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thomas79

Hi can anyone help me please ?

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Hi

 

Sorry I am very new here, I found out last year through diagnosis that Aspergers is a part of my life. The diagnosis was in June and only since the start of this year have I tried to accept it. I was very angry and upset that I lived for 33 years without knowing why I seemed so different to everyone else. I never thought I would let it make a difference but my girlfriend who is Italian and who has learned so much about Aspergers and completely accepted it knows that i have not faced it. The truth is I feel extremely vulnerable about it and don't really know what to do. I've have a little help but I rejected so much help.

 

Overall I guess I'm saying I put on a front and tried to ignore it I don't really know why but I know that life must offer more than I'm feeling.

 

Can anyone please suggest some first steps to learn about and best manage my Aspergers. I know everyone is different but there must be common methods of management that would help ?

 

Anyone that can help would be much appreciated

 

Regards

 

Thomas

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How to learn about Aspergers, in general terms - that's easy enough, google it! But posting in a forum like this one is also good, to find out more about the different ways it affects people. For managing it, that's too broad - it depends which traits most affect you & need managing! Do you stim a lot? Do you have the problems with eye-contact? Meltdowns? Or anxiety? Etc, etc - any one of those could easily generate a lot of ideas about how to manage/ deal with, etc!

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Hi firstly thanks for your answer much appreciated. I looked on google so much information it's overwhelming.

 

Eye contact and communication are very big issues. Anxiety about so many things, communication is so essential for my work and I get so stressed trying to communicate with people. I feel like I've so much to add to conversations and a an never do it.

 

Any help in these areas would really be useful.

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Hi Thomas,

 

First off, welcome to the forum!

 

I'm sorry to hear you've had such a hard time so far, hopefully things will get better from now on for you!

 

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy may be of some use to you in regards to your anxiety - I've attended CBT a few times and it's helped me so much. In my case it helped identify what made me angry or anxious and made me a lot better prepared to handle it when I did get angry or have panic attacks. It actually also helped me realise I needed structure as the first therapist I saw liked to talk in a stream of conciousness way - the second one had made up worksheets and diaries for me to write in so it felt like I was actually doing something :)

 

You just go to your doctor, and ask to be referred for it - I wrote down why I felt I needed it beforehand as I get flustered when I go to the doctor.

 

As for eye contact, I tend to look at peoples eyebrows, or the tip of their nose - so it looks like I am looking at them, without actually looking at them!

 

What kind of work do you do? It could be that you may be able to find alternative ways of communicating or at least ways of handling it through the CBT.

 

Can I ask what area you are in as well? There may be an Autism Resource Centre you can go to?

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Hi there

 

Thank you for your message it was very helpful I know I sound pathetic but I'm hope to be about to become fully fluent in my understanding of not only Aspergers but also myself.

 

I'm from Hertfordshire I've looked online I'm 33 I was hoping to find a group or something that would be best to deal with me I'm not sure how to explain it.

 

Thanks for your tip on where to look when talking to people I'm going to try it. I work in an office it's a finance house but not like a high street bank we only do finance for the automotive industry. I'm not sure if the company I work for would be happy with me saying the name of it but its very very well known all over the world and I have worked for them for 10 years but its always been so hard to walk into the office with so many people there I now understand the reason why.

 

So much to learn about myself but thank you for answering I really mean that.

 

Regards

 

Thomas

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hi Thomas and welcome

 

I feel im still learning aboutut autism more than 17 years later. I became so interested in the subject my degree is an autism 1.

 

im also a co author of 2 books 1 is free to download from nas.org.uk website the other you would have to pm me for details.

 

there are autism centres in Acton and Ladbroke Grove and possibly autism social groups in your area. theres a map at the bottom right hand corner of the nas.org.uk website if you type in services and your postcode there could be some services in your area. I know of a social group "the contact group" that meets once per month at the metropolitan bar above baker Street tube station.

 

hope this helps

 

alexis

 

1st off there are advantages to being aspergers as well as disadvatages theres quite a few books on the subject.

"aspergers and anxiety"

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Hi Thomas

 

I'm Chris and I'm 26

 

I was diagnosed with Aspergers about a year and a half ago and to be honest I'm still trying to accept and understand it.

 

All the things you mentioned, eye contact, communication and anxiety are quite major difficulties for me too so I can understand what it must be like for you and how you feel. I work at Morrisons on the deli counter so eye contact and communication are very important. Fortunately I have an understanding manager and he takes into account my difficulties.

 

I have recently had a number of Counselling sessions which I found very useful. Until I started the sessions I wasn't sure if it would work as counselling isn't for everyone but I was really surprised.

 

As hard as this might be, try not to feel alone, theres plenty of help and support and people who you can talk to

 

Hope this helps

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Hi Thomas,

I got my dx 5 years ago, at age 37, and I needed a bit more than a year to start to cope with this "new" fact.

 

What I did mainly was reading some literature, esp. An Asperger Marriage by Christopher (and Gisela) Slater-Walker and Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships by Ashley Stanford (both refer to non-AS partners).

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Guess it's about learning your limits and who u are. The diagnosis it's self dosent change u as there is no treatment for it. But there are things u can get help with like sleep issues ect... There may be some help available like CBT but it may not work for u. There are phone apps that can be very helpful and websites, but the most helpful thing is finding people who accept u for ur self even if u don't tell them have aspergers good luck xxx

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Diagnosis consists of observation, taking down relevant childhood history and sometimes an iq test. Speaking to parents or people who know u we'll if possible and also getting u to do things, for example, make up a story to see the way u think and if it would fit into a diagnosis of aspergers/autism. Some people are very obviously autistic and the diagnosis may be quicker and some have devolved coping strategys and then a diagnosis may take longer.

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