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lizzy-wilson

I would like the person who I was in December back please.

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From about October through to December I was like a totally different person, I didn't worry or panic about anything; I could stand up straight and felt like I could take on the world but ever since the beginning of January and I have gone so down and have started worrying about things again, my posture has gone back to the way it was before.

 

I haven't been at work for the last three days as I simply couldn't face it. I know the weather has such a big effect on me as well. Where I work, we have just moved premises and leading up to that which was at the beginning of Jan we were decorating the new offices and so on; then we lost a member of staff (which to be honest, he was awful and I was quite glad to see the back of him) which meant that I have been left to do a two man job; I have my job and then put five more on top of that.

 

I have felt so much pressure on me the last month or so that I just haven't had the energy to fight off the panic/worry because if I don't do the job then I know it wont get ###### done. Arrrrhhhh!

 

My therapist is taking me in on Monday morning to talk to my boss and his wife (that's the other problem but I won't go into that one) with having the time off I feel so guilty as my boss has some way of making you feel guilty (I'm going to stop that one there otherwise I will just go off in a flipping rant)

Seriously, the last couple of days have been hell, every time I hear a car down coming down our drive I think someone from work or my father is coming to make me go, I know that makes me sounds crazy but it brings back memories of all the hell I was put through at school.

 

It's been pretty rubbish recently, I want to go back to the person I was the other month.

 

Jetting off on holiday next week so that will give me a break from everything and from everyone.

 

A slightly depressed Liz.

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I was going to say you sound depressed then read end of your post so you agree with me! :) you on any medication at all?! Sounds like when anxiety/panic attacks hits you bad sudden and rapid you tend to hide (withdraw and isolate) further to cope within yourself but this maybe adds to "the inner pressure" of frustration over the situation don't look back at december try focus on here and now looking back at past events/situations never work! Will only make feel worse ,awful about yourself and situation may sit down and think about write yourself a list of what you want out of life next few weeks even days! Don't think too far in advance! As think tends to fail too! Ask your husband or therapist if you need assistance/support in writing this list of targets tick off when done! May make you feel "brighter" better about yourself! Good luck with your appointment with your boss at work! Sounds like you have supportive /understanding boss!! Have I got that right?? P.s know how depression catches you out - traps you quite literally 'out the blue' leaves you shocked ,surprised even though happening to you!! Why not find hobby or activities enjoy seek some enjoyment/pleasure out of? Explore further! Just few ideas to maybe help you along this 'dark moment' XKLX

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Hi Liz

 

You are going through a heck of a lot at the moment and it's little wonder your head is all over the place. You have just moved premises, you've obviously been struggling with certain colleagues and your boss and now your workload has doubled.

 

What is the reason for your trip into work on Monday? Are you going to be speaking to your boss about your job and the pressure you are under? You obviously are extremely stressed and worried about this visit so is your therapist providing moral support and helping you put over what you want to say? I totally understand as I've been extremely stressed in the workplace and sometimes the anticipation of something happening is worse than the reality and then sometimes the reality just has to happen so you can get it over with and go on.

 

Is there any possibility that you can get signed off work (probably best after you have made your visit) so you can try to get your head straight? Would you even consider looking for another job if your relationship with your boss is so difficult? I absolutely know how tough it is to look for another job when your confidence and self-esteem has nosedived but I found myself in a situation a few years ago where I was being bullied on the job, being refused training that I sorely needed and was given no support from my manager and I had to look for another job because it was breaking me. I was very fortunate that I found another job after a number of months of searching myself - I know in this climate there is no guarantee of getting what you want or need - but it would give you something else to focus on doing at least!

 

All the best, Lynda

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The changes of environment must make feel unsure ,uncomfortable and shaky having the support network around you to provide you with encouragement and reassurance will help gain some control and perspective as well as true insight into learning how to deal and cope step by step but gently with sudden rapid change! And may reduce your anxieties and worries about how going to regain sense of composure over the situation once again! Good luck! Don't be so harsh on yourself you had a lot of sudden rapid environmental change just "thrown" at you and it ASD natural knee jerk chain reaction is "freak out" for a while it will settle calm down give yourself time to re-balance!

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