Jump to content
Lyndalou

You know when you're supposed to be happy but you're not?

Recommended Posts

I've been feeling pretty low today. I'm in one of 'those' positions again where I feel there is a gulf between the way I am expected to feel and how I actually feel. I'm also in one of 'those' positions when I don't think anyone would have the slightest idea about why I don't feel the way I 'should'.

 

We've had an informal parent's group for some time now. I was starting to feel that I was perhaps going to have longterm friendships with people in the group and the group has been a great way to get all the kids together out of school. The group was growing in a slow, steady and fluid way and I felt at ease with this. Recently, people joining in with activities were not all parents and kids from our kid's school which I felt was healthy.

 

About a week ago, some mums went out for a meal. The main topic of conversation turned out to be that someone else had been offered money to get a project off the ground but couldn't take it forward for various reasons. The money was therefore being offered to us but in order to get it we had to become a charitable organisation, form a committee and have a plan etc about how to take the group forward. My heart sank right there and then. Everyone else was excited and I knew I should be too but all I could think of was the politics, the agendas, the arguments and all the other cr4p that goes along with a formal group. My heart sank further when one of the mums dissed my view that dads should be involved and stated categorically that higher functioning kids were catered for locally and so our group wouldn't target this group but kids with more severe problems and that the name of the group should 'definitely' have ASD in it. Given that my own son is diagnosed high functioning and there are kids with other problems who have been coming along I just thought 'Here we go'.

 

A decision has now been reached that the group will be open to kids from special needs schools only. One of the mums whose two kids attend mainstream asked about this...she's not been involved in discussion since. Various names were put forward for the group and this discussion was still ongoing and the person who had made the suggestion said so then all of a sudden, literally a few minutes later, the name of our Facebook group was changed and all the decisions that have been reached thus far were announced - from what I can see, pretty much an executive decision.

 

I feel like just dumping the whole thing, unfriending everyone on fb and not going to anything but I know that would be no good for my son. It's just so not what I needed right now. I think my silence is speaking volumes.

 

I'm not really looking for advice or anything...I know my issues are to do with it all changing and changing so quickly, the fact that this all reminds me of my last disasterous committee stint and that I now have to deal with those who are making decisions over the heads of everyone else under the guise of everyone having an equal say reminding me of every job I've ever had!

 

Cr4ppity-cr4p :(

Edited by Lyndalou

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Such a shame that the dynamics of something so positive has changed and become an in-grouping/out-grouping exercise. How tedious; I can see why your enthusiasm is lacking. Sorry, I don't have any wise words, really, but I can see why you're disheartened over it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To be honest, if you thought it was working well before and now you see a ###### load of problems, I think you have every right to be dubious/unhappy/unenthusiastic about this.

 

Obviously you have to decide what you want to do - but that doesn't mean that if you decide to continue with this that you have to lay down and be railroaded if you don't wish to be, cuz sitting back and being unhappy and miserable is pointless.

 

Plus if you don't say what you think then people won't know, it doesn't have to be an argument, you can state your opinion in a calm way and get your points across - especially on things that really matter to you - I think they say it's a case of choosing your battles wisely.

 

I'd be ###### off it were me - but in deciding where you stand and committing to that, even if it all ###### up, you know you did right by yourself & your son too.

 

Think it through carefully

 

Best

 

Darkshine

Edited by darkshine

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Such a shame that the dynamics of something so positive has changed and become an in-grouping/out-grouping exercise. How tedious; I can see why your enthusiasm is lacking. Sorry, I don't have any wise words, really, but I can see why you're disheartened over it.

 

This pretty much sums up what I was going to say ^^^^ I really feel for you :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good to hear you're sticking up for dad's - it's really important to have a balanced emphasis when it comes to these things. Men seem to get under represented a lot of the time so it's really good to see you stick up for dad's too.

 

I know you feel disheartened with how things have turned out and I'm afraid that's the way it is with groups/committees when there's money being offered during a recession. You could perhaps try a break-away group or see if there are other sources of funding without such conditions.

 

Otherwise it sounds as if you might have to go with them all on this one. Is it better to concede this one and see the group get some funding do you think?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This pretty much sums up what I was going to say ^^^^ I really feel for you :(

Same here showing empathy at your situation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can;t write much just now as I have a little man to get ready for school and someone coming round after nine so I'll write more later...

 

However, thanks for the support everyone. I decided, after rationally discussing this with my husband (this came after the screaming fit I had at him because I was very upset and saw everything I had been working towards dissolving before my eyes) that I would post a short blurb on our fb page to say I was stepping back from things but I would watch how things progressed and Good Luck to everyone. Initially, no-one said anything then one of the mums said she hoped that I would still meet for coffee so I was quite upfront and said that things were just moving too quickly for me to cope with and that I just needed space. Later on, I said I was questioning mine and my family's place within the group and that I felt that group dynamics inevitably change when a group became 'formal'.

 

Prior to me saying my last comment, a very big debate had already evolved. There were quite strong views and opinions being expressed and some people were clearly staying out of the discussion; one of the mums has called an meeting to have immediate discussion about how to proceed and it looks like people are saving their strength for that. Two mums have gone quite 'head to head' and it's been quite uncomfortable to watch it pan out.

 

I am going to go to the meeting. I don't think that it should be a battle and I don't think I'm the only one who thinks this. The mum who was offered the money has said that if it has caused all this then maybe we should give the money back! I personally think that this money could really make a difference for a lot of families in the area but it's useless if we can't agree as a small group...

 

In response to Mike, I think dads are key in many ways to the development of children. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't had the very good and involved parenting I had from my own dad. Many of the dads in the group have a good deal of involvement and come along to and participate in a number of activities. Why shouldn't they have input into decision-making?

 

Lynda :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...