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jludderz

ASD child worried about being left overnight

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my 11 year old aspie son has just started a real "obsession" about being left alone. My wife and I are trying to get an overnight stay away together, however he will not entertain the idea in any way full on tears etc. He is unable to explain why he feels this way but my thoughts are that there is something more underlying being the problem. Any expierences or help would be appreciated as my son seems to almost be suffering from mild depression which is hard to watch. He has had other setbacks in the weeks before which may seem simple to us (not being picked for school team) but he just cannot let go of which again adds to his feelings of woe

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i can completely understand empathise with your son's situation as i'm due to go through same responsibilities and independence skills soon too as like your son i know i have to step up sometime as im now young adult it's about time just such scary /panicky situation to get your head around and understand as my parents haven't left me ( A.S dyspraxia and MH issues depression ) and my twin brother alone ( who also has SEN but different physical he is partially deaf and totally blind) since we been born so this is an BIG mountain challenge to grab hold of and getting into i've been breaking down bit by bit learning step by step skills involved in self -care but still BIG deal freaking me out totally as always feel like need my parents as back up plan behind me ( constant adult reassurance) needed advice/experience

 

i know they NEED their time together their break they've earn't it deserved it over the years as hasn't been easy at all looking after us both with different SEN is challenging i want show my parents I CAN DO THIS prove it to them and myself as will be great opportunity to experience but adds whole load of emotions i know independence skills can't be held off forever has come sometime but sometimes feel overwhelming/suffocating situation as have to accept adult responsibilities which causes blind panic mode my parents are like security blanket having them around!

 

if i get stuck real bad while they're away my uncle/auntie only live literally round corner so ask them for their assistance /support if needed... but hopefully i won't need it at all! will do it on MY OWN! fingers crossed!

 

my parents have been trying to prepare me for this situation to happen as much as they possibilty can do

 

they've planned this for next month going to plymouth as my brother has a week tall ship trip and picking him up at plymouth port so they have took the perfect opportunity to test/try this situation out then depending on how this time goes they planning on next time going for longer maybe a week away at seaside then maybe two weeks then maybe abroad to turkey ....

 

XKLX

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I wonder if you could try a non-pressured trial run by sending him to whoever you plan him to stay with on the understanding that you will come and get him at any time. Sometimes new challenges are easier to deal with if failure isn't a big problem.

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He has stayed overnight before with his nanna several times, when would be picked up next morning but now he has decided that he would miss us too much and would not feel well.

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That's a tough one. The fact that it's a new anxiety, when he has previously stayed away successfully, does suggest this is something related to anxiety rather than the ASD directly.

 

I would suggest slipping into conversation something about what he did last time he stayed with Nanna, see what he replies, and then talk about something else. Just gradually remind him what a nice time he had and how he didn't miss you or get ill, but without making it into one of those "conversations." It just lets it be known that this is a topic he can discuss, and in a relaxed way. Then hopefully when he's ready, he will explain things.

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We have tried reminding him of previous stays and the fact that all was well (and usual Grandparent spoiling extras) but to no avail. I am of the same opinion that it as another anxiety that is worrying him, so we will try and stay on the gently open tactics and see if something eventually surfaces.

 

I did not mention that we live on an Island and our overnight stay would leave him possibly a little more isolated.??

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Have you tried getting the grandparents to come to your home? dd was always much better if she had her own room and familiar stuff around her

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