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amberzak

Death, depression and teaching - update of where I am

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Hi

 

Thanks everyone for your kind words on my previous thread. A quick update.

 

My mother in law died on Thursday. She has been fighting cancer. Was given a few months to live, and then died three days later. I live with the in laws and have lived here for over five years. Husband and father in law are distraught. I feel helpless.

 

Now on to my teaching practise. I was told if I didn't leave I would be put on special measures. So on Wednesday (before the death of mother in law) I made the decision to stop my teacher training for now. I can go back in September, but I don't feel I will.

 

I'm not in the spiralling depression I was in. It felt really good quitting the placement of the teacher training. Now I just have the normal sadness that you get with grief.

 

I know a lot of you will think I've made the wrong decision to quit my teacher training. The good news is that I do have the option to go back if I decide (mitigating circumstance due to grief). But as it stands at the moment, I have no interest in going back. Quitting was the one good feeling I've had this week.

 

I don't intend on doing nothing though. I'm going to be getting active in the local community with aspergers awareness. I do feel like I'm starting to get back to my old self again.

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Although your post is a sad one, you also sound more positive and like you have turned a corner. So very sorry to hear about your mother-in-law and maybe your decision to discontinue your teacher training when you did means that you are right there and in a stronger frame of mind to support your husband and father-in-law.

 

Best Wishes >:D<<'>

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Agree with lyndalou hope your more positive frame of mind continues.

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Sorry to hear about our loss. It may of been difficult to continue your placement anyway - your decision was kind of made for you. Take the time to grieve, heal, and think about your future later on.

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Choose a memory that defines the person to you and set it in your mind as who they were and what they stood for.

 

Over time you will find that you will feel that the person lived their life and have a fond memory of them.

 

while it is a wrench when someone dies, it to can be a relief that if their quality of life was severely impacted that any suffering was breif.

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I hope that you are feeling a bit more positive now as it sounds like you have had a lot of difficult things to deal with. I had a similar experience regarding the teacher training. Quite a few years ago I was on a PGCE course but found it really hard going. I'm not sure if this was related to my Aspergers (I've only just been diagnosed) but I found it very hard with the whole class teaching. I quite liked 1:1 work and working with a special needs group but also did not feel I got much support in the second school I was on placement in. Anyway I decided to quit the course and like you I felt really positive about my decision as I felt I'd taken control of a situation that seemed to be spiralling out of control. After this I took the time to really think about what I should do and eventually enrolled in nurse training. I've now been a qualified nurse for 12 years and don't have any regrets about the teacher training. I feel that I achieved something just by getting up in front of a class to teach even though I didn't finish the course.

Doing what you have done in leaving the course takes courage and I am sure you will do well in whatever you decide to do. The important thing is that it is your decision, whether you decide to try the teaching again or try something different.

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Sorry to hear about your mother-in-law, in reminded of when my mother died many years, I was told she only had months to live but she died in hospital after a few days of me being told.

 

You do sound like one very positive woman, although I'm sure it isn't easy as you have to be very supportive to your husband and father-in-law at this sad time. I wish you well for the future, do keep updating us on how you are getting on.

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My university tutor said he was happily give me good references. He also suggested teaching at university level. I feel so free in that I can do anything.

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