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Mandapanda

Son going into psychiatric hospital tomorrow

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Hi mandapanda, hope you are ok and that all goes well tomorrow when you visit your son, but do remember he could be a bit unhappy as it is early days so please don't be too upset. It just takes time but he is in very good hands. You have done the right thing as a parent. :-)

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Everyone's said what I would have said - I hope your visit today goes/went well - what sort of place is it? Does it look alright? What are they proposing to do that will help Aw - do they have plans in place etc? How has he settled in? What is he thinking? Does he understand everything at all? How are you and your family feeling? Have they given you an indication of the duration of his stay?

 

Too many questions.......... I am curious I guess, to know what everyone feels because when I went in I had to slowly piece it together over many months and as such I have a very fractured knowledge of these things in my own case - I guess it intrigues me what it seems like for you, Aw, and your family, and the docs opinions - and to know if a more coherent picture emerges that can take account of these situations.

 

Although I have got my memories, its like a smashed mirror, the pieces are there, but the view isn't clear that way.

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We visited Aw yesterday and today. Yesterday didn't start too well with him pleading and crying for us to get him out of there. I got a nurse to come in and chat with him and he did settle down. We managed to get a couple of laughs out of him later. We had lunch together in the cafeteria where there was music playing (something he normally objects to). He didn't make a fuss when we left, he wouldn't even come and see us off, just sat in the chair in the boys lounge on his own.

 

Today went much better, just a couple of cheeky attempts at asking to go home, much more chatting and laughing. We had a roast dinner together and he did quite well with it. He was talking about what might happen in the week, with therapy and school starting.

 

We feel much more hopeful after today as he seems to understand he needs to be there and is resigned to it, although there's no way he would admit that!

 

This week could get difficult with them starting to challenge him and his fears, but at least he's fairly stable and coping at the moment.

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Hiya, yes I'm sure things will go well, there's a long way to go yet but keep positive and I'm sure you will be pleased with the outcome in a few weeks time. Keep strong :-)

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Mandapanda I think it is very insightfull that you understand that there is a process to go through here and that there may be a point this week where things will get difficult for Aw as he starts to enter in a very difficult questioning process.

 

I think for me there were three distinct phases I went through psychologically as a result of a stay in an adult unit;

 

The first was why am I here and the slow realisation that my actions and my mental health state was the reason for being in the unit and that it might be a safe palce for me to be. As I have said before I really hope that the process does not stop there as I have seen many adults who have become institutionalised as a result of becoming stuck in this place. I would be prepared that this stage could take some time because without acceptance I am not sure it is possible to move on from there. In my experience its a bit like having to bottom out for a bit at a really low point. If I had managed to get out of this place quickly I think it would be very easy to put events down to a bad eppisode, a one off, and as such be in denial about ongoing and serious underlying issues. I also think this is a very easy and in many ways understandable response from family and friends. I suspect that the shock of seeing me in a unit was very difficult for my partner and if I had said in respect to my suicide attempt, the final element which led to me being there, it was a bit of an appiration, don't know what i was thinking, I am sure I could have easily taken my partner along a thought process which was in denial because it predicted she might not face this again. In this respect I think the staff will be looking for stable indications of acceptance and as such limit the posibilities of denial being a later issue. Hope this makes a bit of sense.

 

The next stage for me was I want to get out of here so what do I need to do and say to effect that action. At this level I do not think there was any thought about starting to sort out my issues in any real meaningfull way rather it was a game, what are the rules, and I am prepared to play them as you hold all the best cards at the moment. In some ways this is a step forwards but an immature one at that. I think there can be a lot of frustration generated in this phase of things. I felt I was making compromises and doing everything they wanted me to do and they were still not playing ball. The truth was there was absoloutly no sincerity in my actions and this must have been very obvious looking in. In my case this led to a lot of anger and a breakdown with staff in the unit. There were other patients/clients in the unit who were happy to support my position that the staff were all a bunch of manipulative XXXXXX ! The truth was they were stuck in the same place. They would give me strategies to use with certain members of staff so I started to act out a number of roles and planning my day as such, this approach got me nowhere. In this phase things got really tiring and the realisation came to me how long will I be in here for?

 

The answer to this question was for a long time unless I started to do something for myself and not for others. I think this is a really important point. Personally I do not thing it is usefull for example to say things like please do this for your mum, or we want you home so much, as examples. These sorts of lines tend to hold thinking back. A resultant response might be what are you doing them to get me out. I think this is a sure sign that things are very much in that second phase and not moved on. I can remeber very quietly one day breaking down as the whole thing sunk in and I though "OK this is about me". I can remeber telling a nurse "Look i'm scared, really scared, not about this place but about how hard it will be for me to sort this mess out which is my life, but I need to do it don't I?" At that point I knew I had turned the corner. I asked them if there was any chance they would let me out as I wanted to go for a run, I was challenging have you recognised the change? After a few hours of endless telephone calls and form filling I was running in the hills overlooking the hospital, I simply ran and ran. I returned to the unit to a relieved looking staff tired and exhausted but ready to start a long proccess. I thought a lot of that proccess would take place in the unit the reality was i was out of the place a few days later. I would go back once a week for an art therapy class and would see the same faces stuck in there, they wanted to know what the answer was to the game they were playing with staff, I could not give them that answer they had to find it within themselves and that was hard for me to take, they had been my friends for a short period of my life.

 

Mandapanda I am not saying my circumstances are anything like those of Aw, nor the respective units very similar. I would not be surprised however that he may have to go through these three phases in coming to terms with his own issues. I hope by sharing my experiences I can give you a little insight in what this felt like for me. I think looking on this must be really frustrating and like Darkshine would welcome your thoughts if you have time on what it is like to be on the other side so to speak. I think by sharing our experiences we build understanding and that can only be a good thing.

 

Best wishes and take care.

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This all sounds really positive.

Maybe in a different surroundings, with different people, and a very structured routine, they may get better results.

And it sounds like the initial visits have not been too horrendous. Infact quite positive compared to how things were at home.

Hope things continue to move in that direction.

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I'd agree with the stages LancsLad has said.

 

But for me, it was different...

 

I went through stage 1. Why am I here? Well I knew the answers to that almost from the start - I admitted them to myself shortly after in some ways.

 

Stage 2. What do I need to do to get out? Well... I did exactly what LancsLad did - I tried all sorts to get out...

 

In the end I just did what they wanted. I got up. I ate. I didn't self harm or kick off. I was trusted to go outside with certain people. I just did what they wanted.

 

Then I requested xmas at home, I said all the right things and I got released for it, and I never went back... I refused to go back...

 

Leaving.... This was harder because once your out the first thing is to not do what got you in there in the first place. And when its like how it was for me - well - I shouldn't have been released - they did nothing to help me other than take me out of the situation I was in where I was a danger to myself and to others. There was no therapy in the place. No group sessions. Nothing. I had one meeting to assess me and that was it.

 

So other than being more rested and things having calmed down - there was no other difference. Almost everything went back to how it was before I ever went in.

 

Timing is so important - of course nobody wants to be institutionalised, but at the same time it's important that the person feels truly honestly ready to change - I was not in that place - and as such it has taken a long long time to get to where I am now.

 

I think you can tell the difference by seeing what the person says - if they just come out with set sentences that sound parroted then they aren't ready - if however you talk to the person and they can say exactly why they were there, they can understand why they got put there, they can say what it was they did to make that happen. THEN after all that they can then explain why they think things will change, what they've learned, what they are going to do about - and they prove that after a few times of discussing it. Then and only then would I believe that real improvement is possible.

 

In addition for this example with Aw I would then want the services to be saying what they are going to do with him after, I'd want proper support to be implemented and carried out for as long as is necessary.

 

There's no point getting so far and then being left to rot - once the improvement arc is started it needs that crutch of support to ensure that the effects last.

 

This is what happened to me - I was left to rot for nearly 3 years afterwards with barely any help whatsoever - all the whole thing taught me was what I had to do to not ever go back in one of those places ever again. That was the wrong lesson to learn. It also means that when I need help I do not ask for it.

Edited by darkshine

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