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ash1990

just looking for a little advice and support feeling a bit guilty and confused

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hello everyone....


I have been away from here for a while as I had no internet but im back...


just so people no our background a little il tell you about my little one..



my little boy is 27 months and has always been a little behind in babbling(11 months) and speech(20months) he still can only say one word which I do not have to prompt. he used to copy words/phrases but has stop using them or doing this now.



he is a very angry little man and bites pinches hits kicks spits head butts to hurt himself and others this worrys me as I really don't want him to hurt himself but I have tried everything to control these outburst (5-8 a day)


his frustration level is rising as he can not communicate his needs and most of the times seems to not no what he wants or needs himself.



he has a beautiful imagination for everyday situations like he pretends to go shopping or in his car its wonderful to see, he still only plays next to me or anybody else and when out in playground will just look at other children and walk off or scream at them.



he loves his cuddles but on his terms and when he doesn't want them you are not getting them, he gives good eye contact and smiles at you sometimes when you smile at him.


his behaviour is getting worse and he crys or moans most of the day, I noticed the other day he was making train noises and then started crying as we drove past were we went t see the trains so with driving past my mums street so im wondering if he has started remembering routes and things.



I just feel so guilty as I feel I might be pushing for something that is not there and that's the last thing I want to do but I just feel he needs some sort of intervention even just with his speech, his dad has never met anybody living with asd so just thinks hes a naughty 2 year old but I think I can see something more to him.



is this a normal feeling? to feel guilty and upset about asking for someone to look if there is something more to your child.


truthfully do you think I am just being paranoid and looking to far into this as I have a background of 3 years working with children with asd maybe im just seeing things that are not there??


only thing that has made me feel a little better is that my childrens worker can see it two as has referred him for an assessment but then she has two bos with it so maybe she is looking to far into it aswell..... I just don't know??



sorry if this I am babbling on and it makes no sense or offends anyone xx


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I know this feeling well, i ask myself the same thing. But then we have a bad day and i know that getting him assessed is very important. If you feel there is something not quite right, then you are doing the right thing seeking assessment for your son. The worst would to be to wonder if there was something going on, but think you were being paranoid and not seek assessments and then it turns out he is autistic but its then to late for early intervention. So you are defo doing the right thing. And if at the end of the assessments he doesnt have ASD at least you know you have dont what was right and you know where you stand with him. Better to be safe than sorry. My son is still not diagnosed at 4 and a half, but we have now been referred by 2 paediatricians for detailed ASD assessment, so my worrys about his development have now been recognised by other people, and i wasnt imagining his issues after all!!

Hope this makes some sense lol!

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it does thank you
I think its just getting to me now as we have had some really bad days with him recently and im not going to lie im struggling o how to help him in his meltdowns all the skills I learnt at work just don't seem to work, distraction, talking them down or talking quietly moving them away... Im just doubting myself to much I think...
deep down I no im doing the best for him and he needs some intervention but I just feel bad.

it is nice when someone else tell you your not just a paranoid parent isn't it xxx

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Hi ash I went through exactly the same thing when my son was young. You really do need to push for an assessment at least then you will know one way or the other if your son is on the ASD spectrum. You are doing all you can for him so don't beat yourself about it. There are many parents on here in the same position as you so I'm sure you will make lots of friends and get some good advice, this is a great forum.

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Hi ash1990, it's a good thing that you have been referred for assessment, do you have a date yet?

 

When my lad was two I was extremely worried about him but was brushed off by everyone I talked to, so it's good that you have been listened to. Try not to feel guilty, you are worried and are getting advice, it's as simple as that. Trust your instincts. It could be that you just need reassuring that all is okay and if it is then that's great. If the assessment shows some needs that your lad has, then you will get the early help for him that he will need, so feel proud for being brave and asking for help. I didn't insist on getting help for my lad until he was 4 and a half, I KNEW something was wrong, but everyone just kept telling me what a quiet angel he was and that I was being paranoid about nothing. I wish I had had faith in my own beliefs and been brave enough to ignore them and ask for help sooner, like you have done.

 

Good luck with your assessment.

 

~ Mel ~

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thank you. you have made me feel loads better about what i am doing....

iv had the call today and he is going monday morning for his assesment any advice?? im nervous his dad is coming to so we wont be alone xx

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Between now and Monday, every time something that has worried you about your son pops into your head jot it down straightaway. By Monday you should have a list of worries and concerns to bring to the assessment with you and that way you won't forget anything important during the appointment. It's easy when going to these appointments for your mind to suddenly go blank and not be able to think of a thing, so if you have it all written down ahead of time this won't happen.

 

Good luck, let us know how it goes.

 

~ Mel ~

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Hiya been to his assesment he is very behind in his communication but showin signs of wanting to communicate so gettin a speech and language therapist involved, getting a plan put in place involving his behaviour and temper. Then back in a month to see her again... She said i was right to have concerns but lets just start getting his communication sorted before anything its a bit early to jump straight down and say asd

thank you i took your advice and good job i did coz my mind did go blank haha xxx

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Glad the assessment brought some positive results of help and support for you. Yes, he is very young still and they won't want to rush into a diagnosis yet. Frustrating for you, perhaps, to have to wait but a lot can change and he can develop an awful lot in a year. Hope the interventions bring some improvements and it's good that you have another appointment for a months time.

 

Hang in there.

 

~ Mel ~

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Yeah im not wanting to rush a diganosis just want to try and get him sorted and give him a chance to catch up... I feel very strange after today i feel in some ways positive obviously with the help and support but i cant help feeling like its some how my fault and iv not taught him enough :/ xx

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Hi I'm glad the assessment went well. Please don't blame yourself it is not your fault. He is still young like Mel said. Hope the help and support works out well. Please update us on how things are goiing.

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Yes, it is a strange time during the process of assessment and gaining diagnosis, a strange mix of relief and sorrow and worry. You are not to blame. Be easy on yourself and take the time to let all the new information you are gaining sink in slowly, don't rush it and just let it happen. You're bound to go through all kinds of feelings over the next few months, there's not much you can do really, other than go through it and try not to be too hard on yourself. You are doing your best and now getting help.

 

~ Mel ~

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Thank you and do u no whay im gunna take ur advice and use it... I no im tryin to do my best as his mummy and he will no it to thats all that counts ay?? I will get all the help he can and do my best to bring him along as much as poss :) thank you so much for givin me that confidence in myself to do this xxx

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The earlier of assessment the better. He can speak, which is good even if its rehearsed tv scripts. Do you read to him? Even looking through picture books is good, because you can interact with him and encourage him to say words . Don't feel guilty, he is not naughty, most likely confused and scared.its a very scarey world, imagine yourself in a foreign country, not understanding, the culture or language and wondring how to get around.

 

Mine as a toddler was knocking other toddlers down in a cozy cope, making them cry and when I told him off he would not give me eye contact or react to my upset emotion. He mimicked charcters on Bob the Builder.his favourite saying was "well done Lofty"and for some reason 666!!! He was with me in the car dropping older bro at school and I used to go through numbers with him while we waited for the bell to go, 666 he must have heard. We went through speech and language assessment first and eventually by we had seen a child physcologist to get ASD at 4 years.Now he is 14 this year and with all the support he has had is doing very well, so its very important to get assessed as early as possible to get the right support especially for school years.

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