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RYOUNG78

How does an Adult with Aspergers make friends?

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My only thought is that you should try not to worry :)

But I also know that it's not always easy.

 

You can only wait and see what happens. But if you have known her for 10 years then you probably know her well enough to trust her by now.

 

You can just enjoy being friends with people without having to classify the friendship. Maybe next time you should not say this, because it's only caused you worry.

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My wife is my only true friend (and in fact my only friend). She is always there when I need her (even at the end of the phone when we are apart), she is the only person who really understands me and has certainly put up with me extremely well for the last 16 years. She is the most loving and supportive NT person on the planet!

 

Then there is my sister who I only started to know from my early 30's (she was adopted away at birth). To me, she is the second most loving and supportive person in my life

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When I emailed the friend I mentioned above and said that I saw her a close friend this was the response I got " ahhhhh bless that's made my day x". From that reply do you think she sees me as a friend?

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When I emailed the friend I mentioned above and said that I saw her a close friend this was the response I got " ahhhhh bless that's made my day x". From that reply do you think she sees me as a friend?

 

only one way to find out, go quiet for a while and see if she trys to chase you up.

 

i would say more than likley yes, but pepole cant be trusted.

 

within time you will know for sure.

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When I emailed the friend I mentioned above and said that I saw her a close friend this was the response I got " ahhhhh bless that's made my day x". From that reply do you think she sees me as a friend?

 

Yeah I do cuz if she was freaked out she wouldn't answer, and if she was thinking its weird she might disappear. Why else would someone say something so positive?

 

I think sometimes we need knowledge of what things are - like is this person a friend or acquaintance - I've found that everyone else I know (as in people not on the spectrum) well, they don't do that - they don't ask things like that or send statements that are really asking them if we are right.

 

I think what you really hoped was that she would answer and say "I see you as a close friend too" cuz that would be simpler than trying to work it out.

 

If it were me I'd just reply and say that I was glad that I made her day - I might then ask her about something in her life - has she had a good week, did she watch that fim on tv, is she enjoying work and see if she wants to talk - you got the closest thing to an answer so move the conversation on - be secure in her answer because sometimes that's as clear as it gets :)

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When a friendship has lasted a long time (10 years+) does that mean it is likely to last in the longer term or is it not as straight forward as that?

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I have 1 friend that comes under this criteria of 10+ years - but we've been talking long distance for most of that time so I'm not sure if it is the same as seeing a person more regularly for that length time (in person) and doing stuff you know?

 

I can say almost anything I want to my friend - and I mean almost anything!

 

If anything I'd say after so long things could be likely to get stale with some people - I know that at times me and my friend have just not bothered talking because life gets busy - and sometimes we both don't bother because we know we won't be shirty with the other so we make less effort.

 

There have also been occasions where our paths in life have took us apart, through different interests, and things happening etc. and we drift apart - but so far we have always made the effort after a while to catch up with it all.

 

My other friend, I've been mates with him for 8 or 9 years and its a similar deal - long distance - life drifts you apart at times - but maybe this is all just me and not the other people... I do not know if this is a general thing or an AS thing.

 

I think with any friendship whether its long term or not - it requires a balance - but it really depends on what type of friend they are, cuz some friends are for having a laugh, others are for support, others for shared interests etc.

 

But generally if you been mates with someone for that long I guess there's a good chance of it lasting - as long as a reasonable amount of effort is put in by both parties and as long as this effort is similar for both parties (if one person had to make all the effort all the time is it really what the other person wants?) I'm not sure but when you think about it, it should be fair and as balanced as possible.

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Thanks for the advice. I have two friends i have known for over 10 years. The first is a girl I went to secondary school with. My other friend is a girl I have worked with for over 10 years. My concern with both friendships is that when they do eventually find a partner / or in the case of my work colleague change jobs the friendship may change or be lost?

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The 2 friends I mentioned - one has a partner of about 4 years, the other has been married for 2 years.

 

Your concerns are valid as people do tend to drop off the radar a bit when they find a partner - this is understandable - they meet someone they want to spend a lot of time with them - especially if their relationships develop into love.

 

It doesn't mean they suddenly stop being your friend though.

 

If it does happen and these women do find partners - the best thing to do is be supportive, try to like their partner, try to bury any paranoia or jealousy and try to be your usual self with them. (I say some of these things through experience cuz it can feel like you've been dropped when a friend gets infatuated with someone).

 

I think the best thing to do is to treat it as a positive if it happens then your friends will think your a good friend who can be happy that they've found what they are looking for (even if - like me - you have doubts about some of the people they go out with!!)

 

I just tried to put all my feelings to one side and was as supportive as possible - I tried to take an interest in the people they met - and I tried to be happy for them.

 

Both my friends are with people that are ok - compared with the several failed relationships they both had before - and I just try to be there if they fail or if they succeed - its difficult to start with - and to be honest we do talk less now - and it was hard to begin with - but it gets easier once you find out if their relationship is gonna last because you know what to deal with - and with time you get used to it (which really helps!).

 

If I were you - I'd try to not worry until it happens :)

 

Best

 

Darkshine

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Is it a good idea to tell my close friends about my Aspergers or is that not a good idea. My concern is that if I do say something they may go off and tell other people (including some of my work colleagues) and before I know it everybody will know what I have.

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I can't advise you there as I haven't told many people and the main response I've had has been people ignoring that I told them and stuff - so I don't think my experiences are a fair representation.

 

But - you could start a new topic about people's experiences of telling people - people's reactions - how people coped - what was good or bad etc - that way you might get more people to read a new topic as this one's a few months old now

 

Best

 

Darkshine :)

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