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At a loss, what can I do for now?

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Recently I've been between various counsellors and doctors regarding issues with managing negative emotions. My diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome form 10 years ago does not appear in any of medical notes (I have changed doctors once in my life, but I know for a fact the current surgery has my paper and electronic notes so this strikes me as odd).


The most recent appointment I had with Lets Talk Well Being confirmed a diagnosis of borderline Aspergers syndrome and a further one of long term depression with significant rejection issues. I am currently waiting for CBT and an appointment to have anti-depressants.


I know in the long term this is really going to help and get me to a point of being able to live 'normally'. Right now I feel in a limbo with no solution for the immediate issues of isolation and loneliness. Doing anything on my own seems to just leave me unfulfilled.


My friends are so far away I can't just go see them. When I do call them all I can't see past what is happening in my life to be able to have a normal, friendly conversation. I don't know what to say to them.


I have been through a lot of difficult events in my life over the last year . A very dear friend who lives in Canada lost her mother last April so I was out there trying to support her. My inability to emphasise and frustration with myself made this worse at times. I came after this to have my entire life and routines turned upside down. I live with my grandmother and she spent a month in hospital literally from the moment I got back. I had to take on a lot more responsibility, manage the household completely to myself which I'm not used to. When she came back there were so many people coming and going, not communicating with me about anything that's was happening I felt so out of control in my own home.


While this was going on my friend in Canada had a massive change in her life which meant I had far less contact with her. She had been a massive part of my life for years so to have to try and accept how much things were going to change wasn't easy. This was then followed by a 2 months relationship with someone who was emotionally confusing and manipulative. Several friendships I had took serious hits from this and I was just left run down and worn out.


by this time I was so exhausted mentally I was struggling to keep check in control of my emotions the one person had been able to maintain a close long term friendship with was struggling to manage the ups and downs and round about I was going through. Anything that could be remotely taken as negative was and amplified and eventually I lost her. With her I lost my social life, my day to day interaction with someone I called a friend


The rest of my friends live 80 miles away, they keep telling me I should do this and I should do that to fix things, but the idea of doing anything socially just panics me. They suggest getting new hobbies and trying new things, but I can't find anything that captures my interest, My current personal interests don't distract me like they used to.


I've reached a point where I don't know my emotions or what I'm feeling, I don't know how to distract myself or what will settle them. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and if so how did they cope?

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Hi and welcome to the forum!


I think you are putting a heck of a lot of pressure on yourself to get better so quickly.


You've been through quite a lot of difficult things as you have said, and it's only natural to have this amount of fallout. People with ASD tend to not cope as well with crisis situations, and even if they do, it tends to be over a long period as they acclimatise to whats been happening to them. Some can't acclimatise, and need help. This varies from person to person how they handle it and how much.


Your friend are right in that you need to be a bit more pro active and start getting back out there - but, you need to do this in your own time and at your own rate. One good thing about interests are there are an infinite number of them out there, so at one point something will spark your curiousity. That will come in time.


From the sound of it your emotional state is affecting your ability to focus or concentrate on things like you used to. This is something you need to actually discuss with your doctor because as well as CBT, I do think attending a psychologist would do you the world of good too. They are complimentary therapies so it might be worth mentioning to your GP so you can get referred.


As for making friends, you've made a good start by going on forums like this! There are a lot of people on the spectrum, as well as parents of people with ASD here so there is a wealth of knowledge and friendly people :)

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Its important not to feel you have to be at a certain level, or set goals that are too challenging. It is good to challenge yourself, but doing this under pressure (from yourself or anyone else) can be counter-productive. I know what its like to have interests that no longer hold my attention, and that means I'm having to think about what else I can do - and some ideas have popped up. With aspergers you can spend so much time thinking about what to do that you have little time for actually doing something - its better to try things and see what happens, rather than work out all possibilities first. I agree CBT might help, because challenging the way you think can help you move forward. I'm trying to use CBT techniques to try to take steps forward and set goals, because I tend to think too much and never get anywhere. I've realised I need strategies for dealing with things, instead of having strategies for avoiding/delaying things. Positive thinking really helps, though it can seem false and 'wrong' when you start off - its something you have to break.

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Hi there, you've had some advice already. It's all about little steps, you mustn't expect too much too soon. Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself. As Matzo said this forum is a good start to make friends, which I'm sure you will. I know it's easy to say but please try and think positively. We are all here for you on here. :-)

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Hey again.


I know I wrote this a few weeks and I read the replies that were given. My apologies for not replying before now. I didn't know what to say or what to respond with.


I agree very much about difficulty with crisis situations. I have faced a few pretty extreme ones and always struggled massively with them. Handling one situation at a time isn't so bad for me, nor is dealing with other peoples which I find quite... ironic. Lesser situations I tend to panic and freeze a little but find a way through them thankfully.


I am also by and large comfortable with my own company. Like a lot of people with ASD's I like and need the space to switch off and just unwind everything that has gone off in the day. I'm also quite comfortable in smaller social situations, but right now my life very much lacks the 'resources' to do this. This is what I think is really affecting my management of the situation at hand right now.


As right as my friends are, they are very much fixated on how this should be done and the time scale in which it is to be undertaken. As I cannot meet and.or agree with these terms they are now not talking to me which does not help. Accepted that this isn't something I can do much about. I've taken a different route to try and handle things now, which could result in further fallout with my friends. I consider it the worst of a bad bunch.


As for putting a lot of pressure on myself. I think thats a norm for me. I like things to be done as quickly as can be without compromise, I also like to have a situation to manage from time to time as well.


Since I started this thread a couple of weeks ago a few things have changed. I'm now back at work full time and doing overtime as well. I've managed to make amends with one person. Sadly, she is the one that triggered this all back in November, but it has helped non-the-less with the isolation.


Things are still just as rocky with my close friend though. A friend of mine is willing to help, on the basis that she thinks my friend is refusing to accept the limitations of my ASD as a partial reason for my actions. The only reasoning I have been giving for it is I struggle to express myself and how I feel. Also that I do frequent bouts of depression from time to time.


The medication is now starting to take effect, after a bumpy start. Rather than a constant negative I'm fluctuating between positive and negative which is definitely an improvement if not ideal.


Just letting you guys know whats been happening and that you haven't wasted your breath :) I know too well the feeling of talking to a brick wall myself.

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