teenage trouble

[loupin]

Hello

Can anyone offer any advice on where I can get some input. My son is 13, totally gorgeous and looks like anyother teenage boy, complete with superdry tops and smelling like a boots counter! The problem is that he can hold a conversation and the vast majority of people just consider him aloof and maybe a bit rude or strange when he is neither. He has semmantic pragmatic disorder, asd and a learning difficulty. He is so vulnerable because his disabilities arent obvious. Dont get me wrong I am glad that they arent obvious, but equally people lack patience and understanding of his needs and he gets labelled as lazy, rude, inattentive etc etc. He is working academically at about age 6/7 years and his reasoning skills are about the same yet he wants to be treated like a teenager and have all of the responsibilities associated with his age. He can be inappropriate and say and do things that make us cringe, he is disorganised, clumsy and chaotic and spends a good chunk of his life hating me as I set rules and boundaries. He goes to a great school but I think even they struggle with his attitude to learning (doesnt see the point)! at weekends all he wants to do is lie in bed and is abusive to me when I make him get up, he hates the food i offer and only wants takeaway (i of course dont give in). Its just a sad depressing nightmare and there is no specialist support. there is plenty for classically disabled children but the complex nature of my son seems to make us slip between all services. When he was small and had more stereotypical behaviours, ie screaming, head banging, faddy eating, poor sleep, rigidity etc there were so many resources and things we could do, but now if I got out pictures and charts the inner teenager would be mortified. I just do not know what to do!!!

any suggestions greatly appreciated!!

x

[JeanneA]

Hi loupin and welcome, this is a tough one. You yourself as his Mum need to have boundaries which I'm sure you do. I can see your difficulties about slipping through the net so to speak but I think you should consider going to your GP explaining exactly what is happening with your son and ask to be referred to CAMHS. Your son obviously has behavioural issues which need to be addressed and this can only be done by professionals like a psychologist or a psychiatrist. I wish you good luck and I'm sorry that I can't be anymore help. I'm sure other members will reply to you.

[Shnoing]

Recommendation: Luke Jackson's Geeks, Freaks and Asperger Syndrome: he uses the appropriate lingo, I think.

[smileyK]

@ Loupin - I think because AS /HFA can be classed /judged as "mild autism" which I personally believe can be decieving and also HFA can be quite 'hidden' behind background and look 'physically' normal on outside and not classically autism label slapped on you! When have AS you not either end stuck in middle! Not easy when torn between both worlds not knowing where to turn at what direction can be frustrating to explain!

[trekster]

Have you tried contacting Autism West Midlands or seeing if there any after school clubs in your area?

[sesley]

Teenagers.mine is 13, and would happily play on a computer all day and night if he could, so i prod and nag him to do things, he is moody in the morning. He says why are you so happy? Stop singing! Stop dancing! Me to the radio music.lol! So! I tease him a bit.He does shout at me so I shout back, telling him I am not his slave! When he demands things.I bought him, some sure mens active deodorant on Saturday and have been showing him, how to use it.Ho hum! Its just a stage we need to go through, life is never dull here. be calm and in control, you have to establish your the boss and are not happy with his and with a sense of humour as well, it helps, because, there are funny bits and its a learning .When I tell him I don't, like the way he talks to me he climbs down from his high horse and does apologise and modifys his tone, I have now got him, putting his own toast on.I spread it for him, but that needs to be worked on.small steps at a time.Mine even says I love you, I don't know what I would do without you. Oh he is sweet at times.I suppose they are trying to workout who they are and what they are.The hormones starting to wake up sexual developments and body hair growth and feelings, etc is quite scarey in Standard humans, in autism it must be doubly frustrating anxious.When they want to be part of the group and find social situations even more difficult, particularly, mixing with opposite sex's etc. I have 3 older sons gone through it.P is my last son his ASD means he needs more guidence, but still needs boundarys and being told, about bad behaviour, he understands a lot more and is a lot easier to talk to.

[baileyj]

Hi, my son is 12 and hitting teenagerdom big style. Its weird whenever I hv a problem I look on here, and find someone with the same. Max is in "love", he's at High School in an Able Autism Base and they are fab, he travels to school everyday with Z, they get on great, but if she's not in for any reason he flips. Monday he's told she's going on a trip on Thurs, meltdown. Yesterday she went home ill, biggest meltdown school have ever seen, threw himself on the flow screaming, shouting, crying and holding his breath. At home even worse when he found out she's still ill today. This is totally new for me, I have no clue how to help him, he screams Noooooo, then cries and cries for ages, then is so sad for hours. He won't see that it will be OK. I'm really worried. I understand its hormones, puberty and loads of new feelings, I so wish I could help him and don't know how. Makes me very sad.

p.s. Loupin I'm in the Midlands too :-)

Edited May 27, 2013 by trekster