Si_82 Report post Posted October 8, 2012 Hello folks. I am a 30 year old guy living in the Northeast. I have always known that there was some undelying cause for the many issues I had as a child but it was only a few weeks ago when reading Born on A Blue Day, that I pieced together the full picture...as uncomfortable as it made me to see it for the first time. Growing up, the problems making friends, subconcious head-rocking, the dyslexia, dyspraxia, the bullying and feeling an outsider, my odd reactions to social situations or overstimulation, the uncontrolable tantrums....I had written off all that as something that was unfortunate but which I had completely overcome and certainly not something that I should waste my time analysing in terms of who I am now. And as a teenager, that continued awkwardness, the (eventual) ability to get girlfriends only to be dumped after a couple of weeks once they realised I had no clue what I was doing, that intense depression and feeling of isolation and lack of control that led to the self-injury and overdose...The rare times I thought back to that I labeled it extreme teenage angst and quickly brought my thoughts to something less upsetting. As I read this book and then researched AS more online, I started to realise that all of my odd little personality quirks I have as an adult actually fit the AS pattern pretty well too. I had never made a link between these three stages in my life before for some reason and I started to think long and honestly about myself. I started to realise that behaviour I thought was pretty normal isnt and that I did things I chose to ignore untill faced with the truth of it all now. I have spoken to my GP who has agreed to reffer me for diagnosis as I feel that I need to get a professional opinion despite already being pretty convinced by this point. To be honest, the picture of AS fits me so well that being told I did not have AS would raise a lot more questions than a positive diagnoses. In the few weeks since my discovery I have swung dramatically from fascinated to depressed to angry to grieving to numb to worried to experiencing a terryfying panic attack where I could not stop shaking or hyperventelating. It is probably safe to say that I am having difficulty coming to terms with the realisation and understanding what it means to me but I have found that talking to others who have gone through this has helped so this is why I decided to join your forum. Thanks Si Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
raydon Report post Posted October 8, 2012 Hello Si_82 I also self diagnosed earlier this year. It's a very interesting journey, I had completely given up on some areas of my life, but now with a better understanding of the reasons, I feel I am slowly waking up. Good to have you here. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Starlight Report post Posted October 8, 2012 Hi, what your describing is pretty similiar to myself, it takes a while to piece the past together and put it in perspective -still trying to do it 2 years after realising what was the cause of all the social difficulties etc. At least the present can be understood better and decisions can be made with a full understanding of who you are and where your strengths and weaknesses lie - rather than just a blur of something being wrong. I think it's pretty cool to be ASD- but hard!! Starlight Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Merry Report post Posted October 8, 2012 Hi Si. I've recently been diagnosed age 32. For me, it helped my life because now i understand why it was so hard for me and why i've suffered so much and it doesn't feel like my fault anymore. I no longer have to feel guilty for being different and unable to succeed in areas that most people take for granted. I don't have to hide my differences, I don't have to apologize for being myself. It has been a huge relief, and a healing experience too. I hope it does the same for you. Actually, there are many good things about having aspergers too. It's amazing that there are just as many positive quirks as negative ones. So, on the negative side, social issues, need for routine, obsessiveness, being prone to anxiety and depression, etc, but on the positive side, the ability to think outside the box, using that overworked brain to figure things out that most around you can't understand....and focus, -being able to throw yourself into one beloved activity with thoughts of nothing else for ridiculous amounts of time...and the feeling of patterns throughout life, and being loved by the people who matter, exactly because of the traits that make you who you are, even if slightly odd! Well that's a little of my own experience. Maybe this will be a blessing for you as it has been for me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted October 9, 2012 Hello Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shnoing Report post Posted October 18, 2012 ... In the few weeks since my discovery I have swung dramatically from fascinated to depressed to angry to grieving to numb to worried to experiencing a terryfying panic attack where I could not stop shaking or hyperventelating. It is probably safe to say that I am having difficulty coming to terms with the realisation and understanding what it means to me ... I got my dx only after my then-3-now-8-year-old got his. For over a year, I saw that dx instead of myself ... that phase is over by now, but it's something you'll have to deal with. Welcome here! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
apsieallan Report post Posted October 19, 2012 Despite having a son with ASD it wasn't until I read Born on A Blue Day that it came together for me too:o) I struggled as a teenager thought everyone was crazy as 'they' didn't understand the rules. My inability to see shades of grey still gets me in trouble occasionally ( especially if tired or stressed when I can forget the rules). Moving far away from home helped me - I didn't have a back story in the big city, Slowly, I have build myself a fantastic career. My thought problems, in the right environment can be seen as creative and helped me stand out in a positive light. Remember you have to believe in yourself - go with you opinions and ideas, but ( and it's a big but) you need to learn to play the social games. For me feigning an interest in football and cars helped remove the 'weird' tag. Good luck. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shnoing Report post Posted October 19, 2012 Despite having a son with ASD it wasn't until I read Born on A Blue Day that it came together for me too ... Welcome here! I see you've only posted 3 posts so far - take it easy and you'll see which posts you can relate to. I think quite a number of people on the spectrum born in the 50s, 60s or even 70s didn't get any dx until their children did some years ago. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted October 23, 2012 Welcome being diagnosed gave me some relief but I've still got some disabilities that are unrecognised. My dyslexia and dyspraxic symptoms were only recognised after my ASD diagnosis. I also have major meltdowns in fact had a minor one today because my question 'why are you coming in here?' (when previous nights for the past 8 months this person hasn't come in the room ive been in) was taken the wrong way. I ask a question to get an answer and certain members of my family still wont accept the lack of hidden agenda behind my questions. Now 2 hours later I have finally loaded bbciplayer on the pc (she also told me off for 'shouting' at the tv because it took 12 minutes instead of the usual 2). Most of my life later and still im unable to change what im doing when my current course of action is proving fruitless. grrr Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
