Jump to content
KKaren

Son now out of school (?) should I take this in my stride?

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone

 

My son (14) has struggled in main stream school since year 8, now in year 10 I've had to take him out due to aggression, fear, one thing after another - the education board have offered home tutoring 4 1/2 hours per week based in his school - of course he has rejected this I am trying to get another venue as school is not an option at the minute. I was stressing out big time about him being out of school and missing his education - I would just like to hear from anyone in the same situation - what does the future hold for him if he can't go to school I doubt he will be able to go onto Tech? or will he will he mature as he gets older and be able to manage his life ? any advice would be great. Thanks K

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Some colleges offer something known as a post 14 centre where 1 day a week disabled 14 year and above try out college to see if it is for them. These wouldnt be mainstream courses though afaik. Going gf/cf was the only thing after trying various drugs and other natural remedies that helped with my angry depression.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi my son dx aspergers last year has had home tutor since oct 2010 only in the last few months they have said it has to be out of the home and its down now from 5 hours a week to 2 due to his anxieties attending a nurture unit for tution he didnt like going there ......so at the moment hes not had hardly any education he will be 13 in may ....were goign through staturtory assessment at the moment ......dont realy know how its going to turn out in the end......

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know about special educational needs law in Ireland.

 

I would advise that you contact the National Autistic Society to find out how the system works there.

 

In the UK you can cask the LA to assess for a Statement of SEN. A Statement is the ONLY legally binding document. There is law on how the Statement should be worded and what it should contain. There is also an educational tribunal [sEND] that you can appeal to if you think the Statement or the school placement is not right.

 

So you are looking for something similar in Ireland. It all depends on what the law says about having to meet the child's needs.

 

You can also contact www.ipsea.org.uk and again tell them you are in Ireland. If they can't help themselves, they should have some advice on who you should contact.

 

My son was out of school for 11 months and was so anxious and stressed that he went on to get a further diagnosis of an Anxiety Disorder and also OCD.

 

We went to an Educational Tribunal and we won. My son now goes to an independent ASD specific school and he is doing very well. He started in November and now goes in every day until after lunch. We are gradually increasing his hours every week.

 

He is much happier. I would even go so far as saying a changed child.

 

And I think that by going to this school he has the best chance of gaining qualifications and also social/friendship skills and life skills [as these are all part of the curriculum]. The school also has Speech Therapists and Occupational Therapists and an Educational Psychologist as part of the standard staff on site. So all his needs are being met.

 

My son is also dyslexia, and at the Tribunal we said my son needed a specialist dyslexia teacher to work with him 1:1 at least 3 times a week. The Tribunal awarded that too. So we got everything we were asking for.

 

Hopefully there is a similar system in Ireland, where you can achieve the same results.

 

The main thing you need is good reports that identify each and every one of his needs, and which detail in their recommendations exactly how that need will be met by detailing the hours per term/week and with whom ie. 30 hours 1:1 support from an experienced TA. 9 hours per term 1:1 therapy from a speech therapist suitably qualified and experienced in working with children with an ASD. Small class sizes of no more than 8 pupils who are a similar peer group etc.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Karen, I am coming at this from someone with AS who voluntarily opted out of school at times at the same age. The difference was that back in those days nobody really cared and so I could opt back in when I felt like it as well.

 

My first point is looking back at the school period of my life there were reasons as to why I behaved as I did, some of which were about actively managing my condition, but some of the behaviour at the time was simply running away from my responsibility to myself as an individual. The big step for me was in understanding that I had choices in this world and that there is a massive difference between making choices between doing what I was good at rather than what I was poor at in a constructive and positive manner and not doing anything at all which would show I was simply a coward!

 

I very strongly believe that we should try and have empathy for individuals with ASD but not sympathy. I also believe that AS is an additional componet to our make up but it is not our core personality and as such it should not be allowed to define us as individuals, nor is it a badge for anyone else to define us.

 

Karen I would simply ask your son to draft up his own suggestions for where he goes from here, he is after all his own expert in knowing how much stress he can and can not take in his life at the moment. He might find this very difficult but in my experience self reflection is the most important skill you need in living with AS on a daily basis. I suspect a lot of teenagers with AS simply do not feel in control, that everyone and everything is controling their lives, I believe the answer is to offer back to them the possibility of having control over their own futures and that means taking responsibility and this means parents being prepared to reliquish it over time in a transfare process thats what growing up as an adult is all about.

 

In my own life at this age I had a plan and that was simply to try and focus on what I was good at and to build my life around that. The problem with school at the time was it was expecting me to do things I was not good at and this was destroying my self esteem. What I did off my own back was pick and choose and focused on developing my potential.

 

Your son will have potential to achieve in a number of areas it is a case of focusing on this potential and looking through his ASD traits at the person below. I think the important thing is to get him to draw up a plan as you need something to go back to. Such a plan might provide the basis in looking at what provision might be available. The truth is if he can't be bothered to ask for what he wants then he doesn't deserve anything in the first place in some respects. I think it is all about empowerment in a constructive way, what he is currently doing is exercising power in a destructive way and the victim in this is not the school but himself and he needs to reflect on this. Kids can dig themselves into some big holes at times and as adults we should be prepared to offer them a hand out but in doing so we need to expect a mature response. Opting out of education is not a mature response my seven year old could tell you that, and i suspect your son would be quite anoyed if I told him he was behaving below the maturity level of the average seven year old!

 

Just some thoughts.

 

P.S. Some of us do go through some tough times at this age but go on to achieve a number of amazing things in our lives, keep faith in him he needs your support but not your sympathy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you all for your advice its very welcome - I have put the ball back into Matts court and explained to him education is better in school than sitting in the house however I don't know if he is in the right school - sally you are so lucky to have found the right school for your child it makes all the difference! Anyway onwards and upwards - Matt has decided to go into school this Friday for a half day - who knows if he will get there fingers crossed... !

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If he is struggling in school you really need to have a meeting with the SENCO.

 

You can contact your LA Parent Partnership and ask them for advice, and ask them to come to this meeting with you. Although the PP are not really independent [as the LA pays their wages], they are better than no-one, and some are better than others.

 

You should ask the school to seek advice from the educational psychologist, and if he is having problems with social communication to seek advice from a speech therapist. The school will have a budget for these professionals.

 

There are things that can be done, such as him having a reduced timetable, a place to go during breaktimes/dinnertimes etc. But it might be worth asking the LA to assess him for a Statement. By making this request the LA should ask the EP and SALT to assess him anyway. Also ask the SENCO for their advice. Ask how much support he is currently receiving. If that level is not working, or he is not making progress, or he is deteriorating, then you need to be asking how the support can be increased. That is another reason why having a specific Statement is important, because it gives a baseline reading of both abilities and difficulties and also details the amount of support the child receives in terms of hours and staffing arrangements and professional input. That is your baseline from which you can measure progress. So, for example, if he receives 10 hours support and that is not meeting his needs, you can ask for additional support. If you have no idea how he is being supported, or for how long, how can you tell if that level of support is producing results or not? How can you seek additonal support when you don't know what he currently receives.

 

I hope you manage to find some information about how things work in Ireland.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Sally - Matt does have a statement and full-time classroom assistant support, he goes to the SENCO at breaks and then to the lunch club at lunchtimes - they also take him out of class if he becomes unsettled, he was also doing his work in a separate room with classroom assistant - all this and he still couldn't manage? I had a meeting with the Education Board, Senco and school psychologist - I asked for referral to special needs school but they have no special school which could support him as he is capable of doing his GCSEs.

 

Unfortunately this morning he has decided he can't go back in so we are going for home tuition in a local library 1 1/2 hours a day 3 days per week - at Easter time he will be given a 2 day placement in the Educational Guidance Centre - this is for children who along with anxiety have other issues going on - it is a primary school setting adn very small - I'm hoping he can go there and settle and maybe intergrade back into school on a part time basis. Anxiety is the big factor and paranoia he thinks people are talking / laughing at him - although I do know he has plenty of friends as well as some enemies.

 

Anyway I'm not going to stress out about it I'll just go with the flow and keep him calm - he is awaiting a place in hospital for a full assessment - that will be very hard as he will be an inpatient for a couple of months but I'm hoping he can then access the correct help and support camhs have been more than useless for us - thats why I've decided the hospital route may be of greater help and better to get it done now and not leave it any longer.

 

Anyway thanks for your advice you are lucky you managed to get a good school for your child it makes all the difference!

 

Karen

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

An asperger friend of mine was deemed suitable for GCSE education after his dyslexia diagnosis was overturned and replaced with the asperger one. He got so stressed out he ended up having a confidence knock for life. He was eventially moved to an EBD school. Now in his 30s he's trying out English and Maths to GCSE level. If he hadnt of been pushed to do GCSEs without being given the emotional support to go along with it he could be a happier person now.

 

i struggled through mainstream school and passed 7 gcses (Bs and Cs i dont count any grades lower) and the silver level youth award scheme (which might suit your son). I am now studying for a postgraduate course in autism, me and my friend are the same age.

 

Good luck with finding the right support for your son. Is there anything in particular that he struggles with subject wise that you could help him with? Be careful if they offer risperidone, it caused psychotic behaviour in me.

Edited by trekster

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Alexis

 

he is okay with most of his subjects but the main problem is he won't go to class due to anxiety and now is out of school. He has been on risperidone and it didn't help only made his anxiety worse the usual I'm going for home tuition now and also at Easter 2 days in a smaller guidance centre and I'm hoping he will like it better in there only 20 people so small and secure fingers crossed!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Kkaren

 

i used to know a social skills tutor who felt that we should be allowed to opt out of PE and English literature classes. Risperidone also made my anxiety worse but ive heard that prozac can work for some. Good luck with finding the right education for your son.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i too have a 14 year old son who has been out of school for nearly 2 years,he was only diagnosed last week,but it has been hell,social work are involved and before diagnosis( because they wouldnt wait the extra month!)they did a childs plan( we are up in scotland) and sent it to a reporters office talking about putting him into alternative care,simply because he is unable to cope with school( where he was bullied and what started the whole thing)we are now fighting the system,he gets 2 x1/2 hour education a week and we have been told its that or mainstream ,that there is nothing else! he only got to see ed phycologist 2 weeks ago and we have put in place that he can go back to his primary school for 1/2 hour per day and have a room to himself just to get on with a bit of work,am hoping it works ,starting tommorow ,but social work have a big issue with control and when i told them that was what we were going to try the responce i got was'you will have to wait til we(the professionals) have had a discussion because we are not letting him be in control)' ie because they thought he had come up with the idea he had to wait for their permision,it was in fact discussed between me and ds and my idea but they have this thing about he can only do things when they agree it!! anyway permison or not we are going to try tommorw because at least it may be a way forward.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Have you spoken with someone at IPSEA.

 

I don't know how SEN system works in Scotland. In England, if a child was out of school and you went to a Tribunal the Panel would not recommend they were placed at a school they were refusing to attend. And if he is capable, but not coping mainstream, that would make a special school [which is usually MLD] unsuitable as well. That leaves you with the opportunity of seeking an independent school placement. Have you phoned any Independent ASD specific schools and asked them how you could get the LA to fund a place there?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hi well as far as i know we dont have anything up here social work informed me it was either academy or pupil support and there is nothing else,but it would be very difficult to get ds to go to any school too far away as most of the time it is a struggle just to get him out of the house!but i am hoping to go to a meeting this week to find out what else can be offered whether it be online learning there must be something.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

over here (NI) we have not had any problems with Social Workers - I actually asked to have one but they were too busy to take on our case - I thought they would be able to advise us better on independent schools etc - anyway its been left to the education board to sort out - at present we've been offered 4.5 hours a week in a local library - special needs school out of the question because he doesn't have Moderate Learning Difficulty. Then at Easter time he will be given a place in the educational guidance centre - this is a primary school set up for children who are school refusers due to anxiety or changelling behaviour - if he can't go back to school at all which I think they are hoping he will be able to do (I have my doubts) he may be offered if very lucky a full time place if he fits into this guidance centre - here he can do 5 GCSEs - it looks like this might be our only hope and thats if he fits in.

 

Were is the information about independent schools for emotional problems and school refusers ? I found it very difficult to access any informaiton and the education board tell you as little as possible.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You have to be very careful about having a child with ASD put into an environment with other children who have emotional/behavioural difficulties that are NOT due to ASD.

 

Autism is a totally different thing, which needs different approaches and strategies such as using TEACCH. He maybe frightened by the other childrens' behaviour. He will already have difficulties understanding social communication/interaction etc due to his diagnosis and needs specific explicit teaching to improve these skills.

 

He maybe easily led, naive, and not be able to read other peoples voice tone, facial expressions and gestures. He may not understand their intentions and could be gullable in a way that he could be impressionable by other children with outwardly charming personality or language.

 

I would find out what your options are. Phone somewhere like www.ipsea.org.uk for their advice, or www.ace-ed.org.uk . They may have information on an organisation in Ireland that can give you local information.

 

Visit all the school options that are available. Although he is not MLD, that could end up being a preferable environment from one where there are alot of disruptive/aggressive pupils.

Edited by Sally44

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Its the only thing we have been offered they wouldn't even consider sending him to special needs school even though thats what we wanted and there is a great school down the road I even offered to pay his school fees, anyway its something we are going to have to try the centre only has 20 children and the children who suffer with anxiety are in a different corridor to the disruptive pupils last resort really heres hoping it works!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Karen. I am in a similar position with my 14 year old son who has been refusing school for 4 months now. He is also socially phobic and cannot bear the thought of anyone seeing him, so he will not leave the house. So far his school has been understanding, thank goodness. It is heartbreaking to see my lovely boy so withdrawn from the world, but over the years I have had to come to terms with the fact that his life will not be what I would have wanted for him. Our pyschiactric consultant seems to think his behaviour is within the realms of 'normal' for Aspergers and that time is needed for him to gradually rejoin the world. I hope she is right. I do know that from reading this forum and other research this is quite a common problem for teenagers with Aspergers. I have also been reminded that education is accessible at any age - I myself am doing a degree course in my forties!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Jan

 

I know what you mean I have actually just accepted my son for who he is and felt a weight lift off my shoulders - I went through the last lot of years hoping he would 'grow out of it' and thought he was going through various phases - I also think he if he can't go to school now well he can go back later or to night class with me or other options so I'm still seeing the light at the end of the tunnel I'm hoping its a time thing as well - most things with my son do usually move with time... good luck x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...