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Akunin

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Hey.

 

First of all I just want to say that I haven't been diagnosed yet, so I hope it is okay that I have joined. Also, I am not looking on here for a diagnosis, just merely some information and advice.

 

I am a female in my 20's and am currently awaiting for an assessment appointment. My GP has been having trouble trying to get me in anywhere at the moment though, the first place she tried said I fit their criteria, but due to lack of funding they couldn't take me on. So she is now trying to get me in somewhere else, but we are yet to hear back from them.

 

It first came to light that I could have aspergers when my sister (who is training to become a teacher) had a session at the school she works at about children with aspergers and when they asked "Do you know any children that act this way, as they could have aspergers" she thought of me. I have always been somewhat 'different' to my siblings in my behaviour but it was always just seen as me being me. I'm not certain I have it, but from what I've researched and read it could definitely be a possibility which is why I'd like to get it checked, as I think it would bring some closure and comfort and after speaking to my GP she agrees.

 

Anyway, I'll leave it at that for now ^_^

Edited by Tsukimi

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Hi and welcome! Good luck with your assessment. I was only diagnosed recently and it was such a relief to have someone listen to me :)

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Hello I'm new here too. I'm 32, recently diagnosed, huge relief, I have a husband and small child, and I need conncetions with others like me. Ha! A place full of people who hate to socialise and would neverwant to meet up. what a strange but welcome find! if i can help anyone who's hoing through the diagnosis process or is undiagnosed let me kno, i kno how it feels.

tsukimi, i think closure is a good way to look at it. For me, it changed everything. it brought validation. i suddenly had answers for why my life had been so difficult..all the suffering, all the misunderstandings, all the failures, all the rejection....suddenly none of it was my fault for just being a rubbish human being unable to live like my very successful sister for example. It was suddenly ok to be me, just the way i am. Time to ask yourself this question Tsukimi: "Who would I be if I didn't have to fit in to social demands...if I wasn't always trying to be `normal` and acceptable to others....If I don't have to swim against the current anymore, but just follow where it takes me?" That's what a diagnosis gives you. People say it's not a good thing to have a label. Personally, I feel it gives validation. It makes it ok to be you for once. After the hardships faced by people who have this but don't know why they're the way they are, having proof of it makes the world a much friendlier place. People are much more understanding, where before, they would have hated you for being different, for misunderstanding conversations, for working too slowly and precisely, or thought you were just unstable, psychotic or plain nasty. All those feelings of uselessness start to heal. and you have answers as to why your life was so difficult. If that's all that comes from a diagosis, it's well worth it. But also, it opens up help to you. There are groups, there are certain benefits if you need them, there are options for more support from health visitors if needed etc... At last life is becomming easier for me and i hope the same for you.

Edited by Merry

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Thank you rufusrufus, I can imagine! I just hope I manage to get in somewhere relatively soon as it would be a huge weight lifted. Did it take long for you to go through the processes of getting a diagnosis?

 

Hi Merry, thanks for your reply. I can definitely relate to and agree with what you have said. As I have grown up some of my 'behaviours' have changed slightly and I've learnt to keep things to myself a lot as people tend to think I'm extremely selfish and rude when I do speak my mind, since this has all come to light though I do find my family to be much more understanding of me. A big part of me however is really worried that I have too much going on the fact that this is my answer and if it turns out that it isn't, then I'm back to not really understanding myself and the way my mind works. So it is a very scary process, as a diagnosis is the difference between a final solution (so to speak) or the start of more questions!

Edited by Tsukimi

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Hi Tsukimi, well i was in your situation a year ago. All I knew then was that I couldn't go on without finding answers. I was sick of hiding my difficulties. No matter how hard i'd tried all my life, I had never been able to escape myself. It is exhausting trying to live up to other's expectations isn't it!

 

Even as a small child, I used to tell my parents that one day i would leave to find `people like me.` I felt like i was an alien sent here to observe the human race or something, but was so confused because no one had ever told me what i was here to do or why. It was like being in a foreign country, where no one else speaks your language. I couldn't understand them, and they couldn't understand me. I hated the world. It felt heavy and noisy and uncomfortable and unfriendly. It was so alien to me that as a child it never even felt real. I used to live in my imagination instead - a much friendlier place! I still spend a lot of time there now! How to cope in a world like that? How to cope with all the things life throws at you with no tools to do it? It takes years to learn ways of getting by, years of observation, but if you're like me, you know that it never ends. There are always new situations that you haven't experienced before so have no past learning to call upon. Your mind has to work harder than other peoples, trying to figure everything out so that you know what to say and when, so that you can act in whichever role you need to, to get through each different situation without upsetting yourself or anyone else. It takes a lot out of you.

 

So in the end, I realised that i couldn't force myself to fit into the world. I'd finally accepted that i couldn't make myself different. At first, I thought that maybe what i'd been hiding all these years was some form of mental illness. So after the first G.P sent me away saying I was just anxious and depressed, i saught a second opinion and he referred me to a mental health clinic, where thankfully they told me after about 6 months seeing a psychiatrist, occupational therapist and psychologist, that i was not psychotic! They have to explore every possibility you see, before they will assess you for anything. Adults are far more complicated than children to diagnose, because of what i was saying above - our learned coping strategies. They class this behaviour, or ability to appear to fit in most of the time as "high functioning." Our problems are easily disguised for small amounts of time but it takes a lot of energy to do it. Finally, after being told that Aspergers is what they believed it was, I underwent the diagnosis sessions as soon as someone qualified was available, which actually only took 4 weeks to complete. It was relatively straightforward from then on. Two weeks after the sessions ended, I recieved my diagnosis report. It was a great feeling to know for sure. It was like the world suddenly opened up for me, finally allowing me to be who i am. - Like someone waved a magic wand, and said i was allowed to be a little odd from now on...don't have to fit in anymore. In fact, my parents, like yours, instead of seeing me as hard work and a bit of a failure (that's how it felt to me), all of a sudden became proud instead, of what i HAVE managed to achieve, (considering). Hurrah!

 

Answers. Yes it IS VERY scary because special needs, i believe, bring less judgement than mental health illness. And at the start, you're worried you might have something far worse and harder to live with. All you know right now, as i did, is that something isn't right and you can't ignore it any longer. You want to know where you fit into the world, and Aspergers is a fairly easy thing to digest, and it means you aren't the only one like you. If it's not that, then what is it? Will you get no answer at all? That sometimes does happen. It's harder to detect in women, i was told that the tests are designed for men, so they are very thorough, and i know that if it is Aspergers, they will find it. Things are done on score sheets with percentages and stuff, the tests they give you provide them with numbers that are very conclusive because there are traits that we ALL share, male or female. And they will do a lot of talking to you and family members who knew you as a child. So the chances are, if you've read a lot about the subject and recognise most of those traits in yourself, then it's probably a done deal. It's not something that can easily be confused with anything else, except maybe OCD, but the thing with that is, that while most Aspergers sufferers may have some OCD traits, OCD sufferers will not have all of the Aspergers traits, so they can usually rule that out during the diagnosis process. I was told it can also look like attention deficit disorder but again there are several things that someone with Aspergers will display, that aren't seen in ADD.

 

So basically, I'm no expert obviously, but I can tell you that if you've read about lots of other things as well as Aspergers, and that seems to fit you the best, then it's probobly that. We aren't stupid! We know ourselves. Your sister knows you too. And someone with her level of knowledge will be able to make those comparisons very easily. It's obvious to you when you read about it, if that's what you have. I don't mean to make it sound like an illness, i'm sorry if i did! I'm actually really proud of it now because i've overcome a lot to get to this point, and there are cool things about it, like the thinking outside the box part, and the silent understanding...it's as though we really do live in a slightly different world to others and i like to think it makes us more interesting. I so hope you find the truth. We all deserve to know where we fit into the world, and as we live in a country that offers help once you have a diagnosis, to not have one, leaves you out in the cold if in fact, you do.

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Do you know what? It's sooooooo awesome for me, sat here reading this thread, because it's pretty much summed up aaaaall the conerns, worries, thoughts that I had before / during / after my diagnosis! I can't even pick out bits to agree with, because it's ALL me! :) This is what I really love about being diagnosed: just how uncanny it is that there are all these people who totally "get" me, when for 26 years I have felt so totally alone, crazy, unlovable, un-unfathomable. Wahoo!!! :D

 

Ha! A place full of people who hate to socialise and would neverwant to meet up. what a strange but welcome find!

Merry, this totally made me laugh! :)

 

Tsukimi: My diagnosis procedure really didn't take long, in the grand scale of things (unless you count the years it took me to finally decide to ask for a diagnosis!). I made a GP appointment in early July, went the next week, saw a truly horribly doctor who didn't know what AS was, so did his best to make me feel about 2" tall (and succeeded!). He did the referral, but my support worker also phoned the Asperger's Team, himself, and they said he could refer me, if the doctor wouldn't. They offered me an assessment date of August 1st, but I was going on holiday with my Mum and, although I tried, we couldn't re-arrange it, so I was diagnosed on August 23rd. The guy interviewed me for about 90mins, then phoned up my Mum and interviewed her, but to be honest, he told me at the end of my session that I had it, and that Mum just needed to corroborate what I'd said. He's coming back this Thursday to show me the report he's written, make sure there's no massive inaccuracies or anything, and to discuss a care plan. :)

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Double post, sorry :)

Edited by rufusrufus

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Ahhh. Feels nice doesn't it? We're not so different, not so alone after all. There was so much pain. So many awful memories. Shame. Hiding away so that the world doesn't discover you're crazy.....so much exhaustion, worry, fear, just pushing yourself all the time to be perfect, to get it right this time. Not to disapoint anymore, not to be the odd one out anymore. Such a busy mind, constantly learning, and yet, always the strange one....never liked for long....always failing, unable to keep the pace required...the only sanctuary being silence, darkness, safe when alone, hiding. Not anymore. Not for me. And not for you Rufusrufus. And hopefully, not much longer for Tsukimi.

We never were mad you know!!! Look at us now! We're all virtually saying the same thing. That means that what we have is something real and certainly not our fault! Now, we are free. It's okay that we're who we are. It's okay that we've messed things up before. It's okay if we mess things up again. I'm so glad i found this place!

:)

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Ahhh. Feels nice doesn't it? We're not so different, not so alone after all. There was so much pain. So many awful memories. Shame. Hiding away so that the world doesn't discover you're crazy.....so much exhaustion, worry, fear, just pushing yourself all the time to be perfect, to get it right this time. Not to disapoint anymore, not to be the odd one out anymore. Such a busy mind, constantly learning, and yet, always the strange one....never liked for long....always failing, unable to keep the pace required...the only sanctuary being silence, darkness, safe when alone, hiding. Not anymore. Not for me. And not for you Rufusrufus. And hopefully, not much longer for Tsukimi.

We never were mad you know!!! Look at us now! We're all virtually saying the same thing. That means that what we have is something real and certainly not our fault! Now, we are free. It's okay that we're who we are. It's okay that we've messed things up before. It's okay if we mess things up again. I'm so glad i found this place!

:)

 

Exactly :) I really identify with the whole "pretending to be normal" thing, and it really is exhausting. It's only as I've got a bit older and started to know myself a bit better that I realised why I found small talk so exhausting, going new places so excruciating etc. In fact, despite my having a psychology degree, it wasn't until I read Rudy Simone's "Aspergirls" that I had the language to describe what I experience. Quite frankly, I love being Aspie :) I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin now - it's still a process, I still suffer with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and self-confidence, have a propensity for eating disorders etc, but seeing it all in an Aspie light is helping me process it all a bit better. It's no wonder I'm depressed if I'm constantly exhausted, baffled, disgusted etc, by what I'm "expected" to be by the NT world. It's that constant feeling of being a square peg not being able to fit into that round hole, no matter how hard you try, and feeling guilty, like a failure, because of it. Now I'm aware that I can "play the NT game" when I have to, but be myself the rest of the time, I'm doing a bit better :)

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I feel the same way! I don't feel half the pressure i used to! It feels like i don't have to achieve so much. It's like my ways are accepted by people now. I think a diagnosis is kind of like being given permission to be your natural self instead of false. Still...it's hard when everything's perfect but you still feel depressed! - Or when you're still deeply concerned and worried but you have no idea what you're anxious about..... I think these are things we also share...perhaps the more negative side of having aspergers and something we'l always have to live with i suppose. I still haven't figured out how to cope with life but my husband lives his life while i tag along beside and my baby forces me to act when i want to hide.

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Thank you both for such lovely replies! ^_^

 

Reading through all of this has given me so much comfort and made me not feel so alone in my thoughts. It's quite crazy to see things that I think being said by other people for a change, but it is such a nice feeling! Even online I feel very misunderstood at times and regularly have to take breaks from the forums I go on, as even they can give me such an overwhelming sense of not fitting in, not being 'normal', of saying all the wrong things and asking all of the wrong questions. I think for me it feels like everything is a test and should have a 'right' answer, I just don't always know what it is and start to feel the pressure when it seems like everyone else does, If that makes sense? :unsure:

 

I've been going over my childhood a lot recently and keeping AS in my mind makes so many of those puzzle pieces that could never quite align before finally click into place, and I feel an official diagnosis will (hopefully) verify that they really do fit! It would be great to feel that pressure go and as you said Merry for it to finally be okay to just be me and not have to feel the need to hide it and cover it up all the time! Even with it just being in the stages of getting a diagnosis I feel I can open up a bit more to my family about my inner workings, without worrying that I will sound like a completely horrible person!

 

Ahh, I have just today loaned 'Aspergirls' from the library as on my searches over the internet have seen a lot of people recommend it, I can't wait to start reading it! Even just quickly skimming through it I'm seeing things and thinking "Yep, that's me!"

 

After coming on here and reading what you have both said, I'm feeling much more positive about getting a diagnosis, looking at the internet you seem to get such a standard template of what AS is, and how people with AS should act, but hearing it all from first hand experiences is much more validating for me :) I just hope my GP gets back to me this week about it as I am worried I'm going to have trouble getting in anywhere!

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Hi Tsukimi, you may get trouble from your G.P it depends who it is. They often have their own opinions and care more about proving themselves right than solving your problems, i find anyway. But if you don't get anywhere, it's down to you to try a different doctor, and another and another if necessary, until someone listens. I tell you what i did when i got a second opinion from a different doctor, i dragged my entire family along and that seemed to carry some weight! They all stood there in the surgery behind me as i sat down in front of him and as i said "I need help," i saw him look to them who were probably all nodding in agreement!!! Must sound quite funny...but doctors tend to listen when other people support your claim that something isn't right and needs to be done. Your sister could go with you for example. I don't know how supportive your parents are but from what you said before it sounds like they'd be willing to help you get it sorted out. Doctors can be stubbern people. Just don't take no for an answer. Its their job to help you help yourself....they really don't have a choice if you push them into it. :)

Oh maybe i misunderstood or read too quickly. I remember now, you've already spoken to dr. I don't know what part of the country you're in. Where i am there was no problem being seen by the mental health service, and they forwarded me to the right people. I had it easy in that respect. I do feel for you, right back there at the start of it all, but it's well worth going through it. Stay strong and carry on even when you don't want to!

Edited by Merry

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Thank you so much for you encouragement, Merry!

 

My GP has been very good and she encouraged me to seek a diagnosis, it is just finding somewhere that will be able to take me on at the moment. She left our old surgery and my mom did all she could to hunt her down for me, as I felt so at ease with her and we finally found her and thankfully she wasn't too far away! :D

 

I do have a wonderful and supportive family, my mom has to go to all my appointments with me as I just can't do it myself. I think if we don't hear back from them my mom will call up to ask if they know anything yet, keep your fingers crossed for me ^_^

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Hey.

 

First of all I just want to say that I haven't been diagnosed yet, so I hope it is okay that I have joined. Also, I am not looking on here for a diagnosis, just merely some information and advice.

 

I am a female in my 20's and am currently awaiting for an assessment appointment. My GP has been having trouble trying to get me in anywhere at the moment though, the first place she tried said I fit their criteria, but due to lack of funding they couldn't take me on. So she is now trying to get me in somewhere else, but we are yet to hear back from them.

 

It first came to light that I could have aspergers when my sister (who is training to become a teacher) had a session at the school she works at about children with aspergers and when they asked "Do you know any children that act this way, as they could have aspergers" she thought of me. I have always been somewhat 'different' to my siblings in my behaviour but it was always just seen as me being me. I'm not certain I have it, but from what I've researched and read it could definitely be a possibility which is why I'd like to get it checked, as I think it would bring some closure and comfort and after speaking to my GP she agrees.

 

Anyway, I'll leave it at that for now ^_^

It took me 14 months from Gp to diagnosis but it was only because i wrote to my MP on the Write To Them site and told her i was being denied treatment.....it was like having a magical genie

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These days I definitely feel I can let my "inner-Aspie" out a bit more, which I love. I've loved telling people that I've known for years "You know how we always knew there was something weird with me?.... Yeah, it's Asperger's". The dawning of realisation on people's faces is quite hilarious :) And then they seem to want to ask questions, which is brilliant. :)

I'm really glad your GP is being supportive, Tsukimi, but if it all goes wrong, there's a list on Rudy Simone's website of private practitioners who will assess / diagnose women with AS. One near me quoted £300 for the assessment and report, I don't know if spending that much is an option for you, and hopefully not necessary, but it's a possibility. Oh, and I went through "Aspergirls" underlining everything I related to. It was about every other line! Then I gave it to my parents to read, so they could see where I was coming from. My Dad was quite hilarious, everything he read, he said "Well that's me, and I don't have Asperger's, so neither does Ruth!" - umm....... actually Dad..... you clearly do! :) Bless him!

Hi Anxious - I've never tried being in touch with an MP - I'm glad it did the trick for you though... I do like the idea of having a genie :)

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That's good to know about the private practitioners :) My parents have said that if we don't get anywhere through my GP that they would be willing to help pay, as they feel it is very important for me as you said though, hopefully we won't have to.

 

I'm just over half way through "Aspergirls" I was up last night reading it and could easily have finished it in one sitting (and considered it!), but I knew I wouldn't get up in the morning to walk my dog! I think I might have to buy myself a copy as that was the urge I had, to underline the things that jumped out to me and I so badly wanted to go into my parents room and wake them up and say "Look! That explains that!" It is such an odd excitement! I kept going back into my childhood and the things that were often seen as my "funny little quirks" suddenly started to make sense! That is lovely about your Dad! I think once I've gone through it I'll have to let my family have a read too, as it would be interesting to see what they think and see if any of the behaviours I had when I was much smaller will come to light and make a little more sense!

 

Also, just wanted to say I love ferrets! Always wanted one, but never have :(

 

Thanks for that info Anxious, I'll keep it in mind :)

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That's good to know about the private practitioners :) My parents have said that if we don't get anywhere through my GP that they would be willing to help pay, as they feel it is very important for me as you said though, hopefully we won't have to.

 

I'm just over half way through "Aspergirls" I was up last night reading it and could easily have finished it in one sitting (and considered it!), but I knew I wouldn't get up in the morning to walk my dog! I think I might have to buy myself a copy as that was the urge I had, to underline the things that jumped out to me and I so badly wanted to go into my parents room and wake them up and say "Look! That explains that!" It is such an odd excitement! I kept going back into my childhood and the things that were often seen as my "funny little quirks" suddenly started to make sense! That is lovely about your Dad! I think once I've gone through it I'll have to let my family have a read too, as it would be interesting to see what they think and see if any of the behaviours I had when I was much smaller will come to light and make a little more sense!

 

Also, just wanted to say I love ferrets! Always wanted one, but never have :(

 

Thanks for that info Anxious, I'll keep it in mind :)

 

I buy most of my books off Amazon, they tend to be fairly reasonable, and arrive quickly. I completely know what you mean about wanting to go wake your parents up and say "THAT'S what that was about!!". I think my Mum found it really interesting reading, not just considering me, but beginning to see my Dad's behaviours through an Aspie lens.

Ferrets are awesome, always entertaining, terribly cute and endlessly mischievious :) Mine isn't very sociable as he was a stray (or maybe someone made him a stray because he wasn't very sociable!!) but I love having him around. I'd loooove to have a dog but I just couldn't cope, unfortunately, so a ferret that sleeps 20+ hours a day is perfect! :) What kind of dog do you have? Good luck with thr GP route, but I think it's good to know that there's a back up plan with the private practitioners :)

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I buy most of my books off Amazon, they tend to be fairly reasonable, and arrive quickly. I completely know what you mean about wanting to go wake your parents up and say "THAT'S what that was about!!". I think my Mum found it really interesting reading, not just considering me, but beginning to see my Dad's behaviours through an Aspie lens.

Ferrets are awesome, always entertaining, terribly cute and endlessly mischievious :) Mine isn't very sociable as he was a stray (or maybe someone made him a stray because he wasn't very sociable!!) but I love having him around. I'd loooove to have a dog but I just couldn't cope, unfortunately, so a ferret that sleeps 20+ hours a day is perfect! :) What kind of dog do you have? Good luck with thr GP route, but I think it's good to know that there's a back up plan with the private practitioners :)

 

Sorry for taking so long to reply, been having a bad few days :(

 

My dog (Motley) is a Welsh Collie x New Zealand Huntaway. He is already over 3 now >.<

He is a lovely dog, he seems to be very in-tune with my moods. If I'm sad he usually comes over and paws me until I give him a hug! :wub:

25504_425087280169_4128188_n.jpg

 

I also have an African Fat Tail gecko and 2 sugar gliders, I love having animals around me ^_^

 

Aww, it's a satisfying feeling taking in rehomes. My parents dog was a rehome, she is a bit nutty, but very sweet!

 

 

Hi - Darkshine :)

Edited by Tsukimi

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Aww Tsukimi, I relate on the bad few days, I hope you pick up soon. Motley is gorgeous!! It's great he's in tune with you. Owen's not really that fussed about me, but he can be bribed for cuddles :) Sugar gliders sounds awesome! And the AFT! I used to have Yemen chameleons, an iguana and a beardy. They were so cool, especially the iggy. :)

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Hey Joanne, sorry I missed your comment before, I'm glad you can relate, too - it's a great feeling isn't it? :D

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Hi and welcome

 

Is there a hospital in your county that has a psychology or psychiatry department?

 

Below is an article that may help you....

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/About-autism/All-about-diagnosis/Diagnosis-information-for-adults.aspx

 

....you can also do a search for diagnosticians by clicking on the pink map at the bottom right hand of that screen. Put in the 'name of your county' and 'diagnosis' in the relevant boxes. Then give those details to your GP.

 

HTH

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