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anyone else got children that just cant manage school

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i have dd of 16 diagnosed at 14 ,14 year old ds diagnosed 2 months ago and 11 yera old dd who they wont diagnose but has real problems.but am i the only one my dd hasnt been to school for 4 yeras ds has been out for 2 years and youngest who is really struggling and every day is one great row to try and get her to school,she cant deal with it ,but the only 'advise' i get is the law says she must go to school and i must make sure she goes!

basically just wnat to know if anyone else in same situation,no-one seems to want to get to the root of why they cant go to school,infact they have now said as dd was 16 last week thats the end of her education! they seem to be coming down really hard on youngest one but no-one actaully helps! find it so frustrating,they dont seem interested as to why she cant cope,just she must go.have tried everything to get her to go ,rewards ,punishment,bribary,you name it i have tried but when an 11 year old says i cant go and wont go what do i do???its not like a 5 year old that you could get in the car,she is 11 and mature at that,any advise ?? getting desperate as school goes back in a week and know we will be back to a living hell everyday!

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Do you ask why she does not want to go? Could it be that she has seen her older brother and sister not going so feels why should she go? Just a thought.

 

I know you say she struggles but in what way? Is it just academic or more? Have you gone down the statementing process or at least is she on school action plus?

 

I have an 11 year old and realise you cannot force them to do certain things but I do draw the line when it comes to education, he has been bullied a few times in the past and has had to be kept off but the longest was 2 weeks and then I changed schools. Now when he has a problem I tell him I will talk to the school but he will go in. He is almost the same height as me but I will drag him in if it came to that. I don't want my children to be unhappy but education is to important and knowing he will be a teenager in 2 years time I need to make sure he goes as much as possible.

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And why won't they diagnose your youngest child?

 

Is your older daughter currently in a mainstream secondary school. Does she have a Statement of special educational needs?

What is her diagnosis?

 

Have Clinical Psychology or CAHMS been involved [and were they a team that had expertise in working with children on the autistic spectrum?].

 

16 is not the end of her education. I think [but you would need to check], that even at that age you could request an assessment towards a Statement and ask for a specialist independent ASD placement that goes up to age 19.

 

You need to get some specific advise from organisations such as www.ipsea.org.uk or www.ace-ed.org.uk or www.network81.org

 

They will tell you what you and your childs' rights are and what the law says.

 

I think you main problem with your older daughter is that she did not have a Statement of special educational needs. But you may still be able to get one and even get a placement at a school she is able to attend.

 

My son was out of school for a year and we went to an Educational Tribunal and I won a placement at an independent ASD specific school for children who are around average cognitive ability, but who just cannot cope in a mainstream environment or mainstream style of learning. But it did take time and money to achieve that because I had to get independent reports.

 

So that maybe something you need to find out about, or you may prefer to look around at colleges that your daughter may be able to attend. But definately speak with one or all of those organisations first to get an understanding of what you can achieve.

 

You cannot get a Statement if the child is going to college.

 

Also ask their advice for your youngest child and how to get assessments and a diagnosis.

 

This is also a link to some cases that the ipsea solicitor has answered questions on. You may find some of them useful. http://www.ipsea.org.uk/Apps/Content/html/?fid=91

 

What you have to try to understand [and it isn't easy to get your head around this], is that the LA and the NHS have their own budgets and criteria etc. But there is also Educational Law and procedures that can apply to the case, but often ONLY when the child has a Statement of special educational needs.

 

So without a Statement your child is falling under local LA and NHS criteria, rules, regulations etc. But IF she had a Statement, that would mean she was protected by all the Educational Law passed by the Government which is totally different to the LA and NHS law. For example, the LA MUST provide whatever the Statement says your child needs regardless of cost.

 

So my son receives therapies that the NHS does not even fund. He goes to a school where there is a trained OT [and speech and language therapists] on site, and he receives therapy that his Statement says he needs, and the LA has to fund the place at this private/independent school because we were able to prove that he needed it and that this school was the ONLY one that could meet his educational needs.

 

If we hadn't got a Statement, and we hadn't gone to an Educational Tribunal, my son would still be out of school and at home - just like your daughter is.

Edited by Sally44

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yes ask and ask and ask why cant do it,the only thing i eventually got was cant deal with 152 other kids,but the schools answer is she has always managed before( but then so did my eldest and now she has diagnosis)she says there are other reasons but she just wont or cant tell me what.she seems fine academic wise,but its the silly little things,she cant do assembly,pe,and most of the time doesnt eat her lunch.as someone said could be sensory issues,noise in canteen,being jostled about in corridors etc,but is so difficult because i dont think she knows herself.

yes we realise that because big brother and sister dont go makes it harder,but the sad bit is she wants to go but cant,i have spoken to her about de-registering because emotionally wise i think she would be better than having rows every day,but she doesnt want to ,she wants to go to school!!!

i seem to be permanantly in the school because she cant talk up for herself ,its a case of complying,but if she cant do work she wont even ask for help,the school seem to have run out of sympathy because they say they see none of it!!!and yes have even been down the dragging route,but never again,she doesnt like being touched at the best of times so when i got her wrist all hell let lose,she was in tears i was and my sisiter was staying and even she ended up in tears,which i am just not prepared to do agan,have done it twice and it makes no difference she still wont go!!its like she is due to see a 'professional'tommorw who she has met once and didnt like so has said wont see her,now i have tried the reward of if she sees for 5 mins she can go to cinema with a friend,but she is so rigid her answer is 'fine i wont go to cineam then'!!!!!!! now what normal kid would do that for the sake of 5 mins!she just cant deal with different people and just dont know how to help her.

i know the education is important and have just found out about a ASD school about 30 miles away but can you believe it its only for ASD with learning disabilities and as mine dont have any problmes with learning instead all they get is 1 hour a week!!!but honestly think younger one would learn more home educated for the amout of time she is in school.right rant over!!

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As always Sally makes so good pints, I don't have much to add.

 

As the law stands at the moment compulsory education is from the age of 5, the term following their fifth birthday, until 16, the last Friday in June in the school year that they reach the age of 16.(So a child with a birthday in July or August would still by 15 when they could finish school)

There is a lot of talk about 18, but at the moment, were as education is available it is not compulsory, and benefits don't start for them untill 18, but end for you when they leave school.

 

The child does not have to attend school, the requirement is that they receive an education. I am not an advocate of home education but a lot of parents go down that root.

 

I would never be happy physically dragging a child into school.

 

Perhaps I'm lucky in that my son (and step children) has always accepted going to school as something he had to do, and at the present time is positively enjoying it most of the time. So I have no experience of school refusal.

Edited by chris54

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There are INDEPENDENT ASD schools that are for children who do NOT have learning disabilities. There is SENAD, PRIORY group of schools and lots more.

 

Ask your Local Authority to send you their list of maintained, approved and independent secondary schools for pupils with an ASD. They will send you a list of all the schools they use - some will be independent, and there maybe one that takes pupils that have an ASD and who are cognitively able.

 

You are going to get fobbed off by the LA, NHS and school. You need to find the information out yourself via IPSEA, ACE-ED, NETWORK81 because they are independent and will give you advice based on what educational law says.

 

It is very usual for a child to be on the spectrum, and to cope with a mainstream schools, sometimes for years, but as the demands increase as they progress through school they become more and more overloaded and unable to understand, process or cope with what is going on. Those children tend to end up refusing school and remain at home.

 

But you can do something about it. Get advice from those organisations I've posted.

 

If your daughter has sensory issues, you will find it very hard to get referred to an NHS OT, it can take years, and even if you are referred the NHS do not fund certain therapies and so they will not recommend therapies that they don't fund. So no point seeing them. You need an independent report from an OT that is suitably qualified for assessing and giving PURE sensory integration therapy. They should assess for Dyspraxia and Sensory Processing Disorder and any other difficulties she may have such as sequencing, planning [mentally and physically], handwriting etc.

 

BUT the best time to get such an assessment is when you are appealing the finalised Statement. You are a long way off from that. You need to request the LA to carry out a Statutory Assessment towards a Statement [this takes 26 weeks from start to finish], and when it is at the Proposed Statement stage, you will see that it is not very good [this is deliberate by the LA], and so you will need to tell the LA to finalise the Statement so that you can appeal. The appeal will be about 4-6 months away from the date you lodge the appeal. And you will probably appeal parts 2 [statement does not identify each and every need], part 3 [statement does not quantify and specify how to meet each and every need and wording is vague and ambiguous] and part 4 [the current placement has broken down and child has not attended for xx months - parental choice of school is xxxxx, which is an independent school for children with an ASD who are around average cognitive ability. Parents believe that this is the ONLY school that can meet xxxxx's special educational needs].

 

You would arrange for any independent reports to be submitted as part of this appeal, and for them to be send to SEND just within the timescale for sending in evidence. That is so it does not give the LA time to get their professionals to re-assess your daughter just before the Appeal.

 

If you do decide to do this, [and if those organisations do confirm that it is not too late to get a Statement, and an independent school is the route you want to take] you will need help and advice from the above organisations.

 

Stop waiting for the LA or its professionals or the NHS to do something. If they haven't done anything by now, they are not going to.

 

The only thing I would ask is:

 

What is her diagnoses.

Has she been seen by Clinical Psychology or CAHMS about her school refusal?

When was the last time she was assessed by the LA EP or the NHS SALT?

Is she receiving any tuition at home?

Edited by Sally44

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Hi, My son nearly 13 is dx aspergers he has been to school since april 2010 long story i have PMyou ....we had to de register him last monday as we dont have suitable schools nearby and he has high anxieities with anything to do with school.......draft statement had been sent to us last week .....but whats been offered is the same thing we had in the beginnning when we first registered him at school...........

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Also get advice from those organisations about your younger child, otherwise you will end up with both at home and out of school.

You need to get their advice, and get an NHS consultant to put in writing that both children are unable to attend school due to their ASD diagnosis and not coping, or due to anxiety etc [these are all medical disorders/conditions].

Without a consultants letter there is the real possibility of the LA involving the Educational Welfare Officer.

So you need to cover yourself.

 

When my son first refused school the LA Inclusion Officer threatened me with the Educational Welfare Officer, so I know what you need to do.

 

Also if you have a letter from a consultant saying that your child is out of school due ot medical issues, the LA are LEGALLY BOUND to provide home tuition. Without such a letter the LA can do sweet fanny adams and you can do nothing about it. That is why it is important that you KNOW WHAT THE LAW IS so that you can get the LA to do what they should. The LA will not tell you that they have to provide home tuition if you can get a consultant's letter. They will just leave you with your child at home and offer nothing until they are forced to do so. They do all this because it saves them money.

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If you de-register your child the LA is no longer has any responsibility to do anything.

 

It is better, if you intend to try to get your child into a school [independent or whatever], that you DO NOT DE-REGISTER.

 

You can still be teaching your child at home without de-registering.

 

If you de-register the LA are no longer obliged to provide home tuition, or any kind of therapy.

 

You need to gather your documentary evidence and go to an Educational Tribunal. If you have de-registered the LA will simply argue that that was your parental choice. You need to PROVE that the LA and the mainstream school could not meet the child's needs. And that the school and LA attempts to reintroduce him back into his mainstream placement has not worked. If the child is de-registered how are you going to prove that? There will be no reintroduction plan that you can prove has failed?

 

Speak to IPSEA, ACE-ED or NETWORK81. I believe they would all advise not to de-register unless you intended to home educate. If you are trying to get an independent placement, de-registering could potentially work against you.

Edited by Sally44

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Hi, My son nearly 13 is dx aspergers he has been to school since april 2010 long story i have PMyou ....we had to de register him last monday as we dont have suitable schools nearby and he has high anxieities with anything to do with school.......draft statement had been sent to us last week .....but whats been offered is the same thing we had in the beginnning when we first registered him at school...........

 

How are you getting a draft Statement for a child that you have de-registered [ie. by de-registering you have confirmed that you will be home educating and not returning to school?].

 

Statements are for schools/LA/NHS arrangements with schools and LA's. By de-registering your child they are no longer involved.

 

I don't understand what you are doing or trying to achieve?

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How are you getting a draft Statement for a child that you have de-registered [ie. by de-registering you have confirmed that you will be home educating and not returning to school?].

 

Statements are for schools/LA/NHS arrangements with schools and LA's. By de-registering your child they are no longer involved.

 

I don't understand what you are doing or trying to achieve?

Hi, The draft statement has been sent to us we dont see the point in going forward as they dont have anything in our area for our son and they wont give us home tuition back ie in the Home.......i think 1 and a halfyears with messing around going knowhere is enough for us to deal with .........

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yes ask and ask and ask why cant do it,the only thing i eventually got was cant deal with 152 other kids,but the schools answer is she has always managed before( but then so did my eldest and now she has diagnosis)she says there are other reasons but she just wont or cant tell me what.she seems fine academic wise,but its the silly little things,she cant do assembly,pe,and most of the time doesnt eat her lunch.as someone said could be sensory issues,noise in canteen,being jostled about in corridors etc,but is so difficult because i dont think she knows herself.

yes we realise that because big brother and sister dont go makes it harder,but the sad bit is she wants to go but cant,i have spoken to her about de-registering because emotionally wise i think she would be better than having rows every day,but she doesnt want to ,she wants to go to school!!!

i seem to be permanantly in the school because she cant talk up for herself ,its a case of complying,but if she cant do work she wont even ask for help,the school seem to have run out of sympathy because they say they see none of it!!!and yes have even been down the dragging route,but never again,she doesnt like being touched at the best of times so when i got her wrist all hell let lose,she was in tears i was and my sisiter was staying and even she ended up in tears,which i am just not prepared to do agan,have done it twice and it makes no difference she still wont go!!its like she is due to see a 'professional'tommorw who she has met once and didnt like so has said wont see her,now i have tried the reward of if she sees for 5 mins she can go to cinema with a friend,but she is so rigid her answer is 'fine i wont go to cineam then'!!!!!!! now what normal kid would do that for the sake of 5 mins!she just cant deal with different people and just dont know how to help her.

i know the education is important and have just found out about a ASD school about 30 miles away but can you believe it its only for ASD with learning disabilities and as mine dont have any problmes with learning instead all they get is 1 hour a week!!!but honestly think younger one would learn more home educated for the amout of time she is in school.right rant over!!

 

Hi

 

Sadly we've been there, seen it, done it, and got not just the T-shirt but the whole outfit!!

 

Don't expect the school to sort this out. Have you been to the doctor and got a referral to your local CAMHS team? You need to try attacking the problem from every angle as soon as possible before things escalate out of control. I didn't do enough early enough and now my son is so isolated and avoiding everything that makes him anxious that they are going to forcibly take him to hospital this week, which we are dreading.

 

You need to somehow find the energy to keep pushing and fighting for her. Contact your MP, speak to IPSEA and any other organisations you can about what should be being done. She's probably not explaining what the problem is because she is just reacting emotionally and does not consciously know what the problems are herself. Our son has many problems which all contributed in small ways to making school impossible for him. These things have only come out gradually over the years since he stopped going, and mainly since we deregistered him.

 

Good luck. I know how exhausting it can be even without other children with difficulties in the house.

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thanks for all replies,my youngest hasny been diagnosed,she was assessed and the report stated that'she was suggestive of a child with ASD but because there was no eveidence before the age of 3 years old she could nt be diagnosed'which is frustrating because she is 11 now and i cant remember evryhting at that age,the older 2 that have recently been diagnosed didnt to me show any great signs pre 3 years old either,the eldest would sometimes put her hands over her ears for noise and my son didnt speak til he was 3 but now has no problems with speech,but i will just carry on ,i have been advised to treat the youngest daughter as though she has it as it cant hurt.unfortunatly both the older ones are at home full time,they get 1 hours tuition a week each!!! as i have been told that is allthere is for them,and as said they have practcly given up on the eldest because she has just turned 16,but can someone tell me if the statementing is the same in scotland,we have just been issued with care plans for the youngest 2 ,one threatening alternative care for my son because he is not at school and the other compulsory measures for the youngest one because we are struggling to get her to school,but nothing has been put in place to help us apart from proffessionals saying my youngest daughter must go to school which lets face it doesnt help in the slightest,they are doing a referal to CAMHS but up here the waiting list is about 8-9 months which from my point of view will be too late ,she is due to go to secondary school in august!!!so i can see the same thing happening as with the other 2 and her not going,also it was only when the elder 2 went to camhs that they asked for assessments for ASD.

and mandapanda really feel for you how are you going to cope if they forcibly take him?i dont think i could deal with it,social work sent my daughters head teacher round a few weesk ago to' take her to school' is was horrendous,dd did go but refused to go in teachers car and i took her but both i and daughter where so stressed and upset by the experience would never let it happen again,and guess what it still doesnt make my daughter want to go because it doesnt solve any of her problems!!!!but i fear waiting for camhs will be too late and she would probably refuse to go anyway!

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Hi, The draft statement has been sent to us we dont see the point in going forward as they dont have anything in our area for our son and they wont give us home tuition back ie in the Home.......i think 1 and a halfyears with messing around going knowhere is enough for us to deal with .........

 

It seems your choice is either independent boarding.

 

Our a mixture of home education and tuition [it can be achieved]. But you would need a professionals' report that stated that what the LA is proposing [was it going to a library?] is not suitable. Or you have to let them try it and for it to fail. Without trying it and it failing you cannot prove that it will fail. But once it has failed the LA cannot just keep offering the same thing that failed. An SEN Tribunal would see things totally differently.

 

I have heard of other parents doing a mixture of having home education [by a specialist teacher going in], and also doing some things themselves - speak with Network81.org about it.

 

If you are going to home educate totally yourselves, then you will be de-registering. But also check where you stand with therapies. My understanding is that the LA will no longer be obliged to provide anything, and anything you do get will be typical NHS provision, which may not be enough to meet the childs needs. But whatever level of need is within a Statement MUST be provided.

 

The whole point of LAs not listening and fobbing off parents is for them to get to the stage you are at when you decide to do it all alone. That is what they want. If you do decide that is the best thing for you and your son okay, but don't do it because you think nothing else is possible - because it is - you just have to go to a tribunal about it.

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thanks for all replies,my youngest hasny been diagnosed,she was assessed and the report stated that'she was suggestive of a child with ASD but because there was no eveidence before the age of 3 years old she could nt be diagnosed'which is frustrating because she is 11 now and i cant remember evryhting at that age,the older 2 that have recently been diagnosed didnt to me show any great signs pre 3 years old either,the eldest would sometimes put her hands over her ears for noise and my son didnt speak til he was 3 but now has no problems with speech,but i will just carry on ,i have been advised to treat the youngest daughter as though she has it as it cant hurt.unfortunatly both the older ones are at home full time,they get 1 hours tuition a week each!!! as i have been told that is allthere is for them,and as said they have practcly given up on the eldest because she has just turned 16,but can someone tell me if the statementing is the same in scotland,we have just been issued with care plans for the youngest 2 ,one threatening alternative care for my son because he is not at school and the other compulsory measures for the youngest one because we are struggling to get her to school,but nothing has been put in place to help us apart from proffessionals saying my youngest daughter must go to school which lets face it doesnt help in the slightest,they are doing a referal to CAMHS but up here the waiting list is about 8-9 months which from my point of view will be too late ,she is due to go to secondary school in august!!!so i can see the same thing happening as with the other 2 and her not going,also it was only when the elder 2 went to camhs that they asked for assessments for ASD.

and mandapanda really feel for you how are you going to cope if they forcibly take him?i dont think i could deal with it,social work sent my daughters head teacher round a few weesk ago to' take her to school' is was horrendous,dd did go but refused to go in teachers car and i took her but both i and daughter where so stressed and upset by the experience would never let it happen again,and guess what it still doesnt make my daughter want to go because it doesnt solve any of her problems!!!!but i fear waiting for camhs will be too late and she would probably refuse to go anyway!

 

That is absolute rubbish. Many children do not show symptoms, or symptoms are not recognised before age 3.

 

My son was diagnosed at age 6. Children can get a diagnosis AT ANY AGE. You must get this sorted. Go back to your GP and ask for a referal to a Developmental Paediatrician that specialises in diagnosing children with an ASD. Also talk with the National Autistic Society, IPSEA and Network81 about how to get a diagnosis.

 

I think you have so many children with ASD diagnoses and difficulties that you must be exhausted 24/7. I would suggest you get some help from the organisations I've suggested. Network81 maybe able to spend some time with you sorting everything out. But they do charge for their service. So check out what that would be before they begin work. This is practically a one woman charity, but she was instrumental in my case and we won our appeal.

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.

Hasn't school leaving age risen to 17?

 

"It means that in England by 2013, all pupils will have to stay in education or training until the end of the school year in which they turn 17. By 2015, this leaving age will be raised to the 18th birthday" From BBC news.

 

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/7080699.stm

Edited by chris54

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i would just like to say i know scotland is different but here in england you can get statemented after you have de-registered if you are hoping to return to school at some point. we were offered this option which we declined as we have no intention of returning our ASD kids to school.

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Yes, you could ask the LA to assess for a Statement if you were wanting to return your child back to school. But the problem is that you then do not have evidence that the LA choice of school will not work.

 

When a school placement breaks down, and the child is not attending, that is your best evidence that that school [or type of school] is not working. By removing the child and home educating, until the child has recovered, and then trying to get them back into school, you have to go through the whole process again of LA school placement, child attending for some time until they deteriorate etc. You could get independent reports, but again they cannot go into a LA school and say that that placement is not suitable, because the child is not there. So it is much harder to prove.

 

If an LA school is not working, and there is nothing additional or different that the LA could offer, you are in the best position to be seeking your parental choice of school as being an independent ASD specific one.

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If home education is the ONLY option, then I would still speak with the organisations listed above to find out how you can still have speech and language therapy input for expressive and receptive language skills, emotional literacy and social communication and interaction - because even if the child is learning academically, these other areas will need therapeutic input.

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It seems your choice is either independent boarding.

 

Our a mixture of home education and tuition [it can be achieved]. But you would need a professionals' report that stated that what the LA is proposing [was it going to a library?] is not suitable. Or you have to let them try it and for it to fail. Without trying it and it failing you cannot prove that it will fail. But once it has failed the LA cannot just keep offering the same thing that failed. An SEN Tribunal would see things totally differently.

 

I have heard of other parents doing a mixture of having home education [by a specialist teacher going in], and also doing some things themselves - speak with Network81.org about it.

 

If you are going to home educate totally yourselves, then you will be de-registering. But also check where you stand with therapies. My understanding is that the LA will no longer be obliged to provide anything, and anything you do get will be typical NHS provision, which may not be enough to meet the childs needs. But whatever level of need is within a Statement MUST be provided.

 

The whole point of LAs not listening and fobbing off parents is for them to get to the stage you are at when you decide to do it all alone. That is what they want. If you do decide that is the best thing for you and your son okay, but don't do it because you think nothing else is possible - because it is - you just have to go to a tribunal about it.

Hi, We did try the library for weeks but not suitable ...lots of people around hes got anxieties.....another thing they offered was an empty school....we feel let down and have other big issues going on at the moment andhaving ms as well cant risk making it worse by giving mmyself more stress......

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Hi I was in the same position. My son Glen who is now 18 would not go to School when he was around 15 onwards. It was one long hard struggle and eventually I had to keep him at home. Last year after much thought we had him placed in a residential home which provided schooling within the home. Glen is now doing very well. It was the right decision for him and us. He had become so aggressive towards himself and us as parents and of course at 17 was a very strong lad. I do hope things can get sorted for your son. Like Sally said independent boarding is probably a good option. Please keep in touch and let us know what you decide. Thinking of you :-)

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Hi, We did try the library for weeks but not suitable ...lots of people around hes got anxieties.....another thing they offered was an empty school....we feel let down and have other big issues going on at the moment andhaving ms as well cant risk making it worse by giving mmyself more stress......

 

The fact that these other options were tried and also failed, puts you in a better position to seek an independent placement.

 

If you do not have one within a travelling distance of 30-45 minutes, then you may need to consider weekly boarding. Although that sounds very hard to some parents, it can actually help the child, because they get into a very structured routine both during school time and during the evenings. They are also with other children, and have adult supervision at all times, so their social interaction skills can improve alot. Then your son could come home for weekends.

 

But you will need to go to a tribunal to seek this placement and you will need to get independent reports.

 

If home education is what you WANT to do, not what you are FORCED to try, then at least phone those organisations to find out how you can also ensure that your son's other needs are also going to be met by input from a speech therapist and also maybe an occupational therapist. The problem you will have is that because you do not have a Statement, any input will not be legally binding on the NHS for them to provide it, and you also do not know that what they provide will even be at a level to meet your child's needs. For example, you may achieve a home visit from a speech therapist once per term. On my son's Statement he was having an hours 1:1 Speech Therapy before the school placement broke down. He was having that level of input because that was what the independent SALT said he needed and that provision had been specified in his Statement. No other child in his former school was having 1:1 therapy every week. And even the high level of provision he was having failed. So he needed a different type of placement and even more therapeutic input - which is what he is now getting at an independent school.

 

You can ask the LA to finalise the Statement so that you can appeal.

 

You can visit the independent school that you think can meet his needs and ask for your son to spend some time with them. If he is so anxious that he will not even go into that school, you need to talk to the independent school to see how they would approach that. If they are ASD specific, they will have come across other children like your son. That is the whole point of these schools. They are for children like ours, and what you are experiencing is the kind of children they have in their school. Ask them how they would reintroduce your son into school when he is refusing to attend his former school.

 

You may need to go back to CAHMS to get some medication for your son's anxiety so that he is even able to try this school and it may take some months for the medication to be working and for him to be calmer.

 

What you don't want to happen is to be left trying to cope with him at home 24/7 when you do not really want to do that yourself for the next how many years?

 

His anxiety is not going to go away. It will lessen over time if he is not going to places that really upset him. But he may need some medication to help reduce his anxiety to allow him to try new things so that he begins to improve. This is an ASD related mental health condition. Do you feel suitably able to deal with this as your son is now, and do you feel suitably qualified to give him therapy to help him recover? You will need CAHMS to be involved because you are not a psychiatrist. Make sure that you request to a referal to a CAHMS consultant that has experience of working with children on the autistic spectrum. If you have no idea who that might be, then phone your local childrens hospital and speak with the clinical psychology department. Ask them who they would refer to for a child with an ASD and anxiety/mental health issues to the extent that they are not in school.

 

My son is on a mild sedative and Prozac. We are trying to lessen his anxiety and OCD behaviour, so that he can have some 1:1 therapy for the OCD.

 

Your son most likely needs a combination of medication and therapy [which you cannot provide yourself], otherwise things could continue as they have done, and it will be so much harder later on to try to motive him to do something different or try something new. If he deteriorates further, you may have to consider him being hospitalised.

 

So visit any schools you think maybe able to meet his needs. Talk to the organisations I've mentioned above. Go back to CAHMS to discuss his anxiety and how that can be addressed both with therapy and medication.

 

And remember that now is the best time to try to achieve something educationally because you have all the evidence that things are not working in a mainstream secondary school, and that his anxiety is to such an extent that he needs something significantly different and additional to what was being provided before.

 

I was told that SEND would never recommend that a child was returned to a placement they were refusing to attend. And that was what they decided in our case. So what else could the LA offer? If there is nothing, then you have your best chance NOW of getting an independent school with SALT and OTs on site, maybe weekly boarding, and up to age 19 in a school that can meet his academic, social, emotional and mental health needs.

Edited by Sally44

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Hi, We would definatetly not do boarding it would kill us and him........we,re in Wales..............we wont be doing medication.........when we sort out our home situation we will probably have a private tutor for his IT skills as this will be his future ...........same as his older brother......we are happy with the home education route he is a happier boy now due to not worrying endlessly about where and when hes getting taught ...it was rediculous........and i say again we live in wales......................

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we too prefer the home ed route - yes it is tough no breaks etc but they are learning more being out of school than they ever did in. which is what i always believed education to be about. when they are older they will have a certain degree of choice over work situations - would you work in a place that you did not feel happy or comfortable or where you were bullied, so why should school be forced just because it is the done thing. i work in school it is artificial and 75% of what they learn would only be useful to teach you how to win the pub quiz.

 

why have kids then send them to boarding school that will not help them adjust to normal life - being part of normal life however wil and as for medication my youngest has gone worse since being on meds to relieve his anxiety and i intend to have him taken off them asap.

 

in my opinion and it is my opinion we all spend so much time fighting the system to get our entitlement we forget to ask the kids what they want - and if they dare say they want to stay home where it is safe we announce they dont know what is good for them. each to his own my kids are happy at home and i am happy to have them and i am fed up of people telling me i have made the wrong choice, i am fed up of coming on these forums and having to keep quite about home ed because it is frowned upon so i will say it load and clear I HOME ED AND IT IS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE FOR MY BOYS.

right rant over x

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I personally don't see anything wrong with home education providing the child is actually learning something.I do not see how parents who do not have an adequate education themselves could teach their children at the same level as school teachers who are qualified. Moreover I feel that some parents are not strict enough to enforce "school time" and play time when the child is in the home.

 

It is all well and good saying if a child is unhappy then home ed is best option but in the real world parents have other committments to and its not always a viable option. So its worth exploring all options and it is not easy to get the best for the child,takes a lot of hard work from the parents but it can be achieved.

 

Going back to the OP I would say it can only be a positive that your daughter wants to be in school and maybe the issues can be resolved but like Sally has said its going to take alot of hard work on your part,phoning various people and pushing for what you want for her. If you both want her to be in school it will happen.

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We as parents all have our own opinions and do what is best for our children. I know personally I could not go down the home education route. My son would have been even more isolated than he was. I do not regret my decision in having him placed in a residential home which is meeting his needs. He is with other young people of similar age and disability. The staff are fantastic I can't speak too highly of them. I do miss Glen very much but know I have done the right thing by him. If I had have kept him at home his behaviour would have deteriorated even more than it was and he was so aggressive towards myself and my husband, we never knew what he would do next as he was so unpredictable. We were very worried about his safety and our own.

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If you remember that when home educating a child you are only expected to give them an education as good as the minimum they would have expected to have had if in full time school, then that's not setting the bar to high.

 

As I said earlier, I am not a fan of HE but if a child is achieving nothing at school getting nothing out of school and if school is detrimental to their well being then it cant be any worse.

 

I would not be a very good Home educator as I'm not disciplined enough. I do educate my son at home, For example, I let the school take the credit for his knowledge of science but I know its what he has learnt off me. (And taught himself out of books)

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I think whatever works best for the child.

 

What I think is not fair is that because a parent decides to HE that they no longer have the same rights as a child with a Statement. They often don't ever see a speech therapist, OT or EP ever again.

 

And educating a child is not just about academic ability. They also have to be taught social communication, relationships, emotional literacy etc. Otherwise they are not prepared for the real world and because their anxiety has never been addressed they can end up as recluses, which is no good for them or their families either.

 

The whole point of education, whether it is in school or at home, is that it is preparing the child for independent living and working [as far as that is possible].

 

And I too would never have dreamed that I would have an 11 year old son on medication 2 years ago. But here we are. And without the medication to reduce the anxiety, he would not engage in anything and so I could not get the professional therapeutic input that he needs. The psychiatrist agreed herself, that medication alone does not treat the anxiety or OCD, it just masks it. So there has to be a professional involved. And I don't think a parent is qualified to treat a child with an ASD and Anxiety Disorder and OCD on top of other diagnoses my son has.

 

I too did not want to consider boarding. But I think it is something I might actually ask for when he gets to age 14+, because he needs to be in an environment where they will teach him daily living skills. He still cannot brush his own teeth - so we need to do alot of work on these areas, but at the moment we have other issues we are addressing.

 

HE must be very rewarding, but also very tiring because it is full on 24/7.

 

But I would still recommend that anyone considering HE also phones organisations such as IPSEA and/or NETWORK81.ORG to see if they can get some theraputic input for the child as well from SALT, OT and EP. Even if the child refuses to meet with them, the parent can and together they could put together some kind of programme. Parents cannot be everything and do everything - it just is not possible.

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we too prefer the home ed route - yes it is tough no breaks etc but they are learning more being out of school than they ever did in. which is what i always believed education to be about. when they are older they will have a certain degree of choice over work situations - would you work in a place that you did not feel happy or comfortable or where you were bullied, so why should school be forced just because it is the done thing. i work in school it is artificial and 75% of what they learn would only be useful to teach you how to win the pub quiz.

 

why have kids then send them to boarding school that will not help them adjust to normal life - being part of normal life however wil and as for medication my youngest has gone worse since being on meds to relieve his anxiety and i intend to have him taken off them asap.

 

in my opinion and it is my opinion we all spend so much time fighting the system to get our entitlement we forget to ask the kids what they want - and if they dare say they want to stay home where it is safe we announce they dont know what is good for them. each to his own my kids are happy at home and i am happy to have them and i am fed up of people telling me i have made the wrong choice, i am fed up of coming on these forums and having to keep quite about home ed because it is frowned upon so i will say it load and clear I HOME ED AND IT IS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE FOR MY BOYS.

right rant over x

 

Good for you. I think Home Education is the most brilliant secret ever! I wish I had known about it when my youngest was younger.

 

Home Ed probably works best when you have a child that is curious and enthusiastic about learning. I think it could be very hard for a parent to 'make' a child learn. At least with Home Ed learning can be done in a roundabout fun kind of way, rather than just learning to (hopefully) pass SATs and exams.

Edited by Mandapanda

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Again, it is whatever works best for the child and family.

 

For my own son, I don't think home education would be best for him.

 

On top of an ASD, he has severe dyslexia and dyscalculia. At his independent school he has a qualified dyslexia teacher for 3 hours a week.

 

He has diagnoses [sensory Processing Disorder and Dyspraxia and Dysgraphia] that need therapeutic work by Occupational Therapy and Speech and Lanague Therapy.

 

He has a further diagnosis of an Anxiety Disorder and OCD. He has obsessive thoughts and compulsions about germs and contamination.

 

He is of often breaking out in hives.

 

He completely separates home and school, and would not do school work in the home.

 

He knows he is different, but wants desperately to be like other kids.

 

He does enjoy going to his new school - which obviously does make all the difference.

 

He was out of school for nearly a year. He is very complex.

 

If my son had Aspergers and was not coping in a mainstream school, then HE may have been something I would have explored. But he isn't.

 

He is around average cognitive ability, but still illiterate at age 11. Even with the expertise he is receiving, I do not know if/when he will become able to read, write or complete basic numeracy independently.

 

Alot of LA's do try to get the parents to HE, simply because they can offload all responsibility for the child onto the parents for the duration of their schools years.

 

The LA EP also asked me IF I had considered HE.

 

Obviously HE does not have to be forever. If it works brilliant, but if it doesn't, then you have to go through the process all over again, which may include having to try the LA mainstream school first before you can prove that that placement is not working.

 

So it is all about timing too.

 

At the very point parents are considering HE [which is when schooling options are not working], is the very time to consider an independent ASD specific placement.

 

This is often something parents are completely unaware of - because LA's don't tell them.

Edited by Sally44

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does anyone know where the equivelent to IPSEA and/or NETWORK81.ORG would be in scotland,i have 2 very important meetings next week over childs plans with social work,which just seesm to blame us as parents for not getting our kids to school but doesnt mention any of the proffesionals failings ,ie the fact that they havent really done anything,but as all my elder 2 get is 1 hours tuition a week and this is basically all the elder one has had for 4 years,my ds has been out for 2 years and that is all he gets,but would i be right in saying its the education departments job to ensure they have an education even if they cant attend mainstream?because all i get is if they cant attend there is nothing else that can be done ,as my daughter is now school leaving age we are too late and my son will be 15 in august,my youngest of 11,presumably if she cant manage mainstream they would have to ensure they put something in place?because we have spent the last goodness know how many years with the professional working on the basis of they would go back to mainstream( wish they would open their eyes not going to happen!!!)but as we are in scotland everything seesm different so who do i need to conatact?

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