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lizzy-wilson

..Is it just me or does anyone else get stressed out around Christmas?

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I always seem to get my self stressed around Christmas time - I don't know if it's because I have a lot of shopping to do and saying bye to my money!

 

Now that I have nieces to buy for it's even more confusing especially when their mothers keep buying me their presents and I then get confused as to who I have bought for and who I haven't!

 

Not so keen on birthdays either - I don't like being made a fuss out off, god forbid when and if I get married (got to find someone who would put up with me first!)..the whole day having all the attention on me and the husband. Arrhhh!

 

I'm sure I have forgotten someone on my list...soon find out!

 

One more thing. Women out there...!! Is it just me or are men very hard to get presents for?! You ask them what they want they say 'Don't know' or 'Not bothered' it's not helpful. It might just be me!

 

Anyway, just thought I'd ask.

 

One..stressed person.

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The key to getting presents for men, is to get into their head in the first place, observe them, watch their eyes and the where they wander, and oh yes they will wander to where perhaps they shouldn't from time to time, but that is human nature and women do it too, but the key is understanding a male as many males won't say what they want as they are used to providing and what they get for themselves they usually pay for themselves, so what one has to get is what he least expects.

 

One item my ex got for me that thrilled me and despite being divorced seven years past, I still have it and I still use it regularly and it was something I did not expect given I make the things as gifts for others. What, a sterling silver torque bracelet of which I have had re anneal and re shape many times, but I still wear it and remember better times. The touch was my ex knew I could make these things with ease and I was not stingy on who I gave them too, but no one had ever given me jewellery, it was a welcome surprise.

 

But I am same as what you report regarding disliking fuss being made over myself and celebratory events I try to ignore as to me they are overwhelming and having a somewhat flakey emotional control, well lets just say I keep away from such situations which might cause embarrassment.

 

And so Xmas this year and single, I have boycotted it again, no tv, it will be just another day.

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It get's easier as you get older (i think) It's easier to go off, and do your own thing. btw, when a man says 'i dont want anything' he really want's a gift voucher or a bottle of jack.

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Oh, I know they will want something but you lot don't make it easy for us women!

 

Sorry if that offends any men out there...but it's sort of true.

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Special_talent123 - It's not the socializing bit, it's the being center of attention part I'm not keen on. I'm nervous if I go to places new though...not fond of meeting new people, takes a while for me to get use to the person; still trying to get use to one person now!

 

Sa Skimrande - I find it hard reading people, not good with emotions, so buying presents for people is quite hard.

 

Sorry if I offended anyone but I like say what's on my mind sometimes.

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I find it really stressful so try not to think about it much.

 

For me like Lizzy-Wilson, it's the being center of attention part, being given a present then knowing everyone's watching you to see what reaction you have when you open it.

 

In some ironic way when I give out presents a thank you is more then enough but I seem to think people expect you sometimes to make a song and dance about the gift they got you but that's probably just in my head :P

 

I enjoy the charity aspect of it though. :D

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Special_talent123 - It's not the socializing bit, it's the being center of attention part I'm not keen on. I'm nervous if I go to places new though...not fond of meeting new people, takes a while for me to get use to the person; still trying to get use to one person now!

 

Sa Skimrande - I find it hard reading people, not good with emotions, so buying presents for people is quite hard.

 

Sorry if I offended anyone but I like say what's on my mind sometimes.

 

Firstly you are not offending anyone, if by the slim chance you are then those that feel offended need to get a grip, because you are not being offensive to anyone from point of view, and it is your thread, your question.

 

I can't read emotions, well not until it gets to the point beyond the warning heavy stuff is coming by which time I do know through the very obvious extremes that present. I am an object person, I understand objects not people and so I watch what objects people are fascinated with to get my ideas and it was at one time those I wished to make rings for without their knowledge, I use to put a finger ring gauge within reach as I know what people do when they are talking, they fidget and their hands always move towards something to toy with whilst they are talking and with a ring gauge they always try it and I watch and note and it was I made rings that fitted perfectly to the point they asked how and I said I know people like to fidget whilst they are communicating and I watch and note. Devious I have been called, but it is not deviousness, it is just me, I suck at communication face to face and so I ask another to deal with that whilst I observe.

 

And so as I am an object person I watch the objects people are fascinated with and what they frustrate with and seek to provide better.

 

Watch the hands, they speak loud and clear- something that is not liked will be put down quickly, something liked they will continue to play with whilst they communicate.

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I think the run up to Christmas is way too over rated and the actual day is hyped up to such proportions that more people get stressed at the very notion of it and as a result are more likely to have stress-related illness especially when they realise afterwards how much they've spent! And then after the New Year celebrations all goes quiet again and life feels a tad uninspiring all of a sudden, which again is potentially another source of anxiety for many.

 

I'm much more frugal than I used to be because I enjoy Christmas for what it is rather than being led to spend more than I've got. The real magic happens when you ease off the accelerator a bit and just go with it. Some of the best presents come from the heart.

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Long ago I decided to make stuff for xmas presents and so what I gave was stuff I had been making throughout the year, as to cost, the cost was far more than what I could hope to have spent at Xmas, but my costs were spread throughout the year and I generally start making stuff in spring.

 

My giving style is hit and run, give a gift and get out of the way, as I don't like to watch people as they unwrap and I don't like receiving gifts.

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I wish I had the option of socialising. As it is, I have no work dos to attend (due to being part of the great unwashed) and none of my friends have invited me to parties either. Plus ça change. As time goes on I'm finding it increasingly difficult to suss out who my real friends are. When I lost my civil service job 3½ years ago (see my introduction thread) the person who'd been my mentor arranged a leaving do at the pub and got me a card signed "from all your friends at [name of govt dept withheld]". That lifted my spirits at the time, but the support such as it was soon tailed off - communication dwindled to the occasional email and the Christmas cards I sent were largely unreciprocated. Admittedly I didn't send any cards two years ago, because of the shock of getting fired. For all I know, some of my one-time friends may think I'm still in Skipton. As for my one-time mentor, she had a baby in November; this I heard second-hand, as she hadn't even shared the news of her pregnancy with me.

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you'll be pleased glad to know you are not alone in getting self completely in stressed,anxious meltdown situation as 'normals' also get stressed out and feel like pulling hair out is common feeling within this season!

 

XKLX

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you'll be pleased glad to know you are not alone in getting self completely in stressed,anxious meltdown situation as 'normals' also get stressed out and feel like pulling hair out is common feeling within this season!

 

XKLX

 

So why do we do it to ourselves as let's face it the religious angle has gone and with that many people belief in their religion for it is now just a massive commercial enterprise where people think they have to be nice to people they have not been nice to prior to, where inevitably tensions flare on the evil that is xmas day of which many medical and peace keeping authorities say is a particularly bad time of year.

 

I am of the belief that if one cannot be nice to others all year around why save 'nice' just for one day, it is hypocrisy plain and simple.

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The day went not too bad all round. We tried to keep it quite calm and quiet. There were no last minute frenzied preparations. However, although my son coped pretty well considering with a few 'time outs', I'm afraid to say I'm the one who lost it at one point, totally p'd off and frustrated trying to build a 'simple' toy that took closer to an hour to make up compared to the 10 minutes I thought it would take! Today, I've done nothing much because I know I need this 'time out' myself!

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I don't feel able to gain much comfort in my aforementioned situation from reading advice aimed at autistic children's parents. Should I?

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I wish I had the option of socialising. As it is, I have no work dos to attend (due to being part of the great unwashed) and none of my friends have invited me to parties either. Plus ça change. As time goes on I'm finding it increasingly difficult to suss out who my real friends are. When I lost my civil service job 3½ years ago (see my introduction thread) the person who'd been my mentor arranged a leaving do at the pub and got me a card signed "from all your friends at [name of govt dept withheld]". That lifted my spirits at the time, but the support such as it was soon tailed off - communication dwindled to the occasional email and the Christmas cards I sent were largely unreciprocated. Admittedly I didn't send any cards two years ago, because of the shock of getting fired. For all I know, some of my one-time friends may think I'm still in Skipton. As for my one-time mentor, she had a baby in November; this I heard second-hand, as she hadn't even shared the news of her pregnancy with me.

 

I think that this time of year can magnify all our problems with socialising. We can have 'evidence' with cards as to the state of our social life and sending them makes us evaluate who our friends actually are. It's very difficult to face these problems when we've maybe not had to face them quite so full on throughout the rest of the year. It's quite telling that it's this time of year that suicide rates go up and (I believe) people go missing.

 

I know some time ago you were looking for a music group to attend. Did you ever find anything? It may be time to cut your losses from the people in your 'old' life if it's too painful to maintain these friendships. I have to say some sound quite tenuous and maybe Christmas cards are the extent of the contact you'll have. It's a tough one but best of luck in making the right decisions.

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I think that this time of year can magnify all our problems with socialising.

 

And to think it is the season of goodwill to all men, yet more hypocrisy, no wonder the church is trying to disassociate itself from xmas.

 

It's quite telling that it's this time of year that suicide rates go up and (I believe) people go missing.

 

 

Yep and that is why I do my best to ignore it for I have gone down those routes on xmas day before and that whilst being with family, hence my keeping away from them and their feigned good will that exists right up to the next argument.

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There was no pressure to socialise and no arguments as sister not been over and ALSo routine help me cope. We planned what were going to do and what were cooking.. I also pleased with what my mum gave me but nice to see her but not too many days in a week that also helped me

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I know some time ago you were looking for a music group to attend. Did you ever find anything?

No, only the same old same old monthly meetings of the Society of Recorder Players (i.e. turn up and sightread), and even those have clashed with the day schools of the Open University course I did last year or political demonstrations. Nothing has come out of my adverts on Gumtree, Formingbands or Freeconomy.

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No, only the same old same old monthly meetings of the Society of Recorder Players (i.e. turn up and sightread), and even those have clashed with the day schools of the Open University course I did last year or political demonstrations. Nothing has come out of my adverts on Gumtree, Formingbands or Freeconomy.

Sorry to hear it's been so difficult to find anything. Thinking out of the box a bit, there's no way you kind sign up with someone who provides music for recordings...you know, the type of people who provide backing vocalists or session musicians? Maybe a really stupid idea but you never know!! Might be a way of meeting people.

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Sorry to hear it's been so difficult to find anything. Thinking out of the box a bit, there's no way you could sign up with someone who provides music for recordings...you know, the type of people who provide backing vocalists or session musicians? Maybe a really stupid idea but you never know!! Might be a way of meeting people.

I'm not aware of any way of doing this as an amateur musician. Edited by Aeolienne

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I'm not aware of any way of doing this as an amateur musician.

To be frank, all those people on X-Factor are 'amateur' and that's not the word I would actually use for many and they do very well at getting recording contracts. If you play to an accomplished level could you not just produce a recording to tout around? Perhaps I'm just being naive but I've known of plenty 'artists' who with a bit of blag and self-belief became well known and well paid and often they were not the ones with the true talent in my opinion.

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I believe the trouble is now with the advent of the internet everyone thinks they are a musician and so the market is saturated with mediocrity and buyers are actually told what to buy through hype.

 

But what are the goals of a musician ?

 

To practice their art or make money ?

 

Understanding what your goals are can tell you where to start looking.

 

But everything is commercial at the end of the day.

 

I once lived with a musician, self taught on many instruments, he bought his own recording equipment four track recorder then minidisc then it was computer production and he used to record his own music and songs, print his own artwork and give his music out for free. Within a few years he had a regular slot in a local club, it didn't pay much but his music was wanted and that was enough for him, he had achieved his own success through doing it himself. He may get picked up by larger interests, he may not but he has the freedom to produce his own work, not what is dictated by commercial others.

 

His motivation was what Moby did and believed if Moby could do it, then so could others, complete bedroom production.

Edited by Sa Skimrande

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This has turned into a good topic, i agree with skim, and that also applies to other aspects of 'celeb' status. i.e made in chelsea, the only way is essex etc. true talentless nobody's, with no right to be on tv.

Edited by A-S warrior

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To be frank, all those people on X-Factor are 'amateur' and that's not the word I would actually use for many and they do very well at getting recording contracts.

Although the overwhelming majority of people who enter X-Factor don't get beyond the first round.

 

If you play to an accomplished level could you not just produce a recording to tout around?

What counts as "accomplished"? How much does it cost to produce a studio recording? I'm not sure that I can do my instrument justice as a soloist (I'm no Charlotte Barbour-Condini) but to get together an ensemble for a recording brings me back to the original Catch-22!

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Just wondering as a recorder is roughly a medieval instrument, why not add some difference and play a medieval instrument proper ?

I've no idea how I could afford either the instruments or the tuition - things like bombards or viheulas are unilikely to be mass-produced by Yamaha! But feel free to prove me wrong.

 

As there is folk bands.

I don't think I'm suited to folk - I'm too classically trained and feel uncomfortable playing without the tadpoles.

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I think for me the part of Christmas that I find the most difficult is how the shops get super crowded and even just getting your essentials, ie bread, milk etc is like running a gauntlet. I HATE it when people are pushing / crashing into you etc, so I try to spend as little time as possible in the stores around this time... either that, or go late at night when they're 24 hr or shut late :) I like quiet shopping experiences.

 

Christmas itself doesn't really bother me as it's only usually a couple of us here anyway. And I LOVE watching my nephew opening his pressies and being all excited by his tree and lights etc in the run up to the big day.

 

I don't ever go on Christmas nights out with work though... definitely not my scene.

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Sorry to hear it's been so difficult to find anything. Thinking out of the box a bit, there's no way you could sign up with someone who provides music for recordings...you know, the type of people who provide backing vocalists or session musicians? Maybe a really stupid idea but you never know!! Might be a way of meeting people.

I've recently registered with the Local Amateur Music Network. They have their own set of guidelines about how members are supposed to categorise their ability, which I reproduce here:

  1. “Amateur”: You have attained or are of equivalent standard to the given ABRSM grade, and have maintained that standard since. (If your standard has subsequently slipped, please select grade level to reflect your current ability.)
     
  2. “High amateur”: You have continued improving your standard subsequent to ABRSM grade 8 (or equivalent) and are currently at or close to ABRSM diploma standard.
     
  3. “High amateur to semi-professional”: You are an extremely confident amateur musician, capable of playing to a semi-professional standard, but performing is not your primary income source. (Should be technically capable of performing challenging repertoire to a high level in a recital context.)
     
  4. “Music college student”: You are currently studying this instrument as your first study at a music college (as opposed to an academic music course at a university). (If you are studying an academic music course, please rate yourself according to one of the above options (‘Amateur’ to ‘High amateur to semi-professional’))
     
  5. “Music college graduate”: You have graduated from a music college (as opposed to an academic music course at a university) with this instrument as your first study. (If your standard has subsequently slipped to below its level at graduation, please selection from options ‘Amateur’ to ‘High amateur to semi-professional’.)
     
  6. “Semi-professional”: You are of or close to professional performing standard, and performing forms a significant portion of your income.
     
  7. “Professional”: Performing forms your primary source of income.

Being honest here saves everyone potential embarrassment and means you're less likely to be dropped in at the deep end, which can be very demotivating. If you’re in the early categories, that doesn’t mean people won't want to play music with you! Rather, you’ll be able to choose repertoire that’s satisfying and achievable for you.

Moreover (in a bit I'm not able to copy and paste) only those classified as "High amateur" or above are eligible to be considered for session music. For my part I've categorised myself as "Amateur Grade VIII", having passed said exam in 1996.

Edited by Aeolienne

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