the NAS they might be able to show you how. Stay positive as well,its important to encourage self confidence .

 

thank you so much for your reply, yes he saves it all for home, its just me and him and thankfully i am understanding and there to help him we dont get any support from family so it can be tough.i always sit with him till he calms down then i give him time to talk so he has got very good at telling me where things have upset him. we then talk this through , and i contact school if there is any way theyy can help with the prob i just need support in how i can get him more involved in life outside the front door his mental health and the fact he cant use his hands properly,

[Helen2]

cutlery find hard /difficult to have skills to ride a bike i would investigate the possibility of dyspraxia. i have tried to attempt suicide myself by ODing on tabs and i on and off harm myself ( self-harm - cutting) so i can empathise with your son and the thoughts of wanting life over ALOT!

 

XKLX

thank you yes i will look into dyspraxia, i also understand how he feels about suicide which is why it upsets me to here him talking about it, although i have never attempted it the toughts have been there, i have suffered depression on and off for years , stay strong and thank you for your reply

[Helen2]

Hi,

 

I am also mother of a 12 y.o with probable AS - I live in France, so system is different. I now have to go and get Will most lunchtimes - one thing he hated most at school was the canteen, and we find breaking the day up a bit helps him. - Does your son have a de-stress ritual - Will gets home, and goes straight in the garden to walk up and down the path for 5 - 10 minutes. He knows if he does this at school, he gets mocked.

 

We go to a psychology centre here, and he sees a psychologist nurse sometimes, if he feels the need. They also have a group there for adolescents with problems - I don't think they are all AS, but they all seem very shy. I think he finds this helpful. He is also on medication (risperdal) as he can get aggresive when he gets over frustrated, and this does seem to help. He often talks about suicide or killing others too.

 

Having said all that, he is finding going back to school very difficult, and we have tears nearly every morning. It is all very draining, for him and the family. I am hoping that when he gets his official diagnosis we might get more help, but I am not certain about that.

 

Not much help really, but I hope knowing you are not alone helps a bit.

 

Diane

your mail is a big help thank you it took me ages to get someone to help me and once i went to the doctour and asked for a referal, it only took a year to get a diagnosis, i thought great cause know i can get the help i need.this is where the problem is i cant seem to get any help he needs alsorts off support my son wont go in the canteen at school and wont even eat the lunch i send with him i have to work so am not able to get him at lunch time, the good thing is there is only me and my son at home so he gets my full attention, its just me that could do with some help and support into how i can help him with some off his problems .hope you gat a diagnosis soon, did you always know there was something diffrent about your son ??

[Helen2]

Hi

My daughter sufferes in the same way. Hates school to the point of self destrution.

We have recently been trying a new approach at school. She has the last half hour of school in the sensory room with a really nice TA to be able to talk thro' her day, what has sent her off and what she might have almost liked throughout the day. So far this seems to be helping a bit. Most days they don't even talk about what went on in school but more what she's going to be doing that evening or even what she would like to do to some of the teachers. They basically sit and have a bit of a giggle.

Maybe you could try to approach the SENCO and suggest a similar tactic.

I have to add that this only came about when my daughter reached crisis point. She tried to hang herself with her school tie and went completely bollistic at her head of year.

She is now year 11 and things are not too bad at the mo'

Good Luck

My goodness thats not a good thing to happen its a shame it has to reach that point to get help, ross had his first outburst at school where he just started punching himself in the head, normally its at home he erupts, the senco is trying with him and gets him out once a week to tlk about school she is very supportive but very stretched at the same time

[sesley]

does he have any interests? Are there any support groups you could join? Can you get out for walks in the countryside? Just to show and appreciate natural things of life,like the leaves turning brown the change in the season affecting the enviroment.or the zoo?just to go and see other kinds of life and see the variety of it and then try to stress that all though life is different it is valued and he is valued. i am proberly barking up the wrong tree here,but i feel that self confidence comes with self worth and when person starts to become aware of themselves they become dissatified because they see the difference as a negative and worthless,which is why you must get your son to understand his see his difference and can be for good and that his life is worth living and exploring, a adventure into the unknown,scarey but exciting too.

[Dijac]

Hi Again ,

 

Yes, we always knew Will was different - he was always very advanced academically, but behind with physical things. He can ride a bike, but I think he was 8 when he learned, as opposed to 4 for his brother. We used to put his bad hand writing down to him being a leftie, and to thinking faster than he could write - although it is actually not too bad now. He was always quite solitary at school.

 

The only way they deal with advanced kids here is by putting them up a year - this used to be ok, but now he is 12, but is with 13- 14 year olds, it seems more of a difference. A lot in his year have really grown and filled out this last year. The maturity level is a problem now too - he gets upset as he says they all talk about sex all the time, and this makes him uncomfortable.

 

When he firsat started having major problems I went to the school. They couldn't believe this quiet, respectful boy was having problems - till one day I got him and he flipped, and like your son, started punching himself. After that they got serious about helping, and that was about the time we managed to see the psychiatrist instead of the psychologist, who mput him on meds. He does still hit himself sometimes, or scratches his excema till it bleeds.

 

His father and younger brother (9) are here too, but it is generally only me who can calm him. But my husband works away a lot too. I do work a bit, but haven't much on at the moment, so am able to get him for lunch. He will have to stay tomorrow though, so he won't be happy. He hates the food, and the smell and noise etc - but mostly, he hates having no-where to go and de-stress. He has just joined a cinema animation group, which I had hoped would be good for him - he enjoyed it last week, but it is for teens and adults, and I think the only other person who goes is an adult, so he isn't going to be making friends, but if he enjoys it, then that's something.

 

Message me any time, since our sons seem similar - although I agree that you should look into dyspraxia - my younger son was looked at for that, but they decided it was just dysgraphia, as it is only writing he has a problem with.

 

Diane

[mingocat]

Sinse my son was born i knew he wasnt the same as others all through school i asked for help, but they all said he was fine just sensative and shy!! he had lots of social issues in school and out as well as other motor problem skills simple things like not being able to open packets and put socks on ect, as he got older he was more awaire off his being diffrent this presented as depression and i went several times to the doctours. they sent us away saying its just his age, nobody would listen to me till he went to the seniors , it was so traumatic we both ended up in tears and the senco was very good and sat me down and for the first time listened to me!!! she helped a lot and within a year he was diagnosed with asperges this made so much sense, the problem with my son is he is so well behaved in school as this is what is expected off him he shows no emotions and by the time he gets home his anxiety leavels have built up so much he just expodes, anger tears frustration etc, school are trying to help, but what help should i be able to get for him, at home i can keep his enviroment happy and trips out are very organised and planned, but school is a big problem!! What should i do? he needs some sort off mental help he talks often about wanting to be dead and why me etc!! what help do others get for there children with asperges? Thank you.

[mingocat]

hi. I've only just joined this. my son is 14. and has just been diagnose with aspergers. he sounds exactly like your son. how have things been since!.?e

[LoubyLou]

My son is also similar & age 12. He gets some support through CAMHS (though this is a massive fight, but at the moment we have a very understanding dr & that alone helps lesson the isolation!). Also he's at a small school with a very good SENCO & support in class. Generally small class sizes & good support (even if shared with other pupils) make a massive difference to being able to cope with school. I'm hoping that over time being able to drop less-favoured subjects will also help! Some schools offer reduced homework-load for ASD pupils (I declined this because I didn't want him to fall behind or feel that he'd missed out on topics covered eg in class/tests, but not sure if this was the right thing; he's ahead in the mathsy subjects anyway & really it's health that comes first!!) Also helpful is providing an 'exit' from situations at school that are just too much, easing the pressure to be able to cope with the rest of the school week, for us this has been PE (for a while) & sports day; I've known pupils just miss subjects taught by the odd teacher they can't cope with too!

[martsan]

Hi,

 

I have only just joined the forum and feel that I am reading the post that I was intending making..which has probably given me some much needed reassurance. My son is almost 14, and is currently going through an assessment as a part-time inpatient. The docs are 99% sure that the results will confirm ASD, with Asperger's thought to explain most of what he displays. We have gone through the depression, suicide threats (1 od - which whilst not life threatening, enabled us as parents to push things along at a greater pace), self-harm and around 18 months of physical attacks on me (dad). Our son also used to contain his emotions outside the of home; but that all changed just at the end of last year and problems started at school. Funnily enough, we used to go to parents evenings expecting to be told of huge tantrums, and would just get told that he was a quiet boy. However, just before things started going wrong at school, EVERY teacher told us how he was coming out of himself and becoming much more vocal (and quite passionate about certain topics) in lessons.

 

Anyway...hi!

[smileyK]

Im not a parent but as young female with AS can totally empathise with how your son feeling inside what he going through right now and has been through I've been through same situations the lot whole thing ( depression,self-harm, several ODs physical attacks on parents) everything you've explained for your son I've been to that place it dark feel so alone trapped scared confused so many emotions / thoughts/ feelings running through you nowhere let it out vent it escape it! So just carries on goes round and round most of my situations down to depression being lock in myself my world just scared face anyone or anything! I got assessed due to seeing general counsellor about self harm ( cutting ) passed me onto an

[smileyK]

* another team ( complex difficulties clinic) So can so relate to your son struggles and painful emotions thoughts and experiences It's like mirror reflection / image of me and my life my daily battles / fight with myself keep going and not let AS / depression win and give up and in!