What to do when a woman in a realtionship keeps comming onto you..

[A-S warrior]

HELP!!!!! one of my female friends has a boyfriend, yet she has admitted to having a crush on me, and her flirting is getting outragous. im trying to back away but she just keeps on.

 

I really don't want to do anything silly, but im quite flattered.

[LancsLad]

Be flattered and tell her you are, they say you are not my type. The next time politely say to her "I thought you understood what I said last time I am sorry if i didn't make myself clear". I very much doub't she will carry on after that.

 

Some people just like flirting and it is a fun game for them, but it is only a game if they get the right sort of response and embarassment is often good enough for them to continue. When they get a serious response with a hint of rejection they will feel the tables are turned. You don't have to be nasty but firm and polite.

[A-S warrior]

Good stuff. but if i have to get nasty do you think i should? At the end of the day, she commiting adultery, and deserves no, to little respect.

[justine1]

Be flattered and tell her you are, they say you are not my type. The next time politely say to her "I thought you understood what I said last time I am sorry if i didn't make myself clear". I very much doub't she will carry on after that.

 

Some people just like flirting and it is a fun game for them, but it is only a game if they get the right sort of response and embarassment is often good enough for them to continue. When they get a serious response with a hint of rejection they will feel the tables are turned. You don't have to be nasty but firm and polite.

 

Very good advice. I do think you have to be honest though and if you try the above and it continues being blunt may be the only option. Not sure if you know the boyfriend or not,but if you do you could say if she continues you will have to let him know.

[LancsLad]

She is not commiting adultry rather is just flirting away. But you might not see it like that Ben because you have a strong moral code. My partner is a pretty bad flirt. She is a very social animal unlike me and when she goes out she likes to have a good time, its let her hair down time. But it is all harmful fun, and absoloutly no threat to myself and our relationship, rather it is her personality make up.

 

This female friend might well have feelings for you and she might be stepping a bit too far. Some people like to line something up before they move on from one relationship to the next, but it takes two to tango.

 

What I will say Ben be carefull in life in respect to your own moral and ethical code, it is fine to live life by your own standards but try not to act as moral police, judge and jury with others. You don't agree with what she is doing, neither do I to be honest, but be careful in not getting dragged into this in a way you are not interested in. If you pass a comment about her and her current boyfriend you are opening yourself up to her defending her actions with, "the relationship isn't working and I have feelings after all etc....." Far better to be polite and say sorry not interested but I am flattered.

[Sa Skimrande]

I did once, went against my own moral code and it ended up with losing a friend and whats worse ending up married in an entirely unsatisfactory situation, but she lured me away from one comfort zone to what appeared comfortable but turned out not to be, in fact it was hell, but I couldn't leave what comfort I had.

 

Beware, some like to use others to create jealousy with a partner, it is I understand a move based on insecurity, if your moral code is alarmed by what you are experiencing follow your gut feeling and act on it and if that means removing yourself from the situation, perhaps it is a wise move to let the concerned cool down as you will not feel good if you come between your friend and his partner, I know I didn't, but the damage was done, so I had to live with it.

 

It has since happened again since I left my marriage but it is always the partner of a couple, never a singly and I have back peddled massively from those situation given my experience and how I do it is just be removing myself from situations by not being there, tough on me but better than the alternative as I don't want to wreck another partnership again.

[Sa Skimrande]

Oh and something else, it is common with a lot of women that when they think or are told you are not interested, they see it as an affront or a challenge and the latter is one of the reasons women chase gay men, for a female to turn a homosexual just for her is a massive achievement and there confidence building. It's all a game of conquest.

 

And note, not anything to do with morals but more to do with human nature.

 

Human sexuality and relationship motivations are fascinating, I might not understand humans on a face to face situation but I study them from afar.

Edited December 11, 2012 by Sa Skimrande

[justine1]

Oh and something else, it is common with a lot of women that when they think or are told you are not interested, they see it as an affront or a challenge and the latter is one of the reasons women chase gay men, for a female to turn a homosexual just for her is a massive achievement and there confidence building. It's all a game of conquest.

 

And note, not anything to do with morals but more to do with human nature.

 

Human sexuality and relationship motivations are fascinating, I might not understand humans on a face to face situation but I study them from afar.

wow really?? Is it common? I am a woman and have female friends and I know NOBODY who has "chased" any man when they have been rejected I also have NEVER met anyone who wants to change someone's sexuality be it a man or woman. You must know some strange people

[A-S warrior]

She is not commiting adultry rather is just flirting away. But you might not see it like that Ben because you have a strong moral code. My partner is a pretty bad flirt. She is a very social animal unlike me and when she goes out she likes to have a good time, its let her hair down time. But it is all harmful fun, and absoloutly no threat to myself and our relationship, rather it is her personality make up.

 

This female friend might well have feelings for you and she might be stepping a bit too far. Some people like to line something up before they move on from one relationship to the next, but it takes two to tango.

 

What I will say Ben be carefull in life in respect to your own moral and ethical code, it is fine to live life by your own standards but try not to act as moral police, judge and jury with others. You don't agree with what she is doing, neither do I to be honest, but be careful in not getting dragged into this in a way you are not interested in. If you pass a comment about her and her current boyfriend you are opening yourself up to her defending her actions with, "the relationship isn't working and I have feelings after all etc....." Far better to be polite and say sorry not interested but I am flattered.

I did once, went against my own moral code and it ended up with losing a friend and whats worse ending up married in an entirely unsatisfactory situation, but she lured me away from one comfort zone to what appeared comfortable but turned out not to be, in fact it was hell, but I couldn't leave what comfort I had.

 

Beware, some like to use others to create jealousy with a partner, it is I understand a move based on insecurity, if your moral code is alarmed by what you are experiencing follow your gut feeling and act on it and if that means removing yourself from the situation, perhaps it is a wise move to let the concerned cool down as you will not feel good if you come between your friend and his partner, I know I didn't, but the damage was done, so I had to live with it.

 

It has since happened again since I left my marriage but it is always the partner of a couple, never a singly and I have back peddled massively from those situation given my experience and how I do it is just be removing myself from situations by not being there, tough on me but better than the alternative as I don't want to wreck another partnership again.

 

 

Sound advice, thanks guys.

[karmadestiny]

Guys, guys:)....what a situation...She maybe interested but it doesn't mean you will have to respond with a cold rejection...try just being truthful, women like being treated with honesty and respect, but than AS you did say you were 'flattered' so what does that tell you about YOU, me thinks you are trying to find a loophole;)p? If you're not interested than you have nothing to worry about.....

[A-S warrior]

AS you did say you were 'flattered' so what does that tell you about YOU

 

[robert7111a]

Does she "really" have a crush...what is her body language telling you Ben? What is your gut instinct. I would just go along and act friendly and see how far she takes things. Perhaps she doesn't fancy her boyfriend any more...?

[Special_talent123]

tell her plainly that you are not interested in relationship with her. hope she backs off also if she gets too far and u say no report it. do u have someone u can report it too if she does not get the message telling them there being inappropriate and asked them to stop but not listening.

[A-S warrior]

Does she "really" have a crush...what is her body language telling you Ben? What is your gut instinct. I would just go along and act friendly and see how far she takes things. Perhaps she doesn't fancy her boyfriend any more...?

 

She has asked me before, 'do you think we could ever be more than just friends?' and she brought me dinner once. and she gave away all the classic signs, playing with jewlrey and stuff.

 

You would think as an intelligent grown man i would notice signs that obvious.

[A-S warrior]

tell her plainly that you are not interested in relationship with her. hope she backs off also if she gets too far and u say no report it. do u have someone u can report it too if she does not get the message telling them there being inappropriate and asked them to stop but not listening.

 

 

Yeah, but i don't wana take it that far.

[Special_talent123]

just be careful. If she gives u things that make u uncomfortable buys your dinner dont accept it because it showing your not interested.

[robert7111a]

You would think as an intelligent grown man i would notice signs that obvious.

 

I'm terrible at reading non-verbal body language...but I'm slowly learning. I have a strong motive to do so...but I'm not saying on here...

[Sa Skimrande]

wow really?? Is it common? I am a woman and have female friends and I know NOBODY who has "chased" any man when they have been rejected I also have NEVER met anyone who wants to change someone's sexuality be it a man or woman. You must know some strange people

 

I live on the fringe in a lot of respects some of my inclinations are not that common and so I avail myself of many aspects of society the mainstream largely avoids, for I am involved with the Fetish community which encompasses every sexuality and many societal outcasts, those that don't quite fit in, like myself but curiously, there are a lot of adult aspies also involved, because people can be what they want to be in that society, it is allowed.

 

But it's not about changing someone's sexuality, it is about human conquest pure and simple, just plain old human nature people who are attracted to another and seek a closer understanding.

[matzoball]

My advice to you is simple. But it works a treat if you are consistent. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

[dekra]

My take on this is she is a woman that likes to play games. She likes to have power and be in control. Maybe her current relationship she isn't in control and is trying to get a measure of control by toying with you. Whatever her reasoning it is inappropriate and I strongly suggest you distance yourself in as descrete a manner as possible to avoid being sucked into a messy situation.

 

Even if she is genuinely attracted to you she should have enough respect for both you and her current partner to draw a line behind one relationship before pursuing another.

 

You are worth more than that, you deserve someone that is honest and ethical - no good relationship will come from foundations of decite and subterfuge.

[A-S warrior]

My advice to you is simple. But it works a treat if you are consistent. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

 

Good advice! Simple and easy to follow

[A-S warrior]

My take on this is she is a woman that likes to play games. She likes to have power and be in control. Maybe her current relationship she isn't in control and is trying to get a measure of control by toying with you. Whatever her reasoning it is inappropriate and I strongly suggest you distance yourself in as descrete a manner as possible to avoid being sucked into a messy situation.

 

Even if she is genuinely attracted to you she should have enough respect for both you and her current partner to draw a line behind one relationship before pursuing another.

 

You are worth more than that, you deserve someone that is honest and ethical - no good relationship will come from foundations of decite and subterfuge.

 

Thankyou, this is an exellent post. Just what i needed to hear, and upon refelction, i feel a very accurate awnser.

[Sa Skimrande]

If you have a yard brush, use it.

[Mike_GX101]

HELP!!!!! one of my female friends has a boyfriend, yet she has admitted to having a crush on me, and her flirting is getting outragous. im trying to back away but she just keeps on.

 

I really don't want to do anything silly, but im quite flattered.

 

I know how you feel and it's even worse when she does it provocatively when her boyfriend is in the same room and is in fact your friend too! Either she's doing it accidentally (tell me the odds of that!) or she knows what she's up to and she's pushing for sparks to fly. Some women are like that.