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whisk4eva1974

Worried about adoption :(

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Hi to all who read this.

 

 

Myself & my husband have been foster carers for the past 9 years, & have for the past 2 years 4 months have had the ultimate pleasure of looking after a gorgeous little boy since he was 6 1/2 months old. We have been given the fabulous chance of Adopting him which we are sooo happy about as we can't have our own children & have been going through the Adoption Assessment for the past 6 months.

 

In Nov 2011 (Little Man) was diagnosed as Autistic which to be totally open with you wasn't a shock or surprise to myself or my husband due to earlier signs of something not being quite right with him. We got asked very recently about how we felt now that he has been diagnosed & we said we feel exactly the same before diagnosis, we adore every single bit of him 100%, which was met with a smile from the person asking.

 

We have however encountered some resistance from certain professionals who have stated to the Adoption Assessor that they feel myself & my husband (Mainly myself though) aren't taking the Autism very seriously & that the older he gets we wouldn't be able to cope with him !!! This silly idea has come about due to myself cancelling appointments due to being Ill & not wanting to spread any germs being the kind-hearted person that I am, but obviously that has come to bite me BIG TIME. We are absolutely furious at this notion as we do everything above & beyond for him as though he is our actual Biological child. It has now come to light that because of this it is looking negative for us to Adopt him, just because I cancelled appointments which I was under no impression at all were of any matter of urgency that they should be attended, due to the person who was visiting was the Early Years Learning Person & they themselves NEVER mentioned that although I was ill they needed to attend, we just arranged it for another time.

 

We have now got to send a report of everything that we do for him, routines, food, sleep, naps, entertaining him, appointments EVERYTHING, so that the adoption assessor can take that to panel to evidence to them that we are going to be appropriate adopters & will be able to meet his needs long-term.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated as we are sooo very down in the dumps about it, due to certain people PRESUMING that we wouldn't be able to manage him.

 

I hope the above makes sense :/

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Hi,

 

have sent you a personal message. To open it look for the envelope near the top of your page with a red mark on.

 

Best wishes.

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Hi

 

First of all many parents miss appts for similar reasons to you and they don't lose their children so it is unlikely that they will not allow the adoption to go through solely for this reason. Though I do understand why they may have concerns if it has been that you have consistently failed to show up. It is important that when he does have an appt you phone up at the earliest possible time to cancel when you cannot make it and immediatley re-schedule. I would go though all the missed appts now and ring up the various places to re-schedule now,for ASAP appt. Then it looks like you making an effort. Prehaps you could also ring NAS(national autistic society) and find out if they run any parent/early intervention type workshops nearby that you can attend,possibly one that you get a certificate at the end again as proof you are trying.

 

Read up on various strategies etc to help kids with autism and start implementing these. For example visual planner. Also if he is at pre school or due to start you should be in talks with senco about what his needs are and have it all in writing not just for the adoption but also for later in school life when he may need a statement.

 

Good luck.

Edited by justine1

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Hi Justine,

 

Thanks for taking the time to message me :)

 

With regards to the missed appointments, I am totally with you on that one I rang up & re-arranged & at no time at all was I informed that it was a Very Important Appt & it needed to be attended, I was told OK & we'll re-arrange !!

 

I am always on the ball with things like that as I myself would hate it if people just didn't show up & not let me know why, but I have always rang up to either cancel or let someone know if I'm going to be late (which is very rare). I have had to document every appt missed & also had to justify the reason.

 

It just knocks you for 6 when people haven't got the guts to tell you to your face that they have a concern that they feel you might not be taking as seriously as you should, (which is not the case at all I feel) I would respect someone more if they told me to my face & then I would ask them for their advice on what I could do better, but to go behind my back & make not only myself but my husband look bad at this special time in our lives, it's just cowardly in my opinion.

 

I will be ringing NAS on Tuesday too to ask them what you said, but with regards to a statement that is already going through for school, but thanks for that advice though.

 

Thanks again Justine,

 

Regards,

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learn as much as you can about autism, you will learn as he grows and develops,there is no way of knowing how he will be affected until you get to each stage of development ,they are all so different and have different challenges,We have all had to learn as, ours have grown up,children at best don't come with instruction manuels so often you use common sense. They can learn like any other child,but you have to be patient and consistant and positive as it takes longer for things to happen as the understanding of language develops. Its all to do with you being positive and the input from you and when he goes through the educational system.Children with autism are still children and need to be cared for,they are more vunerable.

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Thanks for the lovely advice Sesley we'll take that on board.

 

Thanks A-S Warrior I look forward to using this forum more & more, The picture is from Tenerife when we went last year it was just as gorgeous as the pic :)

 

Thanks again,

 

Regards, B)

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