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david3

I'm david3

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I have recently been diagnosed as being somewhere on the Autistic Spectrum. I have difficulty understanding what this means to the doctors. I understand little of what autism means. I have been advised to go to a group for people diagnosed as being in the same position. I shrink from human contact which I find often turns to inhuman contact. This is better for me. I have more time to think and decide how I will respond to others or as I am doing now initiate contact.

I've read some of the posts in Meet and Greet. I see a number from the parents of autistic children. I am not the parent of an autistic child. I am the autistic child. I am finding that my computer is a line of communicaton to the outside world. I expect that some people in this forum will understand what I am doing when I have little understanding. I listen to the radio a lot. I sometimes get frustrated that the communication is one way. The radio talks and I listen. Sometimes I would like to talk back.

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Hi David

 

Yes, quite a few of us are the diagnosed people rather than the parents/carers of (and some are both!). As Raydon says, a good mix of people and perspectives.

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Hey there David, new here too, Aspie & ADHD. Approach with as little fear as you can, remember that everyone here can empathise with you and want's to share with you positively.

 

I've worked with many people on the Autistic Spectrum so have the benefit of insight by experience, although I now realise just how much it was my own Autism that draw me to work in that field.

 

Both sides of the fence, not just mum's and dad's here - hope you find yourself at home at feel free to contact me.

 

:-D

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Welcome,

 

I also work with autistics mines a volunteer capacity, I also have a degree in the field of autism from the University of Birmingham.

I can vary from being hypersocial to hyposocial depending on my level of functioning at the time.

 

Also an ASDer.

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Thank you for your welcome, all of you.

 

I feel safe enough to share something here I dare not share with the people I know. I've been watching the TV series Battle Castle and I have got to thinking that I'd like to be Dan Snow because he seems to have a good attitude to life and he has got, from what I see, a great father.

 

I think that this post does not fit anywhere else. I am being proactive. I mean that this is not reacting to someone else, this is me saying something without being asked. So speaking without being spoken to.

 

I think that it's ok to want to be someone else.

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I think we all see people that we admire and wish we could be like them or have lives like theirs, or behave like them in some aspect or even be them. There's nothing wrong with that at all.

 

Welcome.

 

~ Mel ~

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Considering Dan Snow is a well respected celebrity I think it is an excellent goal to strive towards.

Unable to decide who i would like to be, hard to work out what parts of me to keep and what parts

to get rid of and how.

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Hello... I'm new around here and was diagnosed myself with Aspergers, rather than being a parent of a child with a diagnosis. I've found it very useful just reading lots and lots of posts on here and more recently decided to sign up and post myself. Hope you manage to find some answers while you're here :)

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Hello.

I'm in a reaching out phase. I decided today after doing my shopping to have a walkabout my neighbourhood, instead of staying in and listening to the radio, which I usually do. I suppose that I am like the Mole in the Wind in the Willows. I get fed up of the domestic and want adventure. I feel embarassed when I contemplate what I do when I do this; at the same time I am excited and feel pleasure when I do what I do.

 

[i think my English needs working on, and my thought process. I come the crossroads in my thinking and I have choices to make in my thoughts. I think that we tend to rush our thinking and I like to be slow and careful when I think. Writing things down in my language slows things and is a sort of discipline that some speakers tend to lack. The good thing about this forum is I am sharing with whoever is reading this and you have the power to stop reading and I understand already that you want to do other things.[/font]

I can stop writing when I want to stop and I have favourited this forum so it's easy to get back here.]

 

I decide to give an example of what I am embarrassed by. I am looking at a Christmas card display in the local abbey and I find a card with a postbox on it. I see that the postbox has only got GR on it and I think in order to be more realistic the postbox ought to have GVIR on it. The artist has missed off the regnal number. I make this a topic of small talk. I banter about this with whomever is present. Now I think in order to be up to date the postbox ought to have EIIR on it.

Goodbye for now.

 

Strike while the iron is hot.

 

I think that I have found my soul-mate. We choose to live separately from each other. I think that sometimes we marry people other than our soul-mates for a variety of reasons. I have attempted to develop a material relationship with her to no avail and I have been labelled a pest and I am afraid of being labelled a stalker. I have tested the limits of my sense of morality. I have sent her unanswered letters and I think that unanswered letters between us are less than satisfying. I think that us being just friends is less than satisfying and frustrating for both of us. I have been living a long time with this unrequited love [i think that the love is unrequited for both of us. I hold that we lack the appropriate social skills.] I usually attempt to develop the material relationship when I get this way and I have come to the decision to be less generous, and withold the charity I think that a true lover is supposed to give to his woman. While I think that she is screaming out for such love, I decide to keep my romantic love in cold storage until I find a use for my love. I think that I am choosing to be cruel to be kind.

 

I find that I interest few people with this story. I tell my tale here for those whom I interest.

 

I'm thinking of an ancient PicketyWitch song;-

"I still get the same old feelings

Tearing at this heart of mine,

Reminding me that I'm

Not really over you."

 

That's your lot.

 

I'm feeling embarrassed now. I go out and about in town and I make contact with my friends. We have experience of these conditions in my life so I hope we all can learn from our experience.

I wonder what I have done and if I have done anything wrong. I accept that if I sacrifice liberty for security I deserve neither. I like liberty; I ache with insecurity.

 

I want to write to Her and I decide to do something. I am afraid that I am neglecting Her and that I would hurt Her if I did pay attention to Her. I choose to get busy with pass-times and chores instead of correspondence. I have some memories of the good times I had with Her to dwell on.

Pain and pleasure indeed. [La Traviata]

 

I feel stronger this morning. I am afraid that I will waste my strength on foolish things. I want to work. I tend to act spontaneously most of the time. I do organise basic maintenance of my being. I lack a woman's touch being a man. I think that I like volunteers rather than the coerced.

I think that I do help our work with this little poem

 

Let's work together to keep our yellow submarine in order.

 

I decide to be careful. I will work in neutral towards getting back onside.

 

18/12/12

I am wound up enough. I just want to tick.

I decide to speak for my soulmate, according to my image of Her. I will hide from you when I do so. I would rather be silent than reveal too much to those in whom I have little trust.

I am getting on with everyday life now with my nervy emotional backdrop. I'm glad of this 'growlery' where I choose to air my private things.

 

20/12/12

I'm happier with my condition today. I like the changes I've made in the past few days in my thinking about Her. I feel less need to be bother Her because I am in touch with me more. If I think that I'm the pain in the ass in her life I want to be elsewhere where I feel free and I'm doing Her, and me, less harm.

I find my image of the Woman better than the real Thing. I'm learning to pay less attention to how she feels when I am away from Her.

 

(posts merged)

Edited by trekster

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Welcome, I am also diagnosed with autism and various other disabilities and mental health. To understand better about autism, visit NAS they have better explanation what it is. Are u diagnosed with autism or aspergers

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I am diagnosed with autism.

 

I am confused. I want to get in touch with Her and at the same time I think that I should not get in touch with Her. I decide to play safe for now and wait and see what I feel tomorrow. I choose to keep my cake rather than eat my cake. I am pleased to have my cake.

 

I am feeling wound up tonight. I am afraid that I might do something that I will get in trouble for. I am the only person standing between me and doing something evil, I think that I am coping with my emotions.

 

(posts merged please read the Mental Health topic at the top of the forum for more help)

Edited by trekster

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hope you managed to find something that helped you stay calm tonight,

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Dear Other,

I am missing your kindness this afternoon. I want to relax and be who I am with someone I am loved by. I decide to keep my cool here and wait until I find my way to you easier. I really want to be with you at the same time I want to be safe and protected from attacks on my temper. I'm watching the football now. Liverpool are winning 1-0 with an hour to go against a weaker side. They play this hour without conceding a goal they win. I'm filling a gap watching the game and if I got a better offer from you, I would be with you tout suite.

While I am separate from the reaI you I am in touch with my image of you. I hope that you are well and that someday I will join up your reality and my image.

 

David.

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Hi David, i've been reading your updates and find them interesting...there's a lot that many people like us can relate to, so it's all worthwhile. Good luck with your lady, she would be lucky to have someone who cares about her as much as you obviously do. Just beware, i learned in the past when i first joined this site, that if you talk about any issues of a sexual nature, you run the risk of having your comments edited or deleted, and there are some people who might get offended. Otherwise, lovely style of writing and i look forward to reading more of your thoughts. :)

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I think that I am missing my beloved in a different way tonight.

'How do I feel at the end of the day?

Does it worry me to be alone?

No. I'll get by with a little help from my friends.'

 

I miss my beloved.

 

I also miss the happy days of my childhood. I miss the girlfiend I took walking out in Middlesbrough. I have difficulty remembering her name. I think that I could remember her name if I had some therapy. Once upon a time I had no trouble remembering her name. We moved to Redcar and I had so much on my mind, I put looking after my primary school girl friend in cold storage. Maybe I have found my childhood sweetheart again in my beloved.

 

It is remotely possible that the little girl I miss is now the beloved I miss. I could call my childhood sweetheart, Beatrice. Dante lost Beatrice and found her again in Heaven. I may have lost Beatrice in childhood and found her again now.

 

I hear my beloved opening the front door now.

 

Dear Reader,

I have many problems this morning. First of all I have a hangover from going out last night to a blues club. I think that I have been smoking too much rather than drinking too much. I am a smoker like an alcoholic is an alcoholic. I smoke for the comfort of a simple pleasure. Like Kipling said 'a woman is a woman and a cigar is a smoke'. I decide that sending things to my long term loved one is cruel now. I've been writing to her for ages to put thing right and I receive nothing back. I'm suffering from a lot of male anxiety. The blues band last night sang a song about a man waiting for something from his woman. This is what I am doing. I decide to be happy with the image I have in my soul of her and to be good terms with it rather than be on good terms with the real woman. You can't argue with a mad woman and I guess the real woman is very angry with me. I choose to be at peace with the girl of my dreams and let the woman of the real world make her own decisions how I am treated by her. I'm pretty obsessive-compulsive about my Penny.

More later soon.

 

Dear Reader;

Here is my other problem. I have difficulty putting things into words. I may be high-functioning; I still have difficulty dealing with paradoxes. I think this is a symptom of autism according to 'normals'. Who decides what normal behaviour is? I think that I have a right to my opinion what normal behaviour is.

This is what I see. I attend Quakers. I've read the guidelines Advices and Queries. I've read the bit about being considerate to the meeting when I break the silence and I've read the bit about listening to people who break the silence with consideration. The thing is- I get told off for speaking in meeting. I get told off for contributing too much. I have a lot to say and decide to say only what I consider useful and even the little I say is too much for some people. I remember being blocked from entering last week's meeting. They're heavy on rule making and inconsiderate of me, the autistic human being. I have a fantasy of Quakers being somewhere I could settle down and I think that some people just won't have it. I am responsible for the situation. I would be to blame if I did anything malicious.

This is what happened.

David3; I decide what I do.

William; But you don't decide what you do. I decide what you do because you behave badly.

David3; I do decide.

William; Oh, no, you don't.

Infuriating illogical. I could give him a thump, but that would be bad behaviour.

Edited by trekster

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