smileyK Report post Posted January 20, 2013 when 'high buzzy mood' erratic style do you feel i tend to ramble post lots and lots???aand about same,similiar subject matters (only just realised when picked up on it -on here) so NEED to find source of bouncing like tigger then 'crashing come down' soon after? do tend to go ON AND ON when in this mood state? feel pretty 'energentic but as an example tomorrow or next day feel depressed and miserable once again all of sudden 'hits' me fast! like train/car crash there has been a 'real reason' behind why this happens? just don't know why right now! XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted January 21, 2013 Do you ramble and post lots and lots? Yes, but that's a good thing, because it means you getting it off your chest. And you do tend to follow similar tangents, but again, that's not a problem either. Have you ever thought of keeping an online dairy here? If you do, you can post in it as much as you want, and whatever you want. (As long as your not breaking any rules) I'll check in every now and then, and throw in my 2 cents. Sound like an idea? Of course you don't have to, but if you do, it will be yours, and yours alone. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 21, 2013 My mood diary notes are so long winded tonight- come close to college assignment or essay so long! Hope "professionals" believe what I write in these diary enteries as pretty messed up,rambled,jumbled just hope can make some true real sense of what I've described and explained! Fingers x anyways hope for the best! Hope don't think I'm making it up! Faking it! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted January 21, 2013 Type away, we don't mind. If it helps, you can print your posts, and take them to the doctor with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Merry Report post Posted January 21, 2013 That's a really good idea A-S. Hugs to Smiley! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 21, 2013 Woke up this morning feeling empty ,numb and lost -emotionally! When high buzz peaks then falls back down to "come down" level/stage yesterday and todays posts prove the high and low dip in "roller -coaster mood states" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted January 21, 2013 Goal 1 then. Try and find that middle ground and maintain it. Talk with your doctor strategies for this. Find out what's going on around you during times of level ground, and the differences between what's going on during times of middle ground, and the times of the up and down emotions. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 21, 2013 A-S Warrior - there is NO middle ground to my mood states that's where "issues" lie . There is NO " level ground" at all no stable balance exist! ;( Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted January 21, 2013 Do you think you could ever find it? Unfortunately emotions are not my forte. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 21, 2013 No can't find 'any middle ground' with my emotional state that's why feel restless all the time! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted January 21, 2013 Do you know if there is a source for your emotional state? Is there a trigger? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 21, 2013 No main trigger found I'm afraid anxious scared over! As so confused,lost within mood states of bumpy ups and down of the emotional rollercoaster! Not a nice or good feeling at all! Tried so hard work out trigger hope "others" can point in right direction through talking over mood diary! As so struggling make sense of every growing mood issues surrounding me all time! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted January 21, 2013 What you need to do is try and take control. Do you have any unhelpful habits in your daily life that provoke your negative emotions? Also how is your diet? What kind of foods are you eating? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 21, 2013 I am trying so many different things and one of them is to try and " take control" my diet pretty lacking in many different things! Others believe I not eating enough to fuel my exercise activities/routines but I think I am! XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted January 21, 2013 Diet plays a massive role in my mood. First of all limit the bad stuff like sugar, wheat, and excessive Carbs. Insure you are eating enough fat. Fat is essential for healthy hormone production, immune system health, and physical recovery. Eat clean and pure fats like cream, Animal fat, egg yolks, coconut oil, and Ghee. Don't worry bout counting the calories, there not the be all and end all. Hormones determine fat loss, and if your not eating enough, your hormone production will be shot, and you will never lose fat then. If your calories are higher than they are now, but your hormones are in check, then your body will be able to function, and then promote fat loss. Supplement with 5g of omega 3, and 1g of vitamin C everyday. Those 2 working togeher are magic! No need go overboard with those, less is more. You should after a month or so begin to feel good, your gym will be much more enjoyable and productive, as you'll have the fuel. In case you are wondering how many calories you need, The 2000 calorie mark should be fine. As i've said, sometimes, a nice long walk to collect your thoughts, is all the excersise you'll ever need. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 21, 2013 I don't I'm anywhere near the 2,000 calories mark at all (pure honesty!) Not even near 1,000 calories I should think a day,calories so scare hell out of me make me anxious constantly! Want all my food be healthy and if not have to exercise unhealthiness out and off beforehand so don't feel "as bad ,guilty" when eating it! Can't I admitted to nurse at adult MHT to previously sticking fingers down my throat so much more on long list to find "courage to admit" weigh nurse @ docs tell me a thirty minute walk is "fine" if don't feel "up" to the gym! I'm constantly free-zing all time to point of shivering like mad! I been told I should have more carbs (pasta,bread) in my diet as exercise loads! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted January 21, 2013 Smiley what you have described is bulimia. You exercise a lot. So you need to eat more. You should NOT be purging. That's why you are cold all the time because you are not getting enough calories to keep up a healthy lifestyle. You need to tell the the nurse you are doing this. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted January 21, 2013 (edited) Excellent advise from the mods, Smiley I really hope you can find the help you need to recover. Edited January 21, 2013 by trekster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 21, 2013 @ matzoball have been "tempted" to buy pills of many kind to lose weight and look all time in shops hunt them down! But I wouldn't class myself as "bulimic" at all to be honest with you! know I have many "issues" right now! All I know is I'm scared lost and confused as usual all time! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted January 21, 2013 Do not buy pills. Do. Not. Buy. Pills. I am bulimic and from everything you have said today and over the past year Smiley it is clear you have an eating disorder that is linked in to your mental health issues. You are going in circles because you don't know how else to be right now but you need to stick with the mood diary, and make sure you attend the appointments, and make sure you listen to the nurse or doctor. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 21, 2013 @ matzoball scared I'll end out "backing out" of my booked appointments @ docs because "too much" to be honest and open! I can't be Bulimic its not ME! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted January 21, 2013 People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help. To all, please keep the above in mind, when replying. Thankyou, Ben. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted January 21, 2013 That's why they have asked you to do the mood diaries. Keep doing it Smiley. You owe it to yourself to get better. If you keep backing out of things you are just going to get worse. You are an adult and you need to start acting responsibly towards yourself so keep going. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted January 21, 2013 Agreed with matzoball. And remember what i said about focusing on ONE goal at a time, rather than juggling 100 things at once. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 21, 2013 1,000 things rushing through my head is connected/linked with mental health issues /mood states whatever I try I'm stuck can't seem to move forward! Feel so repulsed and disgusted at my image lately even more so feel so much guilt involved when I eat high calorie "bad nasty foods" food aint even exciting anymore! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted January 21, 2013 Smiley you need to contact the doctor tomorrow about this. I am surprised they haven't put you back on your medication to even out your moods. If they have told you to, it's worth listening to them. You are not fat. You are not ugly. You need to keep telling yourself this. I also think you need to speak to your parents about your eating and body issues. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 21, 2013 (edited) Haven't wrote much in mood diary tonight the mood scale chart /graph which draw line to each day to show proof of up and down hilly mood physical! @ matzoball contact the doc about what?! Nurse from adult MHT was suppose to be ringing me today so whether receptionist forgot to past note on to nurse or other scenario that nurse couldn't get into work due to snow option really busy and forgot herself! No I did ask social worker when she rang what she think I should do about re-starting anti-D's as I explained was seriously worried scared "same crisis" will occur again not how but when with me always does! Been getting "dark" "bad" thoughts tonight too scared afraid to discuss open up fully with anyone out there I'm failure messed up wimp end of who pathetically feels sorry for herself who's weak all ways /areas!this proves I'm burden at an ebb again find hard to concentrate anywhere as that's when restlessness irratibility hits real bad and that's when crisis situation happens! I'm know I'm dangerous bomb waiting to blow! * I flick skirt around being "too honest and open" about eating/body image struggles ... Edited January 21, 2013 by trekster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted January 21, 2013 Calm. Down. If the nurse doesn't ring you - you ring her. You are not a failure, and you are not a wimp. You need to break this cycle. I think right now you need to speak to The Samaritans - 08457 90 90 90 then tomorrow you need to call your social worker. You have been quite manic these past few days and I think you need to write all of this down, or print these threads out to show to the nurse or social worker. They will help you okay? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 21, 2013 (edited) Manic? Umm? I'm bad for being high drive everyone mad with it including me! Now on crashing come down rapid. Always seems be case after "high" bouncing everywhere flying ... Why is this happenin though maybe deserve feel bad because I am! -IM NOT BULIMIC! *sitting in bed tears streaming down face when last night mind racing so fast at speed happy! Really don't understand my mood states situation more this carries on! Edited January 21, 2013 by trekster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted January 21, 2013 Smiley stop this now. What you are describing to me is severe mood swings and you need to speak to your parents. You know you aren't a bad person, you know you aren't fat or ugly. You need to take some deep breaths and calm down. Everything will be okay but you need to calm down. Please call the Samaritans and speak to someone. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 21, 2013 i have wrote down the highs aswell as the lows in my mood diary i am thinking of booking week away at my aunties in hertfordshire as need get away anywhere (looking at booking 7/8th feb -sun 17 feb need to escape here for bit change of scenery ??? XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted January 22, 2013 A change of scenery could do you the world of good. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 22, 2013 (edited) really need my auntie right now been texting her lot lately worry hell lot over her since my uncle admitted to an affair upped and left her she was deverstated as would be! they'd been together 40 yrs so shocking! so 'we' both need girlie quality TLC needed i've been on about it for ages something always wanted to do hopefully parents will agree and see why have to go away recharge my batteries and come back just like they've been doing lately! Though dad don't still get why i worry at all! he thinks i should be young free enjoying life so why ain't i?! what so hard stressful about doing it so annoys me! @ matzoball -don't do talking to sams. or parents finding it hard enough to be honest/open on here let alone else where taking all my energy out of me to do that! i'm SO stubborn barrier blockage emotionally that's why i'm in this messy situation anyways going find hard /difficult enough approaching the nurse hopefully if not social worker about 'issues' do i phone back tomorrow or would go down there show them mood diary proof how bad issues still are? don't want to once again burden them! XKLX Edited January 22, 2013 by smileyK Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 22, 2013 Bumped into lady used to be care manager over my care package she was also mental health nurse informed her of my partial current situation ( OD crisis) she going to email social worker @ adult MHT when she gets into work and explain in that email she believes/thinks professionally /personally I need assessment of need/ support from adult MHT made urgently/immediately! She also going to speak to one of senior managers of Local NAS and explain my current outstanding situation and see where other senior manager to one I spoke if there any other services within the NAS as told 'care manager' I'm struggling chasing "everyone" up going round in circles which aint doing me no good what soever though did forget to mention about well being team appointment I got coming up that urging and eager to "just wrecklessly cancel"! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted January 22, 2013 Do not cancel you appointment. Keep chasing up the people who are supposed to be phoning you and don't. Just keep going Smiley. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 22, 2013 Hope this is way forward of my future 'action plan' feel like haven't got the physical/mental energy to chase anyone or anything so "emotionally sick". 'Fed up' and tired -quite literally! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites