The Game by Neil Strauss

[newbie101]

Hello,

 

I got an Asberger's diagnosis in April 2008 and have been managing it since. I am in my final year at university and am due to graduate. in June.

My housemate is a serial player (knows how to 'pull' women in nightclubs) and I had previously not had any success with doing that. He recommended that I get the book called 'The Game' by Neil Strauss. This book is a practical and mission based guide that makes you change yourself to become more confident. At the start I thought 'this can never work' and 'this is just not me' but I applied by Asberger's obsessiveness to it and not I have been successful twice and keep in contact with them.

This book, as long as you put it into practice, do not take it too literally, and bear in mind that that there are no rules and only guidelines; is very handy.

Also this book enables you to be able to strike up conversation with groups of people you have never met before and who you have nothing in common with, so is also very useful for jobs

[trekster]

i think you mean Aspergers? i would find a book like that confusing because i can only learn social skills by taking it literally it is part of my autism.

With exception to Microsoft money and catchphrase, i prefer ASD aimed tools for learning social conventions and skills. i use MS Money to manage my money and it seems real, catchphrase is a tv program i use to learn new sayings because i ask someone else what they mean if im not sure.

[LancsLad]

Like your friend I was a serial player up to the point of meeting my partner which was more or less love at first sight for me and I got out of the game very quickly and we have been happy ever since, 25 years +, can never remeber exactly.

 

For someone with AS girls were a 'special project' and sex an associated skill to learn along the way. Looking back I might have been an adict to be honest and if my approach had of continued and my partner had not come along there might have been some real psychological damage to playing 'the game' over an extended period.

 

In my experience for those AS individuals seeking a relationship, and there is no reason why you should feel compelled to, there are few things which get in the way. The first is believing there is a perfect person out there in the world for you, and dating agencies are good at promoting this concept. There might well be the perfect person but my chance of meeting them is very slim so I am more than happy to go for second or third best, I think this is a fair compromise. My next point if I am the perfect match for someone god help them so I hope there are lot of people out there who will also compromise as I have one or two bad points and none of us are perfect. I think this is one area in your life where if you wait for everything to be just right you will have a very long wait.

 

The second skill to being a serial player and one which is very useful if you don't want to be and have a more sensible and mature approach to relationships is the ability for the word 'no' to be like water off a ducks back. If we take attractivness what I like in a person might not be everyones cup of tea so to speak. If this is the case I might not be everyones personal preference. For some I am too tall for others too small, too old too young, too loud too quiet, the list can go on. The truth is people are allowed to have a preference and that is all it is. Its not that they really don't like me it is more of a case that I am not on the surface their prefared type. If its not personal then we should not be offended by the word 'no' but just accept this as an honest response.

 

For the serial player with that mindset it is simply a numbers game and given the choice of an environment with two people in it who I might have a prefference or a night club filled with 200 possibilities I know where my best bet lies regardless of my objective. The game is therefore a case of go and collect as many no's as you can and eventually you will get the answer you are seeking.

 

I am sure there are far more subtle ways of playing the game than I utilised in my early adult life, and there are different objectives, but the basic concepts surrounding the game holds true. Some people might be lucky and their first relationship might be the one which lasts the test of time. If however like me this is not the case then having a few goes and learning from your mistakes as long as things end pretty amicably is not a bad thing. I think this belief endears itself to a healthy approach of lets just see how it goes and this can just start as a loose friendship and let it develop from their if it has any millage. I think its very much a case as in the Dr Pepper advert "whats the worse that can happen".

 

If you are feeling you are ready for a relationship my advice would be go and collect some no's my bet is you will not get past 20 or 30 before you get a really good yes, there might be a couple of false starts but so what. My philosophy has been if you were faced with 50 treasure chests and only one was filled with gold and the others were empty and you had 50 keys would you try and open one a day or would you go for it? Likewise if I told you that you will ask 27 people to go out on a date and the 27th one will be your perfect life partner how choosy would you be about the first 26?

 

just a few thoughts.

[A-S warrior]

sure you want to meet women that way? there not very classy, dont care about themselves and certainly wont care about you. women have a funny way of finding you. and it wont always be in the most obvious places. trust me you,ll be 100 times happier waiting for the right one and eliminating women you meet when your out on "the pull" dont be tempted to follow your friends example. at the end of the day sex is overrated usually a huge disapointment and if your the romantic type like me lots of emotion to go with it. real love with someone that is the love of your life is literally awsome, and the best feeling ive ever felt. and that kind of woman you dont meet at a bar trust me! as i said women that give you all that love and care and give you that butterflies feeling in your belly when they smile at you pop up in the strangest places, so have a can of lynx ready because you never know when!

Edited March 13, 2012 by A-S warrior

[Peebs]

I despise men who use NLP and player techniques. Who the hell wants either a relationship or to sleep with that kind of manipulative scumbag? Nobody I'd respect.

[LancsLad]

Peebs I do not blame you for feeling the way you do. I am not proud of what I was like at the time. If I have any defence it is that I was very immature and didn't understand what a relationship was all about at an emotional level, the concept of commitment meant nothing. The problem is however that as a species we develop the ability to mate long before many of us are responsible and mature enough to deploy that ability in a constructive way. In my experience the females I encountered were all very willing, some of them a lot older than me and very predetory to be honest, so would question who the victims are in this respect?

 

On returning to university and witnessing behaviour from a distance if anything I would say that females are the main players these days, thankfully this sort of behaviour is still in the minority. Just an opinion.

[A-S warrior]

Peebs I do not blame you for feeling the way you do. I am not proud of what I was like at the time. If I have any defence it is that I was very immature and didn't understand what a relationship was all about at an emotional level, the concept of commitment meant nothing. The problem is however that as a species we develop the ability to mate long before many of us are responsible and mature enough to deploy that ability in a constructive way. In my experience the females I encountered were all very willing, some of them a lot older than me and very predetory to be honest, so would question who the victims are in this respect?

 

On returning to university and witnessing behaviour from a distance if anything I would say that females are the main players these days, thankfully this sort of behaviour is still in the minority. Just an opinion.

 

 

women that are "willing" are usually love starved by there fathers, and seek a replacement to fill that gap (no pun intended) its very rare that you find a primal women that want to sleep around without any kind of emotinal issues. so its up to men to sence this and be a gentleman and not take the oppertunity just because its offered to us on a plate. when those urges come you have to rember no matter what that is somebodys daughter your about to blow your load in. (yes i made it deliberatley disgusting to put the point across and eliminate the romance completley) women, and yourself! deserve respect, and true love is a thing worth being patient for, theres nothing quite like it.