Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Kris

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team
245mcl

How can I help

Recommended Posts

245mcl   

I have a friend who received a private diagnosis of aspergers last year, before this diagnosis they were a very capable and competent worker, they were responsible for managing a team of people and worked in a highly sensory environment in terms of number of people, noise as well as the need to make decisions quickly and accurately. After the diagnosis they felt that they were no longer able to work full time or work at the same level, they now have sensory issues in terms of light and noise as well as difficulties dealing with people. I know that adults with aspergers develop strategies to help them cope with situations but its like they have let all the strategies go. I have worked with this college for 4 years and I can't help feeling saddened that the person I knew is no longer the same person. Is there anything I can do to help them. If I thought they were happy I would leave them be, but they are not.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
smileyK   

I think when you "suddenly" discover find out it 'shocks and surprises' you in every way ever imagined possibly dream't of suddenly springs on you -it's worst ever nightmare and never going to get up automatically wake up spring to life magically feel or be "o.k" knowing every day is faced with more than average "normal" day to day tasks and challenges which is never easy to let sink in or get head around completely! All you can do is do what you are by being there! You sounds good source of comfort at times of continued everyday need for your friend struggling get by! They will slowly adjust around "everything" ,gradually -just takes 'time' which again is hard ship to facer,accept! They been offered any other support services after diagnosis ? - as I know from personal first hand experience adult autism support is sadly lacking and failing more set in motion for children not adults! :( which sad state /mess to be in doesn't help you out any which way -live your life and "get on with it" :(

 

* reading up more (knowledging) about "hidden condition" of what it everyday involves and how to cope/manage it that 'bit better' good luck to your friend - in this long self -finding discovery! :)wish them all the best ! You feel so bogged down,overwhelmed/suffocated by what it involves in trying to understand much better! It comes in stages and go through different emotions/feelings try pre-warn them make them realise this is "normal" ,common part of 'coming to terms' with "everything" so much to work through!

Edited by trekster

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Merry   

It's most probable that your friend was an incredibly intelligent and amazing woman who managed to hide her differences from the world for a very long time....and is now the same woman who has finally allowed herself to have a break.

 

She hasn't lost her coping abilities, she probably just needs to let everything go for a while...like SmileyK said, she will need time to digest it all. But i'm sure in time your friend will seem more like her old self again, or, you'll get to know her even better....I hope so! It sounds like you really care a lot about her.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
smileyK   

she probably lucky to have you to care worry about/over her like i am with my close friends i am SO GRATEFUL they are 'truly there' when needed and know i can be heavy load at times to carry around so know it ain't "easy task " being close friend of mine! couldn't do without mine around truly keep me 'going strong' when times are "bad" ,mad or crazy which is lot of time! they like to keep 'check' on me make sure doing 'o.k' and in o.k my o.k not there's!

 

XKLX

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nesf   

I think that if he or she made the decision to seek a diagnosis, then they must have been struggling internally to cope with what must be a difficult job, whatever the outward appearance might be, and perhaps had burnout due to the pressure of constantly holding it in to appear "normal". He or she might have low esteem and confidence and it's very important that the colleagues show them that they are accepted for who they are with or without the AS and their work is appreciated. Then they will gain confidence and be able to cope with the "aftermath" of diagnosis a lot better. Some people diagnosed as adults report being treated differently and attitudes changing towards them - this would be not be good as they'll lose confidence and self esteem. But it sounds like he or she has some work colleagues who are concerned and care and this will help them through this difficult period :-)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
trekster   

I agree with the views that she only appeared to be coping but suddenly her strategies weren't working anymore. See the 'asd and sociable' thread for more details.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Adult diagnosis can have a massive impact on a person. I was diagnosed when I was 31 and it took me a couple of years to come to terms with it and get to know 'the new me' as it were.

 

You just have to be patient, understanding and there for them. It may be worth having a look at this.

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/all-about-diagnosis/diagnosis-information-for-adults/after-diagnosis.aspx

 

They are still the same person you care about - they just have to get through this with the right support.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
JeanneA   

Yes I agree with matzoball being diagnosed later in life can I'm sure have a big impact on the person and their life. Just being there for your friend will be of help, give her time and space if she needs it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
245mcl   

Thanks for the responses, I think I was hoping that 18 months later my friend would start to accept the diagnosis and start rebuilding their life, its just some days its a struggle for them to get up, they are receiving counselling but had a really difficult time accessing this but it's now on a regular basis, I'm hopefull this will help.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
JeanneA   

Keep us updated with how your friend is getting on. Pleased to hear she has got counseling I'm sure that will help her.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Merry   

It could be that she's depressed. People with aspergers are often prone to depression. If so, that would explain her current lack of motivation and could further explain why she seems different to her old self. Do you know if she's ever got depressed before? I hope the counseling helps. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
smileyK   

i totally agree with Merry if this lasting than more than few weeks then i would go with her to seek advice / help may look further into depression but starting of official diagnosis can cause depressive state of mind but if carries on will need to be investigated as if just left alone can get suddenly worse fast!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a friend who received a private diagnosis of aspergers last year, before this diagnosis they were a very capable and competent worker, they were responsible for managing a team of people and worked in a highly sensory environment in terms of number of people, noise as well as the need to make decisions quickly and accurately. After the diagnosis they felt that they were no longer able to work full time or work at the same level, they now have sensory issues in terms of light and noise as well as difficulties dealing with people. I know that adults with aspergers develop strategies to help them cope with situations but its like they have let all the strategies go. I have worked with this college for 4 years and I can't help feeling saddened that the person I knew is no longer the same person. Is there anything I can do to help them. If I thought they were happy I would leave them be, but they are not.

 

Yep, this is part of it, a diagnosis though helpful in understanding other stuff can actually be quite destructive in other ways as one sinks into exactly what this diagnosis means and the more you read on the subject, forums and the like the deeper you fall into it and you actually degrade as I have done, but I am aware of the degradation now, but I am finding it difficult to undo as I realise in my case all the coping strategies I had developed to cope with life, have fallen apart.

 

My method now to get out of this, is tell myself I don't have aspergers and am looking at other things it could be and I have a clue, but going around telling myself I don't have this is working in that I am redeveloping coping strategies by doing something different to that what I initially think to do, my natural reaction as to face it the coping strategies I did have before were forced by trying to fit into the world of work and life as someone without a diagnosis.

 

But how to help is a good question and to that I would say, treat this new thing like depression and how you would help a depressed person as a lot of aspergers diagnosed in later life is depression as basically your world has fallen apart and you go through you don't know who you are anymore and you don't fit in and even others don't understand you.

 

A night out perhaps, just you and your friend to avoid the group detachment, have a few beers and a laugh and maybe the shell will lift.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi

 

If I was in your colleague's situation, I imagine it would be a massive thing getting a diagnosis and realising why life has been so difficult and why it's taken so much determination and energy to cope with things other people seem to not even notice. Knowing why things are difficult has perhaps made them 'let go'. It is likely to take some time to build up again from that. Your colleague may be totally exhausted by the effort of coping all these years.

 

As a parent, when my sons were diagnosed I went through something like a bereavement - I don't use that word lightly. It was like I had lost, but more importantly my boys had lost - hopes, dreams, expectations etc. It's a slow journey to create new hopes, dreams and expectations.

 

I would suggest you just keep supporting them as best you can, letting them know that someone cares about them and that they are a valuable person just as they are, and keep offering (genuine) praise for things to help build their self-confidence which may have taken a severe knock.

 

Best wishes

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
trekster   

Excellent advice there mandapanda. i knew someone who somehow managed to maintain his job for many years before it got too much and following a diagnosis he decided to quit.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×