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JeanneA

Good or Bad Experience from Social Services?

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I was just thinking about my experiences over the years with SS. I have to say I feel myself and my family have had nothing but good experiences from them.

 

At first quite a few years ago now I was very hesitant about their involvement. It was suggested to me that it would be in my interests to have Glen assigned with a SS. Which after much thought I did. I was worried after hearing stories about SS taking kids away from their parents etc. silly I guess but it was always in my mind back then.

 

Over the years though I found the service was excellent. One particular SS arranged for Glen to have overnight respite when he was a bit older and another SS assigned to Glen actually helped to get him into the care home that he is currently in.

 

Have you got any involvement from social services? I would love to hear from you whether it is good or bad experiences. I do know some parents worry about getting SS involved but I have nothing but good experiences since their involvement with Glen.

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oh dear where can i start,to put it briefly if i could get rid of them i would,we have found they twist everything we say make us look really bad as parents,and because my kids cant do mainstream are threatening alternative care for my son and compulsory measures for my youngest daughter.now if we beat them treated them badly or dodnt look after them and love them then fine,but really i dont think just because they cant manage school is a good enough excuse to take my kids away !!! perhaps they should try looking at WHY my kids cant cope instead of blamimg us as parents, because our kids have problems!long story and ss have only been involved for less than a year,luckily the sw who has now destryoed our family has been taken off our case but i now have 3 kids who dont trust anyone,saying that i wont be telling the new sw much info either as the boss still sticks to what the original sw wrote.but it has put us in the situation that i now have a 16 dd who has lost confidence,wont trust anyone and when your daughter sits ther and says' i sometimes wish i could go to sleep and not wake up because of what sw have done'it doesnt rrally inspire me to have any faith in ss at all!

saying that dd managed to have a meeting with said sw yesterday and i couldnt have been more proud,she told her exactly what she has done to our family and what she thought of her!!!!not that sw take any notice because she turned 16 last week they are now wiping their hands of her,as she pointed out she is ASD and has been through it they havent really got a clue what it i slike beacuse they arent ASD but to them they know best!!!WRONG!!! SORRY RANT OVER BUT WOULD NEVER TRUST SS!!

but glad that yours helped.

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I guess I am coming to this as someone who parents might look at as part of social services when me and my partner were emergency foster carers. A times we would go and pick up a child from a police station or sat in a car outside a house with a social worker often in the middle of the night and would get abuse from people who were very emotionally charged. I would think my god why do I do this volountarily though some money does come with the placement which covers the costs in most cases of food, clothing, travell etc... for the child. The answer is because I wanted to make a difference. My experience is that the vast majority of people in social services likewise simply want to make a difference.

 

In my experience there are a number of issues. The first one is a complete lack of resources. I bet it is very hard to find a social worker who is not working at the recomended level in respect to case load. My experience is taht they all have too many cases on their hands to be effective. In such a culture I think it is natural that people want to escape the front line so to speak and get behind a desk in social service management. My experience is that some of these individuals are completely out of touch with reality and there are problems there in the system. I was horrified a couple of years back whilst at college to have in our appartment an individual doing a postgraduate course in social care, who when on placements would moan about individuals in the homes he was working in, and a lot of mornings couldn't be bothered getting out of bed to go to the placements in the first place. I asked him why he was even doing the course he said that after finishing it he would only have to do a year on the front line then he would be on his way up the management ladder and that his aspiration was to be head of social services some where in a well paid job. I simply walked away without saying aword, as another mate said, you did really well not to hit him and put him through the window there, to which I answered "Yes, It wasn't easy."

 

I can easily see how individuals become disenheartened. There is a lot of pressure for example as experienced foster carers to drop out of local authority systems and go private where you can pick and choose children and get paid a reasonable amount for looking after them four or five times the allowances you normally get. We never did this because it is this sort of behaviour which breaks the system and drain resources in the long run. A lot of the issues are about management of the service and how it is structured. The issues should not be about individuals who work and volounteer in it. Yes some of these people might not do the best job but there are reasons behind this and constant negative media portrayal does nothing to help. If we want a social services worth something we need to resource it properly. It is far too easy as tax payers and voters to be selfish and look after our own interests. If we take this line it is not fair to be judgemental on a service we know needs more support instead it is far too easy to off load our own guilt about the inequality in society onto someone else. We might not have the personality, drive, desire to work in difficult scenarios with some of the weakest members of our society, thats fine. But we should not be critical. If you feel the system is poor and that this is an important issue simply get involved and try and make a difference. No matter how small this is there are many out there who do appreciate this effort and if anyone should be complaining it is them, but my experience is that the silent minority are always highly gratefull of any support even if I felt it was totally inadequate in offering it

 

Just a few thoughts.

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We've only ever had positive experiences with social services too. We saw one social worker briefly to set up respite when we lived in Scotland and she was lovely. We moved to England shortly after, and again saw our social worker to set up respite and to help us settle in the Borough. She was lovely too and we've only ever found them supportive so far.

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I had a bad experience a couple of years ago (involving a naked 2 year old sneeking into garden in the rain at 7.30am - long story but no where near as bad as it sounds or they made it out as he was only out 2 mins but the wrong 2 mins for someone to see him).

 

I have however just 2 hours ago phoned them myself so see if they had the referal for support the edu psy was supposed to be sending a couple of weeks ago. They had't. So I gave them all our details and said it's about help to get a bath installed here as SS are in the best position to get the OT's involved in this area and they also supposedly have access to funding so if the housing dept still aren't willing to pay for a bath they might be able to organise one anyway. It really is that or we have to move house again, the bedroom situation is much much better but I can't go forever with a child that won't shower and has no access to a bath other than fortnightly visits to grandparents. I have been told I'll be allocated a case worker and they will contact me to arrange a home visit to discuss Finn's needs.

 

Part of me wanted to avoid involving them I hate the label of being "known to social services". And having a child with a social worker is very stigmatised. But at the end of the day, my reservations aside I need to take the path I believe is best for our family and hope this sick knot in my stomach turns out not to be warrented.

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Thanks so much for the replies. Sorry to hear that both jlogan 1 & dekra have both had bad experiences from SS regarding their involvement with you and your children.

 

Glen is with adult social services now as he is 18, but his social worker for the last 2 years with children's services was excellent a lot of it was due to her persistence that we got Glen into residential.

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my eldest has just turned 16 and we have been told she needs to move on to adult services,but again i dont hold out much hope of any help they didnt provide as a teenager so cant see adult services being any better,seems to be if things need doing i just have to find ways and do it myself,and to be truthful with our ss experience its probably better that way.

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I am trying not to let me previous experience colour my opinion in this instance. I truely believe that it is situations like this that social services are supposed to be there for people to go to. Ok they have a whole lot of child protection work that we never want to need or be suspected of needing. But the support of normal families in need ought to be a priority too and I am awaiting to see how it goes.

 

Actually I did have a small positive experience with them last year - when my original DLA application was turned down I went to them for advice on getting them to help me with my appeal. It turned out that I didn't need them as the verbal request for reconsideration was enough. However they did go through things with me on the phone and sent me out paperwork for sending in a written appeal. They were also going to attend a oral hearing with me if it had come to that situation.

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From a personal point of view, don't have much experience other than speaking on phone, yes your on our list, no nothing we can do for you.

 

From a work point of view, they have been quite helpful to so of the resident.

 

Many years ago wife use to work as a clerical working in SS. The stories she could tell you, well if it wasn't for confidentiality.

 

When I worked with children I have some contact with SS, Sometime hosting/supervising parental contact sessions, the middleman between SS and hostile parents. These children and babies, SS realy had no option than to take them into care.

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hi lovely to read all your replies. jlogan 1 don't me too dismissive of adult services. A lot of people told me that adult services were far better than childrens services. I don't know as yet as Glen has only just gone into adult services. I wouldn't have thought your son would yet as he is only 16 unless it is different where you live? I live in Chelmsford, Essex and childrens services go up to 18 here.

 

I'm pleased to hear that SS helped you dekra, however small that may have been. I do hope they help you further in the future. It is nice to hear positive outcomes but also sad to hear of outcomes that are not so positive.

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we are up in scotland and have been told they only go up to 16 and then wash their hands of you so my dd feels that she is just being dumped as there is no forward planning,my ds is only 14 so unfortunatly we may have to put up with them although have big meeting next week and if we can get rid of ss for son of 14 and daughter of 11 will gladly do so,heres hoping!!!

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we are up in scotland and have been told they only go up to 16 and then wash their hands of you so my dd feels that she is just being dumped as there is no forward planning,my ds is only 14 so unfortunatly we may have to put up with them although have big meeting next week and if we can get rid of ss for son of 14 and daughter of 11 will gladly do so,heres hoping!!!

 

In theory ( :blink: ) Adult Services should be better for your daughter as they will treat her as an 'adult' and talk to her very directly about what is happening with her and any difficulties. Not sure whether that always translates into what actually happens.

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I agree with you mandapanda in theory that is what adult services do: treat you as an adult, that is what various people have told me, so fingers crossed heh? :-)

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When my son was out of school there was a multi disciplinary team meeting, which was attended by SS.

 

I was asked, in a very roundabout way, if I felt I needed to go on a parenting course to help me understand my son. I said that that might have been useful about 5 years earlier, but that now I felt I pretty much knew him inside out, and did not have any parenting issues - as proved by the fact that my older daughter is doing brilliantly in school.

 

I did ask SS for support because I said that as my son was at home 24/7, and due to anxiety was refusing to leave the house - this was making it very hard to look after our smallholding [which is on land about 5 mins journey from the house]. I told her that I have a herd of goats [about 30], and sheep [about 15], and chickens [about 200] - and I need to go every morning to open them up and feed them, and again in the evening to feed them and close them in for the night.

 

Although my husband could help at night, he could not in the morning because it was too dark for him to do it [he leaves for work at about 6.30am - when foxes are still around].

 

I told SS that I was having to leave my son in a shed in the allotments and that I was not happy doing that because I did not feel he was safe. He could run away [as he had done before], and I could not lock him in the shed. And I could not leave him alone at home.

 

Her "advice" was "you have to do what you have to do to keep your son safe." What was that supposed to mean??

 

In Jan-Mar it is lambing/kidding time. You need to pen up all your animals inside, and visit them every couple of ours to assist in difficult births. I had to drag my son out of the house kicking and screaming. I admit that I did not visit as often as I should have done, and as a result some animals died. That just was not right and was not fair on me, my son or the animals.

 

[When we had our tribunal I pointed out that I had been a prisoner and recluse in my own home for nearly a year. And that it was fortunate that I did not work for anyone else, because I would have lost my job months ago if that had been the case. And that IF I had been the sole earner, we would also have had our house repossessed by now.]

 

I've also repeatedly asked for a Carers assessment for myself, and an assessment for my son - and I keep being refused - eventhough by law they are supposed to do it!! When I have some free time I will get to grips with this and sort it out.

 

I too feel that my son should have a social worker, because he is growing up, he is vulnerable, he needs to have his life, and we need to have ours.

 

I found out later that the only reason SS attended that meeting was to ensure that my son was not at risk. And having established that they disappeared into a puff of smoke never to be seen again.

 

Maybe i'll write a letter to my MP about it.

Edited by Sally44

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How did you get SS involved? Was Glen classed as having a learning disability. I have been told that that is the criteria, and that was my son does not fit it we can just go whistle. Which I know is not true and is actually illegal, but getting something to happen is like blood out of a stone.

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i dont even know how ss got involved i think it was because 2 kids not at school,but what infuriates me is we were told last week that if they had a learning disability they could go to a specail school but because they have no learing problems all they get is 1 hour tuition a week!!! well thats really going to help them,i have a child plan meeting next week and spoke to an advocate yesterday ,who advised me that socail work are involved because of the education side so i am therefore seriuolsly lookning at de-registering them just to get rid of social work,i don t think threats of alternative care should be made just because they cant manage mainstream!!!and lets face it if i home ed they would be getting more than the edcation dept are providin .and when my eldest dd( just 16) sits there and says she would like to go to sleep and not wake up agian because of what ss have done ,dont think i can deal with!although what seems strange is ss only tell you what they want,advocate informs me i have a parental right to home ed( although ss keep telling me 'legally the kids have to go to school')and have been told if it wasnt for the education side i could get rid of ss,so roll on next wednesday and lets see if i can get rid of something.

the horrible bit is i thought ss would help and be there to offer support and information,but that is not the case,they know what i deal with( although according to them nobody else sees any problems with my 3 kids even with 2 being diagnosed in the last 18 months)and yes i have to work ,luckily most of my work is from home but if i had to go out to work i wouldnt be able to,eldest dd managed to nearly ste fire to microwave last week melting a kit kat!!!came out charcoaled,wasnt funny at time but just goes to show i need to be here !but ss dont even ackowledge the fact i work,because i am at home!most days start work at 7ish and fit it around everything else and sometimes dont finish til gone11pm,bit dont get any help from ss.right back to work!

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Hi Sally so sorry to hear of your bad experiences with SS there seems to be more bad experiences than good ones which is very sad indeed, I do feel for all you parents and your children if you have not had the support you so need from SS. Glen's paediatrician and clinical psychiatrist at the time (when Glen was about 8) suggested that it would be in mine and Glen's interests to get SS involved as they could offer respite and general support. I rang my local SS number and they said someone would come out to the home initially to do a assessment, which they did, it involved various questions like what Glen's difficulties were and how I coped etc. After the assessment was looked at Glen was allocated a social worker and I have never looked back. I cannot understand why you have not been allocated a social worker for your son. Why not give SS another call and ask if someone would come out to do an assessment on your son?

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Hi jlogan it's really sad to hear of your experiences with SS. It seems that I am one of a few that have had good experiences from SS.

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hi yes we did od rather do have sw for our son,but we have just had her taken off our case because she is the one that has done a childs plan suggesting alternative care!! if he was at risk great but ss have said there is no risk,or rather there excuse is he is at risk of not being able to develop socailly because ha cant go to school,so taking him away from the family is there answer!!! i wouldnt mind but he is the most sensative lad you could meet,quiet shy,no violence,which seeing what other people have to deal with is great,so why oh why would some stupid person who is not trained specifically in autism and doesnt even have her own kids suggest alternative care,they may have now taken her off the case but it doesnt change the fact that we feel wronged by them and will never trust them again,now its a case of watching everything i say beacuse they just twist things,they wrote he is estranged from his father,what??? they have the normal ups and downs that every teenager has ,even my eldest daughter told them that but they dont listen.or only half listen and thats to the bits they want to,the bits like 'great you want me to get my youngest daughter to school?right whats your advise?'they ignore and just say she must go.oh i give up,sorry they just make me so mad .but if they help others thats fine.

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I can well understand why you would not trust SS again considering what you have been through which unfortunately seems to be the case in a lot of parents. However not all social workers are the same there are some good ones out there. I hope perhaps in time you may change your mind if you are in need of their support?

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hi yes we did od rather do have sw for our son,but we have just had her taken off our case because she is the one that has done a childs plan suggesting alternative care!! if he was at risk great but ss have said there is no risk,or rather there excuse is he is at risk of not being able to develop socailly because ha cant go to school,so taking him away from the family is there answer!!! i wouldnt mind but he is the most sensative lad you could meet,quiet shy,no violence,which seeing what other people have to deal with is great,so why oh why would some stupid person who is not trained specifically in autism and doesnt even have her own kids suggest alternative care,they may have now taken her off the case but it doesnt change the fact that we feel wronged by them and will never trust them again,now its a case of watching everything i say beacuse they just twist things,they wrote he is estranged from his father,what??? they have the normal ups and downs that every teenager has ,even my eldest daughter told them that but they dont listen.or only half listen and thats to the bits they want to,the bits like 'great you want me to get my youngest daughter to school?right whats your advise?'they ignore and just say she must go.oh i give up,sorry they just make me so mad .but if they help others thats fine.

 

Can you get Clinical Psychology or CAHMS involved to back you up on this and get in writing that his fear of school is due to anxiety and ASD.

 

The other thing I always do is ask to be referred to professionals that have experience and expertise in working with children with an ASD. If they don't have anyone, I ask them to refer me to someone who does. Because autism is not an easy disorder to understand. If affects each child differently. I too had a meeting in which SS said that it was my duty to make sure my child went into school. So I referred her to the advice from Clinical Psychology and the ClinPsych who was in on the meeting cut her down to size by saying that we all know that - but the facts are that he is autistic and his behaviour is typical of a child with autism who is not coping in school and that attempting to use physical force to return him to school would be detrimental to his mental health and that I should only use gentle encouragement. [i could have hugged her]. And I was tape recording the whole meeting - so noone could deny what was said and agreed.

 

Sometimes, relevent, parent training can be useful. But autism does not disappear once a parent has been on a parenting course. So always point out how well your other children are doing. My daughter is doing brilliantly. She has 100% attendance, and is an A* pupil. So it is not possible to be a good parent for one child, and rubbish with the other. That is just not logical. And the Tribunal too said that it was very apparent that I had tried everything suggested and that nothing was working for my son and that he was one of the minority of children that do not cope mainstream and therefore the expenditure of an independent school was justified. I know things work differently in Scotland - but get advice from the NAS.

Edited by Sally44

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yes we have paediatrician involved and ed pshyc,unfortunatley paed has turned round and said youngest daughter MUST go to school,great if i could get her there,and even told me i should not go to own gp because of sore tummies and anxiety because she tells me then this makes it a medical condition and it isnt!!! well still went to gp and they seem more understanding,every one ackowledges my youngest has problems but she cant tell us what they are so all the proffessional seem to dismiss it,but what 'normal kid of 11 'sorry dont want to offend anyone,wont go in shops because she cant deal with people wont eat in front of anyone,wont go to school doesnt like anyone new ,and the list goes on and so will my battle,although my eldest 2 dont go to mainstream all 3 are polite ,loively kids whom i wouldnt be without and at the end of the day will do anything for them,after all its not their fault if the rest of the world have a problem with them being not very sociable although according to ss they must go out and be sociable!!so realyy ss need to justback off and let them develop at their own pace.

camhs were invloved with both elder it was them that said they thought it was ASD,but now my son has been diagnosed in feb of this year he has finished with camhs and they are not giving him anyone else,have just had refferal done for youngest but waiting list about 9 months!!

camhs did agree that school wasnt for my son so i do have that,but its the youngest one i fear for.

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Hi jlogan, Sally made some very good points about getting other professionals involved but it sounds like you have already done that but are not getting much joy! I was lucky to also have a very good paediatrician for both my eldest and youngest sons. How can you get your youngest daughter to school if she refuses, what do they expect you to do? I'm pleased to hear your GP is more understanding though. What a long wait: 9 months for your youngest to be seen, I find that incredible. Is there anyway she could be seen sooner, i.e. get your GP to get her referred as an emergency?? Just a thought.

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oh thank you some one who finally thinks the same way as me!!!yes my point what do they expect me to do?? and they havent got the answer either apart from pointing the finger at me and saying im not getting her there!we have just got app for camhs through today for may BUT this is just a assessment app and they say after that it could be months before she would be seen again ,and the biggest rpoblem i have is convincing her to go!! bit like school something new and different and she cant cope,but they have said come by myself if that is the case,so will wait and see,and have got to make app for gp as they seem more understanding than anyone at the moment.

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I have been told that that is the criteria, and that was my son does not fit it we can just go whistle. Which I know is not true and is actually illegal, but getting something to happen is like blood out of a stone.

 

That is more or less what we get told. Your get told you can ask for this that and the other, well you can ask for it but getting it is another thing altogether. We never get past the telephone interview, "Will pass you details on to the manager for consideration".

"Sorry cant help, have you done X,Y,Z" and that's about it.

 

I don't blame the individuals, its the system, they tell us that there is all this support etc out there, when in fact there is very little and most parent of disabled children just have to get on with it on their own. As long as we are muddling by we can get on with it, never mind the quality of life for both parents and children.

 

Like all these things the general public think, because of what they read/hear that every thing is rosy, its only when you become part of the system you realise how bad things realy are, how little support their realy is.

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Yet, by law, SS are supposed to carry out a carers assessment if requested. When I find the time I will write to my MP about it. Maybe you should try yours too. First it might be worth speaking to someone at the NAS - because it was at one of their seminars that they told us to get in touch with SS for an assessment to be carried out. I think that was a Help Seminar that I attended about 5 years ago.

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Hi jlogan do go along on your own if necessary to the appointment at camhs, I did this a few times. I got someone to look after my son so I could go as I knew I wouldn't be able to get him to go along! I'm glad you have got an appointment with your GP see if he can help. Let me know how you get on. :-)

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Its on our council's own web site telling me I can request a carers assessment. Other than storming the council office, the only way to contact them is this number, when you phone you are asked for your details. "Are yes, you phones us on xxx and we said zzz. has anything changed" well no thing are the same, meaning its just as bad, "Well in that case its unlikely we can help but Ill put your request forward for consideration".

 

You are tempted to tell a few porkies, but that may backfire.

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I had a letter from Edu Psy today saying she'd sent the referal to SS and to please call them as she still only had my old telephone number which was now disconnected to pass o them. I called them and they had had it on their system but they also did have my tel no as I'd given it to them yesterday. They only got the referal today and already have sent it to their OT's to contact me next week. Impressed so far.

Edited by dekra

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I have had SS involvement recently but not ASD connected,so can't comment specifically. I don't have problems with SS and have a few friends who are social workers,so got nothing against them.

 

What I would say is it is about working together just the same as any other agency,like schools. If you have a psoitive approach and are willing to take on suggestions and make small changes then you will have a positive/good experience. If they can see you want to help your child,not just passing the buck,by making the changes they will be more inclined to help. Having confidence when approaching SS, knowing what you entitled to also helps. Keeping calm and not being negative helps to.

 

 

Thats just my thoughts but as I say I have not been in a position where I have needed their help. Just had them involved once in 2008 and once recently because of my ex(the kids dad.) Also involved when getting my father accomadation.

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Hi Justine it is nice to hear your positive views which i whole heartedly agree with. I have found the same with my involvement with SS. I have always tried to have a positive approach and have always made it clear that I want to help me child which they have taken notice of. I have had a good relationship with the last 2 social workers in particular that Glen has been allocated.

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