I really should be writing an essay instead.

[darkshine]

Yeah you just never know about people do you

 

I think it's beautiful too when people can do certain things - the dusty study, well, that's probably my book addiction showing through I really like books!

 

You don't sound hideously boring at all, I think certain things in life feel like "home" to us, and as long as it makes sense to us, then that is all that matters - research isn't my personal favourite as far as things go, but I have improved my skills courtesy of the OU so it's handy when I do need to research something because even if I do a quick research I can usually find something of relevance. There are plenty of research papers that are interesting, but I only look when I have to

 

Yeah, my grandpa was kinda like that too, just sort of "with it" on a whole different level - he was an interesting man, I just wish he'd have loved longer cuz when I was a kid I didn't appreciate him enough, you get more mature knowledge as time goes on I guess...

 

I too have an awkward relationship with my abilities - so much so that I am in the process of trying to work out what they are as I've lived in negative denial for way too long!!

[Mannify]

Well, your academic abilities don't seem to be in doubt. You must be robustly intellectual to be doing OU despite having an invigilator 6 feet away from you during exams. It's unfortunate about being in negative denial. Personally,, it's taken until my 30s to gain a strong sense of self, and even then it's still a work in progress. I am boring, actually, but I'm largely ok with that.

 

Have you ever thought of writing a book? You love books and you you have a lively style of writing.

[darkshine]

Thanks I've noticed that I've started changing a bit maturity wise and self-awareness wise since 30 ish too - something about turning 30 made me try to assess everything more seriously because I feel I've wasted the 14 years from 16 to 30 and don't want to waste many more if I can help it.

 

You don't sound boring to me but if you keep sayin it you might start to believe it

 

I've dabbled with the idea of writing, but I can never decide what to write about - I think if I ever do, it will be something for a few years time - would like more positive life experiences first as the last decade has been pretty dire.

 

Another reason I like the OU as it has given me some purpose from the last few years and it's been a good place to start to do something

[Mannify]

Hope you find your subject and plenty of positivity to fuel it. I would nsert an emoticon, but I'm on the iPad, and it doesn't have that facility. Downer.

 

I read your sleep post to Jav and he really related to it. I thought I'd mention it here because I hi-jacked that other thread. But, anyway, your thread said it like it is for him. So, yep, we'll try it and let you know. His mind whirrs constantly. Like last night, I went up to see how he was doing and he immediately started to tell me how more recent Club Penguin differs in terms of glitches compared to 'old' CP. He's always trying to explain computer programmy stuff that I just can't keep up with. So it continues at bedtime. So I can definitely see how listening to something might bring him relief from thinking. I'd love to know from Robert what the relevance of Brownian motion is, though??

[darkshine]

I'm glad that what I said helped him to sort of explain it to you - I used to write things too, still do sometimes, I have a book and I write the thoughts down and then I'm really firm with myself and tell my head "no, I've wrote that down, I don't need to think about it over and over now" and sometimes that can work, it's something that has got easier with age.

 

He might have to try a few things, I've tried loads music helps sometimes (as long it's relaxing) and like I said I still use dvds cuz I like the light patterns as well as the predictability and even though this may sound nuts considering some of the things I listed in Robert's "noise" post - I often turn the volume on the tv down pretty low so that the voices are too quiet for most people to hear because I find the whirr of the disk spinning to be comforting cuz it's this constant low sound and it's something that's there to focus on.

 

I have wondered if excessive thinking is difficulty with switching off, but also if it's cuz I kinda know everyone is going to sleep and there's nobody to tell stuff to so that it's out of my head - that's why I write sometimes - to just get things out of my head, and the fact it's written means I don't feel so much pressure that the thoughts will be lost, and I know I can focus on them in the morning or another time because they'll be there in my notebook. Although I have got obsessively involved in writing too so there's a flip side to that

 

I love the club penguin example - that's the sort of thing that suddenly occurs to me at night, I suddenly get these moments of creativity and it's like my mind lights up - which makes it hard to relax...

[Mannify]

He's such a great kid. He looks naughty and unmanageable because he hates quiet, so he's always making a noise (tapping a table or something), and he hates still, so he's constantly dynamic. He has ridiculous energy levels, so while we're walking down a street his inclination will be to run up and down it. He doesn't understand boundaries very well, and if he's got something in his head, he's just got to tell you. But if you analyse his behaviour, he does nothing malignant, nothing destructive and nothing mean. He's totally unmean. He doesn't have much of a sense if social hierarchy, so if the head teacher's in the room he'll still be running about, but the flipside of that is that he doesn't seem to notice disability either. We go to an integrated sports group and he treats even the kids with severe disabilities as though they're the kid who sits next to him at school. He's also a fab big brother. Ehs sometimes gets him to sing something repetitiously and he'll oblige for absolutely ages; partly, I think because he rather likes the reps, but also partly because he just loves his brother loads. He likes to point out what Ehs is better at than him.

 

No idea why you might want to know all that. Told you I was boring.

[darkshine]

You aren't boring

 

He sounds great

 

I used to have excesses of energy, where I'd have to shake my arms or tap my hands or fingers on things, or spin and dash around - I found that cycling helped get rid of the excess, so maybe that could be an idea one day.

 

So you have two sons - ehs and jav and jav is the older brother? (just trying to organise this in my mind lol) and did you say that jav has AS and ehs has more severe autism? How old are they both? (I'm sure you've explained this somewhere but I couldn't find it so thought it best to just ask)

[Mannify]

Ehs is 7 and attends special school. I wouldn't say his autism is severe, but it is accompanied with learning difficulties. His language is delayed, but we're always seeing progress. People tend to want the bestvfor him because he has an incredible enthusiasm for life. So, all Autumn long we have him screaming, "Aaaaahhhhh, leaves falling down!", and flapping his arms furiously in pure joy. Bubbles, balloons, snow, etc, will have the same effect. He loves music and has been able to hold a tune since he was about 18 months. While he was still at mainstream he was biting and hitting his TA like crazy, but his dad took him to a Chopin concert and he sat through, entranced.

 

Jav's 9 and started speaking ridiculously early (273 words at 15 months) and has always had a huge appetite for books and reading, but never pretended as a kid and I took him to the doctor as a baby because he actually averted his gaze fron our eye contact as a small baby. It was only two years ago that I joined the dots up, though, and now a SALT lady has referred him for diagnosis, which will probably take 2 or 3 years.

 

Then there's this:

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?/topic/28227-aspergers-and-marriage/

 

So, my 4 year old daughter and I are the NT minority in our house, lol. Far had a raw deal until we got our labrador nearly two years ago. But I do think that what she suffered has made her assertive, and she has always been incredibly loved, so all in all I think she has bounced back just fine.

 

We're very fortunate because, meltdowns and acute desperations aside, we are all very happy together. I know that some families have it a lot tougher than us.

[darkshine]

Ah, so you and your daughter are truly outnumbered

 

Thank you for explaining about your boys (and hubby) - both your boys sound like they have brilliant characters, I know things aren't always easy but it's really important to see the good stuff isn't it?

 

Why do you think you are boring? My mum used to say that but it was cuz she was a mum and then an office worker and got really involved with work all the time and didn't follow any of her other interests... now she does a bunch of stuff that she likes she feels less boring - do you think this is a similar thing for you? That doing something like being a mum doesn't give you everything? Or is it a longer problem than that? Cuz sometimes I used to think I was boring, but it was cuz of not going out and people not being interested in my interests and stuff...

[Mannify]

I'll bore you with my boringness tomorrow. It's been a busy weekend, and tomorrow I have to contact two headteachers about their pupils being mean to Ehs on our estate yesterday. I can wax lyrical about my wonderful children and I really am burstingly proud of them, but it's times like this that bring my feet back down to earth and I'm reminded of the challenges they'll face as they get older (furious emoticon - I'm on the iPad which does not allow for emoticons. Perhaps you'd like to post a furious one for me?)

[darkshine]

Sure no problem - good luck!!!

 

As for furious emotions - I like the 3 I used a while ago in my rant about phones

 

[Mannify]

Yes, that sums it up. Meanness is something I just cannot get my head around. I find it simply bewildering.

 

[darkshine]

Just read your post about Ehs - kids can so cruel sometimes!! What a disgusting thing to do to him - especially since they took complete advantage of his innocence and naivety and he's only little - once this boy spat in my face when I was about 12 and I've hated spit ever since - I wasn't even doing anything wrong and didn't know the kid, and he just came over to me and did that gross thing in his throat before he spat it right in my face

 

Is he ok now? Calmed down and everything?

 

You were right to ring the head teacher - it's probably best to not have to face their parents yourself.

 

I hope he's ok

[Mannify]

Thanks, I appreciate that. He's ok now, but he just does not know how to manage such behavior and I think he was still a bit fragile even this morning. Thank goodness for Ann, his beloved escort to and from school. She brightens him up and knows just what to say. I can't imagine she gets much up from minimum wage, but she is such an important ingredient in Ehs's day. She laminates sheets for him in her own time on his interest subjects (he's also obsessed with all things laminated), sings songs with him, keeps the bus stocked with books she knows he'll like, and buys presents for him at the ends of terms. I would say she loves him.

 

I'm still trying to get hold of the head teachers. I know they're busy, but the issue will burn a whole in my stomach until I manage to tell them.

[darkshine]

Bless him, it's good that he's got someone to make him smile - I like laminated stuff too, had to force myself not to buy a laminator or I'd laminate everything and drive everyone nuts! And because I have an obsession with paper, there would be a lot of stuff to laminate - there's just something about things being smooth and shiny that is a good thing

 

Good luck with the phone calls

[Mannify]

Soulmates, then!! Printing is another - he costs us a fortune in ink. This forum is a bad influence on me - I really should be TMAing it right now. This times it's

What can the study of children’s literature tell us about different models of childhood?

[darkshine]

Yeah I couldn't avoid having a printer... I have to really try hard not to print everything - if I'm not careful I'd live in a mountain of paper and then feel guilty for killing a rainforest

 

So the title of this post is true again then lol

 

That question just blows my mind today - it's why I can't set up my revision stuff - I have the book in front of me, took one look and my brain just melted!! Sleep deprivation and studying do not go well together - will just have to catch up later

[Mannify]

I just keep reminding myself its TMA 06 of 7. Oh yeah, plus exam. When's your exam? Mine's October 15th.

[Mannify]

Oh yuk, I've just read your other post. No, I'm not a big fan of psychoanalysis myself. It's like, where's the empirical evidence???? Rose (1982) got all psychoanalytic and Oedipal about Peter Pan, and then generalised her theories to all children's literature, ever.

[Mannify]

For goodness sake, please just tell me to go away and write an essay!!!!!!

[darkshine]

I'm 90% sure that mine's October 15th too - how about that? Obviously a popular date!

 

Yeah... pretty much my thoughts on psychoanalysis - the social version is mildly different (thank goodness) but it is still based on the earlier traditions...

 

Go and write some of your essay if you haven't already

[Mannify]

Urgh, this is slow progress.

[Mannify]

Ooh, I've just noticed what you said about the 15th. Mutual anguish, then. Lovely.

[darkshine]

Yeah mutual anguish it is about right...

 

So your afternoon went well I see did you get much done?

[Mannify]

Er no. If I'm prolific on here, you can take it that it's assignment time, the quantity of posts being commensurate with the rubbishness of my output.

[darkshine]

Sounds like me

 

I got sod all done today, just been like a zombie and now I've entered insomnia mode and am totally awake, sigh, typical

[Mannify]

Ok, so here goes: why I'm boring.

 

Well, firstly, like you say, there's the maternal thing. I waffle on about my kids endlessly, and I actually even know I'm being boring as I do it, yet maternal instinct drives me on relentlessly. Hence, I imposed descriptions of them on you, and will do on anyone vaguely disposed to listen or too polite to tell me to get lost. I think this is fairly typical maternal behavior, but boring nonetheless.

 

I also think, though, that I, as a person, am inherently socially discordant and therefore, to the mainstream of society, boring. Obviously this is not on the same level as someone with ASD, and I do not claim to have an insight into what living with it must be like. No, instead, it's just part of the magic that is me, lol.

 

For example, I have over-active tearducts which make me tear-up when I'm even just remotely earnest about something. This means that, although I have no issue with eye-contact, I spend large portions of social interaction avoiding eye-contact, because I don't really want people thinking I'm crying because Thursday really would be a more convenient day for bin collection than Wednesday, for example.

 

I'm also really quite face blind. It takes me forever to recognise a face, and even then, take it out of context and I'm none the wiser. I have offended people by simply not recognising them, and it also means that I never go up to people to say 'Hi', because I'm never quite sure I've got the right person. Sometimes I get around it by just being upfront about being hopeless at recognising people.

 

Finally, I'm hopeless at chit-chat. Female chat is particularly inaccessible to me; it seems like another language. In the past I tried to feign interest in hair and makeup and stuff, but it never really works. Not that I'm saying that all women only chat about such things, it's just that most are at least able to converse about such things in order to gain entry into female interaction. I can't, apparently. Even on forums, I think I am a bit clunky and disjointed. I'm far further into my comfort zone writing an essay than chatting on a forum, although I like this one. But interestingly, even my tutor on my last module agreed that I'm better at writing essays than contributing to the forum (would happily PM you an example of my essays, but it would probably bore you, lol).

 

When I say I'm boring, though, I don't mean that I'm not worthy of anyone's interest, because I don't believe that's the case of anyone. It's just that I recognise that social interaction with a large percentage of the population is just not going to happen. And I really am ok with that, if that makes any sense. It's just part of being me

[Mannify]

Lol, see, I've bored you away

[darkshine]

Ok, so here goes: why I'm boring.

 

Well, firstly, like you say, there's the maternal thing. I waffle on about my kids endlessly, and I actually even know I'm being boring as I do it, yet maternal instinct drives me on relentlessly. Hence, I imposed descriptions of them on you, and will do on anyone vaguely disposed to listen or too polite to tell me to get lost. I think this is fairly typical maternal behavior, but boring nonetheless.

 

Motherly pride doesn't mean you are boring - it means you are devoted to and deeply love your kids

 

And you didn't impose descriptions lol - I asked and you answered - I find it easier to remember more about someone's kids when they tell me a bit about them, otherwise I kinda sit here trying to remember little bits from all over the place (and it isn't easy to find passing comments) at least here you said enough that if I did require a reminder I can come back and read it again, that 's a good thing in my opinion anyway

 

I also think, though, that I, as a person, am inherently socially discordant and therefore, to the mainstream of society, boring. Obviously this is not on the same level as someone with ASD, and I do not claim to have an insight into what living with it must be like. No, instead, it's just part of the magic that is me, lol.

 

Ok, so society as a whole makes you think that you are in a category called boring because compared to them you don't fully match the criteria - and as such that makes you boring? Because you like different things and stuff...

 

Don't worry about whether it is on the same level as someone with ASD - your experience is your experience and nobody or no label will change the validity of it. People who don't have ASD can have social anxiety, they can have OCD, they can have depression and awkwardness and all manner of other things. Just cuz they don't have a nail called ASD to hang it off doesn't make it any less harmful or painful in their lives.

 

Trust me - I don't work that way, if you say you struggle with those things and it's had effects, I believe you, you don't need a label to justify or measure it against. It's how it is for you that matters, I might offer similar experiences but I won't do it in a way that makes you feel small (not on purpose anyway) cuz I really believe that it's all relative to each person.

 

To briefly explain this further...

 

Say there's 2 men. One has just been dumped by his girlfriend and is absolutely crushed over it, his life feels over, he doesn't know what to do, and ends up severely depressed.

 

There's another man who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, he's also devastated, he doesn't know what to do, he ends up depressed.

 

Now some people might look at the first guy and tell him to get a grip because compared to the guy who is gonna die, his problems are sod all.

 

I don't work that way. Ok, so in the grand scheme of things, the first guy's problems might be worse or better than other people's - but if he says to me, that he feels like it's the end of his life, and he says he is devastated then I have to respect that is how he feels, because it's relative to him, in his mind he feels as bad as the other guy. It is not my place to judge that. He doesn't have to justify it to me because I will try to understand within the context of his life.

 

But then again I'm different too not everyone thinks like me.

 

For example, I have over-active tearducts which make me tear-up when I'm even just remotely earnest about something. This means that, although I have no issue with eye-contact, I spend large portions of social interaction avoiding eye-contact, because I don't really want people thinking I'm crying because Thursday really would be a more convenient day for bin collection than Wednesday, for example.

 

I'm also really quite face blind. It takes me forever to recognise a face, and even then, take it out of context and I'm none the wiser. I have offended people by simply not recognising them, and it also means that I never go up to people to say 'Hi', because I'm never quite sure I've got the right person. Sometimes I get around it by just being upfront about being hopeless at recognising people.

 

I have a theory about face blindness, it's a kinda common sense theory...

 

I have the same problem, I really struggle to remember people's faces... I have ignored people in the street or th]ey've tthought I have cuz I just don't recognise people out of context, and I have forgotten so many names and faces - but then I don't look at them, I hate making eye contact, I don't like seeing them look back at me - whatever the reason - if I'm not looking at people's faces, then it must surely be harder to remember them mustn't it?

 

I bet you could pick your boys out of a crowd of thousands

 

Finally, I'm hopeless at chit-chat. Female chat is particularly inaccessible to me; it seems like another language. In the past I tried to feign interest in hair and makeup and stuff, but it never really works. Not that I'm saying that all women only chat about such things, it's just that most are at least able to converse about such things in order to gain entry into female interaction. I can't, apparently. Even on forums, I think I am a bit clunky and disjointed. I'm far further into my comfort zone writing an essay than chatting on a forum, although I like this one. But interestingly, even my tutor on my last module agreed that I'm better at writing essays than contributing to the forum (would happily PM you an example of my essays, but it would probably bore you, lol).

 

When I say I'm boring, though, I don't mean that I'm not worthy of anyone's interest, because I don't believe that's the case of anyone. It's just that I recognise that social interaction with a large percentage of the population is just not going to happen. And I really am ok with that, if that makes any sense. It's just part of being me

 

Can't help you with hair or make-up but maybe part of the problem is that you can see that what you want to talk about doesn't fit in with most women or something? I'm sure there are women out there who talk about other things - I've met a fair few on my courses, and if you feel an affinity with the educational world, then maybe the people you seek will be more likely to exist in that world? I think there's a few men on here who have a similar problem talking to other men about sport and cars - but that's all stereotypical stuff innit? I know there's loads of men out there who talk about other things, just as there are women who do - I think it's just a case of finding them - the most obvious immediate route is to look in areas of interest to you - this forum is a nice place for starting to do that - but you could build on it by doing similar things with your personal interests, I think if you find more like minded people you will feel better.

 

That is one of many reasons I like speaking to the people on this forum because there's so many things people talk about - but if I wanted to talk specifically about, I don't know, Aztec history or something, I would either PM a member who had that interest or I'd go and look and see if there were online groups with the same interest or I'd take a class or something.

 

As for writing an essay being a greater skill than chatting on forums... well... the latter is harder isn't it? Takes practice, just like an essay - remember - you weren't born being able to just write and essay either, you learnt how, and even then it's a skill that has to be practised and developed... maybe talking is a similar thing (I think so anyway - you wouldn't believe how much better I can talk now than I used to be able to).

 

I'd think of a more positive word if I were you - boring is pretty negative - maybe you could find a selection of words that work better at describing yourself? Like saying you have certain interests, or are quirky, focused, different, are an individual, intelligent, caring, proud (of your children and your studies) etc...

 

Try it - you might like it

 

Yeah, I wouldn't mind seeing an essay - it'd be interesting to see what kinda stuff you are doing

 

Best

 

Darkshine

[darkshine]

Lol, see, I've bored you away

 

Impatient

[Mannify]

Aw, you know you should be a therapist. I should pay you . I totally agree about judging people superficially, and it kind of links in with my inability to talk to other women. See, it isn't just typical 'girly' things I can't get my head around, I think they were just metonymic (ha, I never thought I'd get that word into a post ). It's a whole way of thinking. For example, some women were talking about how terrible it was that a boys parents had let him get so obese. I had never occurred to me to think ill of the parents because there may be many reasons why he's obese: he may have a metabolic disorder, he may have behavioral difficulties which make it harder for his parents to regulate his intake, his parents may have suffered a particularly hard time over things beyond my imagination and they did well to keep their sanity intact, although they overate. It may also have been, I guess, that they're so lazy and uncaring that they stuffed Big Macs into his mouth every time he uttered. It's a possibility, but without knowing more about their situation, how can I possibly pass judgement? Yet I've found that the moral high ground does feature in a lot of female conversation, whatever their educational background, and I just can't enter in. It's just not me. There are really very few people with whom I can converse comfortably.

 

So you reckon there's a link between my overactive tearducts and my face-blindness? Makes sense, now you mention it.

 

But, anyway, you can see how the OU is a kind of coming home. Talking of which, I really must get some words down instead of listening to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqCUyu-6gPQ on repeat, lol. I'm so bad at the moment. I was doing two modules together and getting my assignments in well on time, but now I've just the one, and it's my final one, I just keep procrastinating.

[Mannify]

I'd think of a more positive word if I were you - boring is pretty negative - maybe you could find a selection of words that work better at describing yourself? Like saying you have certain interests, or are quirky, focused, different, are an individual, intelligent, caring, proud (of your children and your studies) etc...

 

Am I not allowed 'discordant', then? 'Quirky' it must be, then, lol.

[Mannify]

Actually that thing about the moral high ground is universal, and not gender-specific. C finds it so at work, too.

[darkshine]

Yeah, quirky is a good word

 

What were you listening to on repeat? (I still haven't resolved the problem yet with playing video - well - I actually haven't done anything about it since the checks yesterday)

 

Your points about women made me laugh, but then I've heard a similar argument about talking with men too (with different points but the gist was similar). I think it's certain groups of people or something.

 

I agree with your thinking about the example you gave on obesity (just as an example but I think in the same kinda way) I try and think of other reasons rather than the moral high ground reasons - I guess it makes some people feel good to slate other people without knowing all the facts or something...

 

I reckon there could be a link between your overactive tear ducts and face blindness yeah - could be - not a certainty - but on logic alone I know that I have no chance of remembering a face if I haven't spent that much time looking at it. But then I've walked past members of my own family on the street and I know what they look like so maybe there's other factors too - outside I'm usually really focused on doing something so I'm not paying attention, and I have no wish to catch people's eyes so I don't look at everyone (unless I'm standing waiting and then I do a little bit but only when people aren't looking at me or I get glared at for staring lol).

 

Struggling with focusing eh? I know that feeling well!! When's it due in?