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My son who is 8, has problems with friends at school as in he seems to be left out of things going for tea. Also other activies. They dont choose him for things . He longs to be on his own with a certain boy but this boys has a best friend and spend all his time with him with my son trailing behind.

He plays with a few children but it seems that they dont really want him. I wish i could be invisible in the playground. My son has problems with social skills and they are getting worse. the school says there are no problems they have noticed. I feel so sad about all this.

I know that my S want to be controllling in all play and we have that at home. He feels he has to have everything done in a certain way. I have noticed the other kids are growing up and my S seems to still be a bit immature. this will become more noticable the older he gets. :(

Its hard to know what to do or say to help

We are waiting for a DX waitng for our appointment. Hopefully soon.

It is so hard to watch you kids go through this.

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I know just how you feel >:D<<'> we had this sort of thing when my son was little.

 

But, as he got older (about 10ish) he found a little group of 'like-minded' lads, and since then he has always had 2 or 3 mates.

 

I think it gets easier once they are old enough to be interested in things like Warhammer or Magic cards, as this provides a meeting point for them with other similar lads. They can also be a bit of an 'expert', which can give them some kudos with other youngsters.

 

I know it feels awful >:D<<'> , but it did get better for my son. He still keeps in touch with a couple of mates from his old mainstream school, as well as having new friends at his special school.

 

Could you invite round the lad your son particularly likes, so it can just be the two of them? I used to lurk, and then try and gently remind my son about turn-taking, etc.

 

Good luck >:D<<'>

 

Bid :wacko:

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Yeah opal, we experience this too.

 

Moving from another country to the UK didnt change it at all. Yes, at first he was new and interesting and I think kind of a bit famous, but that eased of of course again.

N comes often to complain he has no friends. I guess our kids do long for a good buddy and take it more harder to have none at all.

But also we have discovered that he wants to control the play as well. Its so hard to interfere, I would like to be invisible on the playground as there also recently all the incidents happen we had now bullying, picking on, hitting etc.

 

Its so hard for us to see them in this state and not really being able to help. Also mainstream school here said no problems, till N got bullied at and still gets occassionally and was swearing as he couldnt cope anymore. N gets very easily verbal...got a red card for it and we went in school,but not because of the red card, we wanted to find out why he had sworn in the first place....

School said this card isnt a punishment...but what is it then, as you get excluded of school when you have "collected" a certain amount of those red cards....

 

Anyway...dont want to rant here....

 

 

Big >:D<<'> to you opal,

 

 

SylvXXX

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Hi Opal,

 

I know just how your feeling, our son who's 9 has never once been invited to a party. We have invited children round to play, but they have always turned the invite down.

 

The teacher tells me the other children are nervous of him, because of his odd behaviour flapping arms e.t.c.

 

However, recently he has learn some magic card tricks and we have noticed that in the playground before school, some of the other children took notice of him and were interested in what he was doing! Unfortunately because the cards are no longer in perfect condition ( they got damp) they have been in and out of the bin so many times, he doesn't want to play with them anymore.

 

Also he is very immature for his age, and the gap seems to be widening :crying:

 

tizz

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Hi Opal,

 

>:D<<'> We've had lots of this over the years and it is really hard watching your child being "left out". Our son has always wanted to be friends with other children, he's just never had the skills to enable him to do it easily! He was never invited to parties and it used to horrid when he came out of school and all the others were going off somewhere. He even had one boy say to him I would have invited you, but Mum would not let me! (Ironic really as this boy was one of lifes terrors)! I used to do what Bid suggested and we had a fair amount of success with it.

 

He does now have a couple of friends, who put up with his funny little ways, and he has even been on a couple of sleepovers, which I never would have believed could happen! (he has just turned 11).

 

He has always been a bit less mature than his peer group and his social skills are still a huge problem, but I think we will always have to work on that.

 

Good luck

 

jan >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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we find we have to put quite a lot of effort into Com's friendships

 

he made three friends in nursery and another lived in our street but it was really me who made those friends for him by spending most of my time with the parents so he had to become part of the little group.

 

these are still his main friends but I have to remind him to contact them

 

when he went to high school he had to leave them behind and I've spent 2 years trying to set up things with likely kids - with his LSAs on board - but the problem with high school is that i can't get to know the kids so it's hard for me to help him make contact.

 

a couple of weeks ago I finally managed to set him up to invite a boy who uses our bus and goes to science club to his birthday party but he didn't turn up. :tearful:

 

then last week - miracle of miracles - he was looking at magic the gathering cards on the computer in the library and a younger kid came up to talk (also from science club)

 

I had suggested trying to invite the first boy over again as he might have been shy about not knowing people at his party and Com actually managed to generalise and spent all his breaks on monday trawling the playground with his LSA asking everyone with blonde hair if they were the boy who liked M the G - Com does not recognise faces at all (except for bullies).

 

how's that for determination? :wub:

 

J is coming over tomorrow to play cards :dance:

 

and school is willing to let them invite a couple more kids to the SEN room at lunch times to play :thumbs:

 

Zemanski

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