Feels like we cant cope any more!

[Noskcaj86]

My son is still not sleeping. Since we moved house on 2nd october hes not slept properly. Were exhausted, we have 3 other kids to look after and i feel like we cant cope anymore. Its disturbing our whole family, all routine has now gone out the window becuase were so exhausted. I need him to have medication to help him sleep but doctors wont give him anything. Im taking him back today. I feel like saying either you give him something to help him sleep or take him off our hands. Its not fair on my other 3 kids, they are not getting looked after as well as they should be and they get less attention becuase our 4 year old takes up soooooo much of our time. Its literally RUINING our family life and nobody seems to want to help

[Noskcaj86]

He spent hours last night running back and forth in the front room, and spinning in circles so much he fell over and hurt himself as he was so dizzy but then once hed got over it he jumped up and started spinning again. Hes energy levels are crazy! He went to sleep late after all this running and spinning but got up early and woke the whole house up. He woke the 9mth old up by climbing in to his cot and squashing him we cant cope much longer

Edited October 30, 2012 by Noskcaj86

[darkshine]

Why is he having difficulty sleeping? There could be a number of reasons and if the cause is not addressed then although medication can ease the problem, it might not solve it. Also some people, kids included need less sleep than others, how is the lack of sleep affecting him?

 

Learning to have a healthy sleep routine isn't always an automatic thing, I've spent many years trying to create a healthy sleep pattern (and still don't totally succeed lol) I guess my point is that for some people it has to be learnt.

 

What time do you want him to go to bed? What happens around his night time routine? How does he behave? How does everyone else behave? Do you inform him that its time to go to bed and have a routine in place that stays the same every night?

 

And was this a problem before you moved?

 

(Just asking a few questions for more info - even though I might not have an answer someone else might and extra info doesn't hurt).

 

Best

 

Darkshine

[Sa Skimrande]

Sleeping was always an issue for me right through childhood up to now near middle aged, the reason, I can't turn the mind off, only copious quantities of alcohol works, but that is the wrong path and the melatonin doesn't work either where it used to and this last night I have been awake all night and currently I tend to sleep every two days, but when I sleep, I sleep deep, no noise wakes me.

 

Though it doesn't work for me most of the time, a young sense it might, try putting a few drops of lavender oil on a tissue and placing it near the child, also camomile works but it stinks of apples and that for me is a no no, allergic to the things. There are others that work like passiflora, hops, clary sage, frankincense, benzoin etc, but lavender and camomile is by most accounts safe to use,but get some advice.

[justine1]

I agree with all the questions darkshine has asked,especially regarding whether this was a problem before the move? If it was'nt you want to see what has changed in his room or indeed routine. One thing someone mentioned on here or a different forum is how things look to a child,so when you go in his room look at thing from his level there may be something casting a showdow or just looking a strange shape that can cause all sorts of thoughts in a childs mind. Is his room east/west/south/north facing and was it the opposite before? Was the bed against the wall differently i.e longitudinal/horizontal? likewise for other furniture. I know these things sound petty but could be major deal to a child not to mention one with ASD.

 

I would definatley use the above suggestions on natural remedies. As mentioned on your other post melatonin(likely to be the only remedy you will get from a paediatrician) is meant to work alongside a good/well established sleep routine,so it would be good to stick to what routine you have in place. You cannot do it alone so I would suggest you and partner go to bed early and take shifts so you both get at least 3hrs of uninterrupted sleep,then switch over again. Sleep is about quality NOT quantity having worked nights and cared for kids during the day I could manage on 5-6hrs sleep but it is much better if this is unbroken sleep(not 2hrs sleep,1hr awake,1 hr sleep etc.)

 

From your posts I am assuming he is not in pain as he wants to play,so that is a positive. The most important thing is to just not communicate with him in anyway keep lights off/dimmed and reduce/remove toys/telly/games etc. Even if it means clearing out the room completely so all he has is a bed,it may be an inconvienience short term but may mean you get sleep long term.

[Noskcaj86]

Hi thanx for replies. He has always had some sleep problems but nothing this bad ever :/ this is really bad! He just wont settle and its every night. Hes had to start sharing a room with his younger brother since moving as we have had to down size, so removing toys would be unfair on his brother. Hes having to sleep on a top bunk also for the 1st time and the room is much smaller than the one he had before. Problem is we have no space for 2 single beds without bunks and there isnt a spare room he can sleep in either. I know all this change is whats causing him not to asleep but i cant do much about it due to lack of space... The doctor refusing to give anything to help him sleep still, we went again today and asked for melatonin but she said no, its only able to be prescribed by a paediatrician to a child. Struggling to find a solution. Hoping to buy a weighted blanket but they arent cheep!

[Sa Skimrande]

I am thinking running back and forth is a space issue if his room is smaller I can understand what he is doing as when I got this flat seven years ago, it being a studio flat so one room I was forever restless and used to pace back and forth from end to other constantly. See in a large space where you know there is large space you settle, but in a small space it is somewhat well small at first until you get used to it. If you can understand it is also what animals do in new spaces and I think it was called testing the boundaries

 

But lavender I mentioned, here's one you can get an electrically operated vapouriser battery or mains and the mains ones I think plug directly into the wall socket like those commercial room fresheners one can buy and in it at night time start filling the room with lavender before sleep time and it should turn the mind off as lavender is a tranquilliser that works on most. The room smell can be bolstered by lavender on the pillow. But also I have found what colour the walls are painted also affects the mind where here for a few years it was bright yellow which is associated with neurotic, so I painted the walls a neutral colour which improved matters but colour therapy is real it does work, but blue the most soothing is too cold for me and it was a fact when I was a kid, like a loony bin my bedroom walls were always painted green. Ideally I would like a heavy dark colour like maroon but this place is small it would make it appear smaller.

 

Melatonin is not available over the counter in the UK, but one can buy it online, even ebay has it and I get mine by buying online because it is not available OTC and doctors are stingy with it there preferring other means which create dependence and I won't do anything that runs the risk of creating a dependence as addictions I can do without.

[Noskcaj86]

Thanx, I was thinking about painting his room blue earlier because his old room was blue so thought it may help. Also i found putting a calm music CD on for him at bed time calms him down a lot and actually made him fall asleep after 30 mins!! I brought some natural sleep aid today from boots but havent tried it yet as he settled well tonight but will try it tomorrow night and see if it helps too. I think hes sleep is improving, now on night 2 where he was asleep by 10.30 pm

[Sa Skimrande]

Good for thinking about the blue, it might help in future not just for the therapeutic means but because the old room was blue.

 

Music, I used to help one who could not sleep via CD, the Tallis fantasia by Vaughan Williams no less and this person was a heavy metal fan, he admitted he never got passed eight minutes into the tune before it bored him to sleep, however it worked night on night. An other is useful are Mozarts; Die zauberflote, but Vaughan Williams music is my personal thing when I need relaxing music.

 

 

But good through whatever he is giving you some peace of mind.

[darkshine]

Sounds like you are trying to make some positive changes and have made a good beginning.

 

These things take trial and error, I find some styles of music can assist and others can interfere, as a child I used to listen to tapes of someone reading a story, and as an adult I have moved away from these ideas and I play certain DVD's that are quiet, and dark, I find the muted murmurings and dull flickering light helps me to go to sleep, and I set 2 hour timers for the devices to turn off after 2 hours.

 

The good thing with trying to test out ideas for getting your son to have a healthy sleep routine is that there's a wealth of ideas out there, I'd advise that you test them for a long enough time so that you truly know if an idea helps or hinders, I've found that some things have felt worse to begin with and then a couple of weeks later I've noticed improvements - it really is about trying things out and seeing what works over time and realising that a sleep pattern can change as the world around us changes - it isn't possible to make it exactly the same everyday - things like weather, time of year, mood, the emotions of people around us - are not going to stay static permanently.

 

I myself occasionally use lavender essential oils in a bath, I know that this can help on a regular basis but I leave it as a backup plan because coupled with the bath it aids relaxation and I don't need to do this every night because I just don't need to, this is something I worked out through trial and error along with many other ideas, and I still have more to learn as though my sleep routine is "ok" it is not fully suited to me yet.

 

Approaching this stuff with a neutral attitude helps, as does being positive or proactive - I know this is difficult when you get sleep deprived, but its well worth the effort in the long run for you and your family. Hope the painting the room blue helps as I also believe that to be a good idea to provide a link to your son's old bedroom for when he goes to sleep, certain colours in a bedroom (or indeed any room) can have affects on light and mood, I personally found my room being that colour as a teenager was calming, although I painted two walls cream to get a different affect with light which I quite liked (I did this on alternate walls - blue, cream, blue, cream - mainly because I liked the repetitive pattern of colour as I looked around the room).

 

My final point is that now you have found some things that help, I would avoid making any major changes, if things go downhill, try changing one thing, or adding one idea, see if it works for at least a couple of weeks before tweaking or deciding to try something else - I also wouldn't write off an idea unless it has a massive effect - and even then, what might not work at age 4, might work at age 6, or 13 and so on.

 

Best

 

Darkshine

Edited November 1, 2012 by darkshine

[Noskcaj86]

He slept through all night again, 2 nights in a row now! Just need to try and make his bed time earlier as 10.30 seems a bit late for a 4 yr old. But I will wait a bit before trying to change bed time as he's only just got use to going to bed at 10pm and dont want to disturb this routine. Ill try to get him to bed half an hour earlier (9.30) for a few nights in a row and when thats ok Ill change it to 9pm and just take it slowly. But I think hes finally starting to settle in to the new house. Thanks for all your helpful suggestions

[Sa Skimrande]

A final one I forgot to say is drink warm milk before bed, there is something in milk that aids sleep.

[Mannify]

We have similar phases during times of change, but they do subside. It's hard to keep things in perspective during a tough patch - I know that from experience - but having just moved house may mean that it'll be a few weeks or, I'm afraid, even months before things settle again. But our experience is that they do once the new has become the norm.

[Mannify]

Silly mistake, lol

Edited November 1, 2012 by Mannify

[Sally44]

What professionals forget, or don't know, is that often all the family are stressed everyday anyway, and so anything 'additional' just tips you over the edge.

 

We've recently been given a weighted blanket by the OT at his school, and it really is working. He has to have it on for no longer than 20 mins, but it calms him down and he falls asleep - wonderful.

 

I would ask the GP to refer you to the Paediatrician. They are usually the ones that decide about medication. My son takes Alimemazine every night because my son watches quite alot of TV in the evening and they said that the light from the TV would counteract the Melatonin.

 

Anyway, glad things have calmed down a bit. I suspect he has alot of sensory issues, and this house move has thrown him off balance for a while because his environment is new.

[Noskcaj86]

Thanx, i agree the doctor doesnt understand how it affects everyone. My 9 year old was getting kept awake by the noise of my 4 yr old running back and forth the living room whilst making his loud Oooo noise. which was hard for him on a school night. We have been under the paed for 3 years now but only recently refferred for ASD assesment and the referral happened just before we moved house/area which meant being referred on to a new paed and hospital which is taking its time but at least the sleep issue has improved

[Mannify]

I'm glad the sleep issue has improved, and hopefully it will do further. Yes, that's the thing that professionals often fail to understand isn't it - the knock-on effect on the siblings. It reminds me of when our son had tantrums past midnight and I think even our neighbour would have been disturbed by it, let alone our other children. Keep us informed

[Cariad]

My son is 16 and has always been a poor sleeper. I find a nighttime routine works (most of the time), warm bubbly bath, then a favourite programme put on the TV while he lies under a blanker, a warm milky drink, then when the programme finishes up to bed. Use a nightlight, make sure the room hasn't got toys everywhere which would overstimulate him, I painted my sons room green, has a lamp and a blackout blind.

 

Also is he worn out in the day? Plus don't let him nap... We do give my son melatonin (10mg) to help him sleep which you could ask for from CAHMS as the Dr might not do it.