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Haze

son disclosed the following im not happy

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My youngster aaron is 5 and in his own fashion lets you know how is day as been and recently he disclosed if he doesnt stay still then his favourite toy is removed but he can still see it but not get it and his placed in a corner between a cupboard and a wall looking to the wall as punishment. I knew my instict said he wasn't happy so iam now going to address this with the head and also ask him why he his often grabbed witnessed by his sister and friends she was so upset she was screaming in school to get to him to hug him role on mondayxx

 

HAZEXX

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Hi Hazel how upsetting this must have been for you to find out. You must address this with the head of the school, I do not feel this is the correct behaviour at all from the teacher. I do feel sorry for your son.

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Hazel I would make sure that you let the school explain how they interperate any situations, and ask them to show you what their school policy is in respect to behavioural issues. If you approach this in a calm an rational way and they have gone against thier own procedures you will be in a very strong position. If you go in all guns blazing it might simply be the case that they get very defensive.

 

I would keep in mind this is not about you, nor is it about the school, it is about your son. What it is about is ensuring your son is in a environment where the school is able to if neccessary resort to appropriate and proportionate measure for him to understand and respect the fact he might have done something wrong. This should of course be balanced with a complementry rewards system.

 

I can understand that this is an emotional and emotive issue but please make sure you take a balanced view on things as hopefully the school will and mirror your approach.

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I would also advise extreme caution in approaching the school about this. Think very carefully about what you want to say and stay calm and non-confrontational. Tell them that you are concerned about things you have heard and would like them to clarify and listen carefully to their explanation. Your lad is at the very beginning of his school career and could be at the school for a long time and I would advise you very strongly to try and maintain good relations with the school in order to keep the communication flowing both ways in a respectful and open fashion. The more willing you are to work cooperatively with the school, the better it will be for your son in the long run. If you go to war with the school your son will end up the loser. Just words of caution from someone who has been there and knows how damaging bad relationships with schools can be.

 

Good luck on Monday but do make sure you are calm when you go into your meeting with the head.

 

~ Mel ~

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Mel is right. Just be very careful about the words you use and don't make any accusations merely state what your son has told you. Does he have a diagnosis and/or statement? Prehaps if he does have a diagnosis you can ask the school to get some help through autism advisory at the local SEN department/council. They can give advice on how to manage your son's behaviour. Also if he is getting any snaction you should know about it so the best thing would be to start a home/school diary where they can write what kind of day he has had. Any incidents should be loged in the incident book at school,you can ask to see it. These can help if you do go down the statementing process.

 

Remember he is young and can over exaggerate and prehaps if he is unhappy may be trying hard to find a way out. I do think what your daughter said may be true as my eldest son witnessed many times the staff removing Sam from the hall during assemblies,because Sam would resist it probably looked like they were harming him but I do think they had the best intentions he could not cope in assembly and also distracted or even hurt others.

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Hi to all

 

my daughter is my angel without her at school he would not attend full stop we currently have the police involved as he was beaten up yes beaten even the police were stunned by neighbours kiddies and there auntie is the school liason officer and when i politely refused for her to be involved to protect aaron from the kiddies getting at him in school all hell broke out the head said we were being difficult despite the police saying a family member could be a risk and protect their own family if a fight broke out in school. When they asked my dd the head interveiwed her in a room on his own my hubby flipped and kindly reminded him the risk he was placing himself in. He refused to listen to her and said in school they have to protect the staff so i replied what does that mean dragging and grabbing and yelling. The school have been reported in the past by other parents for the way in which staff deal with discipline if i had know this at the start i would gone else were. I love my son to bits and have polited asked his teacher often not to be so rude and forcefull when dealing with aaron as will result in a meltdown even i would get annoyed with her. His teacher has said he needs a firm hand and i replied explain and be carefull how you speak well if he at risk or others then he needs to move and yes we get hold of him this is why i know have some friends watch him as dont trust the school. ill keep you updated

 

Hazexx

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Haze to be honest I think there are some posts on the forum which I am never quite sure about replying to normally because they are too emotionally driven. I put up what I thought was a genuine and balanced response as I presumed that was what the forum should be about.

 

In this case I am not questioning the validity of anything you have said as I simply do not know the facts around your sons situation nor do any of us. What I do feel is that by trying to be impartial what you have now done is come back onto the forum and because you have not got unconditional support you have decided to up the ante so to speak by bringing more elements in. If what you have said is true about a 5 year old being beated, you may be predjudicing a court case here and the forum is not the place for this rather a police station, education office or solicitors office.

 

In many ways my position has not changed, there are two sides to everything but ultimatly the best interests of a child are what matters, but I am starting to feel as if someone is trying to be controlling of me and what I should feel and think. As users of the forum many of us can not really take sides in these sort of things, and to try and get us to do so is wrong. In this respect if you value peoples time in replying to their posts think about what you may want from them before posting and make a judgement if that is fair.

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You need to get schools' version of what happened.

 

You want to see their policy on bullying [if that is happening in school].

 

You need to have a meeting in school with the SENCO and someone from the Parent Partnership [to support and advise you], to determine what difficulties school are having with your child, and to find out what they are doing about it ie. is he on school action, School Action Plus etc.

 

On School Action Plus the school should seek outside advice from the educational psychologist and the speech and language therapist about any concerns they have. These could be academic, speech and language and social communication, emotional and behavioural or sensory difficulties.

 

Then those needs would be identified and advice given to school on how those needs could be supported in school.

 

For example, if he has ADHD, no amount of punishment is going to stop him fidgiting.

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