Quiet or loud?

[Nesf]

It is often said that people with AS/ASD talk obsessively about their interests and don't know when to stop talking, but I'm the opposite, I don't talk about my interests unless it comes up in conversation and even avoid talking about them so as not to draw negative attention to myself.

 

I find it hard to join in conversations, especially if there are many in the group. The conversation goes too fast, by the time I've thought of something to say the conversation has moved on and I don't get to say what I want. Banter and jokes are especially difficult. I find myself unable to speak and tune out all the time and sit there silently. I feel detached, as if I were watching TV. I often tune out completely and start daydreaming.

 

Of course, this is an example of the many stereotypes that exist about AS/ASD, and no two people are the same, though the only two people I've ever met and known to be on the spectrum did talk excessively.

 

How about you? Would you describe yourself as quiet or loud? Here's an article I found on the subject

 

http://miss-behave.hubpages.com/hub/Different-types-of-people-with-Aspergers-Syndrome

[Isobel]

I've been quite reserved with a new unit manager, not because she's unkind or anything, I just don't feel comfortable with people I don't know. Later on I've found out she owns a horse so now we've got something in common we both like. I was a bit uncomfortable having to show her how I do my specific job and explain how to do it.

[Sa Skimrande]

I was loud, but I have learned.

 

When I go out and am amongst friends I hardly say anything these days, before that was because I was not with plan and I did used to embarass others with where I am not scared to go in company never mind polite, but like I say, I have learned to keep my gob shut.

 

And because I live on my own largely reclusive in silence, I guess the need to hear my own voice has taken a hit and now I have noticed even talking on the phone I can't for long before I have throat dryness problems.

[robert7111a]

I'm quiet. Nobody is really interested in my type of photography and therefore I don't talk about it.

 

When I used to go out with work, I was the quiet awkward one

[Nesf]

I've been quite reserved with a new unit manager, not because she's unkind or anything, I just don't feel comfortable with people I don't know. Later on I've found out she owns a horse so now we've got something in common we both like. I was a bit uncomfortable having to show her how I do my specific job and explain how to do it.

It's certainly easier if you have something in common to talk about. Unfortunately rarely meet anyone in real life who shares my interests, the best I can do is online forums. I also find it harder with people I don't know.

[oakers]

I can be both... I used to be really quiet though amongst people I didn't know too well, or new people. I was drawn out of my shell a bit more after working in one particular job. I appreciate the fact that happened because I was, at times, painfully shy and quiet. Now, you'd not think I was the same person, and if I am in the right frame of mind I can start a conversation with most people. This has taken some work on my part though and I do force myself to continue to do it. Having my dog has helped a lot in the last year or so as she just drags me over to people she thinks look interesting!

 

 

Although I could be shy I was never afraid to say what I thought though, I might just have become a little more confident and louder in my approach. I do think, like the girl in the video, that there are times and places and I just wish that my needing to 'fight for what is right' didn't run so deep. I've got to learn when actually doing the right thing is being quiet and getting on with it, rather than causing myself more stress by highlighting situations that I think need sorting out and in turn causing myself problems.

[oakers]

I'm quiet. Nobody is really interested in my type of photography and therefore I don't talk about it.

 

When I used to go out with work, I was the quiet awkward one

 

Robert, that's funny as no one I knew outside of going to gigs ever really wanted to talk too in depth about my photography either People at work would, for the most part, be bewildered by the 'types' of people I used to hang about with and photograph. I, on the other hand, loved being the girl who 'didn't look like she took photos of those sorts of people'

[oakers]

Later on I've found out she owns a horse so now we've got something in common we both like. I was a bit uncomfortable having to show her how I do my specific job and explain how to do it.

 

It's certainly easier if you have something in common to talk about. Unfortunately rarely meet anyone in real life who shares my interests, the best I can do is online forums. I also find it harder with people I don't know.

 

I'd agree that it's definitely easier to talk to people who share the same interests. I find I can pass the time of day with people quite easily now, for example if I'm out walking Lottie or if I'm in a shop etc, but in depth conversations are still harder.

 

I have found of late that people I thought were friends aren't really so I don't have much of a social life now that I can't go to gigs like I used to. Not really interested in going down to the pub etc so not likely to meet too many new people, unless I randomly bump into someone interesting walking the dog or getting groceries at Tesco!! haha

[Nesf]

Robert, that's funny as no one I knew outside of going to gigs ever really wanted to talk too in depth about my photography either People at work would, for the most part, be bewildered by the 'types' of people I used to hang about with and photograph. I, on the other hand, loved being the girl who 'didn't look like she took photos of those sorts of people'

just goes to show you can never judge people by their appearance :-)

[Nesf]

I'd agree that it's definitely easier to talk to people who share the same interests. I find I can pass the time of day with people quite easily now, for example if I'm out walking Lottie or if I'm in a shop etc, but in depth conversations are still harder.

 

I have found of late that people I thought were friends aren't really so I don't have much of a social life now that I can't go to gigs like I used to. Not really interested in going down to the pub etc so not likely to meet too many new people, unless I randomly bump into someone interesting walking the dog or getting groceries at Tesco!! haha

I find it hard to approach strangers... sometimes I go out walking alone but meeting a stranger triggers a flight response, I know this is a bad thing and I don't know why it happens, but it makes it very hard to meet new people. I'm very self-absorbed, and past experience has taught me to be wary of people.

[oakers]

just goes to show you can never judge people by their appearance :-)

 

 

Indeed! I work as a medical secretary, so I guess that doesn't really sound like something you'd 'expect' me to do... given that most of the people I know doing the same role are middle aged mother-types or coming up for retirement.

 

It's also a bit of a shock for them to find out I have a tattoo that goes from my knee to near my ankle on one leg... seeing people's reactions to that is always rather amusing... well except for when I've had people making nasty comments when out and about and a little of it is showing from under crop trousers.

[oakers]

I find it hard to approach strangers... sometimes I go out walking alone but meeting a stranger triggers a flight response, I know this is a bad thing and I don't know why it happens, but it makes it very hard to meet new people. I'm very self-absorbed, and past experience has taught me to be wary of people.

 

I guess I've always had a lot of practice as I worked in shops from being about 16 and insisting I needed a part time job. No hiding from people when working on the checkouts! If there was to be one queue in the shop it'd be at my till, as for some reason lots of people liked being served by me, and would rather queue than go through other tills that would mean they were served quicker.

 

After deciding to come over here on a working holiday, I started working in a hotel as a waitress... had no choice about being social there either. Then, all other jobs have involved some sort of customer / patient facing roles, talking on the phone etc, so I guess really it's been sink or swim.

 

I do wonder what I'd have been like though had I not had those jobs. I also knew that in getting my dog I'd no doubt bump into people and need to exchange small talk, so after finding out that I had AS, I make a point of speaking to people if they speak to me, however much I might not want to at the time.

 

Experiences, negative or positive, are bound to shape the way we think about things. More recently I've realised that there are very few people I can call a true friend, and I find that sad, as I've thought I've had friends but they've turned out to be anything but :/ Once my usefulness runs out, they disappear. Thankfully though I do have a couple of good people in my life, apart from family, it's just too bad that most live in far off lands!

[Nesf]

I guess I've always had a lot of practice as I worked in shops from being about 16 and insisting I needed a part time job. No hiding from people when working on the checkouts! If there was to be one queue in the shop it'd be at my till, as for some reason lots of people liked being served by me, and would rather queue than go through other tills that would mean they were served quicker.

 

After deciding to come over here on a working holiday, I started working in a hotel as a waitress... had no choice about being social there either. Then, all other jobs have involved some sort of customer / patient facing roles, talking on the phone etc, so I guess really it's been sink or swim.

 

I do wonder what I'd have been like though had I not had those jobs. I also knew that in getting my dog I'd no doubt bump into people and need to exchange small talk, so after finding out that I had AS, I make a point of speaking to people if they speak to me, however much I might not want to at the time.

 

Experiences, negative or positive, are bound to shape the way we think about things. More recently I've realised that there are very few people I can call a true friend, and I find that sad, as I've thought I've had friends but they've turned out to be anything but :/ Once my usefulness runs out, they disappear. Thankfully though I do have a couple of good people in my life, apart from family, it's just too bad that most live in far off lands!

This panicky feeling that I don't want to talk to people doesn't happen all the time, just when I go out for a walk because this is something I do when I want to be alone and I resent the intrusion - though I don't know why I feel panic when there's absolutely no danger to me. I feel that way about entering shops, too when I know the assistant may come up and talk to me and I just want to browse. I think I need to know in advance I'm going to meet people and prepare for it in my head. I'm also very relunctant to go to meetings or events on my own where I don't know anyone.

 

I once had a summer job in a fast food restuarant. You might imagine it must be one of the worst jobs because of noise, multitasking and queues of customers, but actually it wasn't like that. They had me on fries for hours on end so I was doing the same task over and over again, it was drudgery - every member of staff was assigned to one specific task, and it wasn't usually that busy.

 

I also have a couple of long distance friends, but most people I know are acquaintances, there have been very few people in my life I could call friends. Friendship is very difficult to define... when does someone stop being an acquaintance and become a friend? Are there specific criteria? I don't think so, I think most people sense some kind of intimacy with that person that they don't have with mere aquaintances. I often find it hard to know where I stand in my relationships with others. When I was a kid I used to think that if someone talked to you they were your friend, now I know that it's much more complicated than that.

 

Oakers, I don't know why people find tattoos so intimidating. Again, it's down to stereotyping and generalisations - I know a couple of people with tattoos and I don't think it's such a big deal.