I feel like my body is shutting down

[ebichu64]

I've been off sick from work since February with anxiety and stress. I'm on meds for that and insomnia. I believe I have Asperger Syndrome and am fighting through the red tape to get a diagnosis. I'll be 50 next year,

 

While I've been off sick my job, and those of all of my colleagues, are being relocated.
It would mean six hours a day to commute by public transport - I don't drive - so the options are to find another job within the company or take redundancy.
Half of me feels I need to get a job and the other half wants to stay at home where I feel safe.

I had a telephone interview this morning for a job. The person I was speaking to was in an open plan office and so there was a lot of background talking that I couldn't tune out. I'd asked for a quiet room for interview on my application.

Anyway, I think I messed up the interview and I won't be called back for the second round.

 

So many conflicting emotions, Guilt, depression, anger, relief, fear.

Guilt because I should be working.

Depression and anger because I screwed up.

Relief because I messed up

Fear in case I get the job. I can't bear the thought of leaving my garden, my safe place.

 

I don't know how I'm meant to feel. I don't want to think about it and I don't want to talk about "how it went" to anyone.

I've been sitting like a lump on the sofa for the two hours since the interview and this is the first thing I've been able to do.

Edited June 11, 2013 by ebichu64

[matzoball]

I think right now you need to talk to someone like Mind or Breathing Space who will allow you to vent and help you get constructive help.

 

Take care of yourself and allow yourself to de-stress from the interview experience slowly. It sounded like an awful phonecall and I am not surprised you are feeling to stressed out. Give yourself time to process it.

[Aeolienne]

Can't your company assist with relocation expenses? Mine did when we were moved from Bracknell to Exeter.

[ebichu64]

Relocating isn't an option for us and the company will only pay travel expenses as the distance is less than 40 miles. (Bracknell to Exeter is 170 miles)

It's a difficult journey by public transport, over 3 hours each way with 3 changes. I've got the facts and figures on the PC upstairs if you want me to dig them out.

 

My partner's job is here and our home is here. Plus I don't want to live in Bradford, especially not for a job that makes me ill and is only a low admin salary.
No offence meant to Bradford btw. I just prefer Manchester.