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amberzak

Please help me

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I'm in the deepest depression I've ever been in. I don't normally get depression. Usually, if I have a knock back, I am sad for a few hours, maybe a day, and then I sort of bounce back. But I just can't shake this. I don't know how to get out of this. I can't see a light at the end. I just don't want to feel like this any more.

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Have you thought about trying to get counselling or contacted your mentor? Have you considered changing your diet or adding in supplements to help such as omega 3, b vitamins or taurine? When I took out gluten and dairy I felt much calmer and more 'with it' mentally.

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Trekster, my depression has come on since being told there are problems with my teacher training when I thought everything was fine. I'm not good enough. I feel like I'm useless, a failure and that I've let everyone down. And I hate the Aspergers

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It's horrid/awful when you can't get out of the 'hold' 'trap' depression has in such deep grip and hole in sucks you in! Have you tried writing down dark thoughts /feelings? Listening to music? Getting in touch with friend or family? Hear calm collective voice?! Maybe have a relaxing bath a early night watch 'funny film' I know how hard/difficult it is to 'come back' for depressive come down you feel no-one 'gets you' -understands makes feel more glum isolated ,scared! (Hugs) do yohave 'outside support' services? Or emergency medication? XKLX

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i felt the same before I made changes in my life such as adding in useful supplements and taking out foods that were adding to my depression.

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Hi amberzak

 

If you are feeling this low, are you able to negotiate a break in your training to get your head together a bit? It does sound like you are really not coping and when you are very depressed you can feel quite hopeless and that you are a failure. You have to remember that this is the depression talking and that when you feel more positive you will not have these feelings as strongly or even not at all. Seriously, I've been there (and am there now to an extent) and the way I describe it is like I am clawing my way up from the bottom of a deep pit. These days, I imagine that I am looking up towards the light and it's very far away to begin with but as I climb I start to have more hope in making it to the top but it's very very tough. Get all the support you can. Try to be as honest as you can with your hubby and with your mentors. Sometimes, medication can help get you to a point where you can start to see the light and sometimes a complete break to focus on looking after yourself without all the usual stresses will be the best route to take. Try not to act too hastily about the teacher training. You have put in a lot of time and effort and in the future you will see how it's paid off. I almost jacked in my 4th year at Art College because I couldn't get it together but somehow I made it through. You can too.

 

Take care, Lynda >:D<<'>

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I haven't been eating at all to be honest. And I'm not sleeping. I'm too anxious too.

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I don't even want to be a teacher any more. You are on show all the time, and I can't cope with that.

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It really sounds like you need to take a break to take stock. Your health comes first and there is no point in burning yourself into the ground. Sometimes it's best to trust your instincts but depression can skew your judgement too. You need to be honest about how you are feeling so you can figure out the best way forward.

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It's the depression puts 'inner voice doubt' inside your head which adds to the dark mix plunges further into the hole which can make seem more scarier place to be at! TRY keep some kind of 'normality' of structure/routine to your life as having 'nothing' will make everything seem worse 'crashing around your ears' need set yourself small tasks tick off when done the tasks need something look forward too! Also take a rest step back breathe when needed is not failuring it is being productive don't give up keep 'pushing yourself' however draining it will be worth it! (Feel hyprocritical writing this - as don't take up own advice!)

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I don't think this is worth it. I'm so very ill. I'm a diabetic too, and my sugars are off the scale.

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Your depression is making you believe 'nothings worth it' -the effort but its not your true thinking/belief! When depression playing up I suppose hard to keep check managing your diabetes successfully as energy sake don't feel like eating but make sure have something small just keep your diabetes stable level or won't just have depression as an issue but diabetes on list also! I know don't feel like helping self out of it! XKLX

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This might sound a bit too matter of fact or simplistic, but it's how I tend to deal with things.

 

You have some major issues happening with you right now, so it might be easier for you to break it down into more manageable chunks - and perhaps it will give you the space you need in your head to start getting better.

 

I'll list them in how I see them of importance (that might not be how you see them, but I am an outsider so please don't see them as an attack - my logic can be blunt sometimes!)

 

1. Your diet - this is of the most immediate importance I think because diet does affect mental health, as the less care you take there - it ends up having a knock on effect on your brain chemistry, especially with diabetes(take it from someone who knows). You need to get your eating back on track, and once your levels are more stable - you will start feeling more stable.

 

2. Your mental health - this is related to your eating issues just now, but I do think that your confidence has taken a hit and you need counselling. Honestly - student services have counsellors there for free, and they will be able to talk to your lecturers about giving you a break. Maybe taking a year off or 6 months off might give you time to get back to a point where you can make a more informed decision. My best friend did that during her degree, and now she has a masters because she recognized she needed a break, and got appropriate help.

 

3. Your uni course - while it might seem like the be all end all, it really isn't. I do think you need to complete your training, but not at the expense of your health - mental or other wise. This is why I keep saying talk to student services or the equivalent there. They will get you the help that you need, and it may be a break is just what you need. You can return when you are feeling better, and make a more informed decision then instead of leaving and regretting it later.

 

Hope this helps xx

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I went through major depression from November up to around the end of January. I hadn't been this depressed since the late 1990s. One of the triggers was that my boss started picking on me again and making me feel inferior and useless. He is very good at lowering my confidence and making me doubt myself. But I enjoy the work that I do and have a lot of autonomy - this has helped me get through. There is nothing worse than being told that I'm no good and him telling junior staff to disrespect me.

 

It is all about confidence. You need to believe in yourself. If you feel low and depressed, this will rub off on other people who might then give you a wide berth. Is the workload getting on top of you or do you actually believe you're not up to the mark? Do you have a buddy you can talk to?

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Try and focus on keeping healthy, because your judgement will be poor if your health isn't good. Maybe keep trying with the placement and work on your weaknesses - having problems doesn't equal failure, its a chance to challenge yourself. If you really can't cope with continuing then take a break, explore other careers, try other things. Try not to think in terms of success/failure, its best to keep positive and keep your options open.

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I try to be upbeat too these days but the combination of a great many things including the cold bleakness of this weather is getting me down too. It was cloudy most of the day and then the sun came out in the late evening and it felt calm and soothing and yet deep inside it is the polar opposite to what I'm really feeling.

 

What with work struggles and bits and pieces not going so well and rent on the increase soon it's getting to me too. But you have to keep on in there - hold on, lift your head up and smile. No one can stop you smiling.

 

Where is everyone any way? It's gone really quiet on this forum with few people responding all of a sudden.

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