Emotionally Immature ?

[Sa Skimrande]

Is the situation of being emotionally immature common to ASD ?

[smileyK]

i say it can be quite common indeed with ASD i know i am! Cry all time and very childlike how i handle/deal with emotions at certain times! It can be embarrassing!

[LancsLad]

I can only speak for myself and looking back I was emotionally immature. My own AS as a developmental condition held me back a good few years as a child and then a teenager and as a young adult. My emotional maturity was always out of step for example I was pretty sexually acive in my late teenage years without having the slightest inkling that there was an emotional level to 'love making' for me I treated it no differently than if it was a game of rugby or any other physical activity.

 

When I got into a serious relationship the one I am still in 27 years down the line I started to see how deficient I was. I started to think who needs to take responsibilities for missunderstandings me or you and the answer was nearly always me and so I started to work on better understanding myself at an emotional level to get in touch with that emotional side. I have to be honest and for about another 10 years of so I struggled with people but dynamic landscapes were the place to go an find this side of me be they mountains, the sea or cave systems. When I learn't to understand myself and develop a limited emotional vocabluary in those environments I was better placed to take my development onto the next stage, people.

 

These days I consider myself to be well placed in terms of emotional development but I have worked very hard on it to be honest. It is possibly a good thing as I am not a young or as fit as I once was and this 'love making' is a bit easier to take on than a game of rugby at my age but it does need you to think about other peoples feelings and emotions for it to be much fun!

[Sa Skimrande]

I think I used to be more mature, but the last seven years I believe I have degraded and that partly because of the AS diagnosis, where I am now understanding just how bad I can be, so I tend to keep away from people to avoid hurtful situations, but have I transferred that annoying ability to the online world of forums such as this I wonder ?

[LancsLad]

Sa Skimrande when I got my diagnosis I was fortunate that it coincided with what I felt was a natural developmental phase I was entering into (seven ages of man type stuff), which rang true looking back on my life. I very much wanted to make this latest transition a priority of mine so I decided not to go back into looking for work but I had to do something constructive and positive, it was Ironman triathlon. For me the endless hours on the bike in spectacular scenery, out running in the hills and trails, and to a lesser extent swimming in an empty pool up and down last thing at night have been the perfect backdrop to reflect. Triathlon for me has nothing to do with ego but about making contact with myself. Those environments have enabled me to stay in very positive emotional states of mind and as a result I have had possibly the best two years of my life in terms of personal growth. My decision was highly selfish but it has benefited the people around me.

 

In financial terms it may have cost me £50,000 and two years out of 47 to get things back in balance but that is a very small price to pay in many respects for peace of mind and a sense of real well-being. I had done a lot of work before that point but it was a case of getting all the loose ends tied up.

 

I think we can get stuck and go backwards, we can cling onto the wrong sorts of things to try and arrest loosing ground, things like intelligence and status and whilst that might be fine in the short term in the long run it isn't sustainable. The things which are sustainable and important to me are my relationships and my own self-esteem the other stuff is far less important.

 

Most people have a mirror in the house somewhere and it is a case of taking a good hard look sometimes and finding the good things within ourselves on which to build upon. We can see that face change year on year and for sure I have got older, but i have also become a lot more mature, wiser and stronger. We carry the external scars for sure and I have been in a few battles if you care to look but it is what is inside us that is important and what we feel about ourselves and importantly the type of person we want to be. Our futures are not pre determined, we can choose to write them how we wish in many ways, but if we put new elements and changes into our future life story it is our responsibility and no one elses to make it happen.

 

Just a few thoughts.

[Sa Skimrande]

I am stuck in a constant cycle of high and low moods, it is permanent ground hog day, something not helped by the fact that I am unemployed, skint and living on my own , where it seems I have recently annoyed my friends so much they are avoiding communication with me and even lying to keep away- I know because I caught one of them.

[LancsLad]

In many ways the most important place is not where we are at but the destination we want to get to because that helps to start to define the journey we might need to take.

[Sa Skimrande]

Tried that too many times, I know where I want to get to, but around and around in circles I go. This complete lack of energy and an easily distracted mind doesn't help, but that I know is the KS and there is nothing I can do about that except endure it as I go around in yet another circle.

 

And now I have just opened a letter, a threat from the DWP informing I will lose benefits if I don't turn up at a work focused interview, where I notice they always start with threatening language, but that is what us scummy benefit scroungers expect and so no wonder we have negative attitudes.

[Mike_GX101]

I think the concept of emotional immaturity gets banded around much too often.

 

What does it mean to be immature emotionally? What point of reference are you comparing your level of emotional understanding to? Are you comparing yourself to someone of your same age group? Are they the same gender? Are they from the same culture?

 

Yes sure there are always people out there who are emotional life coaches. I can certainly remember people in my own life at all ages who have been especially tuned-in emotionally (such as teachers who weather a storm following a playground fight). Most of us probably also know people who are emotional manipulators; these types of people are often in highly influential positions in workplaces and will cry and kick up a fuss just to get what they want.

 

Another difficulty with defining emotional immaturity is the fact there are so many emotions (have you ever tried to list them all?). Where you might be weak with regulating one emotion you might have mastered another. For example people who are good at telling jokes (i.e. master's at making people happy) may be poor with commenting appropriately in occasions requiring tact where tensions are running high.

[Special_talent123]

I don't know how u mean. Do u mean have not learned how to deal with emotions? I were told by psychiatrist I have not learned the skills of dealing with my emotions because of my childhood upbringing

[Mike_GX101]

I don't know how u mean. Do u mean have not learned how to deal with emotions? I were told by psychiatrist I have not learned the skills of dealing with my emotions because of my childhood upbringing

Which emotions can you not deal with? Please list...

[Special_talent123]

Mike I don't know she thinks I'm emotionally unstable because as a child I was bought up being an

abused by my father so that I obviously have not experienced happy so my mind has not matured. She says I have my highs the really impulsive/silly disruptive ones and then a low.

[Mike_GX101]

Emotional stability has very little to do with emotional maturity.

 

People can be emotionally unstable (say after a failed marriage) and yet be emotionally mature.

[Special_talent123]

She says that I have not matured because of childhood upbringing so that has resulted in emotion unstable

[Special_talent123]

U do know that emotional unstable traits is part of personality disorder but don't meet full criteria

[karmadestiny]

Sa Skimrande when I got my diagnosis I was fortunate that it coincided with what I felt was a natural developmental phase I was entering into (seven ages of man type stuff), which rang true looking back on my life. I very much wanted to make this latest transition a priority of mine so I decided not to go back into looking for work but I had to do something constructive and positive, it was Ironman triathlon. For me the endless hours on the bike in spectacular scenery, out running in the hills and trails, and to a lesser extent swimming in an empty pool up and down last thing at night have been the perfect backdrop to reflect. Triathlon for me has nothing to do with ego but about making contact with myself. Those environments have enabled me to stay in very positive emotional states of mind and as a result I have had possibly the best two years of my life in terms of personal growth. My decision was highly selfish but it has benefited the people around me.

 

In financial terms it may have cost me £50,000 and two years out of 47 to get things back in balance but that is a very small price to pay in many respects for peace of mind and a sense of real well-being. I had done a lot of work before that point but it was a case of getting all the loose ends tied up.

 

I think we can get stuck and go backwards, we can cling onto the wrong sorts of things to try and arrest loosing ground, things like intelligence and status and whilst that might be fine in the short term in the long run it isn't sustainable. The things which are sustainable and important to me are my relationships and my own self-esteem the other stuff is far less important.

 

Most people have a mirror in the house somewhere and it is a case of taking a good hard look sometimes and finding the good things within ourselves on which to build upon. We can see that face change year on year and for sure I have got older, but i have also become a lot more mature, wiser and stronger. We carry the external scars for sure and I have been in a few battles if you care to look but it is what is inside us that is important and what we feel about ourselves and importantly the type of person we want to be. Our futures are not pre determined, we can choose to write them how we wish in many ways, but if we put new elements and changes into our future life story it is our responsibility and no one elses to make it happen.

 

Just a few thoughts.

 

I just wanted to say everything you have written is so well balanced...You have taken the responibility of your own choices, actions and made life work for you...You have faced the ugly truths about your past choices and instead of closing your eyes to them and carrying on to blame others and the external forces outside of you, you have pro-activley changed them for a better future and a better you...It is always a hard journey to find the real us, sometimes we have to traverse through life's ultimate challenges, being battered and bruised and to keep picking ourselves up each time we're on our knees, to learn who we really are and what is really important to us and why...I have found myself on my knees again, and started to drift back into feeling 'SORRy ' for myself and hard done by...each word you have written has resonated with how I try to live my life and be responsible for my choices...Thank you so much for the reminder my friend, you have helped me up from my position of giving in, you have given me a sense of direction and a sense of empowerment I haven't felt for a while!...God Bless yOu always...

[karmadestiny]

In regards to emotional maturity, it has nothing to do with a certain condition on its own...Every single event in our lives contributes to it....from how we handle day to day situations, how focused we are in the direction of our goals, do we look at our situations with honesty and clarity...Do we blame the world for our own negative or lazy way of dealing with things...unless one has a severe learning difficulty that hinders our growth we have no-one to blame but ourselves because the responsibility again lies with us...are we doing everything in our power to put in the hard graft that needs putting in place for things to start moving in our lives...or are we expecting things to magically appear in our lives without having to work for them?...The more we learn to face our own truths and see them for what they are, the more we are open to maturity and growth... Finding positive ways to move our lives forward instead of waiting for something external to change our situations is the only way forward...We all mature at different levels whether we have AS or KS or ADHD or we are classed as "normal"...Each one of us is battling the same choices, every single moment in our lives no matter who were are and what our own personal crutches are...

 

So simply and powerfully put by Lancslad...Maturity starts with taking reponsibility for our own choices and actions or NOn- actions...NOthing more!