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Sa Skimrande

Control Freaks ?

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It is often said that aspies present a particular vulnerability to becoming what is called a control freak;

 

From Wikipedia ;

 

In psychology-related slang, control freak is a derogatory term for a person who attempts to dictate how everything around them is done. The phrase was first used in the late 1960s[1] — an era when great stress was laid on the principle of 'doing one's own thing' and letting others do the sam

 

 

So, how are we regards this can anyone attest to being a control freak and do you see it as a negative or positive attribute ?

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In real life no, i don't tend to take much interest in what others do or don't do, on the internet, yes and no. I can control, i can also step back and not give a flying hoot.

 

I'm usually the later, when people start behaving like 3 year olds i have no time for it. There are others on the forum that benifit from my posts, there my priority.

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When I went for Sam's dx in 2009,it was a year after I left my husband, the paed had asked info about him and I explained just how controlling he was(he prevented me from seeing my family 2 years prior to me leaving.) When I mentioned everything she said that its possible he has ASD, however learning more about ASD has made me see that he does not have ASD he was/is just an a***hole.

 

Both Sam and Dan are conrolling to a point but I have found that there are ways to work on compromise and as they have got older they are more flexible. I do think if allowed they would be far more controlling. Food is one major issue where they can control what they eat by just refusing not to eat at all, in Dan's case it got to the point where he was fainting almost daily and could not attend pre-school as he was just too weak. Now that his speech is better things have improved but its still an issue.

 

Then of course there is the tantrums/meltdowns/constant screaming to get their own way,very hard not to give in but I don't. By teaching them now that they cannot control me I am hoping they will not control anyone else they meet later on in life.

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I will step forward and say that I am a control freak. I have daily records of my child's life from the day she was born. I write down everything she eats, whether it is organic, and every ingredient used to make her meals, what juices she drinks, how much water, how much milk, her naps and sleeping patterns, any illnesses, teeth coming through, and I also note every activity she does, morning and night to make sure she's having a nice variation and it stops me getting lazy with the days. I record all new development according to the developmental stepping stones I was trained in. Never got to grips with the foundation stage! I plan her meals in advance to make sure she's getting a rounded diet including all the variations of nutrition and colour of foods and research endlessly about keeping her immune system strong through diet.

I control my husband to a certain extent, even though it always appears that he's the one in control, i'm kind of the back seat driver. In public i'm pretty useless sometimes so i rely on him to achieve the things i cannot do, which requires a certain amount of control although i don't always know i'm doing it.

I think in a lot of detail, my mind is always busy. I'm not always successful at controlling things in my life but i give it a damn good try! It's just the way I am. It's a way of keeping negative issues at bay. For example, with my daughter, i like having physical records of things because when my mind starts turning on me, making me think i'm not a good enough parent, I have my records to prove to myself that i've done everything i can from the start...things like that.

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Yep, I'm an absolute control freak in so many ways. It took me a very long time to actually recognise that....one reason I started to see what a control freak I am was when I designed and printed out all my wedding invites (and there were quite a few) and when I checked them over and found the text to be off-centre by c2mm I completely freaked! My husband (to be) got a mouthful when he told me this was a disproportionate reaction but after I had redone everything and had calmed down I had to accept that I'd overreacted. After this, I started to realise more and more instances when I had to be completely in control and the reason for it is that it makes me feel valid and capable. As soon as I'm not 'in control' I have to fight feelings of inadequacy and of being incapable which I can't always control even though I know how irrational it is. A lot of it is to do with problems with organisation and sensory issues. If I know where everything is then I won't panic as much. If I know that I'm ahead of the housework then I'm not bombarded with looking around me and seeing mess as far as the eye can see.

 

The good thing about recognising it though, for me is that I have learned to 'let go' sometimes. Mostly though I'm wound as tight as a spring!

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Yes, I've been accused of being a control freak. A lot of things bother me which don't bother other people, I have problems with noise, can't block it out like other people can and need to control my ennvironment.

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Yes, I'm defo a control freak......ask my partner! Anything I'm interested in, or obsessive about, has to be under my control in every detail..... But if something doesn't really interest me then I happily stand by and let someone else take over.

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I do think that having AS can make someone more likely to want/need to be in control, but it isn't always the case. The wider world can be a bewildering place for anyone, but this is especially true for people with AS. Looking to control those things that you can control is a perfectly understandable reaction in the circumstances.

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I must admit I like to be in control... not having control over any given situation is not something I'm completely comfortable with.

 

 

 

I like to know when things are happening, where, etc. If I am meeting people I hate it if they are late, and I try to be early to every appointment / work etc. I find it very difficult when people change plans at the last minute too, as usually I'm getting ready when they text / phone and it's very last minute. Argh!!

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Being a "control freak" and needing to know or plan everything in advance is a really common thread for those with ASD. I believe in stems from the need for systems and a want for everything to follow a nice, obvious path.

 

It can become problematic in social situations when disagreeing with something and needing to present why you feel something is or should be a certain way. Also in work, coping with changes to a system or seeing faults and flaws in potential changes. Relationships can be hard to, especially when partners get frustrated at needs to do certain things a certain way and letting them know when you perceive them doing something "the wrong way" - or just not your way.

 

I've found that being relaxed about these things, taking mental notes and taking the times to try and understand what the other person, or system, is trying to achieve and and why is a good first step. Instead of automatically leading out with a criticism or how you think things should go, try taking a step back first. When communicating your disagreement or viewpoint it helps to bring up one point at a time, and use phrases such as "i see where you are coming from", "i understand", and then leading on with " it might be a an idea" or "have you thought of" instead of forcing you point across.

 

When trying to get someone to do something they might instinctively react badly because of a perceived criticism of them or their work. Getting a person to understand something, and even framing it as their thought in the first place can make people more receptive to the idea, and this is a key concept in teamwork and better communication :)

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Ever thought of noise reducing earplugs/headset? I have earplugs and I couldn't survive without them.

 

Yes, I have them and use them sometimes but they aren't very comfortable and if someone calls me I can't hear them.

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Being a "control freak" and needing to know or plan everything in advance is a really common thread for those with ASD. I believe in stems from the need for systems and a want for everything to follow a nice, obvious path.

 

It can become problematic in social situations when disagreeing with something and needing to present why you feel something is or should be a certain way. Also in work, coping with changes to a system or seeing faults and flaws in potential changes. Relationships can be hard to, especially when partners get frustrated at needs to do certain things a certain way and letting them know when you perceive them doing something "the wrong way" - or just not your way.

 

I've found that being relaxed about these things, taking mental notes and taking the times to try and understand what the other person, or system, is trying to achieve and and why is a good first step. Instead of automatically leading out with a criticism or how you think things should go, try taking a step back first. When communicating your disagreement or viewpoint it helps to bring up one point at a time, and use phrases such as "i see where you are coming from", "i understand", and then leading on with " it might be a an idea" or "have you thought of" instead of forcing you point across.

 

When trying to get someone to do something they might instinctively react badly because of a perceived criticism of them or their work. Getting a person to understand something, and even framing it as their thought in the first place can make people more receptive to the idea, and this is a key concept in teamwork and better communication :)

Well put. Very difficult to put into practice but I've found that taking a step back, especially in 'fraught' circumstances or when you really want to say your piece but you just know it's not a good idea is the best way to play it (for me)!

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You see, this is it, I don't need to be in control, me, I adapt to situations as I have always been forced to, yeah I get grumpy when conditions are less than ideal but that soon settles as I get used to my surroundings and I have said to peoples in the past what I can be like until I get used to something for I will adapt eventually and the key is to distract me when I am grumpy.

 

But I am passive by nature, perhaps too passive sometimes, I can just go with the flow, but perhaps that is a condition of high functioning autism, in that I am not greatly affected ?

 

So, a control freak isn't me, but I understand it can be a condition of ASD, that is why I asked.

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