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AmyPond

Hello from a newbie :)

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Hello - new here, introducing self. Username may give away one of my special interests!

 

I'm female, 38 years 'old', and questioning AS status/diagnosis. I have more or less coped all these years, but finding it tougher. I'm on AD's for stress-induced depression, and have been for nearly a year.

 

My DP is diagnosed AS, and has "self-diagnosed" me as 'mild, but obvious Aspergers'. A lot of things are making sense now, the more I read and learn about AS.

 

I have a Bachelor's degree, an HE Dip, a Post Graduate Diploma and a Masters degree (mostly in law), and I'm on the verge of undertaking a Doctorate. I don't consider myself anything special in the intelligence department however!

 

What I'm pondering at the moment is seeking diagnosis for AS, but cannot decide if it is worth it :-/ I've done various online "tests" and quizzes, and they point to me being likely AS. But decision making has never really been my strong point, and I can't decide what to do or the best - hence being here so I can maybe talk it over with others :-)

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Hi Amy

 

Welcome to the forum! It is a personal decision as to whether you think pursuing a diagnosis will be helpful for you. I am self-diagnosed but not really through choice - I have actively pursued a diagnosis but have not been successful. Diagnosis for adult females can often be a difficult thing to achieve and the diagnostic process can be an emotional rollercoaster, before during and after (although I do know and know of people who have been diagnosed reasonably 'easily' and the diagnosis has not made much difference to their lives) so you need to be sure that you want to go through it and that you have support in place.

 

Sorry, does DP mean your other half? I think 'mild' as a description for level of functioning is very misleading. If you read the various anecdotal evidence written by females on the spectrum and also the research of people like Lorna Wing or Tony Attwood, you will see that all through life many (not all) females may demonstrate a 'subtler expression' of the symptoms of AS in relation to their 'male counterparts'. However, 'subtler expression' and 'mild' are not the same thing. It is believed that many females internalise rather than externalise their confusion or distress and that they can learn to be 'good' rather than act out in order to try to fit in with other women and that there are more 'controlling and passive aggressive' aspects to their character rather than physical aggression. This is certainly the case for me and for many women on this forum.

 

Look up www.aspergersgirls.wordpress.com . I must admit that (for me) everything this woman blogs rings true for me.

 

Lynda :)

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Hi Amy, welcome to the forum. As Lynda says, whether you want to try for a diagnosis really depends on whether you feel it would help you.- ie. help you access support services, or having the confirmation. I'm not really a fan of 'mild', its very subjective - a psychatrist may describe your traits as mild, but to you they could be very strong. I'm a male but I tend to internalise my difficulties so I'm finding it hard to get a diagnosis - I just come across as nice/quiet, with no obvious difficulty despite my very real difficulties. I'm having to learn to express myself and get everything out into the open with psychiatrists - too many times I've walked out and wished I'd said more.

 

Its worth thinking about what traits or difficulties you feel you have, and write these down - then when you see your GP/etc. you can read them out, or hand over the piece of paper if thats easier. There will be barriers to getting a diagnosis, but if you feel you have enough traits it would be worth pursuing.

 

Its common for aspies to lack self-confidence or self-esteem despite achievements, and depression can also develop - just try and focus on your successes/strengths for a while, it really helps. I struggle with low self-esteem and depression, despite doing well in parts of my life - I just grew up feeling flawed, especially as others kept pointing out my problems, but I'm trying not to now, as I realise that autism doesn't mean flawed, it means different. Whether you get a diagnosis or not, you will need the same approach - be more aware of yourself, be positive, and learn better strategies for coping with life.

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Hi and welcome from another autistic graduate. My qualifications are listed in my signature include a degree in autism. Without a diagnosis or recognition of my disabilities I wouldn't have survived university and ive had to put my masters degree on hold for now.

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Yes Lynda, DP is my other half - think I've spent too much time on mummying forums, and often find myself using some acronyms inappropriately! I follow the aspergersgirls blog on Word Press, and do find that a lot of what she says resonates with me. I also have a copy of Aspergirls on my iPad Kindle, and so much of it I read going "oh, that's me!". The other thing that rings very true with me is the "female Aspergers" traits/characteristics that is around online (think it is observational/anecdotal).

 

I think I do generally cope well with things - I've always characterised myself as one of life's "copers". Outwardly, I seem very strong, independent and capable. I was brought up to be very independent - just the way it was. But inside, I don't feel strong or capable. If someone else can take the responsibility and independence away so I don't have to make decisions, I'll more than cheerfully hand it over!

 

I get exhausted from having to keep up the facade. I have mini meltdowns (generally privately), I don't really get or particularly like people, and women in particular I don't understand.

 

I have learnt a lot about myself from being with my partner. He says I am more diagnosable than him, and doesn't believe he would get a diagnosis now, as he has learnt to hide/mask his traits - in some ways, I agree. In others, the traits are obvious.

 

I'm not sure what I even want from seeking a diagnosis - maybe just an understanding of why I do things the way I do, and why I see things the way I do. And also to maybe get certain managers at work off my back - I wish I could turn round and say why I am the way I am, but don't think they'd take anything other than a formal diagnosis. I do feel bullied at work, and I don't know if its because of th way I am - my face doesn't really fit, plus I tend to just say what I think...

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Still don't know what DP means :rolleyes: .

 

Without a diagnosis, I have still been able to learn a lot about what my problems have been and what they are. I learn something new everyday. Sometimes, it's a 'Wow' moment and quite joyful and sometimes I feel a profound sense of sadness, especially with regard to very difficult past experiences. My emotions are not stable at all at the moment primarily due to not being able to gain a diagnosis but that's just me and not you....

 

Being bullied at work has always played a significant role in my life. I think I got so used to it that it became 'normal' and perhaps this is the same for you? However, it's not acceptable to feel unsafe and on edge in the workplace and as being at work accounts for many hours in the day perhaps this is a good reason to request an assessment for diagnosis? I know it's the principal reason I wanted an assessment at first as work has always formed part of my core identity and how I feel good about myself. It was only as time went on that I realised that the struggles I have in other areas of my life are not that 'normal' either but again I am so used to the struggle (and it's very difficult to gauge how my own struggles compare to other people's struggles) that I didn't even consider them to be of much importance.

 

You have to decide if a formal diagnosis would assist you in dealing with your own particular struggles. I personally don't think I would be able to access any more tailored and specific support than what I have done in the past in order to deal with ongoing mental health difficulties but in some areas this is possible and services and support are growing (slowly). My own wish is for validation and raising awareness of exactly what ASD is, partly as my son is on the spectrum and I would be fighting for a more equitable world for him and partly for younger females to be recognised at an earlier age than many still are.

 

Best Wishes

 

Lynda :)

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Sorry Lynda - DP=Dear Partner. ;-)

 

I don't think I'd get anything specific to my own struggles - as I say, I generally cope (outwardly). I am very good at putting on a front, I guess. My area has an adult specific Aspergers team, which does diagnosis, support for employment, etc. I think, possibly, having this team that I can (in theory) be referred to (NHS) is a good thing, and probably shows that we have services in place for adults in the spectrum.

 

I do think that I need to at least approach my GP, who I think will be understanding. This has been going round and round in my head for coming on two years. :)

Edited by trekster

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There are some excellent books out there, written by adults on the spectrum. One way my life has changed for the better is that now I understand my sensory difficulties much better. In fact, again it just didn't occur to me that it was in any way unusual to hear tiny noises or to freak out when my feet get wet (in shoes) or I get very upset when the wind whips my hair. I just thought I was very short-tempered and a bit irrational! My mum can sniff out (quite literally) almost imperceptible smells so I thought I just got my keen sense of smell from her and it again was quite normal. It turns out that I have quite marked sensory difficulties (confirmed by an OT) but without me investigating it I had no idea! It has made some positive difference in controlling my anxiety in these areas and as some of my son's sensory difficulties correspond with mine somewhat it means I can be aware of things in the environment which might or does affect him - if I didn't know that I know my life would be more stressful than it is. Also, just knowing the differences in how a person with AS views the world (not that I didn't know I had certain viewpoints and ways of thinking before) from so-called NT thinking has helped me pinpoint all the various difficulties I've had in my personal and worklife.

 

Good luck with your trip to the GP. :)

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@ lynda lou - earlier dx deffo needs working on for females as such frustrating issue outstanding as many more boys shine through limelight rather than 'miss through' the system unless have mental health issues! So I agree on that statement! XKLX

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I do think us girls/women are very good at disguising our traits, so we get missed.

 

I have a feeling (having looked on my GP's website) that the Dr who was good with me when I had a biggish meltdown in early October last year (I'd kind of come off the ADs, thought I was ok, then had a crisis), has left the practice :-( I don't recognise the names of the doctors working there either, *wibble*

Edited by matzoball
references to self harm

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Welcome as well from me :)

 

Awesome post #2 Lyndalou, although all are good. Female AS is a topic very close to my heart ... more needs to be done, more will be done, but it'll take time!

Shucks. I do try B)

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Time needs to hurry up and collect pace and speed then as so hard for us 'female' sit back watch other sex (males) to get diagnosed in front of line rather than 'us' blend into the background! Which means having more outstanding and underlying mental health issues surrounding 'us'! Not healthy well-being! ;( need to 'step up' and quick to 'catch up' in this 'fast pace race' XKLX

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So we need to "woman up", stop masking our true struggles, and force the world to realise that we exist ;-)

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