A-S warriors mission, changing your view on aspergers forever.

[chris54]

A problem I have is we can never know if these "Talents" are "because of",or "in spite of".

[A-S warrior]

@darkshire one of the negatives i have is dyslexia, large amounts of text can sometimes stump me and i lose track. not that i ignored you i just diddnt want to respond and look foolish because my eyes can miss whole paragraphs and hence miss key words. i absorbed enough of your last post to get the gist of what you were saying. i said before that maybe my somewhat insanely positively driven mindset needs a bit of disapline sometimes. i go overboard with my passion (with basicly every aspect of my life) and should probably taper it down, chances are i wont because its my nature. i will always try to turn a negative into a positive, and i gues im hoping that will rub off on others. i know full well the negatives, i was diagnosed at 5 years old and have learned first hand what a problem they can cause. but it doesnt mean we have to view them as negatives, i view them as devolping points. i diddnt feel your post was being just flat out unpleasent thats what i ment when i said to the pepole who do respond in this way to just not read! a fair debate however im all for. the bottom line is i will continue with my mission but take on board and consider what others are saying in reasponse to me, the most succsessful pepole in the world are the ones that are humble and willing to learn with an open mind. i wont give up doing this. this i what i joined this forum for to spread my word and get feedback. and i wasnt expecting pepole to like my positve attitude i was expecting alot of dislike and that was what i got. but as unpopular as i may be i know that im just starting to help pepole and some are hanging on my word. its not an easy job working with negative pepole and trying to turn them around and make them feel content with there aspergers, but i wont give up on pepole that need help, like i said even if all this effort im putting in only helps 1 person live a slightly improved life then all my hard work was worth it. but bear in mind my mission has only just begun.

[Special_talent123]

well i know mine

[A-S warrior]

everyone we all have our own opinions mine and warriors see it is a gift. MY view of GIFT is that I have and myself have talent in areas that others have difficulty with. 'Art and Singing' is one. I can sing, and so can my friend but she broke her communication barrier but she uses her singing to help her communicate. she and I have been awarded things for our 'TALENTS' and 'AWARENESS' and 'ACHIEVEMENTS'

 

 

 

it can take time for some pepole to accept it like we do, i wont give up on them.

[darkshine]

@darkshire one of the negatives i have is dyslexia, large amounts of text can sometimes stump me and i lose track. not that i ignored you i just diddnt want to respond and look foolish because my eyes can miss whole paragraphs and hence miss key words. i absorbed enough of your last post to get the gist of what you were saying. i said before that maybe my somewhat insanely positively driven mindset needs a bit of disapline sometimes. i go overboard with my passion (with basicly every aspect of my life) and should probably taper it down, chances are i wont because its my nature. i will always try to turn a negative into a positive, and i gues im hoping that will rub off on others. i know full well the negatives, i was diagnosed at 5 years old and have learned first hand what a problem they can cause. but it doesnt mean we have to view them as negatives, i view them as devolping points. i diddnt feel your post was being just flat out unpleasent thats what i ment when i said to the pepole who do respond in this way to just not read! a fair debate however im all for. the bottom line is i will continue with my mission but take on board and consider what others are saying in reasponse to me, the most succsessful pepole in the world are the ones that are humble and willing to learn with an open mind. i wont give up doing this. this i what i joined this forum for to spread my word and get feedback. and i wasnt expecting pepole to like my positve attitude i was expecting alot of dislike and that was what i got. but as unpopular as i may be i know that im just starting to help pepole and some are hanging on my word. its not an easy job working with negative pepole and trying to turn them around and make them feel content with there aspergers, but i wont give up on pepole that need help, like i said even if all this effort im putting in only helps 1 person live a slightly improved life then all my hard work was worth it. but bear in mind my mission has only just begun.

 

Oh ok - dyslexia is a bummer at times, I've had a few friends with it, as I've gone through life - amazing how it effects people differently.

 

I wouldn't worry about being unpopular - if you'd have seen some of the events of last year you'd realise the reactions to your posts are pretty mild, your doing ok I reckon

 

What do you think of my take on your examples? I know that my replies don't mean these things are disabilities, but they can disable in a different way (a way that isn't as severe as outright disability and more a way that stops someone from doing something in a different way) I don't know if that will make sense as the difference is subtle and I can't explain it better.

[Lyndalou]

Thanks LancsLad and Sidious for your kind comments.

 

We're all just doing our best to live our lives the best way we can. I think that the key thing though, and for our children too, is to learn to like ourselves and recognise that we are unique human beings with something to offer the world. People live with all sorts of difficulties and they can be either something to rise above or something to succumb to. I am always so humbled when I see people with amputations for instance who raise money for charity by doing marathons or someone like Stephen Hawkings who has achieved so very much as a man unable to move or speak, a person who if looked at sitting in his wheelchair in the street would be assumed to be a shell of a person, not the brilliant thinker that he is (not to say I agree with everything he says)!

 

I often feel sorry for myself and even sitting here watching Sport Relief I think who am I to feel sorry for myself?

 

I hope that my son has the confidence to believe in himself like AS Warrior does when he is older. Life is not likely to be easy but I can see so many strengths in him already and I'll strive to ensure that he builds on those strengths and that he'll know he's loved and respected. If nothing else, I don't want him to waste his life worrying about what people think about him and that he'll understand that the people who matter are the people who will love him the way he is. I've spent too much of my life loathing myself and wishing I was different to the way I've been made and what has been the point in that? I have been very lucky that I've at least had people in my life who never thought of me the way I thought about myself and over time my warped view of myself has dissipated.

 

I know this is a bit cheesy but I thought I'd quote the Whitney Houston song 'The Greatest Love of All' because the lyrics are pretty good:

 

I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride to make it easier. Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be. Everybody's searching for a hero. People need someone to look up to. I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs. A lonely place to be. So I learned to depend on me. I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadow. If I fail, if I succeed, at least I'll live as I believe. No matter what they take from me. They can't take away my dignity. Because the greatest love of all is happening to me. I found the greatest love of all inside of me. The greatest love of all is easy to achieve (not really, but hey-ho) Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.

 

:)

[Tanya52]

Darkshine, please don’t say “look like an idiot”. Special , unusual or interesting sounds better.

Special Talent is right. I can’t agree more. There’re still plenty of judgment in society against AS, but things are changing and pretty fast. The very least we can do is to preserve out integrity and self-respect. If some don’t like my eye contact or body language, it’s not my problem. I do best I can. Besides who said that only NTs have a licence on good manners or postures?

[darkshine]

That's really insightful Lynda - you say some pretty cool things you know

 

Tanya, I don't mean to say things that people might see as derogatory or anything - it's just that I've been told these things so many times I believe it - I wish I could try to do what Lyndalou has done, but I have been largely unsuccessful in achieving a more positive attitude, and unfortunately for me every time I'm myself "out there in public" I get frowned upon if I'm me.

 

It's like I'm punished for being me, so I try to not be me - its pretty pathetic.

[A-S warrior]

Oh ok - dyslexia is a bummer at times, I've had a few friends with it, as I've gone through life - amazing how it effects people differently.

 

I wouldn't worry about being unpopular - if you'd have seen some of the events of last year you'd realise the reactions to your posts are pretty mild, your doing ok I reckon

 

What do you think of my take on your examples? I know that my replies don't mean these things are disabilities, but they can disable in a different way (a way that isn't as severe as outright disability and more a way that stops someone from doing something in a different way) I don't know if that will make sense as the difference is subtle and I can't explain it better.

 

 

 

 

i think there fair and valid, mine are over the top positve and a bit biased lol (if im honest) again part of my learning is leaning balance, your examples are more universaly exepted and realistic. what i need to do in futre posts is learn a happy medium, not for popularity but to improve pepoles understanding of what im saying, i forget that there was a time were i was very negative about aspergers, and i need to tap into that old part of me and pretend it is me reading my posts as a negative me. i think finding a happy medium is the way to go, i,ll take on board your very valid examples and apply that to futre posts, because i think my over the top positivity is bringing pepole down and thats the oppisite of what im trying to do. as i have heard before too much of anything is bad, even if its a good thing.

[LancsLad]

A-S Warrior the first point I do not think your posts are 'bringing anyone down', there are some pretty tough and resiliant characters who are involved in this forum. I also believe they are some of the most tolerent and understanding individuals you will ever come across in life, so please just be yourself, that's what we all want. At present everyone on the forum respects what you have to say, we do not have to agree sometimes we will, sometimes we won't, but if you try to change mate all you will do is start to dilute that respect.

 

Let me give you one example. I respect that you are dyslexic, I think the general large blocks of text, muddled up letters at times is a bit of a give away. Does your dyslexia affect my ability to understand what you are trying to say, absoloutly not! Do I want you to take more care in your posts to make them easier to read, no because that would take away your emotionally charged machine gun style approach to writting. What I and others want you to do is carry on the way you are doing. The big clue for you is you will put up posts and there will be no replies to them untill that happens carry on as you are.

 

A-S Warrior one thing I will say is that there is a lot of intelligence in the autistic community that is this forum. That intelligence comes in many forms intellectual, artistic, emotional and very importantly experiential. Trying to change opinion in intelligent circles is often best done by simply expressing your ideas and then leaving people to draw their own conclusions. What you will find is that over time some people may change their opinions others may not, in many ways whether they do or not is not the important fact, there is not a war to be won here. What 'is' important is that people take on board what people say and think things through and come to their own conclusions. In life I have found people who trully do this very hard to find. A-S Warrior I would challenge you to go out into your local community and for example go and find another Darkshine over the weekend! I bet you would find this very hard, to get someone who would listen to everything you have to say, weigh it up and then spend time constructing a response to further the conversation. What I am saying is there is a lot of respect on the forum between individuals and rightly so. Since I have come to the forum I do not believe my opinions have changed that much, what has happened in that time however is that I am far more enlightened to the variety of views which are out there and as such do not feel isolated in my own thoughts.

 

As a final point I do believe people can be influenced, for example I would never have Darkshine down as a Whitney Houston fan, but there might be an outside chance that Lyndalou is working her cheesy magic on him. Tanya summed it up well in that we need to maintain our own integrity and respect and allow others to do the same, wise words indeed.

[darkshine]

i think there fair and valid, mine are over the top positve and a bit biased lol (if im honest) again part of my learning is leaning balance, your examples are more universaly exepted and realistic. what i need to do in futre posts is learn a happy medium, not for popularity but to improve pepoles understanding of what im saying, i forget that there was a time were i was very negative about aspergers, and i need to tap into that old part of me and pretend it is me reading my posts as a negative me. i think finding a happy medium is the way to go, i,ll take on board your very valid examples and apply that to futre posts, because i think my over the top positivity is bringing pepole down and thats the oppisite of what im trying to do. as i have heard before too much of anything is bad, even if its a good thing.

First of all I agree with most of what LancsLad has said in post number 50 (#50).

 

Second - although I think you should be... er.... "you" - I don't think its does any harm to think about how to say things sometimes as this is a skill that can be transferred to the "real world" of spoken language

 

Believe it or not I accidentally got myself into quite a few arguments when I first joined this forum (probably mostly between May and September last year) and as a result I had to consider how things were coming across.- I feel I've have gained more from the discussions, but there's times when misunderstandings happen - it isn't the end of the world though

 

The reason I got into those arguments is I had a lack of knowledge, I was too blunt, I didn't think, I let myself get angry and responded defensively and with anger - my only advantage at learning how to not cause or get into arguments is that I have some degree of skill with the written word - I used to say "put me into a room with you and you won't recognise me cuz I won't speak"

 

The thing is... as a result of using this forum, I can speak to strangers and acquaintances much better (prior to the forum I only spoke to family, friends, and familiar doctor type people).

 

When you say you might have to re-visit your negativity - just remember - don't drop your positivity!! - its a good quality!!! I know cuz I'm the opposite - who knows? Maybe we will meet in the middle...

 

And although this sounds lame - you are like a breath of fresh air here - the forum needs people who come out and say things - and you've got a nice response so far (which is much better than when there are virtual tumbleweeds blowing in the winds) whistles like wind

[A-S warrior]

@lancslad+darshire,

 

glad to hear you both sum it up like that, it was quite reasuring. let the A-S warrior battle against negativity in aspergers resume!

[Tanya52]

Hi Darkshine,

I know how you’re feeling and will never judge/ lecture or patronise you. The lesson I’ve learnt is - fake it, till make it. The social rituals and pleasantries are easy to observe and even easier to practice when we see them for what they are - games. What is my chance of winning a game if I refuse to play?

I know that other people can be unkind and even cruel to you. It’s not your job to help them in doing this to you.

[Lyndalou]

Hi Darkshine,

I know how you’re feeling and will never judge/ lecture or patronise you. The lesson I’ve learnt is - fake it, till make it. The social rituals and pleasantries are easy to observe and even easier to practice when we see them for what they are - games. What is my chance of winning a game if I refuse to play?

I know that other people can be unkind and even cruel to you. It’s not your job to help them in doing this to you.

What a great way of putting it. Ditto with bells on

[darkshine]

Hi Darkshine,

I know how you’re feeling and will never judge/ lecture or patronise you. The lesson I’ve learnt is - fake it, till make it. The social rituals and pleasantries are easy to observe and even easier to practice when we see them for what they are - games. What is my chance of winning a game if I refuse to play?

I know that other people can be unkind and even cruel to you. It’s not your job to help them in doing this to you.

I try to play - I just tend to lose - a lot!!

 

Unbelievable though it may sound.... sometimes "they" are right you know!

Even if some things aren't nice things to say

 

And to be honest I sometimes think its easier to maintain my own personal war against myself (which involves cruelty and mental torture) because then there isn't much that someone else can say that could be much worse.

 

Like living in a constant state of hurt - you know? If I'm in emotional and mental pain then nobody can hurt me too much - its self preservation under circumstances of extreme low self-esteem, low self-worth and a total lack confidence.

 

Anyway - 3 cheers for the positive crew I am soooo not worthy

[RainbowsButterflies]

I don't view my autism as a negative thing (now I've got my head straight). All the negatives have come from not being diagnosed and the misunderstandings that have arisen due to that - both my own misconceptions and others', leading to secondary mental health issues.

 

It is imperative that children are diagnosed as quickly as possible so that they can grow up understanding and valuing who they are, and not being mislabelled as 'naughty' or 'lazy'. Yet this isn't happening. And I have the double whammy of a genetic physical disability which has only just been diagnosed, and I have been made to feel like a hypochondriac all my life. But I am still not being taken seriously about my daughter who is showing very strong signs of both AS and EDS...

 

(null)

[LancsLad]

Darkshine understand what you are saying about constructing as state where you are living in a constant state of hurt. I would very much describe that as a way I was living a few years back and had been doing for some time. And what you have said upsets me because I can recognise the hurt in my own way.

 

I think for many of us this is a natural response to a life which is in effect a roller coaster. In trying to find a stable emotional position we might find it easier to go to one which is the strongest, most familiar and best understood. I made a similar decision that through self talk I could stabilise my emotional state, but rather than it being at a mean place at a level 5/6 on a 1 to 10 scale it was at one extreme, and that place was very dark, violent, familiar and as a result strangely comforting. It also made me very resiliant and driven as an individual. I think what made this more complex is when I started to have some real success in my life. To counteract these positive forces my negative self talk had to get more and more destructive so as to maintain the status quo in my life. I had to work hard to negate positive emotional feelings, they simply were not wanted.

 

I can remember following a mental breakdown being in an early therapy session and being asked what goes through my mind when I was telling myself off type of thing. I can remeber saying are you sure really sure you want to know to which the therapist said yes, I then gave him a half hearted version of my self talk because it was a bit of a false scenario and was going from memory, it was enought to bring him to tears. We made some progress in exploring how i felt about myself in these sessions which for the first time I started to fully understand how destructive i was on myself. I can remember the sessions were an hour long and started at 9:00 and after a few weeks I asked the therapist what he did for the rest of the day, he told me he had a long session with another therapist to work through issues he had to deal with as a result of our initial session and that was it for the day as he was emotionally exhausted and it would not be fair to see another individual on the same day, I remeber thinking oh ######! This was reinforced when I sent out a resume of my case file to 20 private pyschiatrists a year or so later and none would take me on.

 

Darkshine I think I can understand where you are coming from I might of been in a similar place. I now know I am in a better place but not one I would yet call 'normal' or even close. I needed a few wake up calls to understand that this way of thinking was not doing me any real favours. I had achieved a lot in my life yet felt no sense of achievement other than doing what I expected of myself, in other words i would not be self destructive for a day or so as a reward. Living like this was getting pointless. I still can't celebrate any personal success, genuinely getting a first class honours degree even recently simply was a case of 5 seconds of relief followed by a "well it was expected anyway" thought followed by what next to do in the day approach. Over time however I have been able to be more realistic and cut myself a lot of slack and as a result cut out negative self talk to a large extend. I have learnt to understand that this negative self talk can be really powerfull. I download training data onto my computer which includes things such as my heart rate files. People have questioned how i can maintain efforts at my maximum heart rate on example big climbs on my bike for so long without blowing up physically or emotionally. My answer is you havn't got the faintest idea of what goes through my mind in these times. The really destructive self talk is a good tool to achieve something in such scenarios, the devil in my head which makes me do things, but i try to leave it for such situations these days.

 

My advice is recognise this aspect in your life Darkshine it is very much a part of you I understand this but try and be a bit more respectfull to yourself and nurture your mental well being bit by bit, day by day. Low self esteem does not serve us very well in life and it can be very much self perpetuating. I think we need to be realistic about what we can do and to put a false slant on it is not the right way to go. I personally can't stand it when people produce what i and others would consider very average and mediocre performances and then try to big them up in serving their own over inflated self ego's. What I have learn't is that whilst that is bad someone like myself producing really high quality stuff and then dismissing it as ###### is even more anoying for most people and very difficult for them to understand which leads to my own sense of isolation. I personally found that when i started to recognise and try to accept other peoples valuation of my work and to a lesser extent me, my self esteem started to grow. Many would say it is no where near at the right level compared to what I have and can achieve but it is getting there.

 

Darkshine I would take a step back for example and honestly think about the contribution you make to this forum. Like it or not you are a very highly respected member of this forum. That is my assesment of you and of very many other people. You might not like that assesment but guess what you can't take it away from me nor anyone else. In your own mind you have every right to say I am talking a load of ###### and to make up a line in self talk to negate my positive comment about you, that is your perogative. The other option is to accept what we feel about your contributions and as such what we feel about you and that means you are in fact 'sooo worthy', choice is yours mate!

[A-S warrior]

im just going to add a typical aspergers trate that i found on aspergers.me.uk. and that is asperger sufferers have "Have heightened sensitivity" let me tell you given the right time, right senario, right place this is a very, very, very good thing to have. just the feeling of finger nails running down my back is ahem! ive said quite enough but you get what i mean lol. but! it can also be a burden, when i got my tattoo done it diddnt bother me, what bothered me was the 5 days of the nagging urge to itch. i really suffered with that. so this trate is a bit of a 50/50 split. it depends how you look at it.

[darkshine]

I find it handy sometimes for pain - but then when I do get pain, I really get agony and its hard to find painkillers that actually work on it - the downside is that the docs see it the other way, they think I have a low pain tolerance and won't prescribe anything other than ibuprofen

 

Heightened senses are useful though, I can tell straight away if someone left a gas burner on (unlit) and I can tell straight away if someone opens a door in the house (pressure change) I can locate rodents the cats bring in by sound (nobody else in the house can unless the noise is really loud).... small things and only a few examples but useful things, I can feel a mosquito land on me (I find this very useful as bites are ITCHY and I hate sort itchy bites on me!!!).

 

A big downside is finding peace and quiet as I can always hear something and even deadly silence can be deafeningly loud.....

 

Never simple is it

 

What's your tattoo of? I want one but can't make up my mind...

[A-S warrior]

What's your tattoo of? I want one but can't make up my mind...

 

 

i have a scorpion on my right arm, i had some japanese guy do it and it looks awsome. he did it in like 45 minutes. best thing i ever brought. no particular reason for me to get a scorpion i just think there cool and this design was wicked, and the gals seem to like it looks even better when im fresh out the gym with a nice pump going and im in the club lol. ive had it nearly 3 years now and i think i like it more now with time.

[Special_talent123]

i have heightened senses although I have autism. It can be extremely painful if my senses are heightened to hearing sirens very far away get closer and closer

[darkshine]

i have a scorpion on my right arm, i had some japanese guy do it and it looks awsome. he did it in like 45 minutes. best thing i ever brought. no particular reason for me to get a scorpion i just think there cool and this design was wicked, and the gals seem to like it looks even better when im fresh out the gym with a nice pump going and im in the club lol. ive had it nearly 3 years now and i think i like it more now with time.

That sounds so cool!!!!! Mainly cuz its different - I've never seen anyone with a scorpion (not yet anyway) - if I get one I don't want something boring like everybody else - I like various things and I've tried making drawings but they don't work, I can't get the right look (my main drawing skills are of buildings or random objects (like a chair or a garden)) so not very useful as I don't want a building, chair or garden etched permanently on my skin

 

I think I'm gonna have to find an artist who suits my style to design one for me - I looked at the massive books in a few tattoo places but they were pretty predictable - I'm picky at the best of times with things like that, and because of the permanence I just want to be really sure I'm happy with the result before I jump in and get one done.

 

There's no rush I suppose as I've wanted one since I was 14 - just can't ever make my mind up

 

Unless there's a really good artist out there who can put up with my merciless perfectionism

[A-S warrior]

That sounds so cool!!!!! Mainly cuz its different - I've never seen anyone with a scorpion (not yet anyway) - if I get one I don't want something boring like everybody else - I like various things and I've tried making drawings but they don't work, I can't get the right look (my main drawing skills are of buildings or random objects (like a chair or a garden)) so not very useful as I don't want a building, chair or garden etched permanently on my skin

 

I think I'm gonna have to find an artist who suits my style to design one for me - I looked at the massive books in a few tattoo places but they were pretty predictable - I'm picky at the best of times with things like that, and because of the permanence I just want to be really sure I'm happy with the result before I jump in and get one done.

 

There's no rush I suppose as I've wanted one since I was 14 - just can't ever make my mind up

 

Unless there's a really good artist out there who can put up with my merciless perfectionism

 

 

 

its got to be done, its such a buzz when your in that chair getting punched by a needle. i think its the only feeling better than sex. some say it hurts, it dont! it feels wonderful and i smiled the whole way through mine, i loved the feeling of the buzzing needle vibrating deep in my skin. yeah i was bleeding like a stuffed hog but a bit of blood loss never did me any harm. i fully reccomend getting one, think of something moderatley important to you and get it inked on you for life!

[SidiousUK]

I've always wanted a Darth Vader on my arm.

 

My friend says I should have a slogan like "Guns don't kill people, I do" instead but I think this may be a bit extreme - lol

[darkshine]

its got to be done, its such a buzz when your in that chair getting punched by a needle. i think its the only feeling better than sex. some say it hurts, it dont! it feels wonderful and i smiled the whole way through mine, i loved the feeling of the buzzing needle vibrating deep in my skin. yeah i was bleeding like a stuffed hog but a bit of blood loss never did me any harm. i fully reccomend getting one, think of something moderatley important to you and get it inked on you for life!

 

lol - do you know how tempting you make that sound

 

I had a mate who was totally into tattoo's and used to say that part of the urge was "steel appeal" - you just reminded me

 

I've always wanted a Darth Vader on my arm.

 

My friend says I should have a slogan like "Guns don't kill people, I do" instead but I think this may be a bit extreme - lol

 

I think Darth Vader sounds better

[Linnet]

I suppose the way I view things is that although I've had (I think) quite severe difficulties over the years, my own determination to get through and improve my life plus the determination of my parents has got me to where I am today.

 

Unfortunately, I think that 'appearances' count so much to professionals as does a very limited view by professionals (and parents, I might add) of what people with ASD can achieve if they focus on their strengths and learn to cope with the problems they have.

 

I have always been very determined. At 7, I was determined to beat Karen in the running race at Sports Day. We practised for it in the gym hall and I was not going to let a little thing like a wall stop me from beating her so I ran right into it and smashed my glasses into my face in the process! I would never accept being told what I could and couldn't do and hated anyone thinking I was stupid so I practised at home to stand on my head for longer, to bounce balls off the walls quicker, to beat the rest of the class at spelling. I didn't like being compared to my very clumsy sister so I taught myself ways to watch that I didn't bump into furniture or stub my toes as often.

 

After the class completely ostracised me at age 11 I decided that no-one would see me get angry again (and no-one did for many years). I decided that I would try my hardest not to show how hard my legs wobbled with the terror of bumping into the girls with the 'special powers', that if the stammer started I would stop talking, that I would plaster a smile on my face, that I would accept being bullied by my best friend at secondary because I clearly deserved everything I got and try my best not to upset her or pass a test she didn't want me to or she would give the word and her 'other friend' would do me over.

 

Fast forward to age 25 and the realisation I had no friends because of the complete fear of letting anyone get too close, no real prospects because although I had a hard worked for degree I had no notion about what I wanted to do and always got extremely stressed in whatever job I'd been in since Art College. I had been told in one job that I 'needed to grow a backbone'. I got fired from another but was made to sit in a separate area for a week before they let me go which was utterly humiliating. At college, I'd lasted about a month on the checkouts in a supermarket but to this day I feel the humiliation of sitting there with the checkout supervisor going through my till receipts in front of a queue that stretched to the back of the shop because I lost track of what I should tap on the till when I got muddled by the man going through with 12 cabbages.

 

I recognised I could not work with numbers. I recognised that I was unable to do a job which involved explaining technological concepts. I realised that the job I had enjoyed most to date was working in an industrial laundry because I was told what to do and just got on with it and didn't have to speak to anyone in the process. I recognised I was turning into my dad with regards to how things were with other people. I decided I didn't want to get to my dad's age and be bitter and upset about having no real friends and pretending that it didn't (and doesn't) upset me like him. I was determined that I would not continue to be called neurotic, highly strung by other people. Even though I would sit in the dark on my own and wonder what it would be like to screw my head off and put someone else's on, I learned to look serene, to be self-depreciating.

 

So, at age 28 I saw a job in the paper. It required an Art Degree and I had one. It was a huge jump into the dark but if I had any chance of getting my own flat one day it was a jump I was willing to take. I was determined to get that job - it was my way out of sublets and even if I had to live on beans for ever I would do it. I got it. I had to work my backside off, learn all about mental health, learn to get over my hatred of letting people watch me work. I got my flat. I worked very hard at keeping the friends I made but the trick was to always look in control, always agree, never cause any friction if I could help it. I taught myself to walk with my feet pointing forward as I was fed up of mum commenting about the strange way I walked. It was pointed out to me that it was obvious what kind of mood I was in by the colours I wore so I made a point of wearin 'happier' colours.

 

My job got harder. I got more responsibility and my job role changed. I had a mortgage and bills to pay. I was told that I went about my supervisory role in the wrong way and at the same time the bullying from other staff began. The bullying was never tackled and I had no option but to undergo a year of 'Work Counselling' to 'change my approach to my job'. Clients complained about me and I was accused of expecting too much from my staff - I was too perfectionist et al. Nevertheless, I had to redo work that customers complained about because the people I was expecting too much of didn't do the job well enough, I had to struggle to do statistics for funding while my boss sat and played patience on his computer. Over and above this I became extremely expert in hiding the extreme stress I was under. I was determined to get another job to pay my bills, to escape the hell. I studied like hell, practiced and practised for the interview for the job I went for next. I got it. I worked like hell in that job too, even though I was petrified of the girl I shared my office with.

 

My assessor sees me now. A married woman in a nice house with a comfortable lifestyle. He has no notion of how it is possible to hide all the ######, to suppress all the anxiety. He has no notion of how much effort it has take over the years to get to this point....still terrified of getting close to people but for all the world looking confident and easy-going, for want of a better word 'normal'. I am not going to apologise for having the life I have because I've worked damn hard for it but just because I've been determined to get through school, get through Uni, learn over time that I am worth more than being called 'Stupid Girl' by my first serious boyfriend and being a leg-over for a user alcoholic among others, that I don't have the huge panic attacks like the one I had that landed me in A&E on the Millenium, that I have valid opinions and that I am actually quite intelligent even though my husband has to deal with all the finances and I can barely remember what we agreed we'd have for dinner.

 

Determination is a good thing, an incredible force but it doesn't cancel out Aspergers.

 

Thank you for your post, Lyndalou.

 

I feel that you have just summed up my life and it makes me sad to know that someone else has been through the same things as me but it's encouraging to know I'm not alone.

 

L x

[A-S warrior]

My friend says I should have a slogan like "Guns don't kill people, I do" instead but I think this may be a bit extreme - lol

 

no just mad lol, that would be one of those tattoos you get after 8 cans of special brew and half a bottle of absenthe.

[Lyndalou]

Thanks Lynne

 

It's nice to know that I'm not alone too! These days I feel like I walk a parallel path and I am simply 'too normal' to be recognised as autistic. What can I do? I met a lovely autistic woman recently and she has suggested to me that I 'ham things up' like not making eye contact to come over more autistic to professionals. I understand why she gave me this 'advice' but it's quite perverse that in order to be taken seriously a person would need to feign certain mannerisms or behaviours that have taken a lifetime to unlearn or are hugely diminished or one has learned to quash in public. THAT is downright odd in my mind although everyone else may completely disagree?

 

Anyway, I kinda like myself the way I am now and hope you feel the same way about you.

 

Lynda

[darkshine]

Thanks Lynne

 

It's nice to know that I'm not alone too! These days I feel like I walk a parallel path and I am simply 'too normal' to be recognised as autistic. What can I do? I met a lovely autistic woman recently and she has suggested to me that I 'ham things up' like not making eye contact to come over more autistic to professionals. I understand why she gave me this 'advice' but it's quite perverse that in order to be taken seriously a person would need to feign certain mannerisms or behaviours that have taken a lifetime to unlearn or are hugely diminished or one has learned to quash in public. THAT is downright odd in my mind although everyone else may completely disagree?

 

Anyway, I kinda like myself the way I am now and hope you feel the same way about you.

 

Lynda

 

Its funny that isn't it? That people on the spectrum can sometimes spend a lifetime trying to be like "everyone else" but then get penalised in other ways for being too good at it

 

On a similar vein, when I go to meetings with my care-coordinator - he just can't comprehend that I've learnt how to sit in a tiny room and communicate (I think badly because I don't feel they understand) and he just doesn't get that communication in a real life situation does not represent a meeting with him - not everybody is prepared to give me an exact environment in which to try to communicate like that. People do not have patience while I struggle to talk, and I would never take a piece of writing to talk with a friend.

 

A lot of mental health pro's I've met have had this problem of not recognising that I find it easier to try to talk in those "safe" predictable little rooms designed for talking like that - and they can't understand why I struggle so much in real life outside of those rooms - I think its stupid - real life is nothing like an organised meeting - the language isn't even the same!!! I can just imagine say my brother's face if I started talking psychobabble with him

[Linnet]

Thanks Lynne

 

It's nice to know that I'm not alone too! These days I feel like I walk a parallel path and I am simply 'too normal' to be recognised as autistic. What can I do? I met a lovely autistic woman recently and she has suggested to me that I 'ham things up' like not making eye contact to come over more autistic to professionals. I understand why she gave me this 'advice' but it's quite perverse that in order to be taken seriously a person would need to feign certain mannerisms or behaviours that have taken a lifetime to unlearn or are hugely diminished or one has learned to quash in public. THAT is downright odd in my mind although everyone else may completely disagree?

 

Anyway, I kinda like myself the way I am now and hope you feel the same way about you.

 

Lynda

 

Hi Lynda

 

I would feel a bit strange accentuating my autistic behaviour after years of trying to hide it and like you I like the way I am now much better than the way I was when I was younger.

 

L x

[A-S warrior]

one of the most key words in this topic witch hit the nail on the head was in lyndalou,s post "we are unique human being with something to offer the world" i think we may be starting to get there with this topic. there are some downfalls with a-s, but there are also downfalls with 5 star hotels, beautiful women, fast cars and bright lights. nothing can be 100% perfect without some side effects to go with it. in my opinion a-s is 70% advantage 20% disadvantage, leaving a remaining 10% to use for your own initiative. i use mine to have a positive outlook on my a-s with its ups and downs.

 

(haha im going to have to start putting discaimers at the end of my posts saying that this is the opinion of A-S warrior, i can feel a pack of wolves ready to pounce)

 

<'>

[darkshine]

I'm still not anywhere close to agreeing with you - certainly in my own experience - I do however acknowledge that if there are people out there who see it your way - then I have to respect that.

 

And despite my own issues - it is pleasant to read the positive responses you've got - much better than people like me

[A-S warrior]

I'm still not anywhere close to agreeing with you - certainly in my own experience - I do however acknowledge that if there are people out there who see it your way - then I have to respect that.

 

And despite my own issues - it is pleasant to read the positive responses you've got - much better than people like me

 

 

 

 

 

:band: :band: :band: :band: :band: :band: :band:

lol i just felt like being silly for a change :-)

[darkshine]

[indiscreet]

Its funny that isn't it? That people on the spectrum can sometimes spend a lifetime trying to be like "everyone else" but then get penalised in other ways for being too good at it

 

So true. Often it feels like a lose-lose situation.

 

On a similar vein, when I go to meetings with my care-coordinator - he just can't comprehend that I've learnt how to sit in a tiny room and communicate (I think badly because I don't feel they understand) and he just doesn't get that communication in a real life situation does not represent a meeting with him - not everybody is prepared to give me an exact environment in which to try to communicate like that. People do not have patience while I struggle to talk, and I would never take a piece of writing to talk with a friend.

 

A lot of mental health pro's I've met have had this problem of not recognising that I find it easier to try to talk in those "safe" predictable little rooms designed for talking like that - and they can't understand why I struggle so much in real life outside of those rooms - I think its stupid - real life is nothing like an organised meeting - the language isn't even the same!!! I can just imagine say my brother's face if I started talking psychobabble with him

 

I've come to feel that professionals - cocooned in their own little world - lose touch with reality.

Edited March 30, 2012 by indiscreet

[darkshine]

Hey Haven't seen you around much - you ok?

 

Yeah - I think you may be right about the professionals - and it does seem lose-lose in some ways - when talking about "professionals" anyway

[indiscreet]

Hey Haven't seen you around much - you ok? {

 

I've had a few problems recently but basically I'm OK. Thank you for asking. I have been around - just kind of lurking rather than posting.

[darkshine]

Well its nice to see you around - there's quite a few people who were around a lot when I first joined - and quite a few seem to have disappeared lately - maybe they lurk too lol

[A-S warrior]

im a highly tuned in engine of thoughts!!!!! is this not an ability darkshine? i can garantee without a-s you wouldnt have this.

[darkshine]

Yeah but its not reliable - I'm like totally brain dead by comparison tonight