How do you cope with xmas

[trekster]

hello all

 

Unsure what to do about Xmas. The family go to grans and i normally join them but im scared because ive had meltdowns for the past 2 years at Xmas which my 'mum' has triggered off or made worse.

 

It has been a really difficult year, I've been in a wheelchair for over 13 months now and a few family members are very aggressive about my use of my wheelchair. ive been shouted at in an attempt to frighten me into stopping using my wheelchair with the 'do you want to be in it for the rest of your life?' They refuse to accept it is up to my joints whether my wheelchair is for life rather than me. They also wont believe that most people use a wheelchair for pain and fatigue management. ive even lost false friends due to using a wheelchair.

 

Normally i watch 'Santa Claus the movie' (and get really annoyed when it's on any evening except Xmas eve a DVD wouldn't count) when that's on. Then i watch Top of the Pops Xmas special with my uncles girlfriend (who really likes me) but that clashes with Xmas dinner (more of a problem to my 'mum' than me).

 

The we have present time, but after present time im unsure what to do? This is when im likely to get stressed, we did used to play 'name that tune' or 'next lines' but that's not as popular as it used to be.

 

i think the issue is the number of people there. me, 'mum', gran, uncle alan (fairly understanding), Syd (his girlfriend), pete (my lovely bro), alfie (my nephew i haven't seen in over 4 weeks), 'sister', 'BIL', aunty al (provided disability is off the agenda shes OK), cousin, her fella, her baby son. Normally i try and play with alfie but hes not arriving until 3pm.

 

Maybe i should put my weighted jacket on (which a few relatives have a problem with) as that helps with sensory overload. Even worse im unable to control my pain this year but i suspect the meds partly caused a problem.

 

Any ideas of how to cope with xmas when autistic needs get forgotten? There is another tv in a different room i could use.

[Isobel]

Things are slightly different for me this year - usually I get a night at my dads for christmas eve/christmas day but this time we're going to step mum's house which her grown up kids are renting at the moment. Family don't usually bother me, and entertainment's good. Anything I want to watch on tv I just record and watch later. Its things like corks popping out of champagne bottles and other sensory things like that. We go over and visit Auntie Pauline and she has her kids and grandkids round, fortunately only for about two hours then I'm off for a quieter christmas meal with my mum and sister and stepdad. Took me a while to get used to all the extra relatives, but its ok.

[trekster]

Some of the tv programs such as the soaps i wait until the others have gone to bed before watching. Others are unlikely to be repeated and we dont have recording abilities in this house. Thanks for your comments, strangely enough my middle name is Pauline :-)

Excellent that the family rarely bother you.

[LancsLad]

By being a miserable ###### and experience tells me it eventually goes away!

[darkshine]

By being a miserable ###### and experience tells me it eventually goes away!

 

That's my philosophy this year - I'm less patient though so it seems to take forever!!

[LancsLad]

We should have the same response to Christmas as people have at the moment towards Starbucks. I have been investing in Xmas for years and I want some payment back rather than indigestion and a hangover on Boxing day!

 

On second thoughts VAT reciepts over Christmas might be the only thing to keep this country running next year the way things are going. So bring on the Boxing Day sales ago out and buy a new sofa then my local mental health service might be able to afford a stamp to send me the letter to tell me they have been disbanded earlier in the year.

[Special_talent123]

I could not cope last yearns its a Lot of socialising so what I decided is to cut down how much time I stay over so like last year I stayed for a week I am going over on Christmas Eve and come home the day after boxing day

[justine1]

I could not cope last yearns its a Lot of socialising so what I decided is to cut down how much time I stay over so like last year I stayed for a week I am going over on Christmas Eve and come home the day after boxing day

 

That is a good compromise. Trekster is there no compromise you can make? With regards to telly do they not have a box where you can record? That way you can eat at the time your mum sets(this is reasonable as a mum of five I cannot stand cooking for over an hour only for nobody to be ready to eat when the food is ready!)) after that you can watch your usual programmes just an hour later.

 

Life is about compromise and one cannot expect everyone else to ruin their xmas day routine to make sure theirs goes smoothly.

[trekster]

That is a good compromise. Trekster is there no compromise you can make? With regards to telly do they not have a box where you can record? That way you can eat at the time your mum sets(this is reasonable as a mum of five I cannot stand cooking for over an hour only for nobody to be ready to eat when the food is ready!)) after that you can watch your usual programmes just an hour later.

 

****We have nothing recordable and since it's the only program i insist on watching live (only my 'mum' objects to it) i think im being very reasonable. About 30mins into Xmas dinner i go and watch TOTP so i do make the start of Xmas dinner. Also it's grans house and since she has no objections to me watching my tv program at that time it's a routine ive kept. im unable to compromise with regards to this tv program. i have to put up with Dr Who or the other guests choices the rest of the time, which i do without complaining so they can do this for me.

 

Life is about compromise and one cannot expect everyone else to ruin their Xmas day routine to make sure theirs goes smoothly.

 

That's the point though we dont really have a Xmas day routine. Also what to do after the present opening aside from thanking people for what you got? That's more of a problem for me. Gran has told me in the past i can hide in the study on the PC if i like, i might just play with my nephew or my new baby cousin and his toy im getting him. The problem with me is the crowd and people with louder voices, the 'good' news is there are less people attending, the bad news is the ones i get on with the least with 'sister's' family including the nephew who insists he "doesn't care about me anymore" will be there.

[justine1]

If you know what time the food will be served then maybe you could "work" around that. The idea of retreating somewhere is a good one so keep a balance. Thats what my boys do, first they open presents,play for a bit, then while I am busy they have a breather on their own with less noise. After lunch we tend to watch telly as a family but if they want to go off they can do.

 

So prehaps just say you going to the pc for a bit maybe put a do not disturb sign on the door or something. Then mingle when you can,mostly at mealtime. Don't worry about what others may think of you. My mum is coming from abroad and I don't get on that well with her,she does'nt celebrate xmas as she is Jewish but as I do she just has to adjust to that. It is awkward as we don't get along but I want her to spend time with her grandkids so put all the negative feelings aside just for one day!

[Special_talent123]

Trekster every year I would always spend time I. Bedroom doing my own thing. This year I'm helping mum to cook to help me Learn how to cook roast

[Sa Skimrande]

How do I cope with xmas, simply I don't very well and do my absolute best to ignore it, which is hard given what happens in this country two months prior to where I understand the commercial interest is paramount, the buy, buy, buy, spend what you can't afford and damn the consequences it's xmas, one day out of a year based upon a pack of lies.

 

Yes lies, because there is evidence to suggest Jesus was not born on the twenty fifth of December as what were shepherds doing tending their flocks in the hills of Israel in winter, if anyone knows the region, it gets very cold and icy in the hills of the region in winter and other parts of the world the UK included bring the flocks down off the hills in winter.

 

No evidence suggests Jesus was in fact born nearer to April not December, but the church as usual did it's usual and created lies to suit it's own policies which was in it's beginning to convert pagan thought to their way of thinking and so Jesus was suddenly born a couple of days away from the traditional winter solstice celebrations, the point where scientists of the time had detected the shortest day of the year indicating that the wheel of the year had turned and people had to look forward to longer days until the summer solstice when the days would start getting shorter again. As far as land activities were concerned the solstices were a good guide to knowing where one stood, people tuned into the planet for their lives, but the church wanted to change that, can you see the power seeking in their ideas ?

 

And then we come to all the paraphernalia to do with Xmas, it's all pagan, dressing trees, putting gifts under trees, yule logs, holly and Ivy exchanging gifts, where is the christian in it ?

 

http://carm.org/origins-of-christmas

 

Now I do believe in God, but I do not believe in the church given it's history of lies and so I continue in my personal quest to find God and am sort of agreeing with one belief where it is supposed Jesus actually said the kingdom of heaven resides in the person as depression is hell, but both God and his opposite are to be found in people, just bog standard humans, not anywhere else and this sort of aligns with a lot of pagan thought on the matter, the various entities are within us and outside of us in nature, which says to me belief should be in ourselves and others not vague things in the sky and this is reinforced by the christian belief that man was made in the image of god. The bottom line, we are god and his opposite and in pagan thought, we are the separate gods each one of them is an aspect of ourselves and nature to be celebrated for what life is.

 

Now as to xmas I believe if one cannot be what one is to oneself and others for one day of the year all the year, then xmas is hypocrisy as I notice all the kind actions come out at xmas but are seemingly absent the rest of the year with the majority.

 

But what has xmas become if it isn't one massive commercial venture where people are encouraged to buy now and pay later as the guilt is piled on just for monetary profit. I have done it before, when I had a family with kids and grandkids I have been sucked in many times to the guilt over xmas and reaped the debt afterwards and all the suddenly less equitable lenders getting nasty, I won't do that again and I do feel for all those others with children who know the back is against the wall, money is very tight but the children just must fit in to their social circles as no one likes to be cast out through not having the right gift.

 

But I am not the xmas grinch, what I am saying is spread the good cheer of xmas throughout the year don't save it all for just one day, as commercially that is economic sense steady growth not boom and bust.

 

But I am single person, I live on my own and though I have been invited to a few things, I will not go through my own beliefs in the lie that is xmas and besides a single person is basically an after thought.

 

To me if I can again, it will be just another day.

[trekster]

i was referring to the Xmas day celebrations with family or friends at the time of posting

 

Thanks for your support Justine it is much appreciated.

 

The routine of wrapping presents beforehand to xmas music, going to grans, dinner, me going to watch TOTP part way through (normally joining the others afterwards), avoiding the queens speech (she doesn't even write it), attempting to play "name that tune" or "next lines" after presents, sharing out the dessert i bake (which is egg free, citrus free, dairy free and gluten free for the special dietary folks) is likely to be the plan.

 

Now onto planning what to wear on the day, ive got what i call my xmas tree outfit..... brown trousers, red shirt and a forest green sweater (which has beeds and sequins on).

[Sa Skimrande]

Then misunderstanding the question I should not have answered, go on with your happy thoughts and don't mind me.

[A-S warrior]

I try not to think too much. Just relax for 5 mins, it won't kill you.

[Special_talent123]

for me its more of socialisng that i find hardest so cant relax

[Asun86]

I think it's this massive build up to what really is 1 day that affects me the most, it's like there is some great expectation for Christmas and that the whole month of December is Christmas.

 

I'm trying to be more social this year but so far I'm not coping to well, worrying about presents, cards, the crowds of people xD

[A-S warrior]

I think it's this massive build up to what really is 1 day that affects me the most, it's like there is some great expectation for Christmas and that the whole month of December is Christmas.

 

I'm trying to be more social this year but so far I'm not coping to well, worrying about presents, cards, the crowds of people xD

 

 

I like you already lol. Only read 2 of your posts.

[trekster]

Then misunderstanding the question I should not have answered, go on with your happy thoughts and don't mind me.

 

Asking how i can cope with Xmas in the context of families (by Xmas i mean the 12 days as well)

is anything but having 'happy thoughts'.

[trekster]

I think it's this massive build up to what really is 1 day that affects me the most, it's like there is some great expectation for Christmas and that the whole month of December is Christmas.

 

I'm trying to be more social this year but so far I'm not coping to well, worrying about presents, cards, the crowds of people xD

 

Those are my worries as well except i believe in the 12 days of Xmas and my family doesn't. I'm still saying merry Xmas to people up until 12th night. I'm also really bad with crowds went to my 1st Xmas party and sitting at 1 end made it seem less crowded. i do try and think about my single friends who have no one to spend Xmas with and offer them my greetings.

[lynyona]

Kieran loves christmas from the first of december right up untill christmas day he is so hyped about it but he doesnt get it.He has a ritual from being little he gets up early and if no one else gets up he will make sounds and noise until we do, presents given out from under the tree excitement but once presents are open its like theres something really big missing i often ask him what else he expects and he says he doesnt know not more presents but just something more seems like all the hype then a massive anticlimax for him .But my family understand he doesnt do thank you for the presents its usually "thats sad" because he doesnt know what he s expected to say.We have a quiet christmas at home me his dad and his three brothers because he doesnt do out and doesnt like socialising.The only thing we do ask of him on christmas day is that he give his xbox a miss for one day.