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A-S warrior

A tough call, what to do about the india trip.

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Well, as some of you know, I'm due to go to india in march with my friend who has very advanced cancer. Last night i thought really hard about this, and talked it through with my mum (who is a nurse) She said, If i get ill out there, i'll get really ill. If she gets ill, it will kill her. Now i couldn't care less about what happens to me, all i care about is her having the time of her life, but can she have the time of her life with that sword dangling above her head? That plus my mother also mentioned there's no way she would get insurance, and the requred injections.

 

I don't want to rob her of this experience, but i also cant have it on my conscience if she dies out there. (immagine the 8 hour flight back to tell her parents the news)

 

In other words, this situation is renting space in my head, it nags me constantly. Is it worth the gamble? I might get ill out there i might not, and vice versa. We might both get away with it, but if we both dont one of us will perish (and i'll be the guy that has to live with that forever)

 

What to do, what to do........

 

 

I'm always told to throw all my worries at gods feet, but when a situation is this real, i can't seem to do it.

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I understand your dilema. Is your friend aware of the risks of going there? I think you should talk to her and make sure she's aware of the risks involved. You could go together to talk to a medical expert about it and get advice as to whether you should travel and how to do so in safety, it will help you make a decision.

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I think there may be a 'pipe dream' element to it, but none the less, i'm taking it seriously. I think for sure a good idea to have a metting with a doctor and discuss the options.

 

At the end of it, it comes down to the question of, Does she want the dream bad enough.

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Sometimes we just have to do what we gotta do and risks be damned - you can either go with that if that's what she wants or not - that is your choice Ben, she makes hers, and you make yours.

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PS - The questions are yours - she has probably answered her own questions already when she made that decision - ask her if you want to know, talk about your concerns, discuss it, but sometimes we do have to make our own choices and respect other people's.

 

PPS - and if you really cannot do it then be honest and tell her, your choices are not easy but if they were then what would be the point?

Edited by A-S warrior
Merged post for you there mate.

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Ben, if your friend has cancer - this is already a death sentence. It can't get any worse. She is already ill and her immune system is whacked.

 

Damn all the risks and just do it. There's no point tying yourself up in knots about it.

 

And if she really wants to go, then she's not going to let anything get in her way.

 

Think of this as a positive experience rather than wonder about "what if..."

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I don't think the ball is in her court - its in yours - if you take this on then you need to be emotionally and psychologically prepared for what you may be taking on here and that could be a big undertaking - you have concerns and that also suggests the ball is in your court Ben and not hers or you wouldn't say things like this:

 

i also cant have it on my conscience if she dies out there. (immagine the 8 hour flight back to tell her parents the news)

 

In other words, this situation is renting space in my head, it nags me constantly. Is it worth the gamble? I might get ill out there i might not, and vice versa. We might both get away with it, but if we both dont one of us will perish (and i'll be the guy that has to live with that forever)

 

I'm always told to throw all my worries at gods feet, but when a situation is this real, i can't seem to do it.

 

Your worries are real, and you need to think about them and find the answers within yourself - I feel you should talk to your friend about your worries because she might like to know, and she might be able to make you feel better - but at the end of the day, you are one half of this venture and you have to know that you are committed to this, whatever happens - and that is no small thing.

 

I'm not trying to rub this in, I am trying to help and I really feel that being honest with her and yourself is the key here to finding the answers within yourself - and also to find peace of mind over some of these worries you have - they are very valid concerns!!

 

Its all too easy to say she's going to die anyway, or that she knows the risks - but you have to be happy with yourself too Ben, and you have to know that you are in a position in your mind and heart where you can feel like you are comfortable with what you are doing.

 

Which by the way I think is a fantastic thing, its just that I am trying to help you see that you are right not to underestimate the costs to yourself too, and that taking some time out to talk to her, and think things over so you can be in a position to feel like you can face this potentially life changing and wonderful thing, while at the same time being prepared - in your mind - for the other factors involved in this.

 

Sometimes in life there are big risks, but the benefits may make them worthwhile - I think you are right to explore your feelings, and I really do think you should talk to your friend - not in a "am I going aren't I going way" but in an honest and open way because you guys will be in this together and you need to know that - she does and so do you.

 

Best wishes

 

Darkshine

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Solid advice, thanks dude, very appriciated.

 

btw if your wondering why ive been online all day, the gym is shut, and so are all the shops. New years day is very boring.

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You are welcome.

 

I hadn't noticed you have been online all day as I've been doing other things none of which have been boring to me :lol:

Edited by darkshine

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Well, days like this are so boring, they make me hungry for life, as i sit, and feel like a caged lion. Oh am i taking the world to war tomorrow! Grrrrrrr! you'r a wreaking machine rocko!

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I think that you have committed yourself to fulfilling a dream for your friend which is a truly selfless thing. However, you are very young (I am by no means putting you down or questioning your abilities, it is simply a fact) and this is a very big responsibility. I think you need to sit down with your friend and discuss all the nitty-gritty details of your trip including the reservations you have expressed here. Insurance cover is probably quite a big consideration. I organised a trip for my parents and my dad having had two heart bypasses was not entertained by all but one insurance company. I wouldn't completely rule out insurance until you check with all the companies (I'll let you know the name of the one we used if I remember).

 

Your trip is one you are taking out of love and respect for a friend but I think all the practicalities need to be thrashed out well in advance and you need to have extra cash or means of getting hold of some for contingencies.

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I agree with others posts that you should sit down and discuss possibilities with your friend and chew it over.

 

I have COPD and one day I will be in the same situation, It's a very good and nice thing that you are considering doing here, As long as you are both aware of the risks and you are emotionally strong enough to handle a quest I think it would be a very nice thing to do, I hope a friend of mine would be able to do the same for me one day.

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When my granny was dying it was her wish to visit certain places of sentimental value, dotted around the country. Everything was against it, really, because she was bed-ridden and needed a lot of medical care, including administration of medications carefully timed. There was a high possibility that the trip would shorten her life, but mum saw this as pretty irrelevant at that point. So, she hired a huge motor-home and asked two friends to go along with her to help with granny. She researched what medical help would be available close to the various destinations and ensured that all medications, dressings and so forth were in place. She organised everything closely, but decided to accept the risks, too.

 

The trip was a success. My granny saw the pub, the 'Traveller's Rest', where she grew up, and revisited the place of her birth, as well as important places of her young adulthood. The trip was vastly worthwhile, but its success lay in the combination of mum's organisation, and realism on the part of everyone regarding the risks involved.

 

Obviously, there's a difference between my granny and your young friend, and very different practicalities involved. But I do think there are parallels to be drawn, too.

 

You're a good sort, Ben, and I hope you and your friend can work this out.

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There has been a lot of very sensible advise already on here, but I have something else to throw into the debate....

 

How confident are you at dealing with the authorities abroad, if you need to seek emergency help on your friend's behalf ?

Edited by caci

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Well my ex came form india, and her english was very good, most of them speek english, as well as there native language. However, we will be travelling, from delhi to nepal, so im not sure then what the quality of english will be like, so it could be a problem. I can speek very basic hindi, and gujrati.

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OOPs, my post wasn't very clear.

 

I meant possible communication problems of having AS and needing to deal with officialdom, not the actual language issues - sorry

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My take on this, is keep planning the trip as sometimes the planning is the journey, the imagination does the travelling and often it is the person concerned realises the impossibility due to whatever factor but maintains the dream.

 

Failing that travel insurance, not every travel insurer will deny ill people as ill people travel all the time and at the end of the day not one of us ill or not knows our future, so, it is all a risk for everyone. But to find better travel insurers contact the relevant forums and authorities to do with the condition and seek more qualified help and opinion.

 

As to India, it is my dream also and I have a close friend who travels there often and reports the Indian people are not like us, they seek to help where they can, not hinder if they can at all help it, but there are bad eggs everywhere, that is a sad fact of life. My issues are travelling on my own, I panic and worry at the drop of a hat but I have been assured I will be fine there, but to make sure I am adequately funded just in case, where I should allow at least fifty dollars a day to sleep tourist if I am scared or a lot less if I am feeling brave.

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