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Does anyone use crying as release?

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My son has been referred by his GP (to whom I am not sure but he agrees something isn't right!) but I have done the necessary and given them a detailed (10 page!) document about his symptoms and how it is now affect our life as a family aswell as him.

 

He has therefore not yet been diagnosed with anything but I strongly suspect Aspergers (albeit mild compared to some). He cries about numerous things (as explained in previous posts) but we are finding random crying happening as if to release pressure or something and once he has had a good cry, he is completely fine in a situation which could normally make him cry! We just can't fathom him out or predict when he will have a meltdown!

 

He was taken to football tonight by his grandad (to give him some space from his dad who doesn't 'get' the crying and shouts at him afterwards with frustration and I am working so feel helpless tbh). His grandad took him last week too and he was fine (well, a little cry during training because he didn't understand something but that is usual for him!). However, he got there tonight and before the training had even started, he was sobbing to his grandad (and dad on the phone). His dad reassured him over the phone and he then went off with the other lads to have a warm up kick about and was ok!

 

We were talking between school and him being collected by his grandad to make sure he was okay and asking if he was worried about anything - he assured us all was okay! Obviously not but he doesn't recognise the build up of pressure maybe?

 

It's so hard trying to get our heads around the way he thinks because he can't explain it himself and we haven't had a diagnosis or anything yet so may be looking at the wrong thing anyway but all the symptoms definately suggest it to me.

 

Sorry, a very random message I know but I REALLY want to help him but I don't know how :(

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I cry, sometimes irrevellant but can mean happy tears as well. just because we have ASD doesnt mean we cant feel pain, feel happiness. we have feelings too but can sometimes find it difficult to show the right emotions

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Thank you for your response. I hope I didn't offend with my post, I didn't mean it to come across as if you haven't got emotions, probably worded wrong, sorry - this is all new to me. I just don't think my son uses the 'crying' just for pain or unhappiness - he seems to use it as a release (or maybe I'm seeing it wrong). He cannot explain it but the only way I can describe it is like when you burst a blister that has built up - obviously I'm an outsider looking in so am constantly guessing/clutching at straws to try and find a way to understand the way he thinks and feels and wondered whether any other Aspies do this and feel better afterwards?

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And more importantly, what they do to release it before it gets to that stage would be really good. We've tried getting him to talk etc but he doesn't understand (or can't communicate) his feelings so this isn't working. Any tips for him to deal with things before they get this big would be really appreciated. :)

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As a kid I cried a lot at home at certain times in my childhood, through stress, loneliness, unhappiness, anger, frustration, and when things were difficult, so yeah there was some element of release there.

 

I barely ever cry now, I absolutely hate people seeing me showing this type of emotion.

Edited by darkshine

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Special_talent123 - I think he is okay at reading other people's faces now to be honest - I have used this type of thing before with him but thank you for the suggestion. :)

 

darkshine - it's useful to know that you have gone the opposite way now and I take it you have found other ways of releasing the emotions other than crying and are aware when it is building up. Thank you. :)

 

It's his own emotions and feelings that he cannot explain (although he isn't great at reading other people's either - but this doesn't cause huge problems atm). He cannot explain how he is feeling or know when the meltdown is on its way and therefore is unable to adopt a proper coping mechanism other than to cry about it. The crying is becoming more frequent but not for as long (if that makes sense) - he REALLY is trying to control it, bless him. It makes me so sad to see him struggle. The irony is, I could actually cry just thinking about him struggling :(

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darkshine - it's useful to know that you have gone the opposite way now and I take it you have found other ways of releasing the emotions other than crying and are aware when it is building up. Thank you. :)

 

No not really, I just bottle everything up until I get to the point where I'm going to explode.

 

I've gotten better over the years at explaining what my problems are - and I've gotten better at explaining how I feel about things, but I still struggle to label certain emotions, especially when I'm like really stressed and there's other things going on and I don't know how to accurately describe what it is I'm thinking or feeling, or how to explain how to resolve something.

 

I also cannot put into verbal words how other people are making me feel at the time that they are making me feel a certain way - this is another thing that makes me bottle things up, because if someone makes me angry, I often cannot tell them at all - I hide it - I know why I'm angry - but I can't say the words most of the time...

 

It's like there's something inside me that just prevents me from being able to show other people - but its very hard to describe how this effects me and my life without going on and on with examples and stuff - so I guess I kinda hope everyone just instinctively knows what I mean :P

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This is part of being autistic and will never completely go away.

Some things suggested will help.

 

But it is about fear and anxiety of what is about to happen.

It is fear and anxiety about transitions [starting or stopping doing something, moving from one environment to another, one subject to another etc]

It is about sensory overload and being bombarded all the time with sensory input that he cannot screen out or turn off.

It is about not being able to identify the cause or even the 'emotion' he is feeling. Just feeling bad to the point it makes him cry.

 

Can he identify emotions ie. if you ask him "what makes you feel happy/sad/angry/upset", can he give you a list of things.

 

There is a book by Tony Attwood that is supposed to be good about teaching kids about emotions and how they make you feel. Does anyone know the name of the book?

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There's this book on anxiety by Tony Attwood, but we got stuck when it came to breathing exercises:-

 

Exploring Feelings: Anxiety: Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to Manage Anxiety

 

My DS cries, 'though this has definitely lessened with age. In our house we eventually discovered that the reason Dad just doesn't handle this well is that he finds the noise of crying too loud to bear; we find it best if he just exits if at all possible (so minimizing shouting & double-meltdown!). Obviously I don't know if this is the reason in your case but I do empathise! I wonder if your son has simply worked out that he feels better after a good cry, so if he's able to cry he'll feel better afterwards? I hope you do get to the bottom of it.

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Sometimes, I think, crying can become a bit of a habit. What kind of reaction does he get when he starts crying, do people rally round him and give him lots of attention and try to sort out his problem and does this help or does it make him worse? If it was me, I'd try to stay very calm when he started crying and not go over the top with sympathy/cuddles/attention, etc. I'd probably say to him very calmly that I can't understand what he is staying because he is crying and that he should give himself a minute to calm down and then come back so we can discuss it more easily.

I used to be a big cryer myself and it was the only way I knew how to communicate really and was also out of frustration from not being understood or listened to. It used to drive my mum mad though and she would get very cross with me, which didn't help. What nobody ever did, though, was just listen to me.

 

~ Mel ~

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Sorry I haven't responded sooner but you know how life takes over sometimes!

 

Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond, it really is appreciated. Everyone is different I suppose but there is definately a link between him crying and then being okay afterwards. It is like he is a balloon which fills up with air over things he is thinking/worrying about, sensory overload etc and then it suddenly pops. If it is a big pop (i.e. major meltdown with proper sobbing for a few minutes) then he is completely fine afterwards, however, I have noticed if it is little releases of air (i.e. little cries for a few seconds which he tries to hold back) then the balloon doesn't empty completely and we tend to get more little meltdowns. Hope that makes sense!

 

Oxgirl - In answer to your question about what happens when he cries, to be honest we have tried everything! Initially he was cuddled, spoken to softly and given affection, then we tried to help him by giving him breathing and counting techniques (or thinking of silly jokes), then we disciplined him by taking things away when he cried, then my husband started telling him to shut up and stop crying and sometimes shouted at him which made things worse and the last resort was ignoring him completely. None of these things have worked and even talking to him about his feelings hasn't worked. He can't explain feelings well at all to be honest - we did a feeling=reaction talk with him the other day with some paper and diagrams and got him to list all the things people feel (angry, sad, nervous, excited, happy etc) and then we got him to list what people's reaction to that emotion is (i.e. jumping around, crying, shouting, smiling) and he is okay with the obvious ones of happy, sad and angry but he could not work out the ones in between nervous, worried, excited. I think he has learnt angry to be honest as it isn't something he has ever been and is definately not natural to him (unlike his younger sister who totally 'gets' all the emotions and facial expressions of her and others, yet she is 4 years younger!).

 

I am convinced more than ever that the crying is a release of the pressure/anxiety/worry that builds up. He had one massive meltdown last week and he has been fine all week and we've not had much sniffing from him either (his tic) - he just seems quite calm. However, we did have a very chewed jumper on Monday which I was really annoyed about. I don't shout at him about these things as I know he finds it hard to control it but I did tell him to chew a tea towell or something which is cheaper to replace than school jumpers! gggrrrr

 

Thanks again everyone :)

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