Sa Skimrande Report post Posted September 16, 2012 (edited) My worst problem, for sure I can communicate in the written word, that is no problem, but anything else, so many problems. I struggle to initiate conversation and when I do it always trails off as I have nothing to say, but engage me on a topic I am interested in I won't shut up and I know I can bore the hind leg off a donkey, I have been told so many times. But knowing your bore, you tend to keep your gob shut in future, but we have to communicate and especially so in my own situation where I live on my own in silence, I just need to talk to another human sometimes, once a weak at least. I have tried to learn other languages and I have been into radio Ham stuff, but the problem is always the same , although I can communicate initially, it always trails off and so have got it into my mind, why bother as it is clear I plain suck at verbal communication, I cannot make small talk and believe me prior to the diagnosis I tried every which way as I was NT back then and had to exist in the world, hold a job, have interests, dreams, relationships etc. So how is everyone else on this and what have you found to get out of it, if you have tried to that is ? Edited September 16, 2012 by Sa Skimrande Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rufusrufus Report post Posted September 16, 2012 Hi there! I certainly struggle with this too, always have done. I had a massive meltdown when I started uni, I remember being so frustrated talking to my Mum about it on the phone, through gritted teeth hissing "I DON'T CARE HOW MANY BROTHERS OR SISTERS THEY HAVE, I DON'T CARE WHAT A LEVELS THEY DID, I DON'T CARE WHAT COURSE THEY'RE ON NOW, WHY DO I HAVE TO ASK THESE QUESTIONS?!?!?!" I can laugh about it now but it was absolutely excruciating at the time, and actually, I still find myself in these situations now, but I don't get quite as stressed as I used to, well, not on the good days anyway! For me, I like the idea that I'm playing the neurotypical "game". By acknowledging that I am wilfully play-acting, and that I only have to do it for an hour / however long,at a time, and that soon I can go home and properly relax, I find it much easier to talk to people. Knowing that I only have to do it at certain times is quite liberating for me. Personally, I much prefer having random conversations with people, like asking "if you were a slice of toast, what topping would you want on you?". Some people go for these, other people don't, and yes, I feel stupid when they don't But sometimes it pays off and you end up having some pretty cool conversations. I prefer to do this is situations where I am not faced with seeing my conversation partner again, so it probably wouldn't be my opening gambit for say, a work colleague, but I sometimes go on these Walk For Health things in Liverpool and chances are I won't see the people again, or I can just avoid them by not going again if it goes horribly wrong, so I'm finding it a good place to try out my conversational skills Personally, I'd rather sit in silence than engage in the "Nice day, isn't it?" conversations, but I know that sometimes I need to be in the NT world, so I'll play along with their funny ways when I have to, and when I feel able. I have no idea if anything I've written is helpful or even interesting, so I'll hush now Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shnoing Report post Posted September 16, 2012 I sort of started to understand what smalltalk is when reading Kate Fox: Watching the English. Since then, I think I have been able to do some, too, because I now know why. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted September 17, 2012 So how is everyone else on this and what have you found to get out of it, if you have tried to that is ? Do you mean "get out of it" as in finding ways of not talking - or "get out of it" in terms of finding value? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
