lynyona Report post Posted June 24, 2013 My son Kieran who is 27 is on the spectrum. His younger brother 24 doesn't cope very well with things in life he is NT. depression self worth issues relationships fall apart for no apparent reason. Looking back I always felt that because Kieran took so much of my time up when he was younger he missed out on what should have been his childhood time because Kieran always came first even today he does t is how it as to be unfortunately I try to divide my time to all my sons but they are all adults now and shouldn't need as much time as they have their own lives and are old enough to make their own decisions in their lives and make their own mistakes .My friend thinks I am being to hard on myself but I cant help wondering . So my youngest is on medication and been to see open minds for cognitive one to one therapy which he knows makes sense but cant put it into practice which makes me sad as nothing helps when all I want to do is scream get a grip. I am being a bit harsh here ..sorry for ranting I cant get over the feeling I am to blame Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cmuir Report post Posted June 25, 2013 Hi I don't know all the ins and outs of things, but I'm sure you did what you thought was right at the time in order to get by. C. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted June 25, 2013 Hi Lynyona, sorry that you are feeling this way. I must say I do empathise with your feelings, a lot of the time I blame myself for my son's problems too. I feel like I haven't the right to move on and be happy until I have 'fixed' my son's problems, which obviously is impossible. I think it's easier when they are older to look back at things we have done and feel we should have done things differently. We have the time now to reflect and sometimes we focus on the negatives. All I can suggest is that you try to balance them with positive memories of things you did well for your son(s), things they achieved that you can take credit for, things you are proud of. There will be things, you might just have to dig a bit harder to find them. Another technique I heard about recently and that I personally find helpful is to tell myself that, yes, that did happen, but it is not happening now. I tend to relive memories, especially bad ones, and I am transported back to that moment, maybe something that happened fifteen years ago, and it's like it is happening right now all over again. I can even start to hyperventilate and get really upset so I have to remind myself that, yes, it did happen, but it is not happening now, now we are here, in a different place. Do you have anyone you can talk to about your feelings? I don't really myself. If I mention to my husband, he just brushes it off. I do quite often feel a strong need to punish myself though, but it is pointless and achieves nothing. I hope you can move on and if you find a way, please pass on your suggestions! ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
