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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

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A-S warrior

the pain just doesnt go away.

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i wasnt going to post a topic like this but, ive been bottling up this issue for a while now. anyone who follows my topics on a regular basis will know i was in a 2 year relationship with an indian girl, and we split up in february. we split after she went on a trip to india to visit her familly, while there it hit home to her that we couldnt be together, due to the fact that she has to be a role model to the younger members of her familly and keep up familly apperarances. the heartbreaking thing is she loved me like no one else ever has, and i really belived we would buckle up and take everything as it comes, i just belived we would find a way. she is also one of the only pepole on this earth that i trust, and our love was so beautiful and pure, and im still prepaired to die for her. but she doesnt have as much courage as me, and she had to let me go. and i know more than anybody how hard it was for her to do. we looked great together, she was a dainty 4ft 9 and built very small, and im 6ft and an athletic looking 190lbs. i was a strong brave knight, and she was my dark princess. shes also the only girl ive had intimate relations with. (yes ive only done 1 girl i know sad right?). as a guy thats really into his gym work, ive trained myself to put things that upset me in life into boxes in my mind, and i duct tape them up and never open them. but the thing is eventully those boxes get full up and start to weigh me down. and right now the box she is in is starting to get too heavy. it was this time 2 years ago we were falling deeply in love, and with the summer breeze and the smell of fresh flowers in the air again im reminded of all the good and wonderful times we shared, and knowing that its all over now just kills me. its like my heart is literally bleeding, and i just feel like a part of me has died. i honestly dont think im ever going to be able to let her go. i cant immagine myself with anybody else, and knowing that she will probably have an arranged marrige is another thing that kills me. knowing she loves me, and knowing that whoever this guy is, is going to be going home to my wife, raising kids that should of been mine and telling my wife what to do, really makes me a new kind of angry that none of you will understand. before i met her i was basicaly the closest thing you could get to a terminator, she came along and brought out all these emotions out in me. i really thought i was over her, but i realised ive been living in denial for 4 months. sure, ive met girls that are nice, that like me, that would make great wives, but the thing is, there just not her. and i dont think any girl will ever be as good as she is, and certainly not better. (no offence, im talking out of hurt). i guess the only good thing that came out of this is i realised just how very human i am.

 

id appriciate some imput from my forum friends and usual suspects, and more importantly can anyone relate?

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Hi A-S Warrior

 

You're not likely to get over a 2 year relationship in just a few months.

 

It's very very hard to go against your parents when you come from that sort of culture.

 

Playing devil's advocate, I'd say you sound quite intense, so perhaps going away made her realise that she needed to finish things and she chose her words carefully to let you down gently, not realising she was leaving you with the thought that she really wanted to be with you which would make it harder for you.

 

Either way, there's no going back. Give yourself time.

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Tally   

Women rarely give their true reasons for endIng a relationship. It's a total waste of time to try and convince a man you just don't fancy him any more.

 

You have totally fallen for what your ex has told you. You see her as a victim. She is the one who chose to end the relationship and accept an arranged marriage. But these are choices she's made, she hasn't been forced into any of it.

 

It's going to take some time. 2 years is a considerable proportion Of your adult life. You won't get over that overnight, and you won't have any interest in other women until you do. But you will, and you will find happiness again.

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LancsLad   

Here goes, I am going to try my best with this and as always will be honest.

 

Firstly I think when we are in love with a person our emotions become very powerfull and this goes for all our emotions I can for example get frustrated and annoyed with my partner more so than anyone else, so it works all ways, both positive and negative.

 

I would also say that some of the developmental issues related to AS might mean we find it harder as individuals to deal with our emotions. In my personal experience that means I am not always quick to recognise what I might be feeling at first, some emotions are more obvious to me than others, but it can take time for me to work out what is going on in my mind. I know there is evidence out there to support this looking at brain patterns and emotions, so I can accept this is how I am and its not something I can change, but with experience I can get better at understanding my feelings.

 

You fell in love and I suspect if it was anything like my own experience it was like a tidal wave coming at me very excitting and pretty scary all at the same time. In such situations somehow we often know that the only thing to do is climb onto our surf board, trust our instincts and try to ride the thing. For a time we can get to the crest of the wave and as such there is no other place on the planet we would want to be, why would we. I have been lucky that I have not fallen off my board yet. And it is true that as the wave continues its journey to the shore a lot of its energy disipates and it might not have the same impact. There are times though when that wave passes over submerged features and the turbulance and excitement all appear in it again, the birth of our son being one such feature. I know the wave will eventually hit shore, hopefully at the end of my life and in those last moments I can look back and say that was our wave and find great comfort in that.

 

The cliched response would be in the analogy is that sometimes we fall off our board and the wave passes over us. We have a choice to either drift back to shore or to paddle out towards the breakers and wait for the next wave to come along. Experienced surfers might even know the patterns in the wave sequence and so can choose a wave of the right intensity. In this respect you might feel you picked a pretty exceptional wave first time out and as such you only want a similar experience. If you do then you might have to wait a long time for something similar to return. That might not even be on the same surfing day rather the wind might have dropped, the tide turned and so perfect conditions may be an elusive factor for some time.

 

I feel because of AS there might be another element at play here and one you should think about carefully. That element is 'control'. When I am faced with something which is difficult for me large amounts of control come into my behaviour. When I fell in love with my current partner the emotional wave was hard for me to ride and as such I needed large amounts of control in my life. Because she was the source of the emotion my control was naturally directed towards her. I nearly lost her but am forever gratefull that she had the strength to tell me that unless I dropped my attempts to control aspects of her life then we were over as a couple. I found this hard to take. In that first year of our relationship elements such as self harm, drinking, OCD traits etc... were 'rampant'. I was employing every means known to me to simply hang into a relationship which was generating an emotional whirlpool of feelings which I had to deal with, but over time I began to live with the emotions and understood that things would start to settle down if I became self aware and recognised my feelings for what they were.

 

I said I was going to be honest and the level of control in this post is somewhat frightening, but understandable. You have to question this A-S Warrior otherwise you are going to have enormous difficulties moving forwards in your life. The day my partner sat me down and said to me get a grip of this controlling behaviour or we are finished must have been very difficult for her, she was in love as well. But she was an individual and as such had the right to express herself as such and was prepared to hurt herself in trying to maintain her integrity. Because of my controling nature I have paid a small price in our relationship. My partner has never agreed to get married, though she knows I want to. If you asked her am I controling in any way she would say no more so than any other individual with a healthy and balanced approach to a relationship, but she needs to keep me in check. Her worry is that if we did get married would the healthy respect we have for each other remain as it is today, who knows and so why change a scenario that is working. As such I do not like her position regarding marriage but I have come to accept it and eventually respect it.

 

A-S Warrior I can relate to what has happened to you but I suspect I might see it another way. It is possible that this girl is still deeply in love with you but she has an enormous amount of bravery and as such has been able to walk away from a relationship though this has been painfull. There might be a strong element that family pressures might have come into play, but in her own mind this might be the safer option. I think you have to be honest with yourself and say were you in a similar way offering an arranged marriage, one on your terms? If this was the case the terms of the contract might have been too much for her to agree to.

 

I do not know if you have lost this girl, but if you are this intense over it I am not sure how much of a chance you have of winning her back, not much. We all need space to work things through at times. It is for you to draw your own conclusions here I am simply offering up an interpretation which might be right it might be wrong.

 

If you you have lost this girl and that is a conclusion you may come to then the decision is where do I go from here in respect to future relationships.

 

If I went back to my surfing analogy it may be the case that this initial wave, you had no choice in this by the way, was too big and powerfull for you to handle. It threw into your life a lot of emotion which by the nature of your very post you have not been able to handle, you say you have tried to box it but that simply is not working. Might I suggest this is one control behaviour exchanged for another.

 

As I said earlier A-S Warrior we need to understand these emotions and become more self aware to what they mean and as such can learn to live with them and use them as positives in our lives, that is the nature of being human. Boxing them up is not the answer in my book. It is like saying if she can't have them nobody will. It is not right to box up the emotions of a sunny summer day and remove this from your life. In the same way I know records which have strong associations with a previous relationship. Last year my partner bought a compilation album by Billy Joel and had it in her car for a few weeks. We were going as a family to a BMX race and the CD came on, this has an emotional connection for me and it might be uncomfortable, but I have no right to take the CD off her let alone wipe Billy Joel's music off the planet because of the emotions it elicits? I have to put these things in context and deal with the emotions they generate.

 

I think sometimes the right thing might be to get onto our surf board and develop our skills somewhat. When we fall off this means not drifting back to shore but holding station for a while getting our bearings and then paddling back out in to the action. We might choose to pick a small wave and work on our balance. In a similar way you might try to make a few new friends some of them female. If you do this there has to be honesty and integrity in the relationships, these are not practice people for the next big thing, rather I would take the line 'I have just come off a serious relationship, I would like to be friends because there are many things I see in you I appreciate, can we keep it at that level for now'. The reality is that such friendships might end up to be important life long friendships, nothing more nothing less, so why pass up on the opportunity of the waves which come along if you know you might need to develop skills about handling emotions. In many ways being out there enjoying such waves for what they are puts you in the perfect position to take the opportunity of the perfect wave when it comes along if it ever does. Far better to be out there than sitting on the shore watching from a distance.

 

My last point is there such a thing as the perfect wave. If you think this girl was the perfect individual then again I think there are issues there. No one is perfect, nor do they even come close. If I was to build a picture up of my partner as the perfect individual what will naturally be my expectations of her? No one can opperate as a human being in such an environment. As such think about how you view people in your own mind A-S Warrior. When you see who has replied to this post have you got expectations in your own mind as to what they might say? If you have is that fair? The reality is its a forum and we can say what we want and as such the only expectations should lie with ourselves. In a similar way was this girl allowed to bring her own expectations of herself into your relationship or did she feel she had to live up to your expectations?

 

Mandapanda was quite polite in her response, I am not going to be, rather I am going to be rather blunt, because as a forum member I like you. Reading between the lines A-S Warrior I guess you have brought this situation on yourself, and I would not be surprised if you now realise that. These things happen in life we are not perfect and we make mistakes. I know I do and I have the scars to prove it. We need to learn from those mistakes otherwise we tend to repeat things in life. Individuals are free to draw their own conclusions over events and put into practice the lessons they learn in their own lives, we have to respect that. I think there are elements here which are strongly associated with AS and as such you should not feel as guilty about what as happened as you might otherwise. If you were over controlling then there should be a level of guilt there, 'this type of behaviour is not fair'. Maturity is about learning from our mistakes and importantly modifiying our approaches to become a better individual. Sometimes the best way of dealing with our mistakes is to demonstrate to ourselves that we have grown and can handle things in a better way. Often this requires opportunities to come around in life so we can find out if we have grown or not. Waiting for those opportunities can be frustrating and so it is often in our own interests to go into better environments to explore what we feeel we may have learnt. You could look at this summer as an opportunity to grow as an individual, you might let those waves pass you by the choice is yours and yours alone.

 

At the end of the day I might be completely wrong in my reading of the situation. With her family half way around the world it is very easy for you to transpose whatever feelings you want to onto them. In a similar way it is very easy for this girl to send back messages which support a line she thinks you will find acceptable. A-S Warrior you might have good first hand experience of meeting these peole and having conversations with them that your beliefs are very real and that she is being forced into a scenario somewhat against her will. If she is then that is sad but there is nothing you can do about that. If these beliefs are false then there might be a chance after reflection and an exchange of honest words that there may be an outside chance of moving forwards together at some point, I am not too sure about that either. At the end of the day you need to draw your own conclusions, these are my thoughts for what they are worth, you asked for them so they are freely given. I know this is difficult for you and you have my support and as always,

 

best wishes.

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LancsLad   

If thats the case A-S Warrior as it is your post why don't you simply put up a post saying you wish to put the topic on pause will people please respect your decision to do that, and when the time is right either put up a comment to open it up again or simply come back with a response and say it is closed.

 

It is after all your post and we should respect your decisions as such. What this may do is give you breathing space to get your thoughts together.

 

Just an idea.

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@lancslad, good post and i appriciate it, but just to clarify a few things so pepole have a better understasnding,

 

she had an overpowering mother who diddnt let her out unless she approved, so me and her met up for 2 or 3 hours a week topps, sometimes we diddnt meet for weeks.

 

i had to sit back and listen to the texts come in telling me her mother broke her hand because she diddnt do the dinner on time, picture that if you will, her own mother broke her daughters hand because of something so small, can you immagine what i was like? i was chomping at the bit, but i couldnt make a move or we were busted.

 

her father was less strict, he allowed her to go out at her own will, but he worked day and night and wasnt in the house much.

 

i would be on the phone to her then all of a sudden i would hear her mum burst in screeming at her and all i would here was the phone cut out.

 

and then i saw some of the cuts and scars inflicted by her mother, and i just wanted to kill her but again if i did anything we were busted

 

so in corropsndence to the first 2 posts, it want as easy as dumping me because she got bored, she loved me the same as i loved her, she wanted to marry me and her dream was for us to have children, but from day 1 the odds were stcked against us.

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If thats the case A-S Warrior as it is your post why don't you simply put up a post saying you wish to put the topic on pause will people please respect your decision to do that, and when the time is right either put up a comment to open it up again or simply come back with a response and say it is closed.

 

It is after all your post and we should respect your decisions as such. What this may do is give you breathing space to get your thoughts together.

 

Just an idea.

 

no its fine, it was just the inital reaction, i really need to talk about it. and get to the bottom of it, and i cant on my own.

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LancsLad   

Ok,

 

Taking on board what you have just posted. I still think this is a massive emotional wave you have tried to ride and as such you still need to assess how you have coped and in many ways you have not given the position you are in. I can only speculate on the situation, I am not in your shoes and so my thoughts might not always ring true to you, I have no problem with that, I hope you don't with my post.

 

I do think given a difficult emotional position you were in the need to 'control' the emotions you were experiencing might have led to behavioural elements which might not be healthy. As a neutral reading through the initial post many would draw the same conclusions as myself I suspect. I do feel you need to step back in your own time and question some of the issues I am raising. If in doing so you come to the conclusion I am talking a load of ###### on this one, fine at least you have questioned yourself and did you play a role in the relationship which was negative at times. Challenging ourselves is important if we are to grow as individuals.

 

My next point is that as individuals or couples we can only deal with challenges using the tools we currently have at our disposal. It may simply be the case that the challenges were too hard for the two of you to deal with either as a couple or as individuals. Asking this girl to prioritise all the elemnts in her life and in doing so reject aspects which are central to her sense of identity, 'family values' at this stage in her life might simply be a step too far for her. What you had on offer might have been very appealing to her but the price to get it simply too high! I think in such situations we need to accept and respect the decisions of others. That does not mean we have to agree with them, but we should respect them. Again if you are finding this hard to accept I would say step back and question why you can not respect her for making this decision and look at your own motives and behaviours.

 

It might be the case that this relationship has gone in respect to the present and the future. That does not mean it was a special if sometimes difficult part of your past. In a way you might need to box these experiences up but you should do so in a good way focusing on the positives and the happy times you had together. Loosing our 'first love' is hard because we have no other reference points on which to hang our emotional response. Be very carefull about wrapping this experience up in knots and tarnishing the whole eppisode with a lot of animosity directed at her mother and her native culture.

 

You need to learn from this and the one thing you can control is your own response in many ways. For sure the initial response will be an explosion of emotion a lot of it negative, and in some ways I was expecting a negative backlash from you, but i should have followed my advice and not judged you on this. Things need to settle down and then you need to work through these emotions and put them into a rational framework. You will learn and grow from this experience, no one said life would be easy. I would stand by my comment from earlier in the day, do not simply transpose the situation on other people rather take time to reflect on yourself, what are your strengths and what are your weaknesses. This is not about shouldering or apportioning blame sometimes we simply have to accept that things are like they are, but we need to take the opportunity to grow from our experiences.

 

Not sure if any of this helps right now, but they are thoughts given freely from a position of wanting to help.

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Women rarely give their true reasons for endIng a relationship. It's a total waste of time to try and convince a man you just don't fancy him any more.

 

You have totally fallen for what your ex has told you. You see her as a victim. She is the one who chose to end the relationship and accept an arranged marriage. But these are choices she's made, she hasn't been forced into any of it.

 

It's going to take some time. 2 years is a considerable proportion Of your adult life. You won't get over that overnight, and you won't have any interest in other women until you do. But you will, and you will find happiness again.

 

 

kind of a kick in the *********ks and healing words at the same time, in case you diddnt check out my last post it wasnt as black and white as this, she was a prisoner in her own house.

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@lancslad.i felt you were on the money in your post, espeshilly this part "What you had on offer might have been very appealing to her but the price to get it simply too high!" i think now i made the right decison starting this topic now, i cant avoid it anymore and your posts are like medicne. tally while meaning well just dididnt understand all the eliments that were in this situation.

Edited by A-S warrior

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LancsLad   

A-S Warrior I think in mixed cultural scenarios we can often miss read the background picuture. I have played cricket with a lot of Asian players and in may ways they can lead a double life. Often they have a persona which is very Western and then they have persona which is very much tied into their traditional culture. I am not saying this is two faced or meant to mislead far from it I respect the fact that they can do this in many ways. That does not mean I agree with everything to do with their native cultures, nor to be honest do I agree with everything in my own. What I am trying to say is that we are often poor at realising that these idividuals have these different personas, we tend to presume they are all about the one which is closest to out own.

 

I don't know for sure, but you have found out that this girl has a very strong persona related to her 'native culture' as opposed to possibly the one you are more familiar with. When she has been faced with having to make a decision she has chosen to go in one direction, and unfortunatly that might not be towards you. Did she lie to you of course not but you might not have read how strong these core values where to her. I have to say if you had read these signs would it have made any difference, I don't think so you were in love, still are so what can you do but follow your heart. It might have been the case however that the situation you are in now might have been less of a shock and easier to take.

 

There are many things about these cultural values that you do not like, but you are not empowered to do anything about it. Go to her country and lift her and you will have been involved in an abduction, so its a case of two wrongs do not make a right. It might be the case that she is making a massive mistake in her own life, but we have to respect the rights of individuals to make such mistakes.

 

At the end of the day we can try and influence people, they may or may not make changes in thier lives as a result of out actions. What is so important is that we give the people the space that when they do make changes they feel that they have doen so with no pressure and that any such decisions feel comfortable. In such scenarios individuals self esteem has the opportunity to develop. In this particual situation this girl might have felt pressurised from her family who levered her traditional values in 'heavily' persuading her to follow the line of action she has taken. In this process it may be true that her self esteem has been low and disregarded by many individuals. If she is the person you think she is, in her own time she might realise this and find the strength to understand she was not given the space she should have deserved as a young and intelligent woman. A-S Warrior it is important that you give her that space so her self esteeem has space to breathe. In doing so she might come to a different conclusion over time. Whether she decides to take action on this or simply leave it in her past as a lesson learnt is her choice. Can you wait for this to happen well that again is your decision and only yours to take, but you need to continue to live your life.

 

just a few thoughts, going out for a meal as its my partners birthday today so might not get back straight away.

 

Best Wishes.

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cheers mate, enjoy the meal. during reading your post i had a moment of clarity, i just have to stroll down an unknown path and not to plan anything, and whatever happens happens. by living on the hope that she will magically find that courage i could end up going insane and not living my potential. many pepole have said to me there is a woman out there better suited to me, if thats the case do i want to miss out on this oppertunity of finding this woman while waiting for my ex to find courage that might not ever be there? on the flip side i could be missing out on a happy life with her by going with somebody else. that said all i can do is belive in my own destiny and trust myself to make the call when that time comes.

 

i quess...

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LancsLad   

I would not say that there is a better woman out there, in my experience they are all pretty unique and have a lot of things going for them.

 

What your friends might be saying is that at this stage of your life there might be an individual out there better matched to your current skills and abilities. This last relationship might have worked if you had been in your thirties, forties etc and had a bit more life experience behind you both, does that make sense. No one is better than anyone else rather I think it is all about the right fit and that changes as we develop as individuals.

 

When things really work out well is when we kind of get in a relationship and we change at more or less the same rate and as such things continue to work. You might get back together but you need a bit of experience behind you both to be strong enough to make this relationship work. The truth is if you both sit down refuse to partake in life where will that experience come from?

 

Hope this makes sense.

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thanks lancs.

 

i quess with this, my nan dieing, and all the other stuff thats gone on, i guess the saying i true. grief is the price we pay for love. im as human as anybody when im upset and i will ramble and moan, but the chararter of a man is not measured by how he thrives during success, its how he bounces back from defeat that makes him a man. and i quess with my 22nd birthday looming in october, perhaps its now time for me to be a man, and a man that takes pain as life experience, and takes pleasure as a bonus, but not stupid enough to revel in that glory.

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LancsLad   

I think how you decide to frame anything is your choice and your choice alone. In an ideal world experiences would come along at regular points in our life and be of a nature that they would test our skills and maturity just enough so we could grow as individuals in a comfortable environment.

 

My own experiences and importantly of many kids we worked with as foster carers highlights to me that the world is not ideal. Some of the most difficult experiences imaginable are often thrown into the lives of our youngest memebrs of society. Is this fair, no, not really. Do concepts of man, woman or child really apply in such situations the answer is again not really. What it is all about is individuals at times doing their best to cope and at times to simply survive experiences. What my experiences have taught me is that as human beings when needed we can tap into enormous reserves of resiliance. We are also very capable of learning great lessons from these experiences. I have known 12 year olds who have emense levels of maturity in certain areas of their lives simply because of the experiences they have been through.

 

Life can be a roller coaster of experiences and that involves the emotions that come with the ride. Some years back I made the personal decision to come off a reasonably heavy regime of anti depressants. I knew that the tablets were flattening out the deepest troughs associated with my clinical depression, and in these times being without their support can be hard, very hard. But I was aware in flattening out my moods they were taking away the periods where I had energy, was creative, the times I could get a real perspective on my life and as such where I might want it to lead. I can remember sittting down and thinking 'I just want to be human again, and didn't take another tablet after that decision'. In the months that followed I can rememebr thinking was there any difference in living life without anti depressants, was my decision a mistake? An experience then came along which hurt me and there was a fair bit of emotional pain, at that point i knew I was more human and that my decision had been right for me.

 

As humans we are all vulnerable and things can come along in our lives which can hurt us, really hurt us. There are also things which make us smile from time to time. I think as we do get more life experience under our belt we might find we are better equiped to deal with many aspects of our lives, one very important aspect being understanding our emotions.

 

As a final thought, I have always been interested in the classical concept of 'the seven ages of man'. Part of that interest has been developed since my diagnosis of AS at looking back at my own life and how developmental issues might have impacted in my life in respect to maturity development. For all individuals on the spectrum there might be very important points in our lives where we might pass through developmental thresholds and our experiences of life might be very different as a consequence. For those of us on the higher functioning end of the spectrum there might be a point where we do reach a stage of maturity where we can call ourselves a 'man' or a 'woman' for that matter. This threshold might not lie within the convential boundaries of society, it may come a bit later than that for us, I am not too sure, but the thoughts interest me. A-S Warrior you might be approaching a new phase of your life. What I know is you can not force that change, though expereinces such as this relationship might push you along a bit. There have been times in my own life when I know I have felt different as a person I get the sense I have grown to a new level. I also get a strong sense when I speak to individuals a lot older than me that they often have an aura about them which leaves me feeling they have something about them which I simply do not have at present. I am in no particular rush to get to that age as trying to get my body moving in the morning can be hard enough as it is. As times however I wish I had the level of experience that my Nan has for example and I often think what would she say, what would she do.

 

A-S Warrior I know you were close to your nan and you miss her a lot, but I am sure she would have recognised the pain you are experiencing as a result of the breakup of this relationship, would have put an arm around you and said something along the lines that things will get better with time, and that you will be ok.

 

Best wishes.

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I have just read your post A-S Warrior and I truly hope your confidence in the carbon based lifeform has not been totally kicked into touch.

I would not want another person to end up like me (yes, I am like a terminator but without the muscles)

 

All I can say is that Hearts will never be practicle until they are made unbreakable

 

Take care

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I have just read your post A-S Warrior and I truly hope your confidence in the carbon based lifeform has not been totally kicked into touch.

I would not want another person to end up like me (yes, I am like a terminator but without the muscles)

 

All I can say is that Hearts will never be practicle until they are made unbreakable

 

Take care

 

 

cheers mate, appriciate you dropping by.

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Hi A-S Warrior

 

I was, sort of in your shoes in my late 20's which help catalyst some very negative things that I won't mention on here. Basically I fell in love with a French girl and although I believed she loved me, the relationship ended when she returned to her homeland. I grieved no end because in my mind, she had died (i.e. left me). At the time, I was 2 years into clinical depression and this was the first catalyst that made things worse

 

A few months later (whilst still brooding over this French girl), I met another (English) girl through work. At that time she was going out with a violent boyfriend but was too scared to escape from the relationship. Over the next few weeks, we spent a lot of time together in and out of work, huddled on my sofa/bed at home, sharing secrets and really falling in love with one another. One day she came in and told me she had the courage to finish with her boyfriend which opened the gates to what was to be a few months besotted relationship. We were so besotted with one another and spent as much time as we could together - she even took me to meet her parents.

 

Then after about a year after we first met, I found out she was secretly meeting with her ex (violent) boyfriend who in my mind was brainwashing her in believing that they could get back together. The long and the short of it was just that, she made up some lie about wanting to go and see a priest (to get cleansed) and stay at a monastry. Our relationship suddenly ended.

 

This was the next catalyst to send me to my very lowest ebb (3 years into clinical depression) and I won't tell you what I did next.

It was all final when she came round to collect some of her belongings and get into her ex boyfriend's car. I look back and wonder what sort of life she must be leading, trapped in some violent relationship. I was at the end - the very end.

 

I know it's a clique A-S Warrior but time is a great healer. I eventually got over this girl and after remaining single for some years, met my current wife which has completely changed me.

 

It can be done, you will meet someone else. Trust me!

 

Best wishes

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I forgot to add, the fact that you've decided to share your pain A-S Warrior says something about you. You are a man of great courage and clearly, you have a lot of friends on here.

 

Although not the same circumstances, I have been there, grieved, brooded, you name it, I couldn't eat, sleep...do anything.

 

But you will find the girl of your dreams...:)

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LancsLad   

I forgot to add, the fact that you've decided to share your pain A-S Warrior says something about you. You are a man of great courage and clearly, you have a lot of friends on here.

 

 

Here, here!

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