Hi, I'm new here

[mbellis]

Hi, I just joined the forum. I guess it would be right to say a bit about myself.

 

I'm Mark, an engineer approaching 40. I was diagnosed with a mild ASD a couple of years ago as it was helpful during counselling to recognise and develop my coping mechanisms.

 

I felt isolated at school and was bullied; looking back I can see that it was already happening at nursery school. I retreated into the world of technology, sci-fi and dance music till I left uni. Some positive things along the way were in what I learned on my own, using LEGO a lot as well as computers and electronics kits. I sought relationships with girls but they didn't last long. I used to write stories (when I had to!) with a beginning and an end but no middle. Spelling and punctuation were fine because I just memorised the rules but the content was a struggle.

 

My Christian faith has been very important, knowing that God understands my condition and has the patience to persevere with me where others might not. I married a Christian girl in 2001; my wife and I look after each other; we didn't have any children but recently some people we welcomed at church have asked us to be godparents. That is a big compliment and shows how much I have grown in coping mechanisms in recent years. The prayer and counselling has helped a lot too. I welcome people because that is what I would like them to do for me, something that I used to lack.

 

Since my diagnosis I have been interested in how a mild ASD affects different aspects of life; which difficulties can be overcome temporarily or more permanently and which have a substitution as their coping strategy. My theory has been that the more I understand, the more I can trap some of the effects before they become too obvious. This doesn't work all the time and I know it is more difficult for many people than it is for me. The next trick is to get beyond welcoming, to make friends out of acquaintances, and this is more challenging. I'm still highly analytical and quite verbose on technical topics so it is too easy to put people off! I tire of people quickly and enjoy solitude. I prefer email to the phone. I hate crowds and try to keep an exit clear in busy situations.

 

In competition I either wanted to win at all cost (losing people in the process) or not compete at all. I still do LEGO, electronics and computers as hobbies. Some models have led to developments at work, including patent applications. In the LEGO community I tend to build stuff that is highly specialised, based on Technic or trains rather than on the minifigure themes. Some pictures of my models are here. With a lot of help from my wife, we exhibited the trains a few years ago. I planned to rebuild the layout with better scenery but the project became too big! LEGO is definitely good for children, and also for parents to find out about their children's approaches to life i.e. do they focus on people or things, predictable outcomes (trains) or unpredictable ones (planes). I understand that those with a more pronounced ASD might benefit more from Duplo or the giant soft-play bricks.

 

I have tried to back-fill my musical education because I left that to my sister through school years. I find that music is capable of entering an inner vault even if other things cannot. The music I play or create is useful as an emotional outlet but I don't like anyone else hearing it! There is a free piece of software called Musescore that allows composition on a stave, so I can perfect the tune before sharing it!

 

Another coping strategy is that once I buy into a change that cannot be avoided, I deliberately become a pioneer of that change because that lets me exercise a bit more control over the final result.

 

I would like to help others as I can, and take part in surveys and studies so that ASD conditions can be understood better. I think society has a way to go to understand mental health and bring out the best in people. There are many people who are undiagnosed, probably a lot in most engineering firms, so I think these companies in particular ought to learn about ASD.

 

Mark

[Lyndalou]

Hello Mark and welcome to the forum

 

Thanks for sharing a bit about yourself!

 

Lynda

[JeanneA]

Hi Mark, great to have you here on the forum. :-)

[trekster]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

[Linnet]

Hi Mark. Welcome to the forum. Like you, my Christian faith is very important to me too. I have developed lots of coping mechanisms but they don't include LEGO although when my son was younger I spent many hours building things from LEGO for him.

 

L : )