Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
loulou

Parent taking adult son's DLA money

Recommended Posts

Hi,

 

I am posting this out of concern for a young lad i know. He is in his early 20's and has MLD and ASD. To give you an indication of his level of Learning Disability, he volunteers in a charity shop and seems to be managing fairly well with that.

 

He lives at home with his mum, who seems to have total control of his money. She has his bank card and gives him an "allowance" every week (about £20.00). The rest of his money (from DLA etc) she spends herself. He does not seem to be aware of this and also doesn't seem to be aware that he even has a bank account.

 

To me, this seems totally immoral and also possibly illegal. She is stealing his money! When the mother was questioned about it, she said that her son has no concept of money and would not be able to cope if she gave him freedom over his money. I don't agree with this at all, he has managed to use the till in the charity shop and is more high functioning than she says.

 

He doesn't have anyone to be an advocate for him, so i don't know how things can be put right.

 

Any advice would be appreciated,

 

Loulou.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can understand why you're concerned. I think I would be too.

 

If someone genuinely has no concept of money then DLA can be paid directly to the parents who can decide how it is spent. By having an account in the son's name and keeping hold of his card, she is bypassing the checks the DLA people would make. I don't think the bank would be too happy about this either. Even if it is a joint account, only the son should know the PIN number for his own card.

 

I wonder if this is a decision they made when he turned 16 and they simply haven't considered that his needs and abilities may have changed.

 

Just one thing I would say though - working a till is very different to managing your own money. Understanding how much change to give, etc, is quite different to managing your finances on a monthly basis. When I handle cash at work it feels somehow unreal to me because it does not belong to me.

 

I don't know how things could be put right. You could probably inform Social Services or the DWP, but I don't know what the consequences of that could be. Depending on how you know this boy and his mother, maybe you could talk to the boy about bank accounts, benefits and budgeting, and see if you can get him to raise the issue himself with his mother.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi

 

I agree with some of what Tally has said. He may appear high functioning but unable to budget ad they may have made this decison to keep his money for him.

 

I would also add that IMO a child (over 18 and not in full time education) should contribute somehow to the household bills especially if the family is on a low income.So I do feel its reasonable if the mother is using the money for his upkeep.Surely if he was living independently he would have to buy clothes,pay bills,buy food etc out of his DLA money? I am assuming she does all this for him. Maybe she should be giving him a little more than £20 but it does depend on their circumstances and what she is or is not providing for him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi loulou -

 

How do you qualify that he 'doesn't even know he has a bank account' with the idea that he knows about and can manage money? I have an autistic nephew, now 22, who is also MLD and who lives semi-independently in his own flat, works and is now hoping to move on to live even more independently. Helping him with his finances has been the most difficult aspect of support - it's taken years to get him to where he is now. He's had control of his own money since he was sixteen, but if he'd been left to 'manage' it on his own it would have probably jeapordised all of the other aspects of independent living he now enjoys. Of course, that is a very different scenario to the one you think might exist with the boy you know, but until you know more you shouldn't be jumping to conclusions or using words like 'immoral' or 'stealing'.

 

What his mother/family should be doing is helping him to develop self management skills and money skills rather than 'doing it for him', but the fact they are doing it for him doesn't necessarily mean they're ripping him off. Perhaps the bulk of the money is going into a trust fund or something? Of course parents of children of all ages are capable of stealing from their kids - I've known many families who think of DLA as 'family income', and it's often siblings etc who see far more of the benefits of DLA than the disabled child - i.e. a 'disability funded' car for kids who rarely get taken out because the parents say he/she can't 'cope' with things like shopping or cinemas etc while the non-disabled siblings go out with the other parent in the nice DLA people carrier every weekend, so I think there's always room for concern, but I think it can be far more complicated than is immediately obvious. I also agree that if he's a young adult living at home then he should be contributing to the family finances, and if his only income is DLA then it's entirely reasonable to use that to provide for HIS needs (that's what it's for, after all). What percentage would depend on the rates his receiving etc etc. The idea of twenty pound 'pocket money' isn't particularly reassuring, but it would/could depend on the context and how the remaining money is being managed and his input to that.

 

You could try asking some questions about how the parents try to support him in developing his money management skills, but that could cause offence whether your concerns are legitimate or not. As someone who regularly challenges the assumption that 'parents know best' I know first hand that that undeniable logic is often lost on the parents themselves...

 

L&P

 

BD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

DLA is supposed to pay for care side really and not bills. to pay rent to live in the house he would need ESA not use DLA. income support is supposed to pay for rent and food.

Edited by Special_talent123

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

DLA is supposed to pay for care side really and not bills. to pay rent to live in the house he would need ESA not use DLA. income support is supposed to pay for rent and food.

 

I also agree that if he's a young adult living at home then he should be contributing to the family finances, and if his only income is DLA then it's entirely reasonable to use that to provide for HIS needs (that's what it's for, after all).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi

 

Difficult one as it's difficult to know all the facts for sure unless e.g. one was able to see his bank book/account details. If this young lad is able to work in a charity shop, etc, then I think it's safe to assume that he could be taught about monetary value, etc. Whilst I think one needs to be very, very careful about making accusations, your hunch may well be right. Sadly in some instances, people with additional needs can become victims of this type of fraud. If you genuinely feel that the mother is spending this man's DLA on herself i.e. not on care for her son, then it needs to be investigated. In some ways it's kind of the same scenario as suspecting someone of child cruelty – do you do nothing and hope that you're mistaken, or do you get someone to investigate and hope that's you're wrong and/or possibly prevent something happening. That's perhaps a bit dramatic, but all the same this young person's financial future could be in jeopardy. I don't know who would be the best to look into this, but would guess DWP or Social Work, or maybe NAS or CAB could offer advice in the first instance (given that there's a real danger that this money could be suspended/stopped).

 

C.

Edited by cmuir

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If he can work out money, then maybe he could/should be taught how to budget. But this is a very difficult subject/concept to teach as BD has said. I have an older sister with exactly the same difficulties and dyscalculia. She has no real concept of the 'amount' of money, so if someone asked to borrow £20 or £200 or £2000 off her, she would struggle to actually understand the huge differences in the amounts.

 

What my mum did was work out a budget with her of how much money she should need every week/month for her daily living costs and occasional treats. My sister knows this amount and is supposed to stick to it. Mainly she does. But occasionally she will go over that amount by a lot, and it is very difficult for her to explain 'where' it has gone.

 

What money is left over my mum puts in a savings account for her.

 

It took until her early forties to get to this stage and my parents had absolutely no help or support at all for my sister and they didn't claim anything, because they had no idea they could. It all changed after I put pressure on my parents to try to move my sister out of the family home IF that was what she wanted. She said she did want to try it, and we eventually achieved it.

 

DLA may not supposed to be used for living costs etc. But we all know how difficult it is to get benefits etc. And if he receives income support he may need to attend interviews or fulfill other criteria that he cannot cope with. If that were the case his mum might feel the end doesn't justify the means. And these are all things you know nothing about.

 

Yes he should be being taught these life skills. But once a child becomes an 'adult' it is even harder to find any kind of support or services.

 

Also once someone is an adult they are supposed to be able to do what they want. But what if an adult has obsessions and wants to spend all his money [DLA or whatever] on something like computer games, or whatever their latest obsession is.

 

It is a hard balance. As a family we've talked it over and over again about whatever is the current 'subject' regarding my sister. There are some things that she feels are important, or not important. Her values are different and must be treated with the same respect as anyone elses. It is not about imposing our will. But at the same time it is about being healthy, happy, independent, sensible, safe etc.

 

My sister lost the support of the carer that used to go shopping with her due to "changes in assessment criteria". For sometime after that her diet was appalling. So we did have to impose some rules and also use some threaten tactics to get her to comply, because cream cakes are nicer than beans on toast!

 

She is also very stubborn. She has alot of health issues and I had arranged for the community nurse to take her on as a client, so that she could check her health at home and also that she was taking medication. But my sister refused. She said she could walk to the doctor if she felt ill. But that wasn't the point. I was trying to set up something pro-active to ensure that any health changes were quickly spotted. But my sister would not comply, which is a shame. The point of all this information is that you don't know enough about this young man. There maybe very valid reasons for what is happening with the DLA.

 

If you do take this further, I would tread very carefully, and offer help and advice first rather than accusations. I don't think that I would like someone to question me about what I was doing with my own children ASD or not.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

this is what finance did cos they had to work in mums income then if i had income support then i would contribute if only DLA can't contribute

 

dla covers care and mobility

Edited by Special_talent123

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

this is what finance did cos they had to work in mums income then if i had income support then i would contribute if only DLA can't contribute

 

dla covers care and mobility

Not everyone does qualify for ESA or income support as they are means tested whereas DLA is not. So, as mentioned above, if it is the only money he is entitled to then it is reasonable for the mother to take some of it.Yes it is meant for care and mobility but having food and a roof over your head is part of meeting care needs and if those needs are not met the mobility side of things is insignificant IMO.

 

Is the work he is doing in the charity shop paid employment or is it voluntary work? I think tis is important to as if he is getting paid then he may be keeping his wages for himself and "allowing" his mother to keep the DLA for food etc. Just a thought.

Edited by justine1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi,

 

Thank for all your replies. He volunteers in the charity shop. Yes, i agree that using a till isn't the same as budgeting your own money, but i think he has the potential to be taught. His mum seems to have avoided doing that.

 

BD, he really has no idea that he has a bank account, or that he has any benefit being paid into it. He just accepts his "pocket money" from his Mum. Whilst i do agree that some of his money should go towards household bills, his mum shouldn't decide on what to do with the rest.

 

It puts me in a difficult situation, as I would be rocking a very big boat if i said anything to her or her son. He doesn't have anyone else, it's just him and his mum which makes it all the more difficult.

 

Loulou

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Loulou,

 

Lovely to see you posting again! :D

 

I can understand your concerns about her holding his bank card, but do you actually know for sure what mum spends the rest of his DLA on, or even if she does spend it? She may be abusing her position, but then again she may be saving his money. It's really tricky, because it could be a case of real abuse, or it could be a situation where mum needs more support and education in the best way to support her adult son. She may be over-protecting him from the best of intentions and needs help herself to support him in a more appropriate way.

 

I'm afraid I don't have any real ideas how you could go about approaching this situations :unsure:

 

Bid :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To a certain degree - if he has no idea he has a bank account - or that he even gets DLA - I wonder to what extent he would be able to handle the money side of things? A more capable or curious adult would probably know that they should be getting DLA and would be asking mum where the rest of it was??

 

We taught my older sister to tell anyone asking her about money to say "my mum keeps it all". And we did that because we had more than one experience of grown men grooming her. It is not uncommon. Unfortunately there are people out there looking for vulnerable adults to live off their benefits [our local NAS had a meeting about this recently]. By teaching my sister to say that, it made it very plain to anyone fishing for a life ticket, that she had no access to money. But that wasn't what we actually did.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i qualify because i don't work and I don't live with parents then i am qualified of housing benefit too. But still dla pays towards care side.

 

also when i got income support and lived ith mum i had to pay towards food and all that but when only on DLA i didnt pay anything towards it

Edited by Special_talent123

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...