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ChickenGirl

Just need some Reassurance

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Hey guys, this is my first post. I just kinda want to know that I'm not alone.

Okay, that sounds really needy.

I am a nearly sixteen year old Aspie girl.

Well, until about six months ago, I thought I was totally crazy. I felt totally alone. I could not interact with people. I had a very specialist subject (Poultry - I absolutely adore chickens) which was the only thing I felt comfortable talking about. I was being bullied at school and was very frightened. The description of asbergers as "Lost Planet Syndrome" is totally right. I felt very alone in the world and I just didn't understand other people.

It was by chance that I came across an article describing a family of Aspies. And instantly something clicked. I was not crazy or weird. I was an Aspie.

I think that my Asbergers has been pretty obvious and yet not obvious throughout my life. From the age of about four I knew that I was different. So I copied others, but I still, to this day, cannot "speak" fluent NT. I struggle to talk to others, I show little empathy, I like being by myself and I am obsessive. I've been bullied a lot because of this.

I've done IQ tests and I am well over 140, into the genius range. I do well enough at school that I find most classes easy. So why can't I understand people?

I also have bad anxiety, and it has gotten to the point where I struggle to even go out of the house and I am unhappy a lot of the time. My five hens really keep me going. To make it worse, I met a boy months ago who I thought I might finally be able to relate to, but he lives thousands of miles away and has a girlfriend. I still love him and he has no idea.I speak to him a lot and It's killing me, because I am so obsessive and I really, really like him.

Although my parents try to be supportive, it's difficult for them to understand, and they have said before that they think that my Asbergers and Anxiety is an act to get attention.

My favourite analogy of Aspergers that I've read is that social rules and life in general are like a jigsaw. NT's are born with the picture on the box, but we aren't. We have to build the jigsaw in clumps. It's harder for us, but we can do it.

Many people say that Aspergers is a gift. Unless you count being able to read at several thousand wpm as a gift, I don't feel I have any gifts at the moment.

Any other Aspies out there?

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Hi there and welcome. There are many people on this forum with a diagnosis of aspergers who I'm sure will give you some great advice, many are similar age as you. I am so sorry to hear that you 'feel alone' that is very sad, however by joining this forum you won't be alone as I've already there are several adults on here with the same diagnosis. I feel sure you will make some good friends by joining this forum, so I wish you the best of luck. ;-)

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Hi and welcome.

 

It's so hard at your age but it does get easier as you get older. I was once in your position but am now happily married, with a 21 year old son, and doing a job I love. I wish I could offer you some helpful advice but the best I can do is let you know that you're not alone, there are lots of us out here : )

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Hi Chickengirl

 

Linnet is right - there are a lot of us out there. 16 was definitely a difficult age for me so I can get where you are coming from but you have described yourself as an intelligent and interesting young lady who has a lot to offer the world.

 

Perhaps you haven't heard of Temple Grandin. She is a very well known high functioning autistic person who has made a dazzling career out of her 'obsessive interest' which is cattle. She is one of the world's foremost experts in humane cattle slaughtering practices. So, don't 'down' yourself for what you are interested in.

 

However, if you really struggle to talk to people about everyday things then you might be able to access a social training type course locally - could you get in touch with a local autism group (not necessarily NAS but they run SocialEyes,a social skills training course in my area) and they could give you advice on coping with your anxiety too. You might neverfind it easy but it can definitely get easier to get on with others if you can learn some basic skills and techniques for 'small talk' and have some idea of what people mean when you are meant to 'read between the lines' of what they are saying then you will probably not feel quite so anxious.

 

I also understand the 'boy' thing and these feelings are very difficult to cope with. I used to shake uncontrollably and cry in toilets whenever I saw a boy I had a brief relationship with at your age and this went on for a long time. No-one knew how badly affected I was by our breakup - I was convinced we were meant to be together forever. However, try to employ your logic in the situation you are in. Has he been nice to you and is the main reason you have fallen for him so badly? The thing is, this is NOT the basis for a relationship (and I'm only saying this to you because at your age I thought this was enough) and your worth should not be based on the interest or lack of interest in you of a boy. I know it's easy for me to say but if you are spending lots of time on your own you are feeding this obsession (and this is what it is) so try to find something else to do that can take your mind off of this.

 

Again, as Linnet says, you will get there...it just takes time.

 

Take care

 

Lynda :)

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Hello and welcome,

 

I'm NT, with an autistic 12 year old son.

 

Sorry to hear you are feeling so alone and sad. Remember that on top of being Aspergers you also have all those teenage hormones racing around.

 

I also keep animals [goats and sheep mainly], including chickens. And they are very interesting animals - dinosaurs with feathers!

I have Copper, Cuckoo and Silver Marans, White Sussex, Silver araucana, Welsummers, Silver laced wyndotte, Millie Fleurs, and hybrids.

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Hey guys,

Thank you so much for your great advice. I actually just bought Temple Grandin's Thinking in Pictures, but haven't read it yet. It just goes to show that everyone has an equal chance of being successful, whether AS or NT. I actually want to be a vet when I leave school, specialising in birds. I'm a little worried about the interveiw situation though.

@Lyndalou. I think that's some great advice. I'm trying to do other things and not think about the boy thing too much. I'm also now on medication for my anxiety so that's good. :D

@Sally44 Ooh, what great breeds. I have a New Hampshire, A Lavender Araucana, A Black Wyandotte Bantam, A Blue Copper Maran, and A Maran-Wellsummer (I think) Hybrid. They're all great fun.

I feel more positive now, knowing that I'm not alone.

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Hey there.

 

I know what its like to feel alone in a room full of people. I'm 25 and borderline aspergers. I don't even know what my obsession is or if I have one. I can really relate with the anxiety and being recluse.

Being a teen and newly diagnosed/not diagnosed is difficult to handle. I remember when I was your age and parents/teachers etc wuld say I'm doing things to seek attention, when I really didn't know how else to do things. Even now I feel there is a lack of education in life and work relating to mental health management of ASD's. Its hard to understand something that comes so easy to someone without a condition that it can be just as frustrating for them as it is for us.

 

as for the boy you like, I know the feeling. finding the balance to be friends with someone you like without getting emotionally wrapped up is hard to do. It does get easier though :)

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